Help, starting to change my mind regarding waiting til marriage :/

[therose01]

Thanks for all the replies. I’m so happy to read all of your advice, I am more and more convinced to wait now. I just need to focus on God rather than society. I guess deep inside I am just afraid that I will be alone forever because of this, but I’ll just hope that doesn’t happen… Just to clarify - by not waiting til marriage, I did not mean jumping into bed with any guy. I meant a serious relationship. And also, I did not mean that biracial girls are ugly (the other ones I know are gorgeous!) just that I am sorta.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

therose01, I sympathize with your concerns. A lot of people have given you good advice. In case you still need motivation, and positive motivation isn’t enough, let me give you the negative motivation that works for me:

When you are worried about being lonely, consider this - there is nothing more lonely than hell. And nothing could define “lonely forever” more perfectly than the eternal separation from God in hell.

I don’t say that to judge you or claim that I know where your soul will end up. But as Catholics we understand that when we commit a mortal sin, we completely separate ourselves from God, and if we don’t repent and confess of our mortal sins before our death, we are eternally separated from God. Premarital sex is the type of sin that would result in this separation. You probably already know that, but are tempted by the fears that you mentioned earlier. Sometimes, it helps me to look at the big picture and realize that as much as I don’t want to experience the unpleasantness of loneliness (or other negative things) in this life, they are preferable to the desolation of eternal punishment.

Again, I am not intentionally fear mongering - this way of thinking really helps me with some of my more difficult decisions, so I hope that perhaps it will help you as well, at least in those moments when it is hard to see the positive aspects of chastity. There are so many wonderful reasons to wait until marriage, that are not about hell and punishment. But I think it would be incomplete if we didn’t admit that fear of hell is a very GOOD reason not to sin!

God bless you!
TKC

 

[therose01]

therose01, I sympathize with your concerns. A lot of people have given you good advice. In case you still need motivation, and positive motivation isn’t enough, let me give you the negative motivation that works for me:

When you are worried about being lonely, consider this - there is nothing more lonely than hell. And nothing could define “lonely forever” more perfectly than the eternal separation from God in hell.

I don’t say that to judge you or claim that I know where your soul will end up. But as Catholics we understand that when we commit a mortal sin, we completely separate ourselves from God, and if we don’t repent and confess of our mortal sins before our death, we are eternally separated from God. Premarital sex is the type of sin that would result in this separation. You probably already know that, but are tempted by the fears that you mentioned earlier. Sometimes, it helps me to look at the big picture and realize that as much as I don’t want to experience the unpleasantness of loneliness (or other negative things) in this life, they are preferable to the desolation of eternal punishment.

Again, I am not intentionally fear mongering - this way of thinking really helps me with some of my more difficult decisions, so I hope that perhaps it will help you as well, at least in those moments when it is hard to see the positive aspects of chastity. There are so many wonderful reasons to wait until marriage, that are not about hell and punishment. But I think it would be incomplete if we didn’t admit that fear of hell is a very GOOD reason not to sin!

God bless you!
TKC

Thank you. Good advice. Obeying God is more important than obeying society. I need to just ignore what society tells me, and to try to push away the fear inside of me. God bless you too!

 

[Rau]

Hi everyone. So, I’m a Catholic living in a very secular country in northern Europe. In my life I have always believed in waiting with sex until marriage. But now that I’m 19, realizing more about how this world works etc, I am starting to change my opinion on it more and more. I’ve almost gotten to the point where I’m questioning whether I should even bother waiting until marriage. I just don’t see a reason to wait if I’m going to be in a stable relationship. I feel like finding a good guy willing to wait is impossible. Like I mentioned I live in a secular country, in a big city. There are a lot of kind, educated, handsome, good men here BUT they are 99 % atheists and think that religious people are nuts/ridiculous. In my church there are only families, and some single middle aged people. I have some Catholic friends from church but none of them are waiting til marriage, they support gay marriage etc. I just feel like I have no hope left of finding a guy here who will wait til marriage. I’m already ‘different’ in the sense that I’m biracial (half black half white) and I’m really not beautiful, so to find someone here who is ready to date a biracial woman (interracial relationships are not so common here) who happens to in my case not be so beautiful, and also wait til marriage, feels… Impossible :/. I see people from all religions getting together with Nordic boyfriends, marrying etc. I see marriages working fine where they have not waited, whereas there are people who wait who end up getting divorced anyway. I don’t know anymore, I know this is a Church teaching, but I don’t feel like it’s possible in todays world. What if I wait and wait and lose opportunities with relationships I could have had, only to end up alone anyway? I get the arguments for waiting, but I have heard and read few conversations about this, the guys often say: 1. “What if they end up getting married, don’t work together in that departement, then they are stuck with that for the rest of their life.” 2. “Sex is an important part of a relationship.” 3. “Why wait with something thats natural?” 4. “If she can withhold sex with me for years, who knows if she will do that in the marriage too?” Etc. In the beginning I was defensive but now, because of everything I have listed, I’m starting to change my mind even though I don’t want to, I want to be a good catholic but I don’t know how to deal with this…

Do you believe a man worth having would dump you for not having pre-marital sex? Do you think having premarital sex is a ticket to a good marriage?

 

[His_helpmeet]

Hi everyone. So, I’m a Catholic living in a very secular country in northern Europe. In my life I have always believed in waiting with sex until marriage. But now that I’m 19, realizing more about how this world works etc, I am starting to change my opinion on it more and more. I’ve almost gotten to the point where I’m questioning whether I should even bother waiting until marriage. I just don’t see a reason to wait if I’m going to be in a stable relationship. I feel like finding a good guy willing to wait is impossible. Like I mentioned I live in a secular country, in a big city. There are a lot of kind, educated, handsome, good men here BUT they are 99 % atheists and think that religious people are nuts/ridiculous. In my church there are only families, and some single middle aged people. I have some Catholic friends from church but none of them are waiting til marriage, they support gay marriage etc. I just feel like I have no hope left of finding a guy here who will wait til marriage. I’m already ‘different’ in the sense that I’m biracial (half black half white) and I’m really not beautiful, so to find someone here who is ready to date a biracial woman (interracial relationships are not so common here) who happens to in my case not be so beautiful, and also wait til marriage, feels… Impossible :/. I see people from all religions getting together with Nordic boyfriends, marrying etc. I see marriages working fine where they have not waited, whereas there are people who wait who end up getting divorced anyway. I don’t know anymore, I know this is a Church teaching, but I don’t feel like it’s possible in todays world. What if I wait and wait and lose opportunities with relationships I could have had, only to end up alone anyway? I get the arguments for waiting, but I have heard and read few conversations about this, the guys often say: 1. “What if they end up getting married, don’t work together in that departement, then they are stuck with that for the rest of their life.” 2. “Sex is an important part of a relationship.” 3. “Why wait with something thats natural?” 4. “If she can withhold sex with me for years, who knows if she will do that in the marriage too?” Etc. In the beginning I was defensive but now, because of everything I have listed, I’m starting to change my mind even though I don’t want to, I want to be a good catholic but I don’t know how to deal with this…

Sex is NOT an important part of a non-marital relationship. In fact, sex is VERY good at helping you cloud the issues. If neither of you has had sex before, it’s possible for you to learn about each other’s likes and dislikes together. Moreover, speaking as a married woman, physical desire isn’t something that just “turns on” once you get to the altar. It’s something that grows out of your love for each other. Now, DH and I never had sex before we married, but we definitely struggled with temptation. As far as her withholding sex from you, if she’s withholding sex in the marriage, that’s not about sex, it’s about a power struggle. Sex, in that case, is likely just a way for her to exert power over you.

DH was intimate with his first wife MONTHS before they were married. (He is divorced and has a declaration of nullity for the first marriage. We are sacramentally married.) He admitted to me that it was a HUGE mistake. They got pregnant, they got married primarily because he wanted to support the baby (keep in mind that he is from another country and felt that the best way for him to stay in the country as a dad was to marry his baby mama), and the marriage ended up being a disaster. They already knew before they got pregnant that they weren’t very compatible and were considering breaking their engagement, but once they found out about the pregnancy they figured they didn’t have much of an option. Now, my stepdaughter, now 10, is beautiful and a wonderful little girl, and we wouldn’t be without her, but DH says that with hindsight, he should have recognized that it was really a summer romance, and it should have STAYED a summer romance. He was VERY adamant that we not have sex until marriage (fortunately, I felt the same way).

 

[wheelie]

I had sex before I married my husband - to him. I have never had sex with anyone else.

Do I regret it? no, not really. It was the right decision for me to make.
I was 25 when we first slept together and we had been together since I was 21. He wasn’t a virgin (He is Catholic but wasnt as practicing as me in that regard) but from the minute we got together he was incredibly respectful of my decision to not have sex with him. He never once used it against me or pressured me at all. We even lived together before we had sex with each other. I can’t tell you why I chose to sleep with him then rather than when we got married (2 years later) but that I felt okay with that decision. And it was completely my decision.

I am not for a million years saying that, that is what you or anyone should do at all. But rather that I have been you and if you want to talk to someone who has been in your shoes I am more than happy to.
(I still firmily believe that sex and love should go hand in hand and that it is something for serious relationships)
I am also not trying to make it sound like I am encouraging you from the ‘other’ side

 

[kozlosap]

The emphasis on female virginity is very puzzling to this old girl. When speaking with my Dear Daughter about relationships, I don’t think I ever brought up questioning whether or not she or her future husband remained virgins, but I did make it clear that finding someone who shared her faith, love of children, and work ethic were major.

 

[Rau]

I had sex before I married my husband - to him. I have never had sex with anyone else.

Do I regret it? no, not really. It was the right decision for me to make.

Perhaps you could explain how the reverse decision, to not have premarital sex, would have been the wrong decision for you?

 

[pensmama87]

I had sex before I married my husband - to him. I have never had sex with anyone else.

Do I regret it? no, not really. It was the right decision for me to make.
I was 25 when we first slept together and we had been together since I was 21. He wasn’t a virgin (He is Catholic but wasnt as practicing as me in that regard) but from the minute we got together he was incredibly respectful of my decision to not have sex with him. He never once used it against me or pressured me at all. We even lived together before we had sex with each other. I can’t tell you why I chose to sleep with him then rather than when we got married (2 years later) but that I felt okay with that decision. And it was completely my decision.

I am not for a million years saying that, that is what you or anyone should do at all. But rather that I have been you and if you want to talk to someone who has been in your shoes I am more than happy to.
(I still firmily believe that sex and love should go hand in hand and that it is something for serious relationships)
I am also not trying to make it sound like I am encouraging you from the ‘other’ side

Your post reminded me of something else with my history with my husband. We were engaged for two and a half years before we got married. Sometimes I think, “Maybe the problem wasn’t so much that we had sex so early, but that we put off getting married.” Looking back I have no idea why we waited so long, except maybe that we were concerned about how it would look (since we were 21 and 20 when we got engaged). But nobody was concerned that we were engaged and “living as married.” But “make it official” and suddenly it’s “ohhhhhh, you’re too young!”

So you were with your husband four years before you were intimate, you were living together before you were intimate, but even then you waited an additional two years before getting married. If you don’t mind sharing, why did you wait so long to marry?

I think it’s relatively recent that people have been in relationships for such a long time before getting married. That adds a ton of temptation to the equation that just wasn’t present in earlier times, when generally young adults didn’t date/court/whatever until they were prepared to settle down in relatively short order. I know so many couples who just wait…forever…to get married, even if they’re “living as married” for over a decade beforehand!

It also doesn’t help that very young teens engage in marital-like relationship behavior when they’re still in middle school. When I taught ninth grade, I had more than a few students who had been in exclusive dating relationships for years. Kids have no chance to remain chaste in situations like that, no matter how cute the parents think they are.

 

[wheelie]

Perhaps you could explain how the reverse decision, to not have premarital sex, would have been the wrong decision for you?

I am not sure I really can. My reasons were many fold and by themselves do not equate to much. I can say that I thought about it for weeks before I even told him I was thinking it. That my reason’s for being a virgin at 21 no longer stood up 4 years later. That I was in a serious long term relationship with all the mundane bits (the mortgage, the money, the household stuff) and not all of the relationship perks. That very slowely the virgin bit did not compute logically with the life I was living. That I had been living with extra pressure from my father (though not from him) and that wasnt strictly fair on me or on H.
Yes I could have waited another 2 years - but it would have been a false wait. Previously it had been one that made sense but it no longer did.
I ended up feeling in part (along with much else) that I was denying myself something and a part of myself when it no longer felt worth it.
Also H had a lot to do with it

 

[wheelie]

Your post reminded me of something else with my history with my husband. We were engaged for two and a half years before we got married. Sometimes I think, “Maybe the problem wasn’t so much that we had sex so early, but that we put off getting married.” Looking back I have no idea why we waited so long, except maybe that we were concerned about how it would look (since we were 21 and 20 when we got engaged). But nobody was concerned that we were engaged and “living as married.” But “make it official” and suddenly it’s “ohhhhhh, you’re too young!”

So you were with your husband four years before you were intimate, you were living together before you were intimate, but even then you waited an additional two years before getting married. If you don’t mind sharing, why did you wait so long to marry?

I would have never got married at 21 (and he at 23) just isn’t us. He felt very strongly that a couple that was planning to get married should live together first for a year minimum. We had been together for a year and I understood his logic so we moved in together. (another year later we bought a house). So that is 2 years of a relationship gone. Then it was a mix of feeling young to get married still. I was still not 25. And general life. He was in medical school and then doing all his training, I was starting a career properly. It just got put on the back burner. After we had sex, why did we wait so long to marry then? The first year was again just life, we moved, we had things to do. The other year we were planning a wedding. No big engagement just that after all that time together, we felt that the time was right to get married.
It isn’t that had we got married at 22 or 23 (for me) we wouldn’t have made it, we probably would have. But just that it wasn’t the right time, that we needed to live together and that for us beind married while young didn’t seem the right choice

 

[Rau]

I am not sure I really can. My reasons were many fold and by themselves do not equate to much. I can say that I thought about it for weeks before I even told him I was thinking it. That my reason’s for being a virgin at 21 no longer stood up 4 years later. That I was in a serious long term relationship with all the mundane bits (the mortgage, the money, the household stuff) and not all of the relationship perks. That very slowely the virgin bit did not compute logically with the life I was living. That I had been living with extra pressure from my father (though not from him) and that wasnt strictly fair on me or on H.
Yes I could have waited another 2 years - but it would have been a false wait. Previously it had been one that made sense but it no longer did.
I ended up feeling in part (along with much else) that I was denying myself something and a part of myself when it no longer felt worth it.
Also H had a lot to do with it

On balance, you seem to be saying it would be hard to wait, moreso than wrong.

 

[wheelie]

On balance, you seem to be saying it would be hard to wait, moreso than wrong.

I don’t believe I am. I had waited all those years, sure I could have waited longer. It had always been hard from when I met H, it didn’t get harder in that way.
For me it would have been wrong, because I would have been holding off for reasons that no longer made sense to me and so in that way would have been wrong

 

[Rau]

I don’t believe I am. I had waited all those years, sure I could have waited longer. It had always been hard from when I met H, it didn’t get harder in that way.
For me it would have been wrong, because I would have been holding off for reasons that no longer made sense to me and so in that way would have been wrong

OK, I understand, but the guidelines you apply for discerning right and wrong are particular to your sense of “appropriateness” for you. They eschew consideration of “morality” as the Church discerns it.

 

[CaliLobo]

One more thing… Diseases are common and scary. I can’t be responsible for you. Calculate the risks.

 

[PennyinCanada]

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. Matt 5:13

…that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, Philippians 2:15

You are considering placing a man, an unbeliever, someone who doesn’t love you or have a commitment to you, above the Commandments. Are you really wanting to cross that line? I would not trade a man for the privilege of walking with God. I can tell you that I’m nothing much to look at either but that never even entered my mind that somehow sleeping with a guy will make him want to stay with me. What a lie that is. There are a lot of lies going around the dating scene. This is why abortions are in the millions and untold young women are abandoned when they become pregnant. It’s a train wreck you can avoid very easily.

You don’t know how extremely attractive and worthy of respect a woman is when she tells a man that she is willing to wait for a man who will come before family and friends and make a commitment of marriage before sleeping with him. Then sticks to her guns. She is worthy of respect, honor, and praise. If you date a bit and break up, there won’t be regrets.

 

[TruthSeeker92]

Hi,

I am sorry you are struggling. I thought about what you wrote and I have a couple of helpful websites/books that I think will give you hope. I think the important thing to remember is that if God is calling you to marriage then you are being called to marriage to a **SPECIFIC MAN. **A specific man who exists and he is in this world somewhere and he needs your prayers, because if he does not know how much God loves him, if he does not know that He has created you for him and him for you, then he needs to know and your prayers will get him there. The devil does not want this. He wants you to settle in your relationships and to let FEAR which is ungrounded in reality to predict your thoughts and actions. Remember to focus on your life now. There is nothing wrong with wanting love, and of course you do not want to be alone. But, is this something you should be fretting about now? Or perhaps God has given you this season of singleness to serve Him, to grow and to heal, and to pray for your future husband?

To be sure both of you are ready for each other at the same time, maybe you both have some healing to go through. Maybe some testing of your faith, to make you stronger. Because strength cannot come without exercise, and when you are given trials your virtues stretch and grow stronger, because you use the virtues God has given you. Like when we use muscles during exercise, it may hurt at first but if we do not use our muscles we become weak.

I know it’s hard to strive for purity. I understand you can be discouraged. Do not be angry with yourself when times are difficult, but turn to God for strength. Go to Mass and Adoration, pray and do not be idle. If you dwell on these fears instead of filling your life with opportunities to serve God and to heal yourself and enjoy yourself, the devil has you right where he wants you. Instead of praying, instead of living, he wants you to be paralyzed in fear. Do not let him. He knows the plans God has for you and He wants you to miss out!

Also, when you are the most tempted to give up, ask yourself: What if your future husband does exist? What if he has been praying for you all this time? And what if he waits for you and you never show? What if you never show because you were so afraid that you would not be loved unless you had sex with men who were not able to truly love you selflessly? What if he is looking for a young, strong woman like you who holds to her convictions and keeps her standards high, and he does not recognize you because you end up giving into pressure and fear? He won’t know how to find you if you aren’t shining as “a light of the world.”

What a waste that would be for both of you! Please, dear, do not give up. Do not give up. There are plenty of young men and women around you who are waiting too. But it is not something you can really know just by looking around you.

Here are some websites that I very strongly hope and pray you take a look at. Some are videos of testimonies of young women, others are websites with resources about chastity, and some are books. My guess is that you aren’t just looking for “fun”, you’re looking for true love. Having sex with men who do not see the beauty of your soul and appreciate that you want to share the joys of sex with your future husband are not worth your time, and you won’t find love with them. In the end, that isn’t fun at all.

1. Theology of the Body Institute - tobinstitute.org/
2. Chastity Project - chastityproject.com/
3. Jackie and Bobby Angel - jackieandbobby.com/
4. Woman In Love, Katie & Mark Hartfeil (Check out their book ‘Woman in Love’) - womaninlove.org/
   5. “Romance Without Regret” (Parts 1 through 9) - youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9780B49A3BEAA33F
5. “Our Love Story!” - youtube.com/watch?v=hAeDwQXI2fQ
6. “A Surprise and a Pure Love Promise” - youtube.com/watch?v=DyWTcb9KCtc
7. How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul: 21 Secrets for Women - chastityproject.com/products/how-to-find-your-soulmate-without-losing-your-soul/
8. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children - amazon.com/Hooked-Science-Casual-Affecting-Children/dp/0802450601/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418450590&sr=1-1&keywords=hooked+how+casual+sex+is+affecting+our+children
9. Theology of the Body for Beginners - amazon.com/Theology-Body-Beginners-Christopher-West/dp/1932645349/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419051223&sr=1-2&keywords=theology+of+the+body+for+beginners

Hope all this helps! I highly recommend the book How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul: 21 Secrets for Women, and to watch the video “Romance Without Regret” If you visit Jackie and Bobby’s website, be sure to check out their blog “The devil wants you to settle in your relationships”

Praying for you! Stay strong, and pray for your future husband. Try a 54 day Rosary Novena to pray for his growth in virtue (specifically chastity), in love for God and for his healing. Here’s a website to teach you how to pray it: prayerflowers.com/54DayNovena.htm#Instructions

 

[therose01]

I have read all of your replies and thank you, it’s very nice of you all to put effort into helping me! It’s interesting reading all your stories and perspectives. I realize I just should just pray and follow the word of God. But it’s just the circumstanses making things tough. My parents are divorced and one of them has remarried a few times and the other has had many relationships that always end. But then again, they have never waited til marriage. Both my parents say I shouldn’t wait, they say that maybe I’m stating that now but once I’m in a relationship that will change… Anyway, I have prayed a lot and will keep on doing that. If God wants me to get married, He will being me a good, respectful man. If not then maybe marriage is not my vocation. God bless you all.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I have read all of your replies and thank you, it’s very nice of you all to put effort into helping me! It’s interesting reading all your stories and perspectives. I realize I just should just pray and follow the word of God. But it’s just the circumstanses making things tough. My parents are divorced and one of them has remarried a few times and the other has had many relationships that always end. But then again, they have never waited til marriage. Both my parents say I shouldn’t wait, they say that maybe I’m stating that now but once I’m in a relationship that will change… Anyway, I have prayed a lot and will keep on doing that. If God wants me to get married, He will being me a good, respectful man. If not then maybe marriage is not my vocation. God bless you all.

I can see why you’d feel so much more pressure about this issue, when not even your own parents will support you! I think what you really need is someone, not necessarily a dating partner, to support you in your decision. Hopefully a friend, but even a (hopefully orthodox) priest may be helpful in offering you counsel.

I also will say that at age 19, it is a little too early to state that if unless you meet a “good respectful man” in the next few months or even years, then “maybe marriage is not my vocation”.

Also, PLEASE don’t let desperation drive you into a relationship with any man who will have you, even a man who DOES accept your beliefs regarding intimacy before marriage. I am fairly sure no small number of annulments have been granted because people married out of desperation. You are worth better than that!

 

[cena]

Hi everyone. So, I’m a Catholic living in a very secular country in northern Europe. In my life I have always believed in waiting with sex until marriage. But now that I’m 19, realizing more about how this world works etc, I am starting to change my opinion on it more and more. I’ve almost gotten to the point where I’m questioning whether I should even bother waiting until marriage. I just don’t see a reason to wait if I’m going to be in a stable relationship. I feel like finding a good guy willing to wait is impossible. Like I mentioned I live in a secular country, in a big city. There are a lot of kind, educated, handsome, good men here BUT they are 99 % atheists and think that religious people are nuts/ridiculous. In my church there are only families, and some single middle aged people. I have some Catholic friends from church but none of them are waiting til marriage, they support gay marriage etc. I just feel like I have no hope left of finding a guy here who will wait til marriage. I’m already ‘different’ in the sense that I’m biracial (half black half white) and I’m really not beautiful, so to find someone here who is ready to date a biracial woman (interracial relationships are not so common here) who happens to in my case not be so beautiful, and also wait til marriage, feels… Impossible :/. I see people from all religions getting together with Nordic boyfriends, marrying etc. I see marriages working fine where they have not waited, whereas there are people who wait who end up getting divorced anyway. I don’t know anymore, I know this is a Church teaching, but I don’t feel like it’s possible in todays world. What if I wait and wait and lose opportunities with relationships I could have had, only to end up alone anyway? I get the arguments for waiting, but I have heard and read few conversations about this, the guys often say: 1. “What if they end up getting married, don’t work together in that departement, then they are stuck with that for the rest of their life.” 2. “Sex is an important part of a relationship.” 3. “Why wait with something thats natural?” 4. “If she can withhold sex with me for years, who knows if she will do that in the marriage too?” Etc. In the beginning I was defensive but now, because of everything I have listed, I’m starting to change my mind even though I don’t want to, I want to be a good catholic but I don’t know how to deal with this…

When you say don’t work together you mean what exactly?

Well what if you have sex with him and you guys end up breaking up? What then?

How would you feel about you husband having memories of another girl like that?

Death, selfishness, etc, are natural too

Other factors affect divorce rates too not just that.

Having sex with someone means you hold nothing back you give yourself completely to the other person. That leaves you pretty vulnerable. Don’t you want the security of knowing that man is your husband and can’t just break up with you and date another girl?

At the end of the day you have to ask yourself: what is the purpose of sex?