Help! RCIA and confession

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tmac1956

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Hello:
I have what I considered to be a real problem and I need some advice. I am completing the RCIA process preparing for Baptism (conditional in my case), and I will be undergoing the Sacrament of Penance this weekend. Because my Baptism is in question, I will be confessing about 40 years worth of sin. Last night, I was told that our “time of reflection” will be between 9:00am and 11:30am this Saturday during which time, we will be watching a video and reflecting. Since we start Baptism practice at 12:30pm, this leaves approximately 30 minutes for the actual confession. This was confirmed last night as well. The problem is that there are around 15 RCIA people who need confession. Unless this is a general absolution, I don’t see how this is possible.

We have a Parrish of around 3,000 families served by 1.5 priests (one part time priest _ one full time priest) one deacon, and one sister, so the priest is very busy. Personally, I don’t want to be rushed through this process and I want to have a valid confession as I have a lot to confess. I have tried to arrange a private confession with our priest, but he has just been too busy to return my calls during this season. I am looking into trying another priest but the closest church is 50 miles away – if he will even see me on such short notice.
Here is my problem… If I am unable to get to another priest for a private confession then (as I see it) I have two choices.
  1. Go through the confession offered by my church (whatever that may be) and complete the process of Baptism and partaking of the Eucharist
  2. Forget about the whole thing.
I firmly believe in transubstantiation and I will NOT partake of the Eucharist without a complete and honest confession.

I am distraught and I do not know what to do. This is not something that I expected as we traversed the RCIA process. Now that I think back on it, however, when we covered the Sacrament of Penance, the statement was made that the Church does not like to “scare” people away with a thorough examination of conscience and that they don’t want us “obsessing” over it. Perhaps this should have been a red flag to me, but I am new to Catholicism and I was trusting in those who have instructed us.

Please help me – may God bless you
 
tmac1956 said:
Hello:
I have what I considered to be a real problem and I need some advice. I am completing the RCIA process preparing for Baptism (conditional in my case), and I will be undergoing the Sacrament of Penance this weekend. Because my Baptism is in question, I will be confessing about 40 years worth of sin. Last night, I was told that our “time of reflection” will be between 9:00am and 11:30am this Saturday during which time, we will be watching a video and reflecting. Since we start Baptism practice at 12:30pm, this leaves approximately 30 minutes for the actual confession. This was confirmed last night as well. The problem is that there are around 15 RCIA people who need confession. Unless this is a general absolution, I don’t see how this is possible.

We have a Parrish of around 3,000 families served by 1.5 priests (one part time priest _ one full time priest) one deacon, and one sister, so the priest is very busy. Personally, I don’t want to be rushed through this process and I want to have a valid confession as I have a lot to confess. I have tried to arrange a private confession with our priest, but he has just been too busy to return my calls during this season. I am looking into trying another priest but the closest church is 50 miles away – if he will even see me on such short notice.
Here is my problem… If I am unable to get to another priest for a private confession then (as I see it) I have two choices.
  1. Go through the confession offered by my church (whatever that may be) and complete the process of Baptism and partaking of the Eucharist
  2. Forget about the whole thing.
I firmly believe in transubstantiation and I will NOT partake of the Eucharist without a complete and honest confession.

I am distraught and I do not know what to do. This is not something that I expected as we traversed the RCIA process. Now that I think back on it, however, when we covered the Sacrament of Penance, the statement was made that the Church does not like to “scare” people away with a thorough examination of conscience and that they don’t want us “obsessing” over it. Perhaps this should have been a red flag to me, but I am new to Catholicism and I was trusting in those who have instructed us.

Please help me – may God bless you
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If you will be baptized, you will not need to confess before that. Baptism rids you of all sin, both original and actual. It washes EVERYTHING away.
 
KarenElissa, your comment is really only valid for someone who has not had a valid Baptism before. Given that the OP is having a conditional Baptism, I am of the impression that tmac1956’s concerns are real.

tmac - you really need to speak to your priest about this… 30 minutes isn’t long to do 15 confessions at the best of times. Perhaps he can start the confessions at 9am: those ready for confession can go straight in!

M
 
603304529 said:
KarenElissa, your comment is really only valid for someone who has not had a valid Baptism before. Given that the OP is having a conditional Baptism, I am of the impression that tmac1956’s concerns are real.

tmac - you really need to speak to your priest about this… 30 minutes isn’t long to do 15 confessions at the best of times. Perhaps he can start the confessions at 9am: those ready for confession can go straight in!

M
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Acutally, I spoke to him at an event about two weeks ago asking for a private confession. Basically, he said that he would call me back. Since then, I left him a message asking for a return call, but to no avail. We cannot contact our priest directly, as we must go through his personal secretary.
Thanks,
tmac1956
 
tmac1956 said:
Here is my problem… If I am unable to get to another priest for a private confession then (as I see it) I have two choices.
  1. Go through the confession offered by my church (whatever that may be) and complete the process of Baptism and partaking of the Eucharist
  2. Forget about the whole thing.
Click to expand...
“Forget about the whole thing” is a bit extreme. I hope by that you mean wait until a later date to be received into the Church.

You do not necessarily have to join the Church during the Triduum. My best friend was confirmed on a blessed Summer day. Maybe your priest will be more responsive once the demands of Holy Week are past. I think it is worth investigating.

God bless you for the purity of your desire. It sounds like you are in less than ideal circumstances. Please try to be both patient and steadfast. If you keep faith with the Lord, I’m sure you’ll muddle through somehow. I’ll be praying for you.
 
Calm down… it’s going to be OK.

You’re not going to be audited by the IRS or anything. It is perfectly possible to name all of your sins in two minutes or less. I don’t care what you’ve been up to for 40 years… it can be done. All you have to do is name all of your sins to the best of your ability. If you can give the number of times, do so. But you may not be able to count all the incidents of some sins. Just indicate that it was more than you can count.

You don’t have to give the whole story. If, for example, you were in the Hell’s Angels and sold meth and smoked pot and shacked up with women and went to strip bars and raised pit bulls for fighting, you may think that your long, lurid history needs time. But, it doesn’t. That - and much more - can be condensed to something really brief. It could be “I was involved in a lot of criminal activity for twelve years, including selling drugs and dog fighting. I fornicated and committed adultery numerous times. I was in numerous bar fights. I habitually looked at porn, went to strip clubs. I once stole a car, I wrote numerous bad checks, I cheated on my taxes, and I was a habitual liar. I used to cheat on tests at school and one time I vandalized the principle’s house. I may have committed other sins I have forgotten, but I am sorry for everything I have ever done that was offensive to God.”

See? You can rattle that off in less than 30 seconds. What matters is that you’re sorry and you’re willing to admit out loud to Jesus what you did. You don’t have to illustrate your contrition with details or even dramatic emphasis of tone. You just have to name it, be sorry for it, and hope in God’s mercy.

There are plenty of good examinations of conscience out there on the Internet. Some of them are more in depth than others. Some of them may make you wonder “is that really a sin!?” But, just do your best. Many priests say that writing down sins in a list is a bad idea. But, if you’ve got tons to cover, then it may help you remember what to say when you’re in there. Just be very, very sure that you completely destroy that list as soon as you get out of the confessional.

One very important thing to remember: later, you will very likely remember something that you left out, or you can’t remember if you’ve confessed. Let it go! To do otherwise can lead to all sorts of anxiety and despair. This is not an audit! If you are sorry, and the priest absolves you, and you do the penance he gives you, it’s gone. Trust in that.

You’ll be OK!
 
My parish has the elect in the RCIA program go to a Reconciliation Mass that involves the entire group saying the Act of Contrition together durring the start of the program then going to confess to a priest in private. At this time there are about 8 priests hearing confession at the same time throughout the church. Our Parish is very large and our RCIA program will have probably 50 elect any given year. This mass is usally very full because all are invited. The year I went through RCIA probable 200 people recieved the sacrement that night and it was over within 2 hours. I was under the impression that reconciliation would take me a long time also, but I quickly figuered out that this is confession and not therapy. Not to say that the Lord does not step in and help you to heal yourself, but this is not the meetings I hear my Protestant friends talk about having with their Pastors. That is the same as seeing a social worker with a Christian background. If like many of us you have issues that need sorting out in this way the Catholic Church has other types of counciling for you avalable in most areas ask your Priest for help in this area he will definitly have some suggestions.
 
tmac1956 said:
I am distraught and I do not know what to do. you
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call the director or pastor today and express your concern. if indeed, it turns out not enough time will be allowed for individual confessions (and bear in mind not everyone in the group will be confession, those for baptism for instance), get on line to churches in your diocese and find out where else confessions are offered this week, times and places. there will probably not be many opportunities in Holy Week because of special liturgy schedules. if necessary make a personal appt with the priest, but call today.

it is my understanding that even conditional baptism removes all sins, but please verify with the priest. even so, do make your general confession will be therapeutic not only spiritually but psychologically as well.
 
Perhaps your RCIA director and Priest have arranged to have more than one Priest there for the 30 minutes of confession?
 
Your anxiety is perfectly understandable. I agree with Annie; get on the phone right now, and make everyone aware of your anxiety. This is one instance where keeping a stiff upper lip will do you no good; everyone will just think that you’re fine with how things are.

Keep phoning until you get through.
 
tmac1956 said:
. Go through the confession offered by my church (whatever that may be) and complete the process of Baptism and partaking of the Eucharist
2. Forget about the whole thing.
Click to expand...
My first thought is to go ahead with the Baptism and if you feel you should forego the Eucharist and just omit that.
You can always get yourself to confession the next day or whenever soonest conveniently possible and then just go up to the communion rail yourself for your First Holy Communion after you have made your confession.

This seems to be simple solution to me.🤷
 
MikeDunphy said:
"You do not necessarily have to join the Church during the Triduum.
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This is true also.

Have you visited the website MassTimes.Org ?
You can find perhaps lists of parishes and priests to call and go to confession when they have it available.
I drove 50+ miles for my first Confession and I imagine it’s not too much out of the ordinary.

You could also delay your baptism or have someone else (any ole someone) baptize you. If you are already baptized (seems as if you are) you can go to confession anytime. you don’t need an RCIA certificate.

Once you have confessed you can put yourself in the communion line and receive your FHC.

I think you have a lot of options, some of the better of which may involve not participating in the ceremonies and goings-on of your RCIA classmates ? ? ? 🤷
 
TMAC, I totally understand how you feel about taking your time in confession.
The best thing to do is to get there early so you can sit down and pray and make a list of the sins you truly want to confess. It was important for me to make a list when I went to confession yesterday. But when it was time to confess my sins I just stated my sins in a fast way and also stated how sorry I was.
I did forget to mentioned one sin so when the priest finished saying a prayer on my behalf. I stated my final sin. The priest said that ALL of my sins had been forgiven even the ones I had forgotten to mentioned.
I believe that God knows what our sins are already… so when we go to confession… the priest already knows that we are truly contrite and wanting to do the best that we can on confessing our sins.
You could say to the priest at the end of your confession that you would like for God to FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SINS even the ones you have forgottened to mentioned. That way you know that all of your sins are forgiven.
If later on you do remember some sin that you really wanted to be forgiven for then you can go back on your next confession and confess it. You don’t have to… but if it makes you feel better about yourself then it is best to do it so you will have a clear conscience with yourself.
Looking back at some of my sins of 30yrs… I can truly say that some of my sins were just plain stupid. I also feel I sinned against myself and did myself harm by my own stupidity.
It is hard to have a sinless life when some of us have lousy roll models. We only have ourselves to guide us as we were growing up. God was always there for us but some of us didn’t know it.

My advise is to not stress about it but go for it and if you feel you need to go to another confession then go again to finish what you started. It is your life and you should do what is best for you.

You are going to be amazed at how easy confession will be for you. The priest will say a prayer on your behalf to God and all of your sins will be erased forever.

After confession you must let go of your sins also and not punish yourself. Let them go because there is no need to punish yourself after God has forgiven your sins. You will be in the clear.
 
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