Help! Non-Catholic boyfriend?

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DaughterOfLight

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I have a non-Catholic guy-friend who I am rather fond of.:blushing: The problem, of course, is he isn’t Catholic. He is very reflective and thoughtful, and is very interested in Latin (the language of the Church). He’s a thinker. An awesome guy, no matter how you look at him. BUT, he’s one of those non-denominational types. He’d make a great Catholic, but I have no idea if he’s leaning that way or not. The problem is this, he has been expressing interest in me. Nothing inappropriate or anything like that, but that ‘interest’, if you will, is still there. I don’t want to marry a non-Catholic, and I hope that the only BIG relationship I ever get into will end up as marriage. So, do I tell him to back off, or let things ride as friends only until we’re older (we’re both 17, almost 18)? Or should I wait and see if he joins the Church down the road a few years? I know I sound like your average teen, but he really is a great guy, and I feel honored that he singled me out. Help! ❤️
 
Just enjoy it for right now, maybe he’ll convert, maybe he won’t.
 
Don’t date anybody you know you couldn’t marry. If any “dealbreakers” are present, it’s best for both of you if you don’t get attached that way.

It’s very reasonable to want to share your faith (presumably the most important thing in your life) with your spouse, who should be the most important person in your life (other than God, of course).

Enjoy your friendship. Don’t date him unless he is potential husband material for you. If he converts, he converts. If he doesn’t, you’ve still got a friend, rather than an awkward dating relationship.

Besides, you never know who either one of you might meet in the next year or two, especially if anybody is planning to go off to college or anything like that.
 
Speaking as a former non-Catholic boyfriend (who fits the description of your boyfriend), now a Catholic husband, I know it’s possible for conversion to take place within a relationship. However, I didn’t decide to convert for my wife, she just got me interested in Catholicism. I decided to study its merits, and after that I decided to become Catholic. It’s entirely possible for him to do something similar, but (as was in my case for the first year) it’s entirely possible that he’s convinced Catholicism is wrong and never gives it much thought. It’s very much a gamble. I’d pray on it, if I were you.
 
IMO, at your age, you shouldn’t be dating one on one anyway. Go out in groups, have fun, do service projects, take mission trips, be active in your church.

You don’t have to turn him down or hurt his feelings. Tell him at 17, you prefer being in groups, no matter how nice the male friend is. —KCT
 
I met my husband when I was 21. I was Catholic-he wasn’t. He’s a wonderful man but I must admit that our road was tough because he wasn’t. He came from a divorced family-half Southern Baptist and half Catholic with a mother who became non-denom. What a mixture eh. 🙂 I married him and it was a really tough road. When you get married you become one but it’s really tough to feel that way when only one if you is receiving the Lord at Mass and the other isn’t.😦 We were also asked by the church not to have a Mass at our wedding because he wasn’t Catholic. These things hurt me deeply and caused some resentment. He did convert years later but I feel in some ways it was to please me. If I were you… I would pray and not rush into anything. Not being able to share your faith fully with your spouse is a HUGE issue imo. It’s very loney. Just stay good friends with him and live your faith around him and see what happens as you two mature. I changed so much from 17-27 - it was insane. lol;)
 
Introduce him to gregorian chant… If he loves latin he will love it… also invite him to a Latin mass if you can find one nearby… just as friends of course 😉
 
BlestOne said:
Introduce him to gregorian chant… If he loves latin he will love it… also invite him to a Latin mass if you can find one nearby… just as friends of course 😉
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Good one BlestOne!
 
It wouldn’t hurt to find out what his theological and philosophical views are. Maybe you’ll find some deal-breakers, which are better to find early than later. Catholic views on abortion, contraception, premarital sex, euthanasia and some other things are not universally followed in other denominations.
 
chevalier said:
It wouldn’t hurt to find out what his theological and philosophical views are. Maybe you’ll find some deal-breakers, which are better to find early than later. Catholic views on abortion, contraception, premarital sex, euthanasia and some other things are not universally followed in other denominations.
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No worries there. When I said he’s a great guy, I meant it! He is graduating Home-school with me this May (we’re in the same home-school group). He’s good on all moral issues. I think he may be leaning towards the Church. Just today he said to my brother…okay, this comment is going to need some background. 😃 My brother and I are theatrical sword fighters. We do choreographed stage combat. This guy (Evan is his name) is in the group also. (That’s how I met him.) Anyway, Mitch (bro) was holding his sword upside down so that it looked like a cross, and Evan said something about that Mitch was seeking “finial absolution before going [on-stage] to die.” (Again, this is all choreographed! No one is hurt in any way!)
I know that finial absolution is not a protestant thing. (Or is it in some cases? I loose track of all these different denominations…) But, if it isn’t, how would he possibly know that unless he’s researched the Church? (Btw, he does know we’re Catholic.)
Like I said, he’d make a great Catholic, and he *may *be leaning that way.
But I’ve not discussed it with him, so I’m not sure.

Any advise on bringing it up? Or not bringing it up? 🤷
 
If I were a little older (well actually, I might not have been this mature until recently, but…) and he asked me out, I might tell him that I really am uncomfortable dating casually, and since I know that I want to marry a Catholic someday, it wouldn’t be a good idea to get involved with him on that level. Since you’re still a teen, I think an “I’m not ready to date one on one yet” type of response is just fine. Personally, I’ve come to believe that unless you are considering marriage, you really shouldn’t be dating anyway (this would probably rule out dating for most teenagers then), and when you do date is is someone to whom you would conisder marrying - so that when you discover one of those deal-breaker things, you’d stop dating anyway.
 
nobeerinheaven said:
Speaking as a former non-Catholic boyfriend (who fits the description of your boyfriend), now a Catholic husband, I know it’s possible for conversion to take place within a relationship. However, I didn’t decide to convert for my wife, she just got me interested in Catholicism. I decided to study its merits, and after that I decided to become Catholic. It’s entirely possible for him to do something similar, but (as was in my case for the first year) it’s entirely possible that he’s convinced Catholicism is wrong and never gives it much thought. It’s very much a gamble. I’d pray on it, if I were you.
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Did you convert before or after you married?
 
Daughterof Light,

After I wrote my last post, I reread the post before it and realize you asked for advice on how (if at all) to bring it up. I guess if he’s not being very forward, I might not even bring it up at all. If he’s flirting with you, don’t flirt back. If it seems that he’s really increasing the flirting, or you feel like you’re leading him on, you may have to say something. Sometimes there are ways to let people know that you’re not interested in dating without coming right out and “turning him down before he asks.” Maybe your group is talking about 2 other people who are dating, or who just broke up, and you could say, “and that’s why I’m glad I’m waiting to date until I’m older.” I know it’s a really specific example, but sometimes there are ways of working your life’s view in on the conversation in a casual way.

Another possibility is to have a little more distance between him and you. If you are really not giving out signals that you’re interested, but your circumstances keep putting you close enough to each other that he is still able to flirt with you, maybe you need to change your circumstances a little. Whether it means actually not socializing in the group that he’s in as often, or just being strategic about making sure you don’t end up sitting next to him when you’re in a group together, physical distance may be an option.

You sound very mature! God bless you!
TKC
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
Daughterof Light,

After I wrote my last post, I reread the post before it and realize you asked for advice on how (if at all) to bring it up. I guess if he’s not being very forward, I might not even bring it up at all. If he’s flirting with you, don’t flirt back. If it seems that he’s really increasing the flirting, or you feel like you’re leading him on, you may have to say something. Sometimes there are ways to let people know that you’re not interested in dating without coming right out and “turning him down before he asks.” Maybe your group is talking about 2 other people who are dating, or who just broke up, and you could say, “and that’s why I’m glad I’m waiting to date until I’m older.” I know it’s a really specific example, but sometimes there are ways of working your life’s view in on the conversation in a casual way.

Another possibility is to have a little more distance between him and you. If you are really not giving out signals that you’re interested, but your circumstances keep putting you close enough to each other that he is still able to flirt with you, maybe you need to change your circumstances a little. Whether it means actually not socializing in the group that he’s in as often, or just being strategic about making sure you don’t end up sitting next to him when you’re in a group together, physical distance may be an option.

You sound very mature! God bless you!
TKC
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It’s hard to describe how he’s acting. I would not call it flirting though. That just isn’t something he’d do. But he is always nearby. He’s a very tender and compassionate fellow. My grandmother has been poorly, and my mom has been out of town a lot, and all this has been pretty hard on me. He knows this, and if he sees me not feeling well, or my spirits are down, he’ll come sit with me, talk to me, or just kinda comfort me. (It’s almost like he has a sixth sense to when I’m sad or upset.) He’s really sweet.

The funny thing is, he is exactly the kind of guy I’d like to marry someday. I’m extroverted, enthusiastic, talkative, flighty, and rather cautious. I prefer to follow when I’m in a group. He is introverted, quiet, calm, thoughtful, persevering, confident, steady, and a perfect gentleman. And he is a gracious and gentle leader. He is very disciplined (which I’m not), and we work well together. The mom of 4 kids I babysit (very good friend) knows him, also. She thinks that we’ll end up married after college. (Well, who knows…?) But in all honesty, I wouldn’t mind bit! The only problem is he isn’t Catholic.

I may have misled you in my first post. Evan does know I don’t want to date yet. I don’t think he does either. There was a circumstance in which kissing was brought up by another guy. I said I don’t want to kiss until I’m married. The other guy fell out of his chair, but Evan didn’t say a thing. (That’s like him though. He’ll be looking like he’s not listening to something, then two months later, he brings it up in detail.) I’m very close to his sister, so I see him a lot. This whole thing has been going on for about a year.

Anyway, sorry that was so long. I guess this is mostly a battle on my part. I like him, and I know I shouldn’t yet. Wrong season of life. I’ll try what you said, about trying to keep a physical distance as much as possible. Please pray for me.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with hanging out in a group–like others have said. I dated jewish, muslim, indian, you name it…when I got serious about who I’d want to marry–my Catholic husband showed up. Or take him to mass with you…and he may just fall in love with the RCC, like the rest of us.🙂
 
I agree with whatevergirl.

Try to get him to come along to a Catholic youth group or something like that, or the mass, and pray for him, God works wonders and God wants him in his Church so he will help you and him.

Cheers
 
Confused_1 said:
I agree with whatevergirl.

Try to get him to come along to a Catholic youth group or something like that, or the mass, and pray for him, God works wonders and God wants him in his Church so he will help you and him.

Cheers
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Hi confused…why did you choose that username? what are you confused over?🙂
 
Confused_1 said:
Hehe, read the thread I created in this Family Life forum.
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Got it.😉 ((And, no don’t stop praying for someone…even someone you are trying to break off an emotional attachment to.)) Your username will last you a long time, though–you might not be confused for much longer.😃

Ok…back to the topic at hand.🙂
 
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