help please!

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totustuus2345

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I’m an altar server, today, after Mass, I opened up a ciborium to see if there are any missed paricles of the blessed sacrament (habitual action), there were some, so I poured water into the ciborium to wait for a extraordinary minister, or the deacon, to purify it. The deacon’s wife came into the sacristy and asked why I poured water into the ciborium, I told her why, and she yelled and said that I cannot purify a vessel, and I should not have second guessed the deacon who purified them in the dirst place, (keep in mind that I had no intention on drinking the water), then, the deacon came in, and she told him, and he was really nice about it, and he even thanked me, but she remained mad.

Did I commit a mortal sin?
Did I desecrate the Eucharist and therefore incure excommunication?
I usually pour water into the chalice, why not the ciborium?

After this, I felt sick to my stomach, like I commited a sin…
Am I being too scrupulous?

Help!

XC
Pat
 
totustuus2345 said:
I’m an altar server, today, after Mass, I opened up a ciborium to see if there are any missed paricles of the blessed sacrament (habitual action), there were some, so I poured water into the ciborium to wait for a extraordinary minister, or the deacon, to purify it. The deacon’s wife came into the sacristy and asked why I poured water into the ciborium, I told her why, and she yelled and said that I cannot purify a vessel, and I should not have second guessed the deacon who purified them in the dirst place, (keep in mind that I had no intention on drinking the water), then, the deacon came in, and she told him, and he was really nice about it, and he even thanked me, but she remained mad.

Did I commit a mortal sin?
Did I desecrate the Eucharist and therefore incure excommunication?
I usually pour water into the chalice, why not the ciborium?

After this, I felt sick to my stomach, like I commited a sin…
Am I being too scrupulous?

Help!

XC
Pat
Click to expand...
Did you commit a mortal sin—no.
Did you desecrate the Eucharist (excommunication)–no.
 
why is deacon’s wife in the sacristy in the first place, and why is she throwing her weight around? is she in charge of training servers, EMHCs or sacristans?
 
totustuus2345 said:
I’m an altar server, today, after Mass, I opened up a ciborium to see if there are any missed paricles of the blessed sacrament (habitual action), there were some, so I poured water into the ciborium to wait for a extraordinary minister, or the deacon, to purify it. The deacon’s wife came into the sacristy and asked why I poured water into the ciborium, I told her why, and she yelled and said that I cannot purify a vessel, and I should not have second guessed the deacon who purified them in the dirst place, (keep in mind that I had no intention on drinking the water), then, the deacon came in, and she told him, and he was really nice about it, and he even thanked me, but she remained mad.

Did I commit a mortal sin?
Did I desecrate the Eucharist and therefore incure excommunication?
I usually pour water into the chalice, why not the ciborium?

After this, I felt sick to my stomach, like I commited a sin…
Am I being too scrupulous?

Help!

XC
Pat
Click to expand...
No

No

No, but I have a word for what the Deacon’s wife was acting like…
 
You are fine! Nothing to worry about.

1 thing I would be concerned about is that Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion are no longer permitted to purify the sacred vessels since March 2005. Pope Benedict XVI has in fact denied a request to extend the permission that was originally granted for a period of 3 years.

Here is what the GIRM has to say about purification:

GIRM 163 … Upon returning to the altar, the priest collects any fragments that may remain. Then, standing at the altar or at the credence table, he purifies the paten or ciborium over the chalice then purifies the chalice, saying quietly, Quod ore sumpsimus (Lord, may I receive), and dries the chalice with a purificator. If the vessels are purified at the altar, they are carried to the credence table by a minister. Nevertheless, it is also permitted, especially if there are several vessels to be purified, to leave them suitably covered on a corporal, either at the altar or at the credence table, and to purify them immediately after Mass following the dismissal of the people.
270. The priest purifies the chalice at the credence table or at the altar. If the chalice is purified at the altar, it may be carried to the credence table by the minister or may again be placed on the altar at the side.
271. After the purification of the chalice, the priest should observe some moments of silence, after which he says the prayer after Communion.
 
What is it about deacons’ wives?

There was a controversy in the Diocese of Arlington a couple years ago concerning purification of vessels and a deacon’s wife throwing a stink.

Anyway, technically, it’s for the deacon or the priest to do. But the important thing is that you were acting out of reverence for the Eucharist.
 
Hi, Don’t feel bad because that Lady just dumped her anger on you instead of the real person she is angry at. You are an easy mark for her to dump your anger at.

You should go to confession and tell the Priest your whole story. I don’t know how old you are… but if you are under a certain age she had no business VERBALLY ABUSING YOU!!! There is a Law against that especially in the Catholic Church.
This is the year of 2008… The Catholic church makes everybody go through training on what is proper behavior for the people who work with or around the children of the church. Her getting mad at your mistake was wrong. She should have been kind to you and said not to worry about it but next time let someone in charge know what went wrong.

SHE is the one who was wrong in getting so angry at you and I am sure your priest will have a private talk with her.

DON’T KEEP QUIET ABOUT THIS…THAT IS HOW ABUSE HAPPENS. If people stay quiet about it… the abuse will keep going on to the other alter boys/girls. Tell your priest right away.
 
I forgot to add… that if you are an adult server… please tell your priest about it. You will feel a lot better than to be carrying her anger in your soul. She can’t go around being angry at people.

Just watch her… she will be doing it again with somebody else.

I don’t let anybody abuse me verbally or physically. If it was me that made the mistake I would have run to confession and tell the priest the whole story. It doesn’t matter if it was a mortal or venial sin. The important thing is to get it off your chest. You don’t have to go walking around asking people if you did wrong. You feel you did so go to confession. Priests have heard it all. Nobody is perfect and sometimes we don’t realize we are doing wrong until it is too late to take the mistake back.
 
I also would like to add that I’m afraid of going back to the church for Mass now, I might get yelled at again, or not be allowed to serve… the priest is my spiritual director, he’ll understand, right?

XC
Pat
 
When that happened, she had no right to yell. Would Jesus have verbally abused someone younger for an innocent doing?
 
totustuus2345 said:
I’m an altar server, today, after Mass, I opened up a ciborium to see if there are any missed paricles of the blessed sacrament (habitual action), there were some, so I poured water into the ciborium to wait for a extraordinary minister, or the deacon, to purify it. The deacon’s wife came into the sacristy and asked why I poured water into the ciborium, I told her why, and she yelled and said that I cannot purify a vessel, and I should not have second guessed the deacon who purified them in the dirst place, (keep in mind that I had no intention on drinking the water), then, the deacon came in, and she told him, and he was really nice about it, and he even thanked me, but she remained mad.

Did I commit a mortal sin?
Did I desecrate the Eucharist and therefore incure excommunication?
I usually pour water into the chalice, why not the ciborium?

After this, I felt sick to my stomach, like I commited a sin…
Am I being too scrupulous?

Help!

XC
Pat
Click to expand...
No on all counts.

If you see particles of the Blessed Sacrament left in the Ciborium or any of the Sacred Blood left in a chalice the best thing to do is usually to leave it where it is and go to find the Priest/Deacon to tell them about it immediately.

Having said that the Deacon’s wife has no business telling you off for something like this, if it happens again politely inform her that if she has problems with the way you’re serving then she’s welcome to speak to the Priest about it and just continue with whatever you were doing. You may also want to mention what happened in passing next time you speak to the Priest to clarify what he wants you to do should it happen again.

And don’t let it bother you, as an altar server part of your job is to protect the Blessed Sacrament. Just look up St. Tarcisius, one of the Patron Saint of Altar Servers, and you’ll see what I mean 👍.
 
I don’t see how reverence for the Eucharist could ever be a sin!
 
LaLucia said:
You should go to confession and tell the Priest your whole story … Tell your priest right away.
Click to expand...
Yes, you should tell the priest, but not in confession. What you did was not a sin. And a priest cannot act on information he obtains in confession. So you would be better off telling him privately outside confession.
 
I agree with Philo’s advise. Please make an appointment with your priest in private from other ears listening to what you have to say to him. I would not talk to him in a public place.
If you happen to see him walking around… ask him if you can talk to him privately about a personal matter and tell him the whole story.

Philo is right about not doing it in confession because then he can’t correct the Deacon’s wife’s behavior.

Personally, I would prefer to go to confession and confess to the priest what you did because that lady made you feel so guilty and maybe looking back at what you did… you may have considered it a sin. I think you still you have that question in your brain.
Confession is like therapy for me… which means if I have doubts if I committed a sin or not… I like to play it safe and confess it.
It lets go of all of my guilt feelings and I feel good and safe that God has forgiven me.
Several people here say you didn’t commit a sin so it is up to you in what is best for you. BUT…you must tell the Priest and ask him for advice for any future problems with that Lady. You did say she stayed angry at you.
 
Hey man. I’m a server too, and while I’ve never had anything like that happen, I have screwed up big-time, and felt similarly about it afterwards(not wanting to go back, afraid to be around the priest, etc). One thing I learned- I have a longer memory than anyone else does! It’s tough, but I’m sure it’ll blow over. Other people are giving you good advice. Perhaps when you talk to your priest, ask him what you should do in the future if such a thing occurs, or ask for directions on what your duties are in the sacristry. I’m sure even the most strict priest will understand if you honestly seek correction- especialyl since it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong! Don’t worry 👍 👍
 
Oh dear another “empowered” deacons wife.

As someone who is in the diaconate program I would like to be the first to say. A deacons role is far far far from any position of power.

It is a position of service.

This is why some dioceses are really really taking a hard look at men and their spouses prior to Aspirancy.

The woman should not even had been in the sacristy.
Not because she is a woman but be cause she has no more right to be in there than any other parishoner who was not functioning at Mass.
 
LaLucia said:
If it was me that made the mistake I would have run to confession and tell the priest the whole story.QUOTE]

Going to confession will not help in the matter of the Angry Deacons wife.

You do understand the seal of confession…RIght?

The priest cannot act in any way to break the seal of confession.
Click to expand...
 
muffinmojo said:
Hey man. I’m a server too, and while I’ve never had anything like that happen, I have screwed up big-time, and felt similarly about it afterwards(not wanting to go back, afraid to be around the priest, etc). One thing I learned- I have a longer memory than anyone else does! It’s tough, but I’m sure it’ll blow over. Other people are giving you good advice. Perhaps when you talk to your priest, ask him what you should do in the future if such a thing occurs, or ask for directions on what your duties are in the sacristry. I’m sure even the most strict priest will understand if you honestly seek correction- especialyl since it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong! Don’t worry 👍 👍
Click to expand...
Everybody makes mistakes. You are not responsible for the reactions of others. When I first became an EMCH, part of my responsibility was to purify the vessels. The new directive came down from the bishop last year. After Communion, we are only to cover the sacred vessels, after consuming any leftover sacred wine. Purification of the vessels is now left to the priest. My parish does not have a deacon.
You noted the deacon’s gratitude. Focus on that. As has been mentioned throughout, the priest will help guide you in your role.
 
While I believe this woman was out-of-bounds and over reacted, I can also sympathize to a certain extent. She is probably one of those ladies who are very proud of their husband, The Deacon, but feel, more than the wife of an ordinary layman, very overshadowed and low on the totem pole.Is it called injured pride?
 
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