Help! Need support for not supporting Invalid Marriage

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Darby

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Help! I am the only one who sees a problem with my two brothers getting married this summer without a dispensation. Both marriage will be invalid. After praying about it and seeking many others’ advice, I will be attending the ceremony but not the reception (since there is nothing, in my opinion, to celebrate). I also am only going to get a small gift, nothing special. This way I will show my brothers that I care and leave the door open for any future change of heart, but yet not show my approval of the invalid marriage. I feel so alone in this. Everyone, it seems, thinks I am just cutting them off, and it will be so hard to be alone next weekend. I am polite to all and have made sure to emphasize that I LOVE the two couples, but can’t approve of the action. I just need some people’s support right now…
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
There are other threads on the matter.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=235121
Perhaps you, too, would like to form a prayer circle for each of your brothers before the weddings.
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Wow…I just read some of the posts on this thread…I guess I’ll be the evil sister and my parents the evil parents when we decide NOT to attend my sister’s “wedding” to an already married man:rolleyes:.

This is the way I see it…my loyalty is to GOD first and to attend this farce of a marriage would be only to make my life easier not looking like the bad guy:rolleyes: and to keep my relationship with my sister…let’s not forget she’s the one doing the wrong thing, yet we will look like the cruel family who didn’t support her, this is just ridiculous!!! Since when is standing up for the Truth regardless of whose “feelings” get hurt wrong?

As Father Corapi says…“I’m not going to hell for anyone…” not even for my sister. She’ll understand someday and if she doesn’t then she can wallow in her resentment and hatred, please tell me where it is written that I have to condone and paricipate in someone else’s mortal sins!!!
 
Lexee15 said:
Wow…I just read some of the posts on this thread…I guess I’ll be the evil sister and my parents the evil parents when we decide NOT to attend my sister’s “wedding” to an already married man:rolleyes:. Ah, but your sister’s intended has been married and not annuled, and he also doesn’t respect the Church (or her) by bothering to follow the rules- and they think they can con the priest into letting them get married in the Church without necessity of decree of nullity.

Darby’s brothers probably don’t see themselves as Catholic, and these are their first marriages (They are first marriages, aren’t they, Darby?). They aren’t trying to make the priest believe they are anything else but themselves, because they are not consulting the priest.
By praying for them before the nuptials, Darby and his family can go a log way to possibly bringing them back.

It’s marital apples and oranges.

This is why the Church doesn’t teach that we have to avoid every single invalid marriage, but that we have to use God-given prudence, discernment, and just common sense.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=232007&highlight=attending+wedding

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=64951

I think in your situation, Lexee, you have executed good sense, as has Darby in his (or hers).
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I appreciate the support! Yes, these will be my brothers’ first marriages…and I’m a female 🙂 I am actually quite sad about them getting married because I don’t forsee happy situations down the road (I hope I turn out wrong) but they both know how I feel because I wrote them two loving letters.
 
Are they still practicing Catholic? If they have lapsed, that is their choice. By not going, you would come across as very judgemental about their choices, and that could only push them away. To keep the family peace and to have any kind of relationship at all in the future, you should go. And pray for them to come back to their Catholic faith some day, like Saint Monica did.

Most of my siblings are lapsed Catholics, married to non-Catholics. Those were their choices, which I have to respect. I’m certainly never going to win any converts to the Church by ostracizing them, especially on their wedding days.
 
Have a Mass said for your brothers (no need to inform them)

It would be better to attend the receptions, and skip the ceremonies, IMHO

No need to apologize for following the rules of the Church.

Then keep praying-and refrain from uttering the infamous "I told you so’’ when the kids arrive and need to be Baptized:thumbsup: And stand ready to help them brush up on their catechism!
 
Darby said:
I appreciate the support! Yes, these will be my brothers’ first marriages…and I’m a female 🙂 I am actually quite sad about them getting married because I don’t forsee happy situations down the road (I hope I turn out wrong) but they both know how I feel because I wrote them two loving letters.
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Well, I am female too, last time I checked.

And they know how you feel! Great! So, I think you could easily go to both the wedding and reception.

I like the idea of having a Mass (or two) said for each of them, and no, you don’t have to tell them.
 
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