Help others who suffer like I once suffered

[Anglewannabe]

Living well and faithfully with ones suffering is a really strong witness to faith and perserverence. Please don’t feel guilty that you haven’t ‘turned into a counsellor’. People that know your story and see you ‘survive’ and persevere, are helped and reassured by you anyway. God bless!

Thank you for your kind post. The truth is, I don’t feel guilty. I feel resentful that no one sees my point of view that I can not help. I am fed up with people negating my point of view.

Or worse, when someone goes through a hard time and I say ‘Don’t be surprised if people use this to put you down to make them feel better about themselves’, they get mad at me. Other people tell me ‘Angie that is not an encouraging thing to say’. Well, encouraging or not, it is the truth and it is what I have found by experience. I resent that people come to me as if I am the expert, and when I share my expertise they shoot the messenger. It is as if I am reliving the whole pain again after I have found boundaries to protect myself

Angie

 

[Allegra]

I just found it funny that someone would actually put this up on the internet where just anyone could read.

It’s an anonymous forum, so even if people get judgemental, it isn’t as if one has to face them in real life. Alot of people come here and bounce far more confrontational view points than not feeling comfortable being put upon to be a therapist for every person who has a problem.

 

[Allegra]

I feel resentful that no one sees my point of view that I can not help. I am fed up with people negating my point of view.

Angie

I once read a study that said that people who never ask other people what they think hear 89% less opinions. Then there’s that insufferable 11% who offer their advice when no one asked for it, but still…89% ain’t bad.

 

[Eleanor61]

To the OP, if you are actually diagnosed with Aspergers, you must have often had the feeling of being misunderstood. It does very little good for those of us on the autism spectrum to try and counsel others as our worldview is so very different from neurotypicals. It can result in a lot of hurt feelings and frustration, which is not helpful to either party.

Please try to be at peace about your decision to keep your experiences to yourself. St. Paul writes a lot about people having different gifts. Relating to others is not generally a gift of Aspies, whereas generosity may be.

I also do not see anything funny in your original post and I think that attempting to explain it was rude. It actually illustrates your point very well that you fear being misunderstood as you certainly were here.

 

[Allegra]

To the OP, if you are actually diagnosed with Aspergers, you must have often had the feeling of being misunderstood. It does very little good for those of us on the autism spectrum to try and counsel others as our worldview is so very different from neurotypicals. It can result in a lot of hurt feelings and frustration, which is not helpful to either party.

Please try to be at peace about your decision to keep your experiences to yourself. St. Paul writes a lot about people having different gifts. Relating to others is not generally a gift of Aspies, whereas generosity may be.

I also do not see anything funny in your original post and I think that attempting to explain it was rude. It actually illustrates your point very well that you fear being misunderstood as you certainly were here.

I don’t see that the OP says she is on thespectrum, but if she is, this is especially good advice. On the other hand, a person doesn’t have to be diagnosed with autism spectrum in order to be not great at relating to all people and all situations. If a person can help counsel someone, great. If they can’t, then by all means, don’t! That isn’t a gift that even all neuro-typical have. Still others have it in some situations and on some subject, but not others, especially when they are subjects that a personally painful to them. Consider a woman who has just gone through a painful divorce. If approached by someone who is having a problem with her husband for advice, she might be jaded and say something along the lines of, “All men are pigs. Just leave the creep.” Obviously this is unhelpful and is likely to cause a rift in the friendship. It would be better if the women would just say, “I’m so sorry that is happening to you. I will pray for you both.”

 

[Anglewannabe]

To the OP, if you are actually diagnosed with Aspergers, .

Where on earth did you get the idea I have Aspergers???

 

[Lorelei12]

Well, when I am sitting in a group and someone says ‘How can I motivate myself to go to the gym’ and someone says ‘Have you though about getting a work out buddy’ since as a Catholic I am called to honestly sharing my experience, I will speak up and say ‘Well, personally I found that to have a work out buddy makes it harder’ and then I list the reasons why. Well, the person who suggested a work out buddy (who half the time doesn’t even have one themselves let alone go to the gym) gets mad that I negated their opinion. The person who wants the advice shoots the messenger (ie me) for not going along with the tide and implying the solution will not work (when all I am doing is cautioning them and letting them know ahead of time what they might be getting into so if they do decide to try a workout buddy they don’t do it wearing rose tinted glasses). And I am labelled a negative Nancy.

I make it clear that I am in no way telling them not to get a workout buddy. I am just stating my opinion. Well, they still see me as a downer. So why would I bother honestly sharing my experience if it will only get others mad. I would prefer to say nothing than to lie

The thing is, though, you aren’t “called to honestly share your experience” just because someone wants to know something, nor do you have to list your reasons for doing something. It’s perfectly fine to say nothing at all, especially when you’re around people who like to pick everything apart.

For some reason, people get this idea that it’s dishonest not to share when someone asks a question. If you don’t owe someone an answer, you don’t need to give them one. It’s not “un-Christian”, or any other such thing, to not answer a question that isn’t someone’s business in the first place.

I know this is just an example you used to illustrate why you don’t desire to help people sometimes, but it really is okay not to contribute, especially if you don’t feel your comments will be well received. Being honest isn’t about answering every inquiry truthfully or at all, it’s about being truthful to whom the truth is owed.

 

[Eleanor61]

Where on earth did you get the idea I have Aspergers???

Over hasty reading of your post and trying to be helpful…I really thought I read that you were in the process of being diagnosed. Guess I proved my own point. Sorry.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Over hasty reading of your post and trying to be helpful…I really thought I read that you were in the process of being diagnosed. Guess I proved my own point. Sorry.

Apology accepted. Thank you