Help Please

[1ke]

I hear so many things coming from him that at times I wonder if I’m in this situation to be punished for my actions or thoughts. Maybe the Baptists are correct & I am wrong? Maybe I am on the wrong path & he is here to set me straight? Other times I feel that the Catholic Church is correct. The only times I feel otherwise is when he starts making me feel guilty for having my beliefs. Maybe I am being deceived as he has said in the past. Again, I never had had these feelings until he became born again. I was very confident in my faith up until that point. If I were only more submissive to him then maybe my life wouldn’t be so messed up. He says he is the head so I really should obey better but I still go to Catholic Church. Maybe this is my punishment for being disobedient.

You are in an abusive relationship. You don’t realize that yet, you think things are “your fault” and that you are being “disobedient.” Honey, you need help. Abuse is not always physical, it is mental and emotional too.

Again, I urge you to talk to your priest. There are some very seriously wrong things going on in your household.

 

[HeavenlyQueen]

You are in an abusive relationship. You don’t realize that yet, you think things are “your fault” and that you are being “disobedient.” Honey, you need help. Abuse is not always physical, it is mental and emotional too.

Again, I urge you to talk to your priest. There are some very seriously wrong things going on in your household.

How do I delete this thread? I’m starting to freak because I shouldn’t have posted this here. I never think!!

 

[wild_thing]

It’s okay, HeavenlyQueen- We are all here for you! You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t isolate yourself from a Catholic community, because you are scared of what your husband will think if he finds out you’ve been posting here. If you are still seeing these posts, feel free to PM me anytime, okay? I’ve kinda been where you have in a way, so don’t feel like you are all alone. You are absolutely in my prayers.

 

[PatrickSebast]

How do I delete this thread? I’m starting to freak because I shouldn’t have posted this here. I never think!!

You have to contact a moderator. Though if you are concerned about your husband finding what site you have visited then you should clear your browsers history, get the free “Google Chrome” browser and browse in “Incognito mode” with it since it does record where you visited or anything. If what site you have visited is really a problem you should definitely talk to someone you know in real life about the situation.

 

[cviolette]

I will pray for you.

 

[thequeen]

TY for the response. I have had discussions with him in the past about The Catholic Church regarding our child. He has told me that it is forbidden for me to teach our child anything Catholic related.

I will pray for you he sounds very controlling.

 

[thequeen]

It’s okay, HeavenlyQueen- We are all here for you! You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t isolate yourself from a Catholic community, because you are scared of what your husband will think if he finds out you’ve been posting here. If you are still seeing these posts, feel free to PM me anytime, okay? I’ve kinda been where you have in a way, so don’t feel like you are all alone. You are absolutely in my prayers.

You said it wild thing she definitelym has my support and no one should cause anyone to isolate themselves from a Catholic community.

 

[thequeen]

I hear so many things coming from him that at times I wonder if I’m in this situation to be punished for my actions or thoughts. Maybe the Baptists are correct & I am wrong? Maybe I am on the wrong path & he is here to set me straight? Other times I feel that the Catholic Church is correct. The only times I feel otherwise is when he starts making me feel guilty for having my beliefs. Maybe I am being deceived as he has said in the past. Again, I never had had these feelings until he became born again. I was very confident in my faith up until that point. If I were only more submissive to him then maybe my life wouldn’t be so messed up. He says he is the head so I really should obey better but I still go to Catholic Church. Maybe this is my punishment for being disobedient.

No you do not deserve this treatment find a good lawyer and please get out of this marriage and i BEG of you please continue going to mass and continue to receive Christ in the Eucharist I can tell from all these post that every one inthis forum is in your camp and believe me we are going to be praying for you our divine Lord and his blessed mother will hear and answer our prayer

 

[joanofarc2008]

IT is OK - I am so sorry that you are going through this - I think possibly you may need to remind him that even though he was agnostic when you married he made promises that he would not interfere with you raising your children Catholic. Also - start counseling if necessary it does sound like there are bigger issues.

If you are still here please read this statement - while there may not be physical abuse involved I think it will deal with some of the scriptural things he is probably using at this point in order to control you -

usccb.org/laity/help.shtml

 

[cuqui]

Do not walk, run from this manipulative relationship. Go talk to your priest like what 1Ke says and since you were not married in the Catholic church, it may be easier for you to legitimately start a clean slate. Nobody should ever keep you from practicing your faith…remember the martyrs.

 

[thirddec]

you posted the thread here because you needed to.

This relationship is at risk because of dishonesty; now you need to be honest if you are to save it or see it for what it is.

Firstly I would say DON’T PANIC its not like you are on a timetable and you have to do anything. YOU are in CONTROL. You can and will have to decide what to do. Remember the verse that asks the woman to be submissive to her husband also expects the husband to behave with love ,respect and to his wife, so in any contract both parties need to honour it not just 1 otherwise the contract is null and void. You have been given a mind of your own and the spirit to discern the truth.

Pray the rosary for help every day, see a priest so you can discuss the issues privately in a controlled manner and if the problems in the relationship go beyond religion possably a councillor too. You are correct about the thread as there is only so much you can talk about in the public domain. But you obviously needed some direction.

So again DONT PANIC, you have so much support here, use it to strengthen you, this thread will finish as they all do but you can come back to the forum anytime and ask for Prayers.

“My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.” - Psalm 62:7

Love and Prayer for you

 

[GraceDK]

If I were only more submissive to him then maybe my life wouldn’t be so messed up. He says he is the head so I really should obey better but I still go to Catholic Church. Maybe this is my punishment for being disobedient.

Hon, you are making yourself a door mat!
Who taught you to treat your self like that. Your mom? Your dad?
I’d tell you, study your faith with zeal and openly. Your obedience is first and foremost to God.
When Jesus came and saved us He restored the relationship between man and woman so women are no longer to be dominated but treated as equals and the man is to be a servant and love his wife like Christ loved the Church.

You indeed have made a huge mistake by acting like a doll with no equal dignity. How could you let things just kind of happen to you like that?
You are in a mess and you really got yourself there because you didn’t respect yourself. But its not too late to start.
Stand of for yourself. if you cant do it for yourself then do it for your child who will learn a horrible example from you if you don’t.

Do not tolerate the degrading behaviour from your husband. You are the only one who can change this.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It sounds to me like her husband may have been controlling even before he converted, now he has a bigger hammer to use as a weapon. I can see the “submissive wife” verses have been used on her a lot.

Someone who converted and loved his wife would try to win her to Christ (that is what a fundamentalist Baptist thinks, that Catholics are heathen) through love and charity, not by beating her up with Scripture.

I am sorry about this situation and I will add her to my prayers. I hope she did clear her browser history. Abusers can be very clever about finding evidence to confirm their suspicions.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

When I’m talking to people of other religions, I like to hear them tell what they think are the important thoughts they are trying to help people understand.

Once they start the thoughts, take note of things you can agree with, either with qualifiers or unconditionally.

For example, Baptists should agree with us that love is more powerful than knowledge. They should agree with us as to what the beatitudes are. They may interpret one or more differently.

Another thing is, before I can try to tell somebody my views, it help to listen to their first. Ask him to explain exactly what it is about the church (if he can do it without anger or violence) and why it seems wrong? Don’t offer your own opinion just yet, but do try to restate what you think he’s saying so that he may know if you heard him.

Actually, if he thinks you’ve listened to him, then IMO you have given him an experience of unity with Jesus. After all, God said of His Son, “Listen to Hiim.” So if we listen to the least of our brothers, then we get credit for listening to God. Plus, the person we listen to is made to feel like his ideas are important. Telling him he’s wrong or mistaken or brainwashed, for example, is not how I would recommend approaching him.

Trust that if you can be forever patient, listen to him, agree with him if you can but support him even if you can’t, then you are evangelizing with your very life regardless of his ability to hear anything that is preceded by the word “Catholic.” If you relax and don’t think you’re capable of or expected to change him, but just lay low and show him love that transcends denomination, then I trust the Holy Spirit, who guides all things, will show you what to say or do when the right time comes.

Honestly, though, it seems pretty ironic to me that people use the Bible as their sole authority by which to attack the Catholic Church. I wonder if they realize who wrote and promulgated their Bible. How soon Protestants forget – the Bible came from the Church, not the Church from the Bible – like it is in their denominations.

Alan

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Do not walk, run from this manipulative relationship. Go talk to your priest like what 1Ke says and since you were not married in the Catholic church, it may be easier for you to legitimately start a clean slate. Nobody should ever keep you from practicing your faith…remember the martyrs.

Once I paid $80 for a psychologist wannabe counselor, to “help” my wife through some mental illness problems. She would be our intermediary with the doctor.

On the first day they met, within a half hour she had diagnosed that I am the root of her problems, and the best thing to do would be to get a divorce. After all, the counselor herself was recently divorced, and happy about it.

What she didn’t know is that Julie and I had made an agreement, to affirm that we would actually mean our marriage vows. No matter what the issue, divorce is not an option.

We’ve had some pretty serious issues, including some very trying years where she or I suffered from terrible psychosis. You haven’t live until your kids have grown up with a severe psychotic as a father.

But we’ve stuck together, and we are so happy and our children are so wonderful and talented and well-adjusted, that we can definitely testify to the Lord’s love and healing – beyond medical expectations. Nor have you lived until professionals tell your wife, when they have you occupied in a different room, that she must sign orders to have me you committed so they can intervene and “fix” you against your will.

If you are in imminent danger or can’t handle it psychologically, then I understand you must do what you have to do. But I don’t see you saying you want your marriage to be over, so I’m suggesting that the Lord is capable of bringing good out of all of this.

Alan

 

[admonsta]

Religion can be used to manipulate. I have a friend who dated a Coptic Orthodox boy. He wouldn’t let her see us, he hid her from his family, he told her what she could and couldn’t do. He also had inappropriate relations with her, and immediately afterwards would tell her that she was the devil tempting him and laughing at him.

Eventually he went to Egypt and returned with a fiancee (without telling my friend). It hurt her deeply and shook her self-belief.

I think you need support from some strong friends and a good priest, and you really need to gently stand up for yourself. You don’t need to push or yell, just stay steadfast in your faith. The other thing I really think you need is to learn as much as you possibly can about Catholicism. Read Scott Hahn books, learn apologetics. You don’t need to argue with him, but you do need to know why you are Catholic, and you need to know that it is the truth. Live your Catholic life as best you can (and build up gradually so it’s not so full-on for him to accept), and be a living example to him of true Catholicism.