help needed

[dgrif88]

i was hoping to get some advice on here regarding my wifes refusal to accept my religion.i’ve started going to the Latin Mass recently,but she thinks i’m going overboard with religion.up to a month ago i was going to normal mass with my 2 year old daughter in our local church.i had the pleasure of visiting St. Pio’s exhumed body last month and since then i’ve been attending Latin Mass.
its not going down too well at home.
i am praying for her conversion and trying not to get upset but i find i lose my patience and we argue.
something has to give and i cant see my side changing.

i brought back crucifixes etc from italy and was hoping to have an altar in the house but its not the right time at the moment.

anyone out there with a similar experience?
i want my wife and my 2 daughters (2 & 11wks) attending this mass and praying the Rosary together as a family.
my wife is a Catholic but has become lukewarm over the years.

any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[allhers]

Was she going to Mass with you before?

 

[dgrif88]

the very odd time.maybe 2 twice a year.
she is really against the churches stance on homosexuality.i made the mistake when i attended Latin mass last year,i told her about the sermon the priest gave speaking out against this act.
ever since then she doesnt want me attending it.

she would prefer if i attend the normal mass

 

[allhers]

the very odd time.maybe 2 twice a year.
she is really against the churches stance on homosexuality.i made the mistake when i attended Latin mass last year,i told her about the sermon the priest gave speaking out against this act.
ever since then she doesnt want me attending it.

she would prefer if i attend the normal mass

The Catholic Church teaching doesn’t change depending on which form of Mass one attends. Perhaps she needs to read the Catechism.

 

[NicPais83]

What in particular is it about the Church’s position on homosexuality that she doesn’t agree with?

As the previous poster mentioned, Church teaching doesn’t change based on which Mass one attends, as it’s the same Eucharist and same Sacrifice. But, you can’t force her to go to Mass, or else she’ll never want to go.

A really good book to read is Christopher West’s Good News About Sex and Marriage. It’s primary target is for sexuality in marriage, but he uses Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body (a great, great asset) to explain the Church’s position on sexuality. What I’ve taken away from it is that the Church really doesn’t ask much more from homosexuals as she does from heterosexuals; chastity. It’s a little hard to understand, since in today’s world we’re told that if something feels good that it must be good, but Christopher West provides theological and Biblical proof for many things that he teaches; along with using John Paul II’s own teachings.

 

[dgrif88]

thanks for the replies.

its like this,you will never hear a priest at the normal mass speaking out against homosexuality(not in my local parish anyway).their sermons are more relaxed i find.

i will look up that book you mentioned.hopefully it will be useful.

i will try anything at this stage

 

[HelenRose]

thanks for the replies.

its like this,you will never hear a priest at the normal mass speaking out against homosexuality(not in my local parish anyway).their sermons are more relaxed i find.

i will look up that book you mentioned.hopefully it will be useful.

i will try anything at this stage

If you are serious about trying anything at this stage, I will offer this advice. Let Christ lead her. Give her time, patience and space.

Look carefully at your own motives for wanting her to agree with you. You may be absolutely in the right but your motives may be those of wanting to control her. I am not saying this is so, but it may be something for you to seriously think and pray about.

The more you pull in one direction the more she will pull in the another. For the sake of your children, you do not want to get into a tug of war with your wife over religion. You may very well be sitting alone in a Latin Mass wondering why your wife and children are living in some other town and not sitting there beside you.

 

[GerardP]

Here is an article written a few years ago in a very frank way about the homosexual subculture. It’s written by a person who left that and found out that relations with God were more important. It’s very moving evokes a lot of sympathy and also reveals the difficult truths that the more “tolerant” in our society refuse to see.

theroadtoemmaus.org/RdLb/22SxSo/PnSx/HSx/BksFrntPorn.htm

Also I suggest you listen to this interview of Bishop Williamson of the SSPX with Colleen Hammond. He speaks very clearly about the duties of husbands and fathers. Leading by example is the proper way. Go to Confession frequently. Say your rosary on your knees each night. Our Lady will help you. With you submitting to Christ fully, she will eventually, willingly take her place by your side and follow your lead as the spiritual leader of the household.

colleenhammond.blogspot.com/2007/10/first-podcast-interview-bishop.html

 

[Pani_Rose]

Try the Coming Home Network Forums. They often discuss this problem. The answer is loving the spouse into the Church. It is not done by force, or insistance, but rather by prayer, being a living witness, and being suttle about things. chnetwork.org/forums/

 

[GerardP]

What I’ve taken away from it is that the Church really doesn’t ask much more from homosexuals as she does from heterosexuals; chastity.

Let’s not draw too much of an equivalency here. Fornication is a failure to do a natural act in the right circumstances (namely a valid marriage).

Sodomy is engaging in an unnatural act that is licit in no circumstances whatsoever. It is one of the sins that cries to Heaven for vengeance.

Also, there is no evidence for and it’s a failure on the part of the CCC to take part in the speculation that homosexuals are “born that way”.

St. Paul in Romans 1 points out that it is only after breaking the first commandment that people fall into homosexuality.

For this cause God delivered them up to shameful affections. For their women have changed the natural use into that use which is against nature. 27 And, in like manner, the men also, leaving the natural use of the women, have burned in their lusts one towards another, men with men working that which is filthy, and receiving in themselves the recompense which was due to their error. 28 And as they liked not to have God in their knowledge, God delivered them up to a reprobate sense, to do those things which are not convenient;

All are called to chastity and a valid confession will absolve any sin, but there is a difference even among mortal sins both in their eternal punishment if one goes to Hell and in the consequences here on earth if pursued.

And finally, God, being God can and will provide the necessary strength of will and opportunities for all homosexuals as well as heterosexuals to save their souls. How many will take advantage of this?..narrow is the way.

 

[NicPais83]

Let’s not draw too much of an equivalency here. Fornication is a failure to do a natural act in the right circumstances (namely a valid marriage).

Sodomy is engaging in an unnatural act that is licit in no circumstances whatsoever. It is one of the sins that cries to Heaven for vengeance.

Also, there is no evidence for and it’s a failure on the part of the CCC to take part in the speculation that homosexuals are “born that way”.

St. Paul in Romans 1 points out that it is only after breaking the first commandment that people fall into homosexuality.

All are called to chastity and a valid confession will absolve any sin, but there is a difference even among mortal sins both in their eternal punishment if one goes to Hell and in the consequences here on earth if pursued.

And finally, God, being God can and will provide the necessary strength of will and opportunities for all homosexuals as well as heterosexuals to save their souls. How many will take advantage of this?..narrow is the way.

But I didn’t say anywhere that fornication or homosexual acts are condoned. I didn’t even say anything about people being born a certain way. All I said is that homosexuals are called to chastity. Unless I misunderstood the meaning of chastity, I’m pretty sure that this means to avoid sexual acts outside of the proper setting, i.e. marriage. Now marriage is only defined as between a man and a woman because, aside from being procreative, it also represents the relationship that Christ has with His Church, which is His bride. I didn’t say anything here about sodomy, fornication, or people being born homosexual.

 

[GerardP]

But I didn’t say anywhere that fornication or homosexual acts are condoned. I didn’t even say anything about people being born a certain way. All I said is that homosexuals are called to chastity. Unless I misunderstood the meaning of chastity, I’m pretty sure that this means to avoid sexual acts outside of the proper setting, i.e. marriage. Now marriage is only defined as between a man and a woman because, aside from being procreative, it also represents the relationship that Christ has with His Church, which is His bride. I didn’t say anything here about sodomy, fornication, or people being born homosexual.

Nic,

I know you didn’t say that. I was just supplying a little supplemental understanding. A person who hasn’t studied much of the Church’s positions might accidentally strike and equivalency between the demands of the Church and the nature of the sins.

I apologize if it came across that I attributed something to you that I didn’t intend.

For anyone interested, here is Aquinas’ treatise on Chastity. The subordination of chastity under the virtue of Temperance is a good all around help to understanding.

sacred-texts.com/chr/aquinas/summa/sum408.htm

 

[dgrif88]

some helpful advice there.thanks.

i dont pressure my wife to go to Mass.i am trying to lead by example bringing my daughter every week and hoping she follows suit.that hasnt happened and now that i’m attending TLM she seems to be more against it.
the last thing i want is to be attending it on my own.
realistically,i’m going to have to relax my views on general things in life.i always jump to the defence of the Catholic church in general conversation with friends or family.she is embarrassed by this.she was even afraid to tell people i was in italy on a pilgrimage to St. Pio.that annoyed me,so maybe i should try not to get so upset.its very important for families to stay together and i know we will.i dearly love my wife.she is a great person but just missing faith.
hopefully that will come.
regards to all

 

[HelenRose]

This may be the best approach at this time. By all means do not turn from your own journey toward God. I think what I want to say is, let the Holy Spirit lead your wife. God really does know what He is doing.

Trust Christ and trust the journey that only your wife can make by herself. It is much easier for a person to come to the realization that they have been wrong about some idea, if they do not feel pressured.

Pray, pray and pray some more for more understanding, more love, more joy, and more happiness with your family.

I will also pray for both of you. Families and marriages need ALL the help they can get.

I grew up as a devout Protestant but became Catholic about eighteen years ago. My husband did not oppose my religious views in any way but he was decidedly uninterested. After 40 years of marriage, at the age of 63 my husband suddenly announced that he was going to be baptised and become a Catholic. Last year he joined the church and loves it. We go to Church and I get to sit with my husband for Mass every week. This is why I know that the Holy Spirit works in strange and wonderful ways.

 

[NicPais83]

Nic,

I know you didn’t say that. I was just supplying a little supplemental understanding. A person who hasn’t studied much of the Church’s positions might accidentally strike and equivalency between the demands of the Church and the nature of the sins.

I apologize if it came across that I attributed something to you that I didn’t intend.

For anyone interested, here is Aquinas’ treatise on Chastity. The subordination of chastity under the virtue of Temperance is a good all around help to understanding.

sacred-texts.com/chr/aquinas/summa/sum408.htm

I am very sorry if I misunderstood. God bless you!

 

[allhers]

This may be the best approach at this time. By all means do not turn from your own journey toward God. I think what I want to say is, let the Holy Spirit lead your wife. God really does know what He is doing.

Trust Christ and trust the journey that only your wife can make by herself. It is much easier for a person to come to the realization that they have been wrong about some idea, if they do not feel pressured.

Pray, pray and pray some more for more understanding, more love, more joy, and more happiness with your family.

I will also pray for both of you. Families and marriages need ALL the help they can get.

I grew up as a devout Protestant but became Catholic about eighteen years ago. My husband did not oppose my religious views in any way but he was decidedly uninterested. After 40 years of marriage, at the age of 63 my husband suddenly announced that he was going to be baptised and become a Catholic. Last year he joined the church and loves it. We go to Church and I get to sit with my husband for Mass every week. This is why I know that the Holy Spirit works in strange and wonderful ways.

That is so wonderful, I am so happy for you!!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Take this advice OP!!! I will keep your family in my prayers too.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

i was hoping to get some advice on here regarding my wifes refusal to accept my religion.i’ve started going to the Latin Mass recently,but she thinks i’m going overboard with religion.up to a month ago i was going to normal mass with my 2 year old daughter in our local church.i had the pleasure of visiting St. Pio’s exhumed body last month and since then i’ve been attending Latin Mass.
its not going down too well at home.
i am praying for her conversion and trying not to get upset but i find i lose my patience and we argue.
something has to give and i cant see my side changing.

i brought back crucifixes etc from italy and was hoping to have an altar in the house but its not the right time at the moment.

anyone out there with a similar experience?
i want my wife and my 2 daughters (2 & 11wks) attending this mass and praying the Rosary together as a family.
my wife is a Catholic but has become lukewarm over the years.

any advice would be greatly appreciated

I’ve never been married but would offer a couple suggestions. Have you shared your experiences and feelings with your wife like how you felt when you saw St. Pio’s body? Instead of arguing about the Latin mass, could you tell her what attracts you to it? Could you make some compromises? Perhaps you could go to the Latin mass once a month and work up to every other week.

If your wife doesn’t go to mass at all now, how come? If taking two young children to mass is too stressful for her, could you arrange for a baby sitter on Saturday night or Sunday so you could go to mass together and have a meal out afterwards?

Would your wife be agreeable to saying a decade of the rosary a day and finish one set of mysteries in a week? Could you work this into your daily routine, maybe just the two of you after the children are put to bed? Or with the whole family after supper. A friend told me that when her children were in elementary school they said the rosary as a family but with only 5 Hail Marys because the children were too young for ten.

A Marriage Encounter weekend might be something to think about.

You say you can’t see your side changing. I hope you mean you aren’t willing to stop practicing your faith. However, you may have to be very patient with your wife for a long time. Ask for the grace of the sacrament of matrimony to be patient and kind with her.