T
turboEDvo
Guest
Thank you for any advice you can give. Please bear with me, this is a long post but it is also very important to me. Please do not assume that I am playing the role of irrational, emotional teenager with the following post, because I really am not (though I suppose I will let you judge for yourself). Thank you again.
OK, here’s the skinny. To begin, I am a high school senior, almost 18, traveleing to Boston for college next year, and in October, I “refound” my faith (kicked some bad habits, changed my life some, got close to the church for the first time ever…etc.). Well, I met a wonderful (devoutly Catholic) girl in October, and she and her family really helped me get close to the church. It started then that I began to go to Mass once or twice per week. This increased to every day.
She and I have been dating (well, I would actually call it courting) since January, and although she is staying in Los Angeles for college, we would like to continue our relationship (and both of us are on the same page that dating is for marriage, both of us are virgins and refuse to have premarital sex, and we both feel that marriage is something that must wait until we are both done with school…this includes medical school. We have also already discussed our feelings regarding contraception vs. NFP and in marriage, both of us plan on using NFP). That’s not the dilemma, just a hurdle, but we have so far figured this one out.
Also as background, I have wonderful relationships with both of her parents as well as all of her siblings, and my parents and sister absolutely love her. When I say we are dating, it would be more appropriate to say that I am courting her, because I try to spend plenty of time with her family, and she does with mine. Our relationship is not simply based on fun; we have already gone through some trying events (nothign big between us, but rather with friends and family members, some pretty heavy stuff that might cause a breakdown in casual dating relationships).
Thanks to my parents (who dated long distance while my mother was in medical school at Georgetown and my father worked at a law firm in Los Angeles and suggested the following plan, and who offered to buy a plane ticket a month for one of us, as I was awarded a full-tuition scholarship at my chosen college), we will get to fly to see each other once a month (we plan on alternating months), and I will be home for summers, as well as the entire month of December. Now, though this may not be the easiest path, both of us feel that it will A) be a test of our relationship which we feel is very strong and B) allow us time to complete our studies without having more daily time constraints (clearing up one weekend a month in college will be easier than a few hours every day, and will give us both time to focus on our studies, which is important as we both want to go to medical school). So, though it may be tough, we both feel that this is a good decision and the right way to approach our relationship.
So, to summarize, we would like to maintain our relationship, and are not basing life-changing decisions (such as college) on it yet, because, of course, we still need to test it despite the fact that we feel this is the right thing for many reasons.
The only thing is this: her mother doesn’t think we are dating. I’ll be honest, the writing is on the wall, but I guess she just doesn’t assume that we are. Now, I think that we should tell her this at some point in the fairly near future, and we would like her support in our choice to maintain a long distance relationship. However, she has already expressed that she feels that anybody at our age is too young to think about dating. I respectfully disagree, and feel that my girlfriend and I are approaching this responsibly and thoughtfully.
Is there any way you feel that we could show her this, and gain her approval? I really do not want to be going behind her back, and would like to find a way to make this all work. I am trying to find a way to maintain my positive relationship with her mother. If anyone has some (name removed by moderator)ut into this situation, please let me know.
Eamon
As a sidenote, I acknowledge that it is uncommon for high school relationships to successfully end in marriage, but I respectfully request that you direct comments toward the aforementioned question, rather than telling me that we are crazy and bound to fail. If I had not already thought through this many times over, I wouldn’t even be posting. Thank you for your help.
OK, here’s the skinny. To begin, I am a high school senior, almost 18, traveleing to Boston for college next year, and in October, I “refound” my faith (kicked some bad habits, changed my life some, got close to the church for the first time ever…etc.). Well, I met a wonderful (devoutly Catholic) girl in October, and she and her family really helped me get close to the church. It started then that I began to go to Mass once or twice per week. This increased to every day.
She and I have been dating (well, I would actually call it courting) since January, and although she is staying in Los Angeles for college, we would like to continue our relationship (and both of us are on the same page that dating is for marriage, both of us are virgins and refuse to have premarital sex, and we both feel that marriage is something that must wait until we are both done with school…this includes medical school. We have also already discussed our feelings regarding contraception vs. NFP and in marriage, both of us plan on using NFP). That’s not the dilemma, just a hurdle, but we have so far figured this one out.
Also as background, I have wonderful relationships with both of her parents as well as all of her siblings, and my parents and sister absolutely love her. When I say we are dating, it would be more appropriate to say that I am courting her, because I try to spend plenty of time with her family, and she does with mine. Our relationship is not simply based on fun; we have already gone through some trying events (nothign big between us, but rather with friends and family members, some pretty heavy stuff that might cause a breakdown in casual dating relationships).
Thanks to my parents (who dated long distance while my mother was in medical school at Georgetown and my father worked at a law firm in Los Angeles and suggested the following plan, and who offered to buy a plane ticket a month for one of us, as I was awarded a full-tuition scholarship at my chosen college), we will get to fly to see each other once a month (we plan on alternating months), and I will be home for summers, as well as the entire month of December. Now, though this may not be the easiest path, both of us feel that it will A) be a test of our relationship which we feel is very strong and B) allow us time to complete our studies without having more daily time constraints (clearing up one weekend a month in college will be easier than a few hours every day, and will give us both time to focus on our studies, which is important as we both want to go to medical school). So, though it may be tough, we both feel that this is a good decision and the right way to approach our relationship.
So, to summarize, we would like to maintain our relationship, and are not basing life-changing decisions (such as college) on it yet, because, of course, we still need to test it despite the fact that we feel this is the right thing for many reasons.
The only thing is this: her mother doesn’t think we are dating. I’ll be honest, the writing is on the wall, but I guess she just doesn’t assume that we are. Now, I think that we should tell her this at some point in the fairly near future, and we would like her support in our choice to maintain a long distance relationship. However, she has already expressed that she feels that anybody at our age is too young to think about dating. I respectfully disagree, and feel that my girlfriend and I are approaching this responsibly and thoughtfully.
Is there any way you feel that we could show her this, and gain her approval? I really do not want to be going behind her back, and would like to find a way to make this all work. I am trying to find a way to maintain my positive relationship with her mother. If anyone has some (name removed by moderator)ut into this situation, please let me know.
Eamon
As a sidenote, I acknowledge that it is uncommon for high school relationships to successfully end in marriage, but I respectfully request that you direct comments toward the aforementioned question, rather than telling me that we are crazy and bound to fail. If I had not already thought through this many times over, I wouldn’t even be posting. Thank you for your help.
) College itself (especially dorms) have an environment where all kinds of things happen, underage and excesive drinking, drug use, and people who will throw themselves at you physically. It is VERY easy to slide down the path of sin. You and your girlfriend cling to the Lord, and God bless your relationship.
