Help Please! Masturbation addiction?

  • Thread starter Thread starter howletus
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

howletus

Guest
Sorry this is so long but please take the time to read it.
I have struggled with masturbation and pornography since I was very young. I am currently in my late thirties. It started in grade school when we found friend’s parents with Playboy magazines in their garage. Then I discovered pornographic tapes in my friends older brother’s room. I took them and used them. Then high school started coupled with my parents separation. I grew up in a family of four boys (all altar boys) that prayed the rosary as a family regularly. My parents separated when I was starting high school. I was drinking and doing drugs. I had an older girlfriend my first few years of high school and a sexually active relationship with her that carried on for a few years. She was my only love even to this point in my life. My parents ended up reconciling after a year of infidelity. My mom had been living with another man. We had to move away to a new town my junior year in high school and, even though my girlfriend and I tried to maintain a long distance relationship, she was older and I found out she had been unfaithful to me. I started over now in a new town, became popular at school quickly, and had a few sexual relationships through my junior and senior years. I recognize now that I started to use my few girlfriends only for sex. Then I think rock bottom was when, early on in a relationship, my girlfriend decided I would be her first. It was an uncomfortable experience for her and for me it was just something I had been doing for years already. I ended up being unfaithful to her shortly after and we broke up. Over the years I have come to realize how much I must have hurt her. Very early in our relationship she chose me to be her first and I sent her home in a cab and ended up cheating on her. Understanding how precious a woman’s virtue is now, I still feel so guilty. What must I have done to her perception of men? I found out what she thought of me when a year or so later, while she was still dating a distant friend of mine, she showed up at my house and seduced me. Weak as I was, I gave in. I didn’t really understand why until a few weeks later we were all at a party and her boyfriend mysteriously found out. It took me a few years to realize she did this to get back at me hoping that her boyfriend might “kick my butt” when he found out. This incident hurt several friendships to the point where I felt I needed to leave.
(Continue to next post).
 
I left that part of my life and went off to school a few hundred miles away. Luckily I got past the recreational period of drinking and drugs after I finished college.
Regular masturbation still continued all the way into my mid to late 20s when I rediscovered my faith. A cradle Catholic I never really knew or understood the church’s teaching on sex, marriage, masturbation, etc… My renewed faith has helped at least minimize this habit. Now, late in life and many years removed from any kind of relationship with a woman I’m starting to think that it is because of my addiction to masturbation and occasionally pornography along with that last experience that has changed how I look at women. I have read Christopher West’s offering on the Pope’s Theology of The Body. VERY ILLUMINATING! I have read much on the subject. Then I heard on EWTN a while back that pornography addiction was also common in serial killers. THIS SCARED ME MORE THAN I CAN SAY! Now anxiety that I could actually hurt someone has entered my mind. That I might be to the point where I look at women and maybe all human beings completely as objects and this is why I have not had a relationship. Is this rational thinking? I have not pursued relationships despite interest from women. Maybe I’m scared that I will just hurt them or they will hurt me. Between my mom’s infidelity to my father, my first love cheating on me, and then my turning around and cheating on my girlfriend I fear I am still trying to regain some trust in women. To see them rightly. To regain trust in people in general. My renewed faith, reading of Scripture, and frequenting the Sacraments has provided much grace in the other relationships in my life but this area in still a mystery. Can someone still love you knowing these things about your past? I am still attracted to women but don’t find any practicing Catholic women in my circles. In my heart I see glimpses of how beautiful a relationship with a good Catholic women could be and decide that I can’t settle for less. That I must become the man that deserves her. Sometimes I think I use this as an excuse to avoid the women I AM around. I’m still not pursuing the practicing Catholic women I claim to be “waiting for”. Knowing what I now know about masturbation and pornography, the fact that I’m still tempted and fall into this sin is what scares me most. I feel that God has given me so much grace and knowledge about Him and I still choose sin to compensate for my loneliness, anger, etc…
I pray that God is using this time, though very long, to heal me and prepare for the rest of my life be it married or single but there is a part of me that thinks I am clinging to my faith as a way to justify my lack of a social life for so many years. I continue to pray and frequent the Sacraments but when life gets hard and I get angry with life and God I fall.

Sorry for the rant. I didn’t mean to turn you into psychologists.
I just felt like really putting myself out there after reading some of the other posts. I need your prayers and maybe some advice during this very difficult and scary time.

Thank you…
 
I seriously doubt whether you are going to turn into a serial killer. Just frequent the sacrament of reconciliation and remember addiction reduces culpability.
 
You are suffering and I understand it because I had these addictions too. Without really thinking about it masturbation and pornography were my “gods”. Recently, I decided to dedicate my life to God. Jesus Christ is the center of my life. I am consecrated to the Blessed Virgin Mary and I pray the Rosary daily. I also carry it in my pocket and throughout the day I will hold it and say some prayers. I went to confession and started attending Mass more often.

There is an intense fire in me to do God’s will. I want God’s love and I am willing to do whatever he asks of me and as hard as it will be and as much as a coward as I am if God wants me to suffer I will do it because I know God will give me the strength to do it.

I’m married but I used to look at every attractive woman whether it was outside, internet, adult book stores I just could not stop. However, after embracing the Eucharist, going to confession and consecrating to Mary and praying the Rosary daily I have lost all interest in masturbation and pornography. I wear a Miraculous Medal. Jesus and Mary are looking out for me. Whenever I have an impure thought I think of the image of Jesus suffering and dying on the cross and it superimposes itself on the impure thought and takes out of my mind.

One thing to consider is that your parents were not good role models and you might consider some counselling for this because it sounds like it hurt you. In any case pray, pray, pray as much as you can. Have conversations with Jesus and tell him you want to do his will. Turn the television off and do not purchase any magazines or look at them at the grocery store. Listen to Catholic radio as much as possible, read the Bible, attend at one daily Mass, and go to Eucharistic Adoration. Are you starting to see where I am going? Immerse yourself in our faith and become a student of Jesus. Dip into this well of life everyday and avoid secular culture as much as possible. Make Jesus Christ the center of your life.

Also, look down below your thread where similar posts are listed. Look at them and you might find good websites to get information.

God Bless you and I pray that you win this struggle. Pray to Jesus and he will stop this.
 
Pray or say novenas to powerful intercessors like St. Therese or Padre Pio.

Offer up communions and rosaries and mortifications that God will take your lust away and build the virtue of chastity inside you.

You will find your future spouse on your knees in prayer.

Ask him for a holy wife. He is merciful and generous.

God will lead you to her and her to you, at the right time.

First go about your conversion.
 
howletus, You are on the right track, brother. The others who have posted here have given you good advice. I will continue to pray for you. I know you will get this problem under control, and when you do you will be even stronger in your faith. God is the only hope for all of us, and like I said, you are already on the right track by following our Faith!

Here is a link to a thread that lists resources to help in the battle for purity (it is a link that stays at the top of the moral theology forum list).
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=55427

The only thing I can think of to add is to take it step-by-step. For instance, it is better to get this problem under control before you start looking to meet the right woman. That way you will have gained the inner strength to be able to go about dating the correct way. When the time comes, find a parish that goes “by the book” (i.e., a parish that sticks close to truly Catholic teachings) and join a group at that parish where you can meet a good Catholic woman who will wait for sex until marriage and build a relationship based on shared faith and values.

I’m sure God is pleased with all your efforts. Ask Padre Pio to pray for you, too. Have you read any books about him? There are probably quite a few good ones but I enjoyed “Padre Pio, Man of Hope” by Renzo Allegri
amazon.com/Padre-Pio-Hope-Renzo-Allegri/dp/1569551383

Padre Pio used to say “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” 👍 … It isn’t easy by any means, but once you learn some strategies that work for you, your increased devotion to God will displace and push aside the problems with impurity, and you will gain more and more confidence in God’s power to save you from this.
 
Anti-depressants help reduce these urges and also reduce your sex drive. Lotsa people view this as a curse. But it actually can be a blessing to many people and can help keep your mind off sex all the time…
 
howletus.
Sorry… I wept when I read your post… I feel so sorry with you for all the pain you have been put through and put yourself and others through.

We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Every single one of us. We can do nothing to earn His favour. All is an unconditional gift. Will you reveive it: He is giving you a new life… stop trying… start receiving that which is ALREADY yours…
99 percent of us walk with some kind of wound in our heart that makes us feel ever so vulnerable.
But in Jesus we are all equal. You are free because you are with Him. His justification is yours…His Holiness belongs to you.
Brother… everyone who is filled with the compassion of Jesus will never push you away because of your past mistakes. I would say: go out and find your self a beautiful woman and be a good man to her. You have learned your lessons and she might be waiting for you right now…

I have done stupid things in my life as well and you know… I sometimes think like this: I am the princess in the fairytale that has been turned into a stone by the evil witch… sometime, I believe, Jesus will send me a knight (and you a princess) to kiss me and then I will come back to life and my wounds will be totally healed. I believe Jesus for a miracle for both you and me.

Don’t be afraid…Don’t be afraid… lay out on the deep water and cast out your net 🙂 Trust in Jesus and trust in the love of your brothers and sisters that comes through the Holy Spirit …the same love that heals EVERYTHING…
 
I also struggle with pornography and masturbation. Both are devils to destroy. I currently am on a 3 week run of success, but it isn’t easy, everyday you have to battle and make the choice to choose God. It seems so much easier to choose the easy way. But, you can succeed. I find the best way to strengthen against Satan and his temptations are:
  1. PRAY-I can’t stress it enough. Prayer keeps your relationship with God growing. Pray for strength to choose him everyday. Ask Mary and the Saints to pray for you. I especially like praying to St. Michael-he beat the devil so why can’t you or I?
  2. Frequently go to Confession. Go as often as possible. I try to go at least once a month and more if possible. It isn’t good to be going around with mortal sin on your soul. Take care of it.
  3. Receive the Eucharist as often as possible (make sure you don’t take it when you have these sins on your soul, go to Confession first). Again, ask for strength.
These are a few tips. They helped me, I hope they help you too. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from St. Josemaria Escriva in his book The Way.

" ‘Domine! — Lord — si vis, potes me mundare, — if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean.’

What a beautiful prayer for you to say often, with the faith of the poor leper, when there happens to you what God and you and I know! You will not have to wait long to hear the Master’s reply: ‘Volo, mundare! I will: be thou made clean!’ "
 
Minor points - Instead of turning the TV off, tune it to EWTN.

Hang a crucifix on your computer if that’s where you’ve been viewing porn.

Carry a crucifix in your pocket. When you need something in your hand, it will suffice. Remember, it’s hard to masturbate while looking at Jesus dying on the cross for your sins.

Learn the St. Michael prayer. He comes to my aid when I ask (and he’s tough!).

“Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

God bless you.
 
I thank you all for your words of wisdom. All of your words and prayers have been helpful. It’s so important to realize that there are others out there that struggle with this and who know that it is only by the grace of God (the Sacraments) and through prayer that we are even able to live a chaste life. It’s sad that so many Catholics don’t grasp this. They say the teachings of the church are impossible to live out in today’s world. Without Jesus and the Eucharist I agree with them.

I truly appreciate your inspirational words and prayers. They have brought some peace over the last few days.
I’m hoping others will still chime in with their thoughts.

God Bless…
 
What gtdannemiller said:
  1. Prayer…lots of it. When you are tempted, pray Hail Mary until the moment passes. Beseech the Lord for help/strength in overcoming your weakness.
2)Weekly confession

3)Communion, in a state of grace

and I’ll add…

4)Eucharistic adoration, frequently

5)Don’t give up and stop praying…when you slack off, ask God for mercy, forgive yourself, and get back on that prayer horse! Believe it or not - you are being called to Holiness!
 
Dear Howletus & others:
I agree with those who have recommended prayer and counseling. Reading your post, I would say that counseling is needed. So often we can use sex as a comfort pill to hide other emotions or as a way of avoiding some deep problems.
Be careful in using prayer. If used wrongly–it can become a “trigger” for you so that instead of helping, it becomes a cause.
Besides the above, there are support groups out there to help those who have become addicted to sex in some way or other. Before I give the title/name a caution is in order. Because of the nature of the groups, minors have to be warned. If they should join a group, they need to check on the legal ramifications of their presence. Some of the members will be on probation as sexual offenders. The very presence of a minor in the group might result in their re-arrest and sent back to jail even though they are using the group to try to help themselves overcome a sexual addiction.
With that said, for adults who have a problem with sexual issues–masturbation is one of them, check out if there is an SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) group in the area. These groups follow the AA 12 steps to help each other become recovering sexaholics. The support of fellow sufferers can help us overcome our own variation of the addiction.
 
gtdannemiller said:
" ‘Domine! — Lord — si vis, potes me mundare, — if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean.’

What a beautiful prayer for you to say often, with the faith of the poor leper, when there happens to you what God and you and I know! You will not have to wait long to hear the Master’s reply: ‘Volo, mundare! I will: be thou made clean!’ "
Click to expand...
Matthew 8:1-17

Howletus - I just said the Lord’s Prayer, Hail Mary, and Glory be for your intentions.

I will keep you in prayer. You are not alone! 👍
 
I have been helping people with this problem for about 30 years. You can get a little booklet that I publish that can help you by visiting my website at www.mountcarmelmedia.com The first thing anyone addicted to sin and having a tormented conscience must understand is that there is plenty of reason to hope. The tormented conscience is a big give away that your soul, slave as it is to sin, is not lost, or worse, dead.

The little booklet covers this and some very sound advice on how to work with God’s Grace to be freed from the slavery of sin. It doesn’t cost much, just enough to cover printing and mailing. I print them up myself, it is not a big operation.

If anyone would like to assist me in getting this booklet out to more people, please pass the word along. There is also a “donate” button on my website. The donation will not be tax deductible, but it will help me get more booklets out to souls in need, and trust me, there are a lot of souls addicted to masturbation.

God bless,

Mount Carmel Media
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top