Help needed - considering Catholicism

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Aethelflaed33

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Hello all. Please forgive me if this is the wrong place to post.

I am a member of the Anglican Church currently. I have been recently drawn to. Catholicism (past year) and was attending Mass…I was moved to tears a few times! I was all set to join an RCIA course. I can see so much beauty in the Catholic faith.

The problem is, I am getting married soon. He is a wonderful man, and a new Christian baptised in the Church of England recently. We have booked our wedding in our parish church and paid the deposit - so no going back. He would also like to become Catholic one day, but doesn’t feel ready yet. Children would be raised Catholic.

We had a bust up with the family recently (Anglican), who were appalled at our interest in the Catholic Church - I think it is mostly tribalism, but it was an upsetting time. Despite this, I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to go to the Catholic Church. I feel something at mass that I have not felt before, and I cannot ignore it. What do I do? Should I join the RCIA? Would I still be married in the Anglican Church (my husband to be would still be Anglican)?

If anyone could offer advice, I would be so grateful.
 
How soon is the wedding?

Here are my thoughts; take them for what they’re worth. (Free of charge.)
  1. Get married as you have planned in the Anglican Church, with both of you at least still nominally Anglican.
  2. Both of you join the RCIA after that.
This would be the most practical approach, since if you join the Catholic Church before the wedding, you would need a Catholic Bishop’s permission to marry in the Anglican Church; I’m guessing you aren’t going to want to wait for his opinion on the matter, and that even if he says “no” you’re going to do it anyway - which then complicates everything to no end.

So, skip the red tape and just go ahead and do that - wait the few months or whatever until the wedding is done (since as you say, this is going to happen anyway, as the deposit has already been paid, and it’s a done deal.)

After the wedding, then get into RCIA. Your marriage will be recognized as valid and Sacramental in the Church, so you won’t have to deal with any complications there. (I’m assuming this is a first marriage for both of you … if not, then I have a whole other set of advice for you.)

Plus, you and your husband can do it together as a kind of “honeymoon” project, while preparing to start your family, and there will be no pressure on either of you to convert - you can take as long as it takes. 🙂
 
Many thanks for your reply and advice.

The wedding is next December - so quite a long time away! This is the first marriage for both of us. It’s a difficult thing for me, because I believe the Catholic Church is my home…and waiting to come home for another year or so is hard for me.

If we had the marriage in the Catholic Church, my family would not come to the wedding…so it’s really sticky!
 
Aethelflaed33 said:
Many thanks for your reply and advice.

The wedding is next December - so quite a long time away! This is the first marriage for both of us. It’s a difficult thing for me, because I believe the Catholic Church is my home…and waiting to come home for another year or so is hard for me.
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If you become Catholic this year, then you will be required to be married in the Catholic Church. That’s not negotiable. The only way out once you become Catholic is to get the Bishop’s permission to have the wedding outside the Church.
If we had the marriage in the Catholic Church, my family would not come to the wedding…so it’s really sticky!
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Yes, it is. So it’s up to you.

My advice still stands - get married first, and afterwards, become Catholic. The Church will still be here for you. 🙂
 
jmcrae said:
If you become Catholic this year, then you will be required to be married in the Catholic Church. That’s not negotiable. The only way out once you become Catholic is to get the Bishop’s permission to have the wedding outside the Church.
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That likely would be a possible option; continue in RCIA to be received in the Church and then get a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic outside of the Church.

Aethelflaed33, I would suggest talking with the priest at the parish where you are attending RCIA. Explain your situation and see about getting a dispensation for a mixed marriage and a dispensation from canonical form. The first is required for a Catholic to marry a baptized non-Catholic. The second is required to be married outside of the Catholic Church. You would likely still need to attend marriage prep as required by the diocese, but could still be married at the church you already have setup. At worst he might suggest that you wait to make your profession of faith to return to full communion with the Church.
 
if your family won’t come to your wedding if its a catholic wedding will they talk to when you do become catholic?
I know what I would do but ultimately only you can decide
God Bless I will remember you in my prayers
 
Aethelflaed33 said:
Hello all. Please forgive me if this is the wrong place to post.

I am a member of the Anglican Church currently. I have been recently drawn to. Catholicism (past year) and was attending Mass…I was moved to tears a few times! I was all set to join an RCIA course. I can see so much beauty in the Catholic faith.

The problem is, I am getting married soon. He is a wonderful man, and a new Christian baptised in the Church of England recently. We have booked our wedding in our parish church and paid the deposit - so no going back. He would also like to become Catholic one day, but doesn’t feel ready yet. Children would be raised Catholic.

We had a bust up with the family recently (Anglican), who were appalled at our interest in the Catholic Church - I think it is mostly tribalism, but it was an upsetting time. Despite this, I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to go to the Catholic Church. I feel something at mass that I have not felt before, and I cannot ignore it. What do I do? Should I join the RCIA? Would I still be married in the Anglican Church (my husband to be would still be Anglican)?

If anyone could offer advice, I would be so grateful.
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Yes, start RCIA now while the iron is hot, God is calling you now. Who knows how long he will wait. Why don’t you ask the priest at the church you have been attending about the marriage question. I see no reason why he could not marry you in Church, he might even do it at Mass, though you wouldn’t be able to receive the Eucharist yet ( unless there is some special dispensation for cases such as yours, and there might be). But ask. And if he feels he can’t marry you at this time, you certainly can be married in the Anglican Church - technically, you are still Anglican until you enter the Catholic Church.

Linus2nd
 
jmcrae said:
How soon is the wedding?

Here are my thoughts; take them for what they’re worth. (Free of charge.)
  1. Get married as you have planned in the Anglican Church, with both of you at least still nominally Anglican.
  2. Both of you join the RCIA after that.
This would be the most practical approach, since if you join the Catholic Church before the wedding, you would need a Catholic Bishop’s permission to marry in the Anglican Church; I’m guessing you aren’t going to want to wait for his opinion on the matter, and that even if he says “no” you’re going to do it anyway - which then complicates everything to no end.

So, skip the red tape and just go ahead and do that - wait the few months or whatever until the wedding is done (since as you say, this is going to happen anyway, as the deposit has already been paid, and it’s a done deal.)

After the wedding, then get into RCIA. Your marriage will be recognized as valid and Sacramental in the Church, so you won’t have to deal with any complications there. (I’m assuming this is a first marriage for both of you … if not, then I have a whole other set of advice for you.)

Plus, you and your husband can do it together as a kind of “honeymoon” project, while preparing to start your family, and there will be no pressure on either of you to convert - you can take as long as it takes. 🙂
Click to expand...
I agree, get married first, then go to RCIA when available. And, in the mean time, learn as much as you can and work towards understanding.
 
I think I would start RCIA and would become Catholic ASAP, hopefully next Easter in 2014. But this is just me. I would be so excited about the prospect of receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, I would make that happen and become Catholic as my first priority. And I would talk to my Catholic priest. He can ask for a dispensation from the Bishop, to allow you to get married in an Anglican church, to your Anglican fiancee.
 
OurLadyPray4US said:
I think I would start RCIA and would become Catholic ASAP, hopefully next Easter in 2014. But this is just me. I would be so excited about the prospect of receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, I would make that happen and become Catholic as my first priority. And I would talk to my Catholic priest. He can ask for a dispensation from the Bishop, to allow you to get married in an Anglican church, to your Anglican fiancee.
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MAYBE. There is also the excellent possibility that he would not allow a neophyte to partake of a non-Catholic ceremony, being so new to the Catholic faith.
 
jmcrae said:
MAYBE. There is also the excellent possibility that he would not allow a neophyte to partake of a non-Catholic ceremony, being so new to the Catholic faith.
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Yes that’s possible. However I would just set an order of priorities, and at the top of my list would be to join the only true Church established by Jesus Christ, and partake in the greatest gift, the Eucharist, as soon as possible. If there would be a realistic chance of joining RCIA now and being received in the Church this coming Easter, that’s what I would do. And parallel to that, I would work out the logistics of my wedding. I would not allow anything to take precedence to my number one goal, namely joining that true Church which is the Catholic Church. Then, I would ask and trust God to help me out with my wedding planning - God can open doors, soften the hearts of Bishops and priests, and so on.
 
Aethelflaed,
It seems that you are planning to marry not this coming December but 14 months from now–the deposit on the church is non-refundable? That seems odd so far away…

First, I would speak with a Carholic priest about the marriage situation. It may be that there will not be a problem arranging something–there are several options.

Secondly, I would carry on with RCIA. You do not have to make a decision until the last minute–attending the classes does not commit you to converting. Also, you might invite your fiancé to go along with you, no commitment implied.

Once you know what the options are, it will be easier for you and your fiancé to think through.
 
Are you intending to convert in a normal Roman Rite parish, or have you considered membership in the Anglican Ordinariate of the Latin Church? The big question is whether there is a parish nearby that would be available to you. Being an Ordinariate member would be an excellent way for you to retain your liturgical patrimony. It may also soften the blow to your family, as your worship would not be terribly different from theirs.

Anglicanorum Coetibus, 2009
 
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