HELP! Sexual Addictions

[TimothyH]

I know from experience that addiction to sexual sin will not stop until one loves God more than one loves himself.

One can love God but will continue to sin if the love of self is greater.

Once you love God more than yourself, you will be willing to do whatever it takes, to suffer any tempation for that love. God will reward your willingness with the strength to do so.

Pray for that.

-Tim-

 

[mollydolly]

What is it that they do that is annoying? How old are they? Can you not talk with them around?

As for their ages, 5th grade, 8th grade, 9th,10th,and 11th. And her brothers are around the same age except they are a little younger. I can talk with them around if I feel like listening to their constant questions, annoying comments, and teasing me for the rest of my life if I say something stupid. Plus there is a total lack of girls in the family… I never get any girl time in my house, and I need a break from all that testosterone once in a while.

 

[Shin]

EmeraldWings has given some good advice.

You need to cut off temptation, in the mind, and in the exterior occasions, and pray daily for graces.

Cut out the literature, TV, entertainment that at all leads to this. No TV is good for the soul. Bad books belong in the trash. This cuts out a great lot of entertainment, but that’s how it is with life.

In all the occasions where being with your friend exposes you to this temptation, you may no longer enter into these occasions. If that means all contact with your friend, that is what it means. If you can manage to not be tempted with just phone calls, email or whatnot, or in public with other people around, then you can be OK with this. If you can’t, you can’t, and that, is that.

You have to cut off the temptation in the mind, that is, not allow it to exist, and cut it off in life, that is, not enter into occasions where it will come upon you in the mind.

If you fail in either of these regards, you will fall into delectation and consent. And so mortal sin. So, you must change delight to disgust, and retrain your reactions and emotions.

Prayers! The three Ave Marias are very good, morning and night! And a St. Benedict crucifix properly blessed protects from the demonic side of these temptations, which is very real.

That’s what temptation is all about, making sin feel good, and making a person become someone led around like a slave by emotions that feel good, rather than a person of will directing life properly with emotions trained to support virtue rather than vice.

 

[Labarum]

As for their ages, 5th grade, 8th grade, 9th,10th,and 11th. And her brothers are around the same age except they are a little younger. I can talk with them around if I feel like listening to their constant questions, annoying comments, and teasing me for the rest of my life if I say something stupid. Plus there is a total lack of girls in the family… I never get any girl time in my house, and I need a break from all that testosterone once in a while.

Well in terms of girl time you can go out with your mom (and your friend).

The whole thing I am getting at is reducing the opportunities for temptation. If you are alone in a room with your friend then there is more temptation for sin to arise.

It is good that you are aware of your temptation and knowing that it is wrong but now you need to avoid it.

With your brothers, tell your parents that when your friend comes over they constantly bug you and it would be nice if they (your brothers) left you alone

 

[mollydolly]

Well in terms of girl time you can go out with your mom (and your friend).

The whole thing I am getting at is reducing the opportunities for temptation. If you are alone in a room with your friend then there is more temptation for sin to arise.

It is good that you are aware of your temptation and knowing that it is wrong but now you need to avoid it.

With your brothers, tell your parents that when your friend comes over they constantly bug you and it would be nice if they (your brothers) left you alone

I have been thinking about this alot and I’m starting to realize that I’ve just been making up excuses. I think that when she comes today we’ll go for a walk.

 

[RuthByzCat3]

You know, I’ve had some trouble with this too. Try petitioning the Holy Virgin (and the order of holy virgin saints) for assistance, and what about St. Mary of Egypt? There is a perfect model of repentance involving a somewhat similar situation. A good confession is always nice too. Or several.

 

[Labarum]

I have been thinking about this alot and I’m starting to realize that I’ve just been making up excuses. I think that when she comes today we’ll go for a walk.

Going for a walk is good if it doesn’t put you in a situation of temptation.

Let us know how it goes next time. Our prayers are with you

 

[Captain_America]

The key here is to avoid putting one’s self in an “occasion of sin” or in proximity to the sinful context.

Simply put, if you watch porn on the internet, don’t hang out on the computer. If you like to gamble, don’t keep a deck of cards handy. If drinking is a problem for you, don’t keep liquor around the house.

 

[Captain_America]

In recent years there has been a major effort in high schools to get students to describe themselves as gay or gay-friendly, etc.

This came from the questionable killing of a homosexual involved in drug dealing out west. . . a cause celebre in which now we all had to be indoctrinated in “sensitivity” (what does this really mean? does it just mean the person gets to tell you what to do? nice power grab).

I feel the upshot of this is that many young people, on the basis of thin or no reasonable evidence or experience, describe themselves as homosexual, perhaps feeling some kind of connection with them, feeling persecuted in some way, or sensitive or oppressed. If you study human sexuality, you find sexual identities can take a while to form for some, and 18 can still be a pretty young age to try to be determinate about orientation.

Overall, I find a lot of applied psychology to be nonsense.

 

[mollydolly]

In recent years there has been a major effort in high schools to get students to describe themselves as gay or gay-friendly, etc.

This came from the questionable killing of a homosexual involved in drug dealing out west. . . a cause celebre in which now we all had to be indoctrinated in “sensitivity” (what does this really mean? does it just mean the person gets to tell you what to do? nice power grab).

I feel the upshot of this is that many young people, on the basis of thin or no reasonable evidence or experience, describe themselves as homosexual, perhaps feeling some kind of connection with them, feeling persecuted in some way, or sensitive or oppressed. If you study human sexuality, you find sexual identities can take a while to form for some, and 18 can still be a pretty young age to try to be determinate about orientation.

Overall, I find a lot of applied psychology to be nonsense.

Let’s just say this, I am not saying I am homosexual. I am saying that I do have attractions to the same sex. And those attractions are real. However, I also have a firm belief that acting on these temptations is sinful in that it violates the natural law. It goes against human dignity. This makes it difficult because i feel ashamed of these feelings which seem to come so naturally. Yet, I think about it and I realize that being attracted to other women isn’t sinful… Being attracted to men isn’t sinful. Lusting after anyone, man or woman, IS sinful. And acting on that lust is even more so. And for me, a women, ANY sexual act between myself and another woman is sinful because homosexual acts are not in accordance with natural law. The point of sex is to bring life, and that is just not possible with out both genders. Gods plan is for man and woman. Its as simple as that. People who struggle with same sex attractions simply have an extra burden.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t identify myself as gay. I just have some extra baggage. And I don’t think that 18 is too young to try to figure out your orientation. Because there really is only one true way you can be oriented. Now I can see a whole lot of people getting mad and calling me insensitive. Remember I have homosexual attractions! I know what it’s like. However I firmly believe that these attractions are because of past neglect or abuse. They are not natural because they can’t be… Something can not be anything but what it was made to be. I am not gay because I was made for heterosexual relationship. But somewhere along the road, something happened to change the way I looked at things and the only way that can be fixed is through prayer and a relationship with god. Homosexuals don’t need to be accepted they need to be loved. And to love themselves.

I know this has been a long post, and I will try to wrap it up, but I want to say a few last things. First I want to say that if I said anything that offended anyone or was theologically unsound, I appologise and please please correct me. Second, for those of you who gave advise and prayers thank you so much, I have had a lit of time to figure things out and rededicate myself to god. Your continued prayers are much welcomed.

Can’t wait to hear from everyone,
mollydolly

Okay

 

[smichhertz]

mollydolly,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles, I will be sure to pray for you.

You mentioned in your post that you and your friend share a lot. Is she aware at all that you struggle with same sex attraction? Is she just unaware of it? Do you suspect that she may struggle with this as well?

I simply ask because its one thing if just you are struggling and she is unaware, but if both of you are struggling, then you may want to consider avoiding being privately alone with her. Especially because that would make you both occasions of sin for the other. Impurity can ruin what can be a beautiful spiritual friendship. And it is difficult to repair what is damaged.

You are in my prayers.

 

[mollydolly]

mollydolly,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles, I will be sure to pray for you.

You mentioned in your post that you and your friend share a lot. Is she aware at all that you struggle with same sex attraction? Is she just unaware of it? Do you suspect that she may struggle with this as well?

I simply ask because its one thing if just you are struggling and she is unaware, but if both of you are struggling, then you may want to consider avoiding being privately alone with her. Especially because that would make you both occasions of sin for the other. Impurity can ruin what can be a beautiful spiritual friendship. And it is difficult to repair what is damaged.

You are in my prayers.

She is unaware of it. I don’t really know if she is struggling the same way, sometimes I think so sometimes I dont, but I will make an effort to not be alone with her.

 

[smichhertz]

She is unaware of it. I don’t really know if she is struggling the same way, sometimes I think so sometimes I dont, but I will make an effort to not be alone with her.

I think that’s a good idea to avoid being alone with her. Also, try to avoid finding out if she does have similar struggles, as it may make the temptation a lot worse. Please continue to keep us updated so we can help you and continue to pray for you!

 

[mollydolly]

I think that’s a good idea to avoid being alone with her. Also, try to avoid finding out if she does have similar struggles, as it may make the temptation a lot worse. Please continue to keep us updated so we can help you and continue to pray for you!

I will definitely do that

 

[Labarum]

Let’s just say this, I am not saying I am homosexual. I am saying that I do have attractions to the same sex. And those attractions are real. However, I also have a firm belief that acting on these temptations is sinful in that it violates the natural law. It goes against human dignity. This makes it difficult because i feel ashamed of these feelings which seem to come so naturally. Yet, I think about it and I realize that being attracted to other women isn’t sinful… Being attracted to men isn’t sinful. Lusting after anyone, man or woman, IS sinful. And acting on that lust is even more so. And for me, a women, ANY sexual act between myself and another woman is sinful because homosexual acts are not in accordance with natural law. The point of sex is to bring life, and that is just not possible with out both genders. Gods plan is for man and woman. Its as simple as that. People who struggle with same sex attractions simply have an extra burden.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t identify myself as gay. I just have some extra baggage. And I don’t think that 18 is too young to try to figure out your orientation. Because there really is only one true way you can be oriented. Now I can see a whole lot of people getting mad and calling me insensitive. Remember I have homosexual attractions! I know what it’s like. However I firmly believe that these attractions are because of past neglect or abuse. They are not natural because they can’t be… Something can not be anything but what it was made to be. I am not gay because I was made for heterosexual relationship. But somewhere along the road, something happened to change the way I looked at things and the only way that can be fixed is through prayer and a relationship with god. Homosexuals don’t need to be accepted they need to be loved. And to love themselves.

I know this has been a long post, and I will try to wrap it up, but I want to say a few last things. First I want to say that if I said anything that offended anyone or was theologically unsound, I appologise and please please correct me. Second, for those of you who gave advise and prayers thank you so much, I have had a lit of time to figure things out and rededicate myself to god. Your continued prayers are much welcomed.

Can’t wait to hear from everyone,
mollydolly

Okay

Mollydolly I applaud you for this. It’s not easy sharing this and being scrutinized. You are struggling with this but you have a good head on your shoulders and understand the situation. (Overcoming the temptation is another thing)

My prayers are with you.

 

[Heliotropium]

I am 18 years old and I would consider myself to be a very religious person, a go to mass weekly, a go to prayer groups every thursday and Adoration every Sunday night. I surround myself with people who share my beliefs and standards, and I attend a Christian school. I love god, and I an devoted to Mary. Despite this I struggle daily ( and more often nightly) with sins Of impurity such as masturbation and watching pornography and even drawing suggestive pictures and writing and reading erotic literature. I have taken theology of the body courses and I even help teach chastity programs for younger teens. I know what I am doing is wrong and I know why. I don’t want to do it, and yet I do. I’m afraid of letting go of these sins that I have been stuck in for most of my life. I’m afraid of what will happen when I can no longer lean on them for security. But they keep me from reaching an intimate relationship with Jesus.

Help me!

I also suffer from lust addiction. I have had this problem with lust for about 16 years now. Everything that you have written I too have suffered from and at times do suffer from. It is something I feel that I will always have until God deems me ready to move on to another cross. While my actions and sins have fashioned this heavy cross which I now must carry out of love for Christ, I have come to understand that it is by Gods permission and mercy that I have come to this addiction. I always went through life thinking that I had the power to change things, or that of my own will I could make everything better. My pride blinded me to the understanding that all things depend on God and that it is only through Him can I be whole. It is through the battling of this addiction with God’s grace that I will be sober and that this addiction is no more than a bitter medicine given to me to root out my pride, increase humility and strengthen my trust in Christ.

By this addiction I have been forced in a way to either trust in God and be sober by the power of His grace or continue in my pride and be a slave to impurity and die in my sins. And in the end of the day it’s all about who do I love more God or myself? Our addictions help us know where our love is, how misplaced it is, and where it needs to be.

“…there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”—2 Corinthians 12:7-9

I used to pray like Paul until I realized (like he did) that I must trust in Christ, and that I have this thorn so that I may always remember my weakness and therefore always place my trust in Christ. I must increase my love for God and ask him to help me root out my self-love. I have made people, myself, and pornography an idol and it was time to remove these things from my heart. This is not easy but nothing good for you ever is. I have removed occasions of sin from my life, and these occasions of sin have been at times the people I used to be around. One of them was a person that I loved with all my heart but I knew that this love was detracting from God and therefore it had to be stopped. If I cared about this person I would not be an occasion of her sin. How could I say that I loved her if my actions risked both our souls and deprived us both from heaven? Is human respect worth losing heaven? Is anything on this earth worth losing my soul?

I currently go to Mass every day if I can make it, I pray my morning/night prayers, I pray my rosary, I read scripture, I go to adoration, I do spiritual reading, I say the divine mercy Chaplet, and I frequent the sacrament of confession so that I can receive Christ in the Blessed Sacrament and continue my journey to heaven! Although if you likewise do all these things but do not change your ways, and do no rid yourself of the occasions of sin then how sincere are your prayers? We must ask ourselves if we understand what it means to say at the end of the Act of Contrition that we firmly resolve with the help of Christ’ grace to change our lives and do penance. We must be responsive to God’s grace, and try our hardest to take action and make the necessary changes Christ asks us to make. All the knowledge in the world isn’t worth a thing unless you use it! All of Gods graces will not profit you anything unless you use them! Christ is waiting for you to make the move towards His grace, and towards a relationship with Him. Christ is waiting for you to embrace your cross and walk with Him to Calvary. He is waiting for you to crucify your lusts and passions and die to yourself and those things which are an occasion of your sin, so that when you rise He will live in you and you in Him.

Constantly pray for a supernatural hatred of all sin, for a holy view of your neighbor as a tabernacle of Christ, and to love God with your whole heart, mind, body, and soul and to do His will always. Look at all women as you would our Blessed Mother, and all men as you would Jesus Our Lord and Savior.

 

[Shredderbeam]

Hi mollydolly,

To some extent, sexual desire and masturbation are normal, but if they are becoming a genuine addiction, don’t rule out medical attention.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_masturbation#Compulsive_masturbation
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality

Try talking to your doctor, see if he/she can refer you to a mental health specialist.

 

[mollydolly]

Hi mollydolly,

To some extent, sexual desire and masturbation are normal, but if they are becoming a genuine addiction, don’t rule out medical attention.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_masturbation#Compulsive_masturbation
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality

Try talking to your doctor, see if he/she can refer you to a mental health specialist.

Actually I do see a psychiatrist and a psychologist… One for medication and one to talk to everyother week or so. It’s helpful, but without spiritual support I’ve not been making progress. It’s amazing how much progress I’ve made in the past few days.

 

[Shredderbeam]

Actually I do see a psychiatrist and a psychologist… One for medication and one to talk to everyother week or so. It’s helpful, but without spiritual support I’ve not been making progress. It’s amazing how much progress I’ve made in the past few days.

I’m glad to hear that. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Heliotropium]

Actually I do see a psychiatrist and a psychologist… One for medication and one to talk to everyother week or so. It’s helpful, but without spiritual support I’ve not been making progress. It’s amazing how much progress I’ve made in the past few days.

Yes I agree Molly I too have been to doctors, and psychiartrists. They have amazing insight but no pill, or exercise has worked. The only progress I have found has been when I have approached God for help.

Here are some prayers also that you can use for fighting addictions.

Prayer To Break the Bondage of Pornography Involvement/Masturbation

Dear Heavenly Father. You have told us in Your Word to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts (Ro. 13:14). I acknowledge that I have given in to fleshly lusts, in the form of [pornography (and) masturbation], that wage war against my soul (1 Pet. 2:11). I have transgressed Your holy law and given the enemy an opportunity to wage war in my members (Eph. 4:27; Ja. 4:1; 1 Pet. 5:8). I have used my body and mind as an instrument of unrighteousness by lusting and fantasizing about others and violating the virtue of marriage, chastity, and purity by [pornography (and) masturbation]. My behavior has damaged my relationship to You, [my spouse / any future spouse], and those whom I have lusted after whom I should love as Your children. Indeed You have said that it is better to cut out our eye than to burn in hell because of our lusts (Matt. 5:27-30). I now come before Your presence to acknowledge these sins and to seek Your cleansing (1 Jn. 1:9) that I may be freed from the bondage of sin (Gal. 5:1). I thank You that in Christ my sins are forgiven. I now ask You to reveal to my mind the ways that I have transgressed Your moral law and grieved the Holy Spirit so that I may place those sins at the foot of the Cross and thus to stay pure in body and soul before You. I ask You Lord that all ground gained by evil spirits because of my sins of [pornography (and) masturbation] be canceled and taken back and that all bonds and bondages the devil has placed upon me be broken forever (Gal. 5:1). I pray that You will shed light on all my ways that I may know the full extent of my unchastity, and I now choose to adopt a chaste spirit and a pure heart. Amen.

Prayer To Break the Bondage of Fornication and Promiscuity

Dear Heavenly Father. You have said in Your Word that fornication is like adultery in that it makes us unclean before You (Matt. 15:17-20) and that it is better to cut out our eye than to burn in hell because of our lusts (Matt. 5:27-30). I have used my body and mind as an instrument of unrighteousness by committing acts of illicit sexual behavior. My behavior has damaged my relationship to You and to [my spouse / any future spouse]. I know that sex is a beautiful act of love, bonding, and holiness when performed within the Sacrament of Marriage. Thank you for forgiving me and ask that I be healed of a lustful and unchaste heart. Rebuke, O Lord, all spirits of fornication and promiscuity who may be harassing me or in any way attached to me. Cancel, O Lord, and take back all ground gained by evil spirits because of my fornication [and promiscuity]. Break forever, O Lord, all the bonds and bondages the devil has placed upon me (Gal. 5:1). I claim my body and mind for the Lord Jesus Christ, and to [my spouse / any future spouse], with whom I am united by the Sacrament of Marriage, and in His Name, and with His authority, declare freedom from the sins of fornication and promiscuity and all attachments, bondages, and involvements with the enemies of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Prayer To Break the Bondage of Addictions

Dear Heavenly Father. You have told us in Your Word that those who set their minds on things of the flesh cannot please God, are hostile to God, and leads to death (Ro. 8:5-8) . I acknowledge that my mind has been set on things of the flesh, in the form of addiction to ______, ______, ______ [drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food, gossip, judgmentalism, etc.] that wage war against my soul (1 Pet. 2:11). I have transgressed Your holy law and given the enemy an opportunity to wage war in my members (Eph. 4:27; Ja. 4:1; 1 Pet. 5:8). Indeed You have said that it is better to cut out our if it makes us stumble than to burn in hell (Matt. 5:29-30). I come before Your presence to acknowledge these sins and to seek Your cleansing (1 Jn. 1:9) that I may be freed from the bondage of sin (Gal. 5:1). I thank You that in Christ my sins are forgiven. I now ask You to reveal to my mind the ways that I have brought myself to this addiction and therefore grieved the Holy Spirit. So that I may find healing and freedom I ask You Lord that all ground gained by evil spirits because of my addictions be canceled and taken back and that all bonds and bondages the devil has placed upon me be broken forever (Gal. 5:1). I pray that You will shed light on all my ways that I may know the full extent of my addiction, and I now choose to adopt a spirit of freedom from addictions and a heart given over to You. Amen