Help needed with true Catholic Teaching on "Family Planning"

  • Thread starter Thread starter beeper
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
NFP DOES work. People that use NFP are more likely to welcome children.

That is a pretty judgemental thing to say that all those people that have 5 kids do so because they used NFP and it didn’t work. I know many couples that have 2 and used NFP.

The church is not telling you to have more kids than you can handle.

By the way, 6 times at getting pregnant…is not trying every possible NFP plan.
There are 4 reliable methods out there, and even more specific rules within each one.
 
how many children do you have? and if you were on your six one would you just willingly except more even if your finacial situatuion couldnt handle anymore?
 
**Just because you are in a difficult place in your life and are questioning the wisdom of God doesn’t give you the right to judge others. My husband and I use NFP (have used it for 4 years and have 1 child). There is a poster here who has heart disease. She has used NFP for over a decade to prevent conception as having another baby would most likely kill her.:eek:

Some of those couples you see in Church with 0, 1, or 2 kids may be using NFP, or they may be struggling with infertility. Just because NFP hasn’t worked for YOU (and it looks like Em is really trying to help you figure out why) doesn’t mean it doesn’t work or is not still the only morally licit way of spacing our children.

If NFP really is not working for you, as in you truly are getting pregnant during supposedly infertile times, then those babies are all MIRACLES. And your tone is beginning to get offensive, probably most to those women on this very forum who are struggling with infertility and miscarriages.

I have serious health problems. So hubby and I are VERY conservative with our NFP use. We only use Phase 3 and don’t have sex at all if we can’t be absolutely sure. It has meant a lot of abstinence in the past 2 years (since our daughter was born).**
 
also dont tell me i havent tried everything you dont know my situation, to presume to tell me that i havent tried everything is very wrong.
 
MOMMYOFROSEBUDS said:
also dont tell me i havent tried everything you dont know my situation, to presume to tell me that i havent tried everything is very wrong.
Click to expand...
to presume that couples with 3 or less children are contracepting is wrong.

**The way I see it, there are two options.
  1. you are doing something wrong in your NFP practice
  2. God is gifting you with children during infertile times. Miracles.**
 
I highly doubt that everyone in the catholic church is using nfp as birthcontrol. i am really close to most of the people in my church and most of them are using othe forms of bc or are sterilzed.do you really think God is going to send all those good catholics to hell just b/c they are not using nfp?
 
yes they are my little miricles but i dont want anymore kids i can hardly handle the ones i have. and i am not trying to soud mean i just think that there has to be special case where nfp dosent work for everyone and i dont think God is going to damn me because i chose a different way. i am not trying to turn away from him. he is a huge part of my life. we are just in a desperate situation. we had to move to a bigger house and our other home is not sold. talk about not having money. we are paying two mortgages and you know how the housing market is . so we are not expecting our old house to sell soon.
 
MOMMYOFROSEBUDS said:
I highly doubt that everyone in the catholic church is using nfp as birthcontrol. i am really close to most of the people in my church and most of them are using othe forms of bc or are sterilzed.do you really think God is going to send all those good catholics to hell just b/c they are not using nfp?
Click to expand...
**God doesn’t send people to hell. People choose hell (the absence of God’s good) by turning away from what is right.

Of course there are lots of Catholics who use contraception. Still doesn’t make it right.

There are lots of Catholics fornicating, lying, stealing, committing adultery, etc etc etc… we are ALL sinners. We need to fight against that sinful nature and strive to be holy. That is why we have Confession. God in His mercy gives us infinite chances to get it right. It is when we stop trying to get it right that we condemn our own selves to hell.**
 
we are not giving up or stoped trying we have been trying for over 8 years and still i end up pregnant evey year and half or two years. i know he gives us many chances but we cant just leave it all up to God, we just cant drive all crazy and say will if God doesnt want me to get into an accident then he won’t let me. thats not fair. we have to take responsiblilty for our selves
 
You sound very frustrated and angry. May I suggest you take a moment and look calmly at some things?

You’ve tried every method? Perhaps you have mentioned in your PMs which methods those are. There are some people who are very knowledgable about the various methods here, and I know another board where there are instructors for various methods. If you are interested in speaking calmly with them, please, PM me.

The house, I would think that buying a new house without selling the old was not the best idea on earth. It is easy to feel angry at God when we make a bad decision, take a moment to think about it. God did not make you buy a new house, you and your husband made that decision on your own. Is it possible you can rent out one of the houses or sell the big one and move back to the smaller (and less expensive) one?

No matter what the public and the well intended friends say, 6 kids does not mean you need a huge house. People raise 6 kids in very small houses - when they are very young they can all share one room (two sets of bunk beds, one in a toddler bed and one in a crib with mom and dad).

When they are older, three bedrooms would be plenty - a boys room and a girls room with a room for mom and dad.

An extra bedroom can be added on when you need it - way less expensive than a new house.

Take some time, talk to some of us who have had serious reasons to TTA (I did, and DH and I have one son - we lost one when that son was 2 years old. We have now used NFP for 16 years to avoid.)

Pray, hope, don’t worry.
 
There is another way besides NFP that is totally moral. ABSTINENCE. I think you need to take a break from relations until you can sort out your NFP stuff, your financial stuff, and your mental health. You sound so overwhelmed and near hopeless.:console:
 
agapewolf said:
That is a pretty judgemental thing to say that all those people that have 5 kids do so because they used NFP and it didn’t work. I know many couples that have 2 and used NFP.
Click to expand...
We are one of those couples. A late start and early-onset menopause meant we only have the two but would have loved to have six (or more)! I cringe to think that people are thinking behind my back that I must be using ABC or that one of us was sterilized. :eek: How rude!

BTW, the two kids we do have are spaced perfectly due to NFP.
 
we had to move. we had five kids in 1000 square foot house and the house was falling apart around us. we moved for the saftey of us and our children and the house we moved into in not new. so moving back into the old on is not a possibility please dont tell me we should not have moved without selling our other house first. we also had to move b/c of the school system was not good
 
Corki said:
We are one of those couples. A late start and early-onset menopause meant we only have the two but would have loved to have six (or more)! I cringe to think that people are thinking behind my back that I must be using ABC or that one of us was sterilized. :eek: How rude!

BTW, the two kids we do have are spaced perfectly due to NFP.
Click to expand...
well great for you! but most people cant handle a bunch of kids let alone afford them
 
I agree with Malia.

If it has gotten to the point where having another child is not a possibility and NFP has not worked for you, I would abstain. Easy? No. It takes some heroic virtue, but it would be the best thing for the sake of your marriage, your family, and your soul.

Who knows? During that abstinance time maybe you’ll learn a new form of NFP that you can really get comfortable with and you won’t have to continue abstaining. Maybe you’ll realize you can handle another child after awhile. You definitely won’t have the stress of worrying abotu getting pregnant or whether or not you’ll go to Hell for getting sterilized.

Besides, NO ONE has ever died because they didn’t have sex.
 
MOMMYOFROSEBUDS said:
well great for you! but most people cant handle a bunch of kids let alone afford them
Click to expand...
**You are getting more and more frustrated and lashing out. I hope you can sit back and take a few breaths, say a few prayers, and understand that you came here for help and advice and that is what you have been receiving. You will not find any faithful Catholic that will tell you it is ok to go get sterilized because your life is hard right now. The best we can do is tell you your options.
  1. Figure out if and how NFP is not working for you and correct it
  2. Remain abstinent until you feel able to handle another blessing
  3. Continue on as you have been and prepare for another pregnancy
  4. Ignore the moral guidance and go do what you want
We can’t give you any more than that:shrug:**
 
well great for you! but most people cant handle a bunch of kids let alone afford them
Click to expand...
I wonder why that is. I don’t mean this on a personal level for the poster but a general question for everyone here about society in general.

This is a very recent development where people believe that “most people” can’t handle a bunch of kids. Just one generation ago, many families in my neighborhood had more than 8! One family had 14 and that mom and dad were the most pleasant and calm people in the neighborhood.

Do you think it is the pressures of modern life (whatever that means)? While many people say that it is ecomomics, disposable income, even for large families, is definately more now than it was a generation ago, even factoring for inflation.

I hope this isn’t taking the topic off track.
 
kristacecilia said:
I agree with Malia.

If it has gotten to the point where having another child is not a possibility and NFP has not worked for you, I would abstain. Easy? No. It takes some heroic virtue, but it would be the best thing for the sake of your marriage, your family, and your soul.

Who knows? During that abstinance time maybe you’ll learn a new form of NFP that you can really get comfortable with and you won’t have to continue abstaining. Maybe you’ll realize you can handle another child after awhile. You definitely won’t have the stress of worrying abotu getting pregnant or whether or not you’ll go to Hell for getting sterilized.

Besides, NO ONE has ever died because they didn’t have sex.
Click to expand...
no one has ever died b/c they didnt have sex but many many marraiges have been compromised and stress beyond there limits b/c the couple was not intiamate with eachother. you still have to maintain your marraige also, and not let that become rotten
 
MOMMYOFROSEBUDS said:
no one has ever died b/c they didnt have sex but many many marraiges have been compromised and stress beyond there limits b/c the couple was not intiamate with eachother. you still have to maintain your marraige also, and not let that become rotten
Click to expand...
You can maintain your marriage without having sex.

Two spouses who are intimate with one another in conversation and united in faith have a far better chance of making it than a couple people who have disregarded God’s plan for marriage by getting sterilized so they can keep having sex without consequences and fulfill their own selfish desires.

This is your immortal soul we are talking about.
 
MOMMYOFROSEBUDS said:
no one has ever died b/c they didnt have sex but many many marraiges have been compromised and stress beyond there limits b/c the couple was not intiamate with eachother. you still have to maintain your marraige also, and not let that become rotten
Click to expand...
You are absolutely right that you have to maintain your marriage as a priority. Some people (and I don’t mean you personally) however, use sex as a way to hide or avoid dealing with other stresses in the marriage. Abstinance doesn’t cause “stress beyond there (sic) limits” but it can definately tip an already stressed relationship into dangerous territory. Abstinance doesn’t mean not being intimate with a spouse either.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top