Help.. once again

[rhyli]

So I started writing on this forum last august when I had a really hard time adjusting to my college life… so I transfered and now Im at a new college and its early… classes start tomorrow but its happening again… I dont know whats wrong with me… every kid loves college and cant wait to go… but i hate it… I dont like it at all… and there must be something wrong with me… cause I pray for answers and I never hear any… I need help… I dont know what to do. I know what I will do, stay here… get my education… and fight through this… cause Im doing it for my parents… and because I know its what I should do. but It hurts… and I pray and pray for help… or that this pain stops and I find joy in this or something that makes me not dread and fear it. i feel like Im wasting the prime part of my life. I need God. I need Him to help me… I need something… I really do… I keep praying and I dont ever lose faith… but I get thrown into another whirpool…

Im sorry for ranting… and maybe I shouldnt rant on this website I have good friends… and a loving family… but I cant talk to them about this stuff… cause I dont want them to know that Im not as awesome as my brothers an sisters… and i know my friends can only tell me kind words and Im not sure if that will make me feel any better…

I know my hope in this situation is God. I know Hes the only one who can make this better… so please help me ask for help… I need it…

Im not a bad kid. I do good… I just need serious help

 

[basilisk]

I dont know whats wrong with me… every kid loves college and cant wait to go… but i hate it… I dont like it at all… and there must be something wrong with me… cause I pray for answers and I never hear any… I need help… I dont know what to do. I know what I will do, stay here… get my education… and fight through this… cause Im doing it for my parents… and because I know its what I should do.

Maybe nothing is wrong with you! Maybe college just isn’t right for you. I once heard a statistic that 10% of adult Americans have a bachelor’s degree. ONLY 10%! That means the other 90% don’t have one, and are living their lives without the benefit of college. I have a bachelor’s degree, and so does my husband. My husband works full time in a professional job using his degree, and I am an at-home mom, working a low level hourly job at night. There are plumbers, welders, electricians… none of whom require a degree for their work who make TWICE what my husband and I make!

Maybe the answer to your prayers is that this all feels so wrong to you. Perhaps that IS the answer, and you just refuse to listen to it. Maybe you are one of that 90% whose destiny lies outside the halls of higher learning. There is nothing wrong with being one of those people.

Part of the reason you hate it is because it is not something you want for yourself. You have to have a desire, a drive, a passion, to get you through the hard stuff that comes with college. To keep you focused on your goal when it gets hard and you want to quit. If you do not have that drive or desire, the goal feels too distant, and it becomes suffering and torture to put up with the trials that getting a degree can bring.

The way out of this is to determine what it is YOU really want to do with your life. You are an adult now who must make your own choices and follow your own conscience and desire. Find YOUR passion. If you live to please someone else, you will always be miserable, because you won’t be being true to yourself. God has a mission for you, but if you block it out to focus on what other people want, you will not be able to find it.

God ALWAYS answers our prayers. Just sometimes… the answer is no.

 

[LSK]

May I ask a question?

What is it you don’t like about college? Can you make a very specific list?

 

[monicatholic]

rhyli,

if nothing else, the sheer pressure you feel to attend college ruins the experience for you. additionally, it may not be the right choice for you. those two coupled together-- the pressure and the bad fit-- might combine to make a workable sitaution almost unbearable for you.

here are my suggestions:

1. pray that God gives you a sense of worth and dignity ***aside ***from how you measure up to your siblings. ask your Heavenly Father to grace you with a sense of belonging and worth ***aside ***from your achievements and goals. ask your Heavenly Father to grace you with a sense of dedication and direction without an unnecessary sense of hurry. though you should often ask this of God, you should, just as often, be still with Him and know that He is God.
2. this semester do some research into choosing a suitable gap year. if you’ve already taken a gap year, take another. only this time, focus more on prayer and sacraments. maybe your gap year might include time with a spiritual advisor. it should certainly include much time being ***still ***with God and knowing that He is God. This sort of quiet communion clarifies so much.

be blessed. stay close to Jesus in the Sacraments. be still with Him. you will learn peace in Him.

 

[Rawb]

every kid loves college and cant wait to go.

Yeah, before we get there!

All of my friends HATE college. We just know it’s necessary for where we want to be and what we want to do with our lives. We have to just tough through it.

College is built up, especially by high school teachers, to be this great place, where we’ll excel and be free and find ourselves. In reality it’s not like that for a lot of people, and for religious people it’s twice as difficult, because you spend half the time making sure you’re not compromising your values.

So no, it’s not great, but if you can muscle through it it’ll make you stronger. As someone else said, college isn’t for everybody, but if you make it through it will certainly help later in life.

 

[Joannm]

My two girls went to college but my son did not. He had no desire to study anymore once out of HS and he is perfectly happy in his chosen professions (he does a variety of things). My sister and I went on to higher education but our twin brothers did not and did well for themelves. One even holds a local political office and is a very successful businessman.

Perhaps, however, being away at school is the problem. Both my girls went away for the first year and then came home because they didn’t like it. My older daughter transferred to a junior college and after getting her Associates degree went away to a state school for her BA. My younger daughter transferred to a local university where she graduated from. She loved being home and didn’t miss the “college atmosphere.” In fact she did better academically being home than she did away with all the distractions. She still lives home. My older daughter went for grad work while living at home, but finished up her degree at a school in California…all the way at the other end of the country from us…and stayed there.

 

[rhyli]

May I ask a question?

What is it you don’t like about college? Can you make a very specific list?

I have a hard time making friends, because at first Im very timid and shy, and it takes me knowing someone for awhile before I can break out of that

and I dont like that Im not having a good time, and I really dont like that everyone around me can see it, it makes me feel like Im lesser of sorts.

I dont like classes… because Im constantly afraid I wont be able to do it, and get good enough grades to keep my scholarship, cause my higschool wasnt challenging at all, and my last college was all art so I got good grades… but Im really not smart

also I dont think I adapt to change well at all.

 

[Alicat]

Do you have a Newman Center or other Catholic organization on your campus? Joining that might help you make some friends who you know have similar beliefs to you. You could even make plans to attend Mass together.

I’m also in college, and I sympathize with feeling like it’s hard to make friends. I tend to be quiet and shy, and don’t approach people. Like you, I find it difficult to adapt to change. I’m in my third year, and it’s only been in this semester that I really feel adapated. If you’re worried about keeping up your grades, is there some sort of resource center on campus that can help you with tutoring? Or maybe you could strike up a conversation with people around you in classes and try to get a study group going.

The best advice I can give you is to do some serious praying and thinking about why you’re in college in the first place. If it’s just to please your parents and because it’s expected of you, then maybe you’re not in there for the right reasons. I’m considering changing majors, even though it might disappoint some members of my family. I’ve come to realize that I’m in college for me and I don’t want to go through life knowing that the choices I made were to please others, and regretting it.

Hang in there!