HELP! Sexual Addictions

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I am 18 years old and I would consider myself to be a very religious person, a go to mass weekly, a go to prayer groups every thursday and Adoration every Sunday night. I surround myself with people who share my beliefs and standards, and I attend a Christian school. I love god, and I an devoted to Mary. Despite this I struggle daily ( and more often nightly) with sins Of impurity such as masturbation and watching pornography and even drawing suggestive pictures and writing and reading erotic literature. I have taken theology of the body courses and I even help teach chastity programs for younger teens. I know what I am doing is wrong and I know why. I don’t want to do it, and yet I do. I’m afraid of letting go of these sins that I have been stuck in for most of my life. I’m afraid of what will happen when I can no longer lean on them for security. But they keep me from reaching an intimate relationship with Jesus.

Help me!
 
In addition, I am struggling with my sexuality. I find myself attracted more and more to women. My best friend, who is also catholic, and I have a very close relationship emotionally, and the more we see eachother and be with eachother the closer we become physically. I hate it but I can’t stop myself from touching her, and every time we are together it tends to go a little further. We haven’t kissed or done anything of that level yet but I find myself yearning for that. We cuddle and talk alone in my room where no one will find us. Even when I do try to put distance between us, she quickly fills it. I don’t know what to do. Everything in me screams to touch and caress her. I’m so confused. I know it’s wrong. I know it is but it feels so right. I hate to think that she’s dealing with the same feelings. I don’t want her to suffer as I do now. I really do love her, but I want our relationship to be godly. And at this rate it won’t ever be.
 
My friend, you’ve got my prayers. God Bless :signofcross::byzsoc:

Might I also suggest you pray to St. Michael the Archangel? These temptations that you have are from the Devil.
 
Well for one tell a priest about it in confession. Don’t worry about being embarrassed they hear it a lot. Now I can’t specifically relate to female urges or same-sex urges, but as a young-adult male I have faced my share of temptation and that it does get easier to resist with practice. Small steps are good. For instance lent is just around the corner and 40 days of abstinence from your sexual addictions would be an excellent start, in fact psychology says that it takes around 30 days to break a habit so 40 days is great.

My priest has also advised me to say a Hail Mary whenever the temptations begin to build, and that helped a bit too so don’t underestimate the power of prayer.
 
I am assuming you are a woman.

I have some personal experience with this.

Try praying that God will show you the ways in which you have not been loving yourself as you should, and that he will help you to accept the parts of yourself that are the most difficult to accept.
When I did this, I no longer felt the need to “love” someone like myself (another woman).
 
Thank you all so much. I have been struggling with some of this stuff since I was six years old and I’m so sick of it. I need as many prayers as possible, especially on Sunday’s because that’s when my friend usually comes over. Any one else who has advise please post it! I know there are other people struggling with the same stuff but don’t have the courage to ask for help. It took me forever to get this stuff out there.
 
All of the feelings that we have mislead us, especially in our teenage years. During our teenage years, we are learning how to control our feelings, and discern them. We also are dreaming, and teens eat late at night and may cause unusual dreams which are like feelings. I still remember how a friend dreamed about her and I in the way that you speak of, although, she only hinted at it! Maybe wondering if I had these dreams too: I did not. With the liberation and equality that women desire, people shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that young women have the same problems with pornograhy and masturbation as young men Self stimulation has something that starts young, or it may have roots there, is an urge that is addictive, and the other poster is right that it should be mentioned in confession. The embarrassment might help one to kick the habit?! Any way, try to nurture a good relationship with your dad and a normal one with men. Also, with your mom and other women. There is a lot of sex in movies and stories, so, going cold turkey on that stuff would be very worthy, and quite a good Marian effort! Our bodies are temples for God to dwell in, the Holy Spirit. These seemingly innocuous problems, can worsen: The slippery slide down to mortal sin. Some things are tintillating, avoid at all cost! Some writings, are just disgusting, avoid if possible. Art: I think we should be able to see art and make art, with naked bodies of course, but, remember that our non artist peers may be curious, and perhaps judgmental. Better to appreciate classical art, learn how to draw the body, but then, don’t use your talents in a manner that serves the other side, Satan.
 
Hi there.
I also suffer from these lustful things. Everytime I get closer to God, I fall to lustful sins. The devil is trying to find different ways for me to fall to lust and has succeded so far. 😦

May I ask everyone in here to help me pray to God so he can give me strength and not to fall to these lustful things.
 
MollyDolly, I feel for you so much. I can’t imagine the conflict that exists within you. I can tell at least it would seem from your writing, you do not want these urges at all. It’s a burden that is testing your resolve. I don’t have any good advice because I have had my own struggles with some of the same issues. I never wanted someone of the same sex but there is no difference between that and having sexual activity with anybody to whom you are not married. Like someone else said, a priest will know how to approach this topic best. I know it would be so hard to even bring it up to anybody especially a man. I pray there is perhaps an elder woman you trust with your secret if there is a convent nearby even better. A woman may be able to help you at first until you have the strength to talk to a priest.

See, that may be bad advice so I’ll shut it up from here. I just meant to tell you I have prayed for you and you are not alone with your struggles with the monster pornography. With the internet it is so accessable that after a small urge you can be online in 30 seconds. Pray hard every time this comes up, You may be able to pray it away at the time it happens until you can get some good concrete guidance,

I’m sorry I can’t help you more, I just wish all the best for you. I know you are hurting inside. I want your pain to go away. Please pray pray pray. God will help you. God loves you no matter what you been looking at or thinking. He wants to talk to you right to your heart, not scold you. He wants to heal you and settle the confusion in your mind

I’ve said enough, I hope knowing people are praying for you helps you in some way. I want you to know I really feel for you and Jesus feels for you too. He can take that burden from you

God bless you bless you bless you bless you!!!
 
mollydolly said:
Thank you all so much. I have been struggling with some of this stuff since I was six years old and I’m so sick of it. I need as many prayers as possible, especially on Sunday’s because that’s when my friend usually comes over. Any one else who has advise please post it! I know there are other people struggling with the same stuff but don’t have the courage to ask for help. It took me forever to get this stuff out there.
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I applaud you for having the courage to talk about this. I know it isn’t easy but talking about it with other believers is a good first step.

I would suggest: go to confession, talk to a priest about the issues you are having (make sure it is a priest you trust and knows his stuff), pray the St. Michael the Archangel prayer, at night instead of being on the computer pray the rosary (avoid the times and places that sin is most prevalent).

I know it’s easier said than done and others on this forum struggle with the same issues to pornography and masturbation.

How close is this friend to you? How long have you known her? Is it possible to meet in public instead of privately?
 
Labarum said:
How close is this friend to you? How long have you known her? Is it possible to meet in public instead of privately?
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She and I have known eachother for about five years. We are really really close. I talk to her about almost everything. The problem is that the only time we can really get together is on Sundays when my family and her family have dinner together. If we hang out with everyone else then we get 0 time to talk about anything together. If we hang out in my room then no one bothers us.
 
mollydolly said:
She and I have known eachother for about five years. We are really really close. I talk to her about almost everything. The problem is that the only time we can really get together is on Sundays when my family and her family have dinner together. If we hang out with everyone else then we get 0 time to talk about anything together. If we hang out in my room then no one bothers us.
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So you are close friends and your parents are friends with her parents.

Why not go out for a walk or go somewhere else then secluded in your room where you are tempted. Being alone with your attraction is just an invitation to sin.

What is it that you talk about that you cannot talk about it in the ear shot of both your parents?
 
I am glad to see you are bringing this issue into the light.

It’s important to have a good base of people who you can talk to. You should check out my website, www.puritywarriors.com, on it you will find many people who are trying to live pure, chaste lives, and you can have that encouragement we all need!
 
It’s not really our parents that I’m worried about it’s our brothers… They are so annoying
 
aside from attending mass and prayer groups, how is your interior life?
those external things are good and very helpful, but not without an interior spiritual life, for example - daily meditations on holy scripture or other spiritual reading, morning and night prayers, penance and mortification, daily examination of conscience, etc, etc…
and do you have alot of free time? that is another thing that makes it easy to fall into this sin.
time for recreation is one thing, but we should not let ourselves be idle, doing that leaves a huge opportunity open for temptations, in which case i would recommend taking up some kind of hobby if you don’t already have one…

and how often do you go to confession? frequent confession and communion, along with a healthy interior life, will help you overcome this more than anything else,
although i know it can be hard, especially if you commit the sin often, but don’t put off confession, confession will give you the extraordinary graces you need to overcome this that you can’t get from anything else, and it is the thing that helped me most in overcoming my own similar struggles.

there are several powerful prayers you can say on a daily basis and also during times of temptation to combat this sin, such as saying 3 Hail Marys in the morning and at night for the intention of purity and holiness, which was the practice of Saint Maria Goretti, and which helped me greatly also,
and also, when an impure thought comes to mind, that is the time to get rid of the temptation, do not toy with it whatsoever, instead flee from it as soon as you realize it, otherwise it will be very hard if not near impossible to overcome,
the prayer you can pray at the time of temptation is “Precious Blood of Jesus Christ, wash over me, protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil” and then pray “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Saint Maria Goretti, Guardian angel, help me!” and then flee from the temptation by thinking of something else you enjoy very much(it’s important that it is something you enjoy) which is not immoral, and if need be, leave the place you are and seek out some place there are others around, or if there’s no one around, try going out for a walk, or whatever you can do just to get out of there.
but remember to always pray during times of temptation, that is very important, never try to overcome a temptation alone, because it is only when we try to go it alone that we fall.

as for nighttime temptations, i would recommend first of all, always say your night prayers before bed, and do not leave open any free time between prayers and sleep, be strict about it, and then try sleeping with a blessed crucifix in your hand, a Saint Benedict one would be excellent, but whatever you can get is fine.
then when you wake up, always rise with the sign of the cross, and immediately kneel at your bed(if you can) and say your morning prayers,
don’t give your temptations a chance, always fly immediately to Jesus and Mary for protection, because remember, you cannot do this on your own, you need Gods help for even the smallest temptations, just as we are told, without God we can do nothing, so never make light of any temptation, and never let your guard down…however, don’t let yourself think of this sin either, because to think of it in any way is to keep it on your mind and also leave you open to temptations…

another important remedy for this, and any sin really, is daily spiritual reading,
it’s important to read things such as the lives and writings of the saints, or other good Catholic literature, every day, in order to both teach you the important things you need to know as a catholic, and also to inspire you and keep your mind on holy things,
i would recommend anything from www.tanbooks.com or www.fraternitypublications.com

it is especially important to read and meditate on the life and death of Jesus, because by doing that you learn better about what your sins do to Jesus, and you also learn to love Him more and detest your sins more,
here is a free book online that i think will be perfect for you in this regard - archive.org/stream/passiondeathofje00ligu#page/n9/mode/2up
anything you can find by Saint Alphonsus will be very good.

okay, and what would you say are the greatest causes of temptation for you? the computer, tv, books?
whatever are causes of temptation for you, you must remove from you life, because the things in our life that cause us to sin mortally are called “occasions of sin”, which we are obligated to avoid, as they are themselves sinful for leading you into mortal sin, and they can be a person, place, or thing,
and i know you mentioned about your friend being a great temptation for you, in which case, i would not say to remove her from your life, but don’t be alone with her like that anymore, even though it may be difficult, you’re not helping yourself at all and you are not being a good friend to her by exposing yourself to that kind of temptation, and also keep in mind who you serve first and foremost - God, who we must never put anyone or anything in front of,
you don’t have to abandon your friend, but atleast until you get this sin overcome, just be careful not to be alone with her.

well, that’s all for now, but if you have any questions at all, please ask, and feel free to PM me with any questions as well,
so i hope this helps, and i will be praying for you, take care.
 
Captain_America said:
Why does “MollyDolly” sound like such a troll?
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Whether this person is a “troll” or not is irrelevant.

What is troubling is the unwelcoming, un-Christian nature of your comment. How are you to know if this is not a legitimate question or not?
 
mollydolly said:
I am 18 years old and I would consider myself to be a very religious person, a go to mass weekly, a go to prayer groups every thursday and Adoration every Sunday night. I surround myself with people who share my beliefs and standards, and I attend a Christian school. I love god, and I an devoted to Mary. Despite this I struggle daily ( and more often nightly) with sins Of impurity such as masturbation and watching pornography and even drawing suggestive pictures and writing and reading erotic literature. I have taken theology of the body courses and I even help teach chastity programs for younger teens. I know what I am doing is wrong and I know why. I don’t want to do it, and yet I do. I’m afraid of letting go of these sins that I have been stuck in for most of my life. I’m afraid of what will happen when I can no longer lean on them for security. But they keep me from reaching an intimate relationship with Jesus.

Help me!
Click to expand...
I find that listening to music helps with lustful temptations. It distracts you from the urge to indulge and instills a different emotion. Sexual arousal is not overcome by fighting it directly. You have to ignore it somehow, particularly if you’re addicted to it. Obviously, don’t listen to sexually-themed music.

Know that most people struggle with lust at some point in their lives. You are not alone in your efforts to overcome it. Try praying for someone else who is struggling with lust, and it may help you.
 
I also suffer with strong sexual desires. One thing that I remind myself of as I am tempted by these desires is the source of the temptation: the Devil. I try to remember that he is getting a real kick out of doing it and laughs and rejoices every time I give into his temptations and commit sin. I also remind myself of just how much he hates me and hates God. I do this to try and develop extra resolve to resist the Evil One’s advances. Giving into temptation can be so easy until you realize you’re giving into the most profane creature in all of Creation. Maybe keeping something like that in mind could help you out. It can be difficult, especially at 18 (I was a walking hormone bomb) but with prayer, good spiritual advising, Eucharistic Adoration, frequent confession, and removing yourself from the occasion of sin, it does get easier and victory, by God’s grace, is possible.

Since you are struggling with SSA, you might consider contacting Courage: couragerc.net/
 
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