J
JennLKD
Guest
Tuesday I went in for a regular OB check up at approximately 16 weeks, no heart beat was found and an ultrasound confirmed this. We’ve had 4 healthly children with no problems and this really through us for a loop. Later that evening DH and children went to the hospital with me to be induced, it took until 10:20am Wednesday to deliver baby, they think the baby died at approximately 13 weeks, we couldn’t confirm the sex visually so we named the baby a gender neutral name of Shannon Lynn.
As if this whole exprience wasn’t hard enough, I called my parents later that evening to let them know what happened, we didn’t talk much on the phone, they live close so they came to see us at the hospital. You would think they would be coming to console us, but one of the first things they said when they came in was “Well, this is God’s way of telling you not to have anymore kids”. Since I was in labor with #2 they have been telling us not to have any more children, they know we are devout Catholics so they tell us just to not have sex anymore, like they did after I was born ( my mom was 30 then and I was #4 daughter). Well this comment was just the last straw, I tried to then firmly and calmly tell them that this is DH and my decision to be open to how ever many children God decides to give us, and that I thought that was very inappropriate thing to say to us after losing this child. Well, unfortunately it shortly turned into a high spirited yell fest because I didn’t decide to just agree with their comment.
Ever so often we would try to calmly talk, but they kept on insisting that we accept their point of view and make other comments like DH was trying to kill me, I have no medical reason not to have children, or this is just his point of view and attack DH. (All our children were also in the room - including little Shannon - my parents just ignored all of them)
Luckily my nurse, I knew her from when I was working on that floor until #4 was born 2 years ago, came in shortly after this all started and she helped - probably about 20 minutes after this all started we told them we loved them, we wished they would respect our decision, and if they were going to keep trying to push their views on us they had to go ( of course I was saying this with tears running down my face though also trying to be firm) - the nurse then was a little more forcefull in telling them that this was not appropriate now and they had to leave, which they did.
I don’t know how I am going to be able to talk to them again - they will continue to insist we agree with them, they have done this type of thing all my life , if I don’t agree with them, it turns into a forceful " you better agree with me because…" - so I grew up mostly be a “yes, girl” with my parents - I don’t like conflict.
I forgive them, but DH and I are really having a hard time with this. I am thinking I will keep in touch with letters, but I don’t feel we should expose ourselves to this again, either on the phone or in person.
We also don’t get any support around here our neighbors all think we’re nuts for having more than 2 children, even our old prayer group friends after getting married almost all decided to contracept. We feel very alone and chastised for being open to life,
As if this whole exprience wasn’t hard enough, I called my parents later that evening to let them know what happened, we didn’t talk much on the phone, they live close so they came to see us at the hospital. You would think they would be coming to console us, but one of the first things they said when they came in was “Well, this is God’s way of telling you not to have anymore kids”. Since I was in labor with #2 they have been telling us not to have any more children, they know we are devout Catholics so they tell us just to not have sex anymore, like they did after I was born ( my mom was 30 then and I was #4 daughter). Well this comment was just the last straw, I tried to then firmly and calmly tell them that this is DH and my decision to be open to how ever many children God decides to give us, and that I thought that was very inappropriate thing to say to us after losing this child. Well, unfortunately it shortly turned into a high spirited yell fest because I didn’t decide to just agree with their comment.
Ever so often we would try to calmly talk, but they kept on insisting that we accept their point of view and make other comments like DH was trying to kill me, I have no medical reason not to have children, or this is just his point of view and attack DH. (All our children were also in the room - including little Shannon - my parents just ignored all of them)Luckily my nurse, I knew her from when I was working on that floor until #4 was born 2 years ago, came in shortly after this all started and she helped - probably about 20 minutes after this all started we told them we loved them, we wished they would respect our decision, and if they were going to keep trying to push their views on us they had to go ( of course I was saying this with tears running down my face though also trying to be firm) - the nurse then was a little more forcefull in telling them that this was not appropriate now and they had to leave, which they did.
I don’t know how I am going to be able to talk to them again - they will continue to insist we agree with them, they have done this type of thing all my life , if I don’t agree with them, it turns into a forceful " you better agree with me because…" - so I grew up mostly be a “yes, girl” with my parents - I don’t like conflict.
I forgive them, but DH and I are really having a hard time with this. I am thinking I will keep in touch with letters, but I don’t feel we should expose ourselves to this again, either on the phone or in person.
We also don’t get any support around here our neighbors all think we’re nuts for having more than 2 children, even our old prayer group friends after getting married almost all decided to contracept. We feel very alone and chastised for being open to life,
