HELP - New Pastor Problems

[voice_of_truth]

Help Please! We have a new pastor at our parish who is unfortunately destroying many of the programs that we as a parish have worked so hard to grow. He severely lacks interpersonal skills and does not appear to be youth friendly. He is not approachable and requires that all communication go through central points (no open door policy at all). Suggestions, both positive and negative, do not appear to be received well. Our new pastor seems to have a mission to turn our parish into his own personal version of a parish at the expense of everyone else with little to no room for (name removed by moderator)ut from anyone else. The whole parish office staff is stressed out and must tread very lightly. The open environment we used to enjoy is now closed. What should we do? We are trying to be obedient to our new pastor and submissive to our new leader sent by our Bishop and by God. But, when is enough, enough?

Our LifeTeen program, which at our parish was fast becoming a stellar spirit-filled program attracting hundreds of teens and changing their lives, is almost officially on the chopping block. I realize this program is a bit more contemporary that other youth programs, but I have seen it positively impact the lives of our teens by turning their hearts and minds to God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Sacraments, Mary, the Saints and so much more. Our new pastor appears to be opposed to things that are overly emotional. But our parish teens are on fire for Christ, and we attribute a lot of this success to our LifeTeen program.

Our Life in the Spirit retreats, another awesome and life changing set of programs, used frequently for our Confirmation candidates and adult leaders, are no longer acceptable. They’re too charismatic, now completely taboo due to our new pastor’s views on the spiritual gifts. I realize that many people have concerns and problems with some of the spiritual gifts, but they are very Biblical and also taught in the CCC. I also realize one must be extremely careful with the spiritual gifts. However, with the right leadership and guidance, the spiritual gifts can be very beneficial and effective.

Our Youth Director, who in my opinion is probably the best youth director in our Diocese, who brought our youth programs from mundane to outstanding and spirit-filled, who has literally brought hundreds of youth to the Lord, and who is loved and respected by probably thousands of people, was forced to resign by our new pastor this past Friday due to some technicality literally minutes before we loaded a bus to take our parish youth to the annual diocesan youth conference for the weekend. The youth were devastated and it stole the spiritual thunder that usually accompanies them to the conference. Volunteers had to fill in the gaps in an emergency situation which put undue stress on everyone. The conference went OK, but not nearly as great as it should have gone. I’ve never seen our youth so withdrawn and calm as an entire group. Our outstanding leader was taken away from us at the worst possible time. I want to know why our new pastor decided to call an emergency meeting, which included the Vicar General of the Diocese, to address some alleged procedure violations by our Youth Director (nothing that impacts the safety and well-being of the kids) on Friday before a major event rather than on Monday after the event, especially when there was a chance the Youth Director could either get fired or resign. This was so unprofessional and appalling that it makes some want to hold the new pastor in contempt of all that is decent and cast a vote of no confidence in the pastor as a shepherd of our community.

Our adult renewal and formation program, Christ Renews His Parish, is also near the chopping block. Our new pastor feels it is not his program and refuses to offer full support. We are being forced to remove the Saturday evening Mass and maybe even the Reconciliation service from the program (not a good idea to remove the Sacraments) because of our new pastor’s philosophy of not holding special Masses or Reconciliation services that are not available to the general parish population. I don’t get it. Weddings and funeral Masses are special Masses. We used to have retreats all the time where Reconciliation was an integral part of the retreat. I personally think he doesn’t want to mess with a program that is not his own personal idea or that doesn’t fit within his own personal philosophy.

We have already voiced our concerns to our pastor and parish council. We are already praying daily for God’s will to be accomplished and manifested in our parish. We are already praying daily for our new pastor. Now, what steps should we take? Should we talk to the Bishop? We want to act with purpose before it is too late for our parish. So many lives are being impacted right at this very moment. Please give me any and all ideas you think may help. Thank you in advance for the guidance and advice you give!

 

[Aramis]

You should probably have sent the Bishop a slightly more succinct (and properly addressed) version of this missive.

 

[cathyf]

I just wanted to warn you, because I’m sure this is something that no one is thinking about at all (we sure didn’t.) This pastor sounds very much like a pastor that we had in our previous parish. He sowed dissention throughout the parish. He was bitter and sarcastic and made nasty comments about the parish in general and specific people. Typical move – he waited until after the parish woman’s club had had their annual election of officers, and then merged the women’s club with the moms-n-tots playgroup and appointed a co-president, co-treasurer, co-secretary from among the moms (who were basically bewildered by the move.) He also fired parish bookkeeper, the school principal, and was about to fire the music director when he was transferred – all this with no explanation or evident reason. About 2 years later, this lawsuit was filed.

Apparently he fired people because he was afraid that they had noticed something – which was probably his imagination anyway. Weirdly enough, it was rumored that he was transferred because the deacon saw his very distinctive expensive SUV in the parking lot of the town’s gay bar – perhaps he was trying to get caught?

But anyway, no one in the parish had the slightest suspicion that there was any hidden problem with this guy. He was such an out-there-in-your-face jerk that it never occured to anyone that there could be more to it than that. The stereotype of the abuser is that of the sly manipulator who ingratiates himself with people. This was a totally unexpected variation, and it seemed to work very well.

 

[Colorado_Mike]

I suggest you schedule time to meet with him directly and charitably explain your concerns. He may not really know the effect he is having on the parish, or he may have very good reasons for taking the actions he did which you don’t know about. You also might want to talk with parishioners at his last parish to understand how he works and how best to communicate with him.

 

[anamchara]

I am sorry for this, If it were me I would write up a list of your concerns and put in a nice letter format and send it to the new Pastor. End it by saying you would like to meet with him over these concerns. It’s nice to give a heads up as to what you will be coming in to talk about. If this doesn’t work then I’d send the same letter to the bishops office and explain to them how your letter was received and see what kind of guidance or counseling they can give you on how or what you can do. I’d encourage others to do the same, especially parents of the youth group.

I’m not implying trying to get the pastor into trouble but to seek help as you have on here. You might get a “well, there’s nothing we can do” from the bishops but at least you would have tried instead of agonizing over it. I know how that feels

I really hate hearing about these types of things. If he keeps up pushing people away it’s going to cause the Church to dwindle in numbers as many will just move on.

 

[Walking_Home]

Our adult renewal and formation program, Christ Renews His Parish, is also near the chopping block. Our new pastor feels it is not his program and refuses to offer full support. We are being forced to remove the Saturday evening Mass and maybe even the Reconciliation service from the program (not a good idea to remove the Sacraments) because of our new pastor’s philosophy of not holding special Masses or Reconciliation services that are not available to the general parish population. I don’t get it. Weddings and funeral Masses are special Masses. We used to have retreats all the time where Reconciliation was an integral part of the retreat. I personally think he doesn’t want to mess with a program that is not his own personal idea or that doesn’t fit within his own personal philosophy.​

Just what kind of Saturday evening Mass and Reconciliation services not available to the general parish are you speaking of here.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

I am sorry to hear about your problems. I had a pastor like this who pretty much shut down my parish I grew up at and is now a shadow of itself. The priest, now Mnsr, made the parish do an 180. It was not a parish community as much as a small fiefdom. He recently moved on as his 12yrs were up, but it will take a long time for the parish to recover. In the end there was nothing anyone could do to stop the damage.

Like other posters said, take this up with the Bishop, with as much support as you can get (both Parish and Financial Councils, staff, etc…). Hope you can get a positive response.

If you want the complete story on my end I can do so via PM.

 

[jmdsc]

Before taking this much higher - I really suggest you ask the pastor! Maybe he has intentions you can’t see!

This happened to my parish - people were up in arms - they were leaving in droves. But to tell the truth, the chops and changes our new pastor made were CORRECT. The parish had had a “hands-off” pastor for so long previously, that the abuses (both with power and litugically) had gotten way out of hand! People and groups had been allowed to do whatever they wanted for so long that the line “well, we’ve always done it this way” became their mantra. We even had a DOL that had no education or knowledge of the liturgy - she was given the job because the previous pastor felt sorry that both her and her husband had been out of work! It was really bad!

In the end, our new pastor did do a lot of “chopping” and “toe-stepping” but once that was over - he allowed a re-build of everything…correctly.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to have a liturgy that actually followed the GIRM.

As I said when I started this post, ASK!!! He may have a plan!

 

[puzzleannie]

I can offer some reflections from experience in similar situations. letters, calls and complaints to the bishop are not likely to generate the results you would like or expect, and instead will probably backfire, as those who complain will be labeled troublemakers. the bishop appointed this particular pastor, to this particular parish. the bishop is the one with the knowledge of the entire diocese, the needs of the entire diocese, the resources of the entire diocese, and the responsibility for the entire diocese.

Unless your complaints are about egregious violations that affect the licitness of liturgy and validity of sacraments, or conduct that violates the code of ethical conduct, child safety provisions etc. you are not likely to get a favorable hearing from the bishop.

The very programs you list, while they have proven valuable and produced good fruit in many parishes, have also caused a lot of problems and controversy. Unless you know the bishop and vicar general to be generally sympathetic and supportive of such programs - LifeTeen, Life in the Spirit, CRHP etc., you will not get a favorable hearing if your complaints involve those areas.

From the brief description you gave of the way the matter of the youth minister was handled, esp. the presence of the vicar general at this emergency meeting, there was at least a well-founded perception that irregularities in the conduct of his ministry existed and were of so serious nature that they had to be addressed before this person took the youth to a function where he would be responsible for them. That is a personnel matter, the details will not be made available to parishioners, parish council etc. esp. if it becomes a legal matter. It sounds as if the pastor acted in accord with prescribed procedure in handling the matter, and IMO you will never learn all the reasons for the action.

What can a concerned parishioner do?

first, separate the pastor’s personality from his actions. judge the actions, not the person, and judge them dispassionately, not as an interested party on one side or the other. For instance, in the past, have you observed anything in the way the programs under the gun have been operating or functioning in your parish that could give rise to legitimate concerns or complaints?

Yes it is a desireable thing to have youth of the parish involved in programs. I make no judgement on lifeteen here, it has been discussed elsewhere, just a general observation that just because the youth are “involved” does not automatically mean that what they are doing is beneficial to themselves or the parish.

You and other concerned parishioners would be well advised to follow the gospel advice to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Look observe listen, give the benefit of the doubt, discern. above all do not gossip, do not listen to or spread rumors, and do not unite in attacking the priest personally. it will backfire, and purely from a pragmatic standpoint will cause far greater harm to the parish than the activities you describe on the pastor’s part.

on another example OP mentioned, it is very inadvisible to have Private masses, retreats, healing services, reconciliation services etc. that are not open to the whole parish, and in general, I would suppor the pastor in that line of thinking. also I would observe that while he might be right, or could be right, in his judgment about certain of your programs, his way of going about things may as you say lack grace, tact or effectiveness.

 

[voice_of_truth]

Thank you for the suggestions and comments so far. I plan to bring these to the attention of those planning future communications with the pastor.

Our parish’s pastoral council did ask for (name removed by moderator)ut from the whole parish after each mass a few weeks ago in the form of comment cards. I believe the purpose was to give our new pastor some real (name removed by moderator)ut from the parishioners. He might have even asked for this. The council leaders presented the comment cards to the pastor during a recent pastoral meeting, but I’m not aware of the outcome.

I have been told by many that there may be some purpose for all these seemingly negative changes. And I am willing to wait in faith for some answers from above. I am also not too quick to judgment thankfully, unlike some of our parishioners who are now about to change parishes. I have a strong prayer life and know that all things will work out for the good for those who love God. So I am confident that this will pass and we will be stronger for it. This is a test of our true faith in God for sure. But I know for a fact that God is bigger than any problem we may face and that His ways are beyond ours. Maybe our pastor was sent to our parish for his own personal healing, then again, maybe for our own healing.

We will keep praying.

Please pray for us.

Please keep the suggestions coming. They are GREAT! We appreciate it VERY MUCH!

Here’s an answer to Walking_Home’s question:

Just what kind of Saturday evening Mass and Reconciliation services not available to the general parish are you speaking of here.

Christ Renews His Parish is a weekend retreat where there is a Saturday evening Reconciliation service for the CRHP participants only. There are usually about 36 of them so a priest from another parish usually comes to help. After that, there is a Mass for the CRHP participants and all family members who want to come. The Mass starts late, about 10PM, so it is not really something the parish at large attends. However, they can attend if they want to so it’s not totally exclusive. My concern here is that the retreat is concentrating on Catholic renewal which is why we want to offer Reconciliation and the Eucharist. Some participants haven’t been in years and it is an amazing opportunity to be reunited with the church. Our pastor doesn’t seem to recognize the importance here which really concerns me. CRHP is here to help the parish by renewing parishioners. This ultimately will help the pastor by attracting more volunteers to come back into the church community as contributing members.

 

[mdgspencer]

Offhand, I would say to try to find out why he is doing such things, in case there is good reason for any of them. Has he ever explained anything? Unfortunately, if no one can communicate with him, then you can’t find out what by asking.

 

[Corki]

Our parish’s pastoral council did ask for (name removed by moderator)ut from the whole parish after each mass a few weeks ago in the form of comment cards. I believe the purpose was to give our new pastor some real (name removed by moderator)ut from the parishioners.** He might have even asked for this.** The council leaders presented the comment cards to the pastor during a recent pastoral meeting, but I’m not aware of the outcome.

I certainly hope so! The Parish Council is supposed to operate under the pastor’s direction - not the other way around. For the PC to ask for (name removed by moderator)ut without the pastor’s direct request would be very inappropriate.

This is how things went South in a parish where I was involved not too long ago. The previous pastor had been very “hand’s off” and the Parish Council had gotten “too big for its britches”. When the new pastor tried to involve the PC in some changes, they basically told him “no”. They didn’t agree with some of the changes and thought they could override the pastor. Wrong!! Well, you can guess how much influence the council had on anything in that parish from then on.

 

[anamchara]

I can offer some reflections from experience in similar situations. letters, calls and complaints to the bishop are not likely to generate the results you would like or expect, and instead will probably backfire, as those who complain will be labeled troublemakers.

 

[VAC]

I can offer some reflections from experience in similar situations. letters, calls and complaints to the bishop are not likely to generate the results you would like or expect, and instead will probably backfire, as those who complain will be labeled troublemakers. the bishop appointed this particular pastor, to this particular parish. the bishop is the one with the knowledge of the entire diocese, the needs of the entire diocese, the resources of the entire diocese, and the responsibility for the entire diocese.
.

I disagree with this as well, especially if large numbers of parishoneers write letters and contact the bishop.

 

[anamchara]

Thank you for the suggestions and comments so far. I plan to bring these to the attention of those planning future communications with the pastor.

 

[rwoehmke]

Over the years I have been involved in almost all those programs mentioned and they are all good. My observation is that they sound like they were large, successful, and self governed with little (name removed by moderator)ut from the past pastor. These things can be so successful that the leadership becomes a law unto itself, no longer submissive to the pastor. They become untouchable. I really can’t offer any advice except to say that over the years I have seen such things happen on a smaller scale in my own parish. A new pastor can have it any way he wants and there isn’t a whole lot anyone can do about it. Its inherent in the structure of the Church which isn’t about to change with respect to who’s in charge. Try to roll with the punches, these things too will eventually pass, but maybe not in your lifetime.

 

[voice_of_truth]

voice_of_truth;2446699:

How long as he been at the parish now?

Our new pastor has been there for about 2 months now. The first month or so was spent getting familiar with the parish. The next was spent planning the changes. The last couple of weeks he met with all the ministries to announce his required changes and new rules. Some ministry leaders are looking for other jobs I’ve heard. I know our Youth Director who resigned on Friday was unhappy and already seeing their Spiritual Director for help in discerning whether to stay or leave. But the meeting on Friday just solidified the decision to leave when confronted for allegedly violating some new budget rules (a technicality I think) and there was a requirement to officially sign something for permanent record in their personnel file. Therefore, the decision was made to resign rather than sign something that was supposedly not true. My perception is that our Youth Minister was played a heavy hand to real them in on some rules, but the plan kind of backfired on the pastor when our Youth Minister resigned. But like people have said, I will never know the full details.

voice_of_truth;2446699:

I’m not sure I understand what this is. I’ve never heard of it. I know you explain it a bit but I’m still not understanding sorry.

OK - I didn’t really do it proper justice. You can read more about it at www.catholicforum.com/churches/347gs/christ_renew.html
to get information from another parish’s perspective. Good Shepherd is not our parish BTW in case you’re wondering. I just did a Google on Christ Renews His Parish and that was the first hit. You can look further if you like. CRHP is awesome! I would highly recommend it!

Thank you very much for your reply too.

God bless you and may our Blessed Mother send you many special graces from her treasury.

 

[Brendan]

Christ Renews His Parish is a weekend retreat where there is a Saturday evening Reconciliation service for the CRHP participants only.

That is a problem right there. The Mass is a community event. Even Masses at Weddings and Funerals are open for anyone who wishes to attend.

You can see this even at Cloistered Monasteries, There is always an area open for the general faithful to attend.

If this group is truely restricting access to a Mass, then the priest is correct to stop that practice.

 

[Cat]

Lay low, hang with your pals, and just wait it out. Try to make no enemies. Keep your mouth shut–no talking about this behind your hands. Just stick it.

And say goodbye to your parish youth. They are going to head off to the cool Protestant youth meetings that are no doubt going on in your town or city. Some will be lured to Catholicism by Latin Masses and tradition, but most will stop attending Mass and go where the action is. Sorry, folks. I’m speaking as an ex-Protestant and I feel bad to blow your fantasy of thousands of teenagers flocking to a “traditional” Catholic church. I don’t think so. Over 1000teenagers attend the local Assembly of God youth meeting on Wednesday night, and a whole heck of a lot of them are Catholic kids. Just hope that your parish youth go there instead of just staying home and going nowhere near a church, or even worse, getting involved in somthing sinful.

I wish I had more faith in Catholic youth outreach, but to be honest, I think it needs a lot of improvement. I’ve been Catholic for about three years, and thank goodness, our parish has a vibrant LifeTeen program with hundreds of wonderful teenagers. I think when people bury their heads in the sand and say, “Bringing back the old ways will bring back the youth,” I just want to cry.

 

[cathyf]

Christ Renews His Parish is a weekend retreat where there is a Saturday evening Reconciliation service for the CRHP participants only. There are usually about 36 of them so a priest from another parish usually comes to help. After that, there is a Mass for the CRHP participants and all family members who want to come. The Mass starts late, about 10PM, so it is not really something the parish at large attends. However, they can attend if they want to so it’s not totally exclusive.

This doesn’t sound “exclusive” to me, but simply a practical limitation of space & time. Is the pope not allowed to say mass in his private chapel because I don’t have a ticket? If the retreat group drove to a retreat house that was a couple of hours away, adding expense to the event, would it be ok to have mass and confessions because the non-participating parishoners are excluded by the distance rather than the lack of an invitation? Is the pastor going to eliminate the First Confession service because only the kids making their First Confessions and their families come to it? What about Confession during youth retreats? Pre-Confirmation retreats?

VOT describes these events as successful special outreach that frequently gets people to return to the reception of the Sacrament of Confession after some period that they had not gone – do you really think that reconciling non-observant Catholics to the Church is some sort of “abuse” that should be “stamped out”?!?