Help, my parents hate catholics

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Bandgeek

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I am not sure what to do. I was married in June and my husband and I started RCIA in August. My parents were very upset about it. Now we are planning on joining the Church and they are so upset. I dont what to do. They say they are disturbed, disappointed, broken hearted, and even thay they feel guily for having given my husband their blessing to marry me. This is my husband and they say they feel tricked by him and that they will always blame him for this. Any suggestions? I am tired of crying about it and overall, I am just tired. The emotional strain is really taking a toll on me.
 
You’re in my prayers. I’d say the first thing to do is be calm. Listen to their objections, and when the time is right, ask if they’d allow you to answer their objections. So many people have the wrong idea of what the Catholic Church is all about. Check out Karl Keating’s “Catholicism and Fundamentalism.” It will most like address most of their objections.

Was your husband Catholic when you married him or are the two of you converting together. Ask your parents if they would at least allow you to explain what it was that brought you to the Church. If they won’t listen, back off and try not to discuss it for a month or two.

Pray constantly and it WILL work out.
 
My husband was not Catholic. We are doing it together. It has been since October that I have talked to them about it, and ehre it is almost February. But you are right. I pray A LOt for it and sometimes I get discouraged. I say to my husband “They will never accept it” and he says “That is like saying they are bigger than God” and I have to remember that. God is limitless. I cant make the limits.
 
Bandgeek – are they practicing Christians? Do they go to Church? Do they hate Catholics in particular, or do they have it in for all Christians?
 
yes it is a hard choice but when you married you left father and mother for your husband, you can point that out in Genesis to your parents, and Jesus says that following him will mean divisions and bitterness in families, and that is part of the price of discipleship. Pray, and read Search and Rescue by Patrick Madrid on the right and wrong ways to deal with non-believing family members.things may change for the better when the first baby is born, babies are great healers of family divisions.
 
My parents are long time Assemblies of God believers. They hate all catholics, mostly becahse My father’s father and grandparents were catholic and then came out of the darkness. They dont mind other christians, but they dont seem to think catholics are christians.
 
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Bandgeek:
My parents are long time Assemblies of God believers. They hate all catholics, mostly becahse My father’s father and grandparents were catholic and then came out of the darkness. They dont mind other christians, but they dont seem to think catholics are christians.
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Since you were raised in the AoG tradition, surely you can sympathize with their pain.

I understand that a lot of people in your position – and in your parents’ position – have been helped by David Currie’s book, Born Fundamentalist, Born again Catholic. you can hear Currie’s story here; go to item 4 on the list.

How in the world did you and your husband come to explore Catholicism? This must be QUITE a story! God love ya!
 
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mercygate:
Bandgeek – are they practicing Christians? Do they go to Church? Do they hate Catholics in particular, or do they have it in for all Christians?
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IF they are Christian then what denomination?
 
I snuck into catholic churches when I was a teenager, and loved them. Then, while we were dating, my husband began studying catholicism in order to prove a convert he knew wrong. But, something else happened. He started to really think the catholic church was the right place to go. He talked to me and I began reading too, although I am not as well read as him about it. We started RCIA in august and that is that.

I do understand their hatred-because they raised me, and I remember how upset they would get when as a 16 year old I would tell them I wished we had stayed Catholic (meaning our grandparents) because it was cooler and that we had catholic blood.
 
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Bandgeek:
My parents are long time Assemblies of God believers. They hate all catholics, mostly becahse My father’s father and grandparents were catholic and then came out of the darkness. They dont mind other christians, but they dont seem to think catholics are christians.
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Nothing you say will change that opinon. You will just have to be the light of the world to them. There’s a song (I don’t really like it, but the title is true) “They’ll Know that We’re Christians by Our Love.” Only by your example will their perception change.

Luke 6:22-23 puts it beautifully:

22 Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man.

23 Rejoice and leap for joy on that day! Behold, your reward will be great in heaven. For their ancestors treated the prophets in the same way.

We’ll all lift you up in prayer. Hang in! (((((Mr. & Mrs. Bandgeek)))))
 
I became a Catholic when I was 19 attending a Catholic college. My parents said they would kick me out of their home if I went through with it. However, I became a Catholic all the same, and though I was ready to leave, they accepted it after all, and we had a good relationship after that from then on. That was 45 years ago, and I have had no regrets in any way for becoming a Catholic. To refuse God’s grace can be a bad thing in your life, and you should go forward.
 
This must be really tough.

And it probably won’t get a whole lot easier any time soon, unfortunately. I’ll be praying for you.

If your family members are for the most part reasonable people they may come around on their own after a while once the hurt and fear diminish.

You probably know better than me just what your family’s primary objections to Catholicism are (or at least what they think/claim their objections are.) But if they think you’ve abandoned Jesus for the Pope and “works” then you might consider figuring out how to show them that you are joining the Catholic Church to better encounter Jesus. (I realize it is easier for me to type this than it probably will be for you to tell them.)

My only other suggestion is for them not to let your family deflect this “problem” (from their perspective) on to your husband. Make it clear YOU are the one who is coming home to the One True Church of Christ. It wouldn’t be fair to either your husband or to your family to let them think your are a misguided victim. In fact the members of your family are the ones who are misguided.
 
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Bandgeek:
I am not sure what to do. I was married in June and my husband and I started RCIA in August. My parents were very upset about it. Now we are planning on joining the Church and they are so upset. I dont what to do. They say they are disturbed, disappointed, broken hearted, and even thay they feel guily for having given my husband their blessing to marry me. This is my husband and they say they feel tricked by him and that they will always blame him for this. Any suggestions? I am tired of crying about it and overall, I am just tired. The emotional strain is really taking a toll on me.
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Honey: Ignore what they say. Tell them this is what you and H have decided is the right thing for you and the Catholic Church you’ve come to know is the True Church. And this is where you will remain!!! Welcome Home! You won’t be sorry being a Catholic. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made, and I come from a whole huge family of Prots many of whom are very anti-Catholic. Got to be strong!!! I also say distance yourself a bit for now- while you learn more and gain your strength in your RCIA class!!!
 
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mercygate:
I understand that a lot of people in your position – and in your parents’ position – have been helped by David Currie’s book, Born Fundamentalist, Born again Catholic. you can hear Currie’s story here; go to item 4 on the list.
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I think this is a great recommendation, I’d also suggest the series Surprised by Truth by Patrick Madrid and anything with The Journey Home. These are “easy” reads, in the sense that it’s not “too theological”, which is just right for me!! 😃

surprisedbytruth.com/

chnetwork.org/ewtn.htm
 
Just wanted everyone to know I am writing down all the book titles and internet sites. I think my husband has Born Fundamentalist, Born again Catholic!
 
I know where you’re coming from, family wise. It’s a hard transition, but VERY worth it!

My husband was raised Catholic, but his family stopped going when he was about 12 or 13. After we were married we started looking for a church (I was raised in a Protestant home). After a lot of study and prayer we decided to go to RCIA and join the Church (he was Confirmed…I had already been baptized, but received Confirmation & had first communion).

My dad seemed disappointed, but my mom was broken-hearted and crying about it all the time. She acted like we were joining a cult (even said that!). It was bad.

Well, we joined THE Church Easter '04. Just keep praying because…there is hope…she went to Midnight Mass with us this Christmas ('05)! 😃
 
My wife’s parents hated Catholics when we were dating. And I suppose in a sense they still do.

We’ve been married for 5 years and I can tell you from my experience it gets somewhat better with time.

They came to the Baptism of both of our children, and were even cordial to our priest. And these were the “Catholics worship Mary and statues” types.

I don’t expect my inlaws, or your parents, will ever embrace the faith. But there will come a time when they don’t sneer at the crucifix on your wall.
 
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BigVinny:
They came to the Baptism of both of our children, and were even cordial to our priest. And these were the “Catholics worship Mary and statues” types.
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This is exactly like my parents. They always comment on how could we raise their grandchildren to worship Mary (there are no grandchildren yet) and I wonder if they will come to see our children baptized.

My mom said Oh, they believe in baptizing babies, and I said so did some people at the baptist church I went to!
 
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Bandgeek:
This is exactly like my parents. They always comment on how could we raise their grandchildren to worship Mary (there are no grandchildren yet) and I wonder if they will come to see our children baptized.

My mom said Oh, they believe in baptizing babies, and I said so did some people at the baptist church I went to!
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Sometimes you need to work in micro-bytes. When they say things like, “How could you raise your children to worship Mary?” You can answer: “Mom, I don’t know where you get the idea that Catholics worship Mary. I just isn’t true.” End of sentence. End of discussion – for that day.
 
Along with many of the good suggestions others have made I wanted to add that your parents are afraid and offended. The question–why?

They are afraid because they think you are abandoning Jesus for mere rules and rituals. The way to counter this is to tell them that the way they brought you up to love Jesus you could never abandon him for anything else, no matter how exciting or interesting or beautiful it might appear.

Secondly, they are offended because they think you are tossing out everything they taught you and the life you had with them. Let them know that you are not giving up all the good instruction they gave you or denying your life with them, or trampling on the Bible or any other such thing. Rather, you are delving even more deeply into what they taught you and finding the Scriptures, deeper, richer and more relevant than you ever thought possible.

In a word, emphasis the good things they gave you that led you to this step in your life. Let them see that it is all good–that Jesus isn’t just the “center” of your life anymore, but in the Church, he IS your life. I will pray for you–please pray for me.
 
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