B
brokennails
Guest
(SORRY, MY ALL CAPS BUTTON IS BROKEN IN LOCKED POSITION)
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 28 YEARS TO A VERBALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND. HE HATES THE FACT I CONVERTED 14 YEARS AGO, QUIT TAKING BIRTH CONTROL AND HAD A 3RD CHILD (“MARY”) AT AGE 40. ALTHOUGH OUR MARRIAGE WAS BLESSED IN THE CHURCH, HIS HEART WASN’T IN IT.
WE OWN A PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS TOGETHER. BECAUSE IT WAS TAKING OVER OUR HOUSE IN TOWN, 6 YEARS AGO WE DECIDED TO MOVE OUT TO OUR COUNTRY CABIN 30 MILES AWAY, AND KEEP THE CITY HOUSE FOR WORK. HOWEVER, “BOB” NEVER MOVED OUT. HE PROMISED OVER & OVER, BUT NEVER HAS FOLLOWED THROUGH. INSTEAD HE COMES TO VISIT US OCCASIONALLY. I STILL WORK WITH HIM IN OUR BUSINESS, ALTHOUGH MUCH OF THE WORK I CAN DO AT OUR COUNTRY CABIN. I THOUGHT OF MOVING BACK, BUT NOW THE CITY HOUSE IS UNINHABITABLE DUE TO COMPUTERS, LAB EQUIPMENT AND CHEMICALS EVERYWHERE. BOB WON’T LET ME CLEAN OR ORGANIZE IT, AND HE DOESN’T WANT US TO MOVE BACK.
NOW BOB, NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETIC, IS HAVING NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS. HE IS HAVING DREAMS THAT I AM HAVING MULTIPLE AFFAIRS AND AM MASTERBATING. (I’M NOT!!!) HIS VERBAL ABUSE IS ESCALATING. MARY DOESN’T WANT BOB TO VISIT US ANYMORE. SHE WANTS LITTLE TO DO WITH HIM, BUT IS SCARED TO TELL HIM SO HE DOESN’T REALIZE HER FEELINGS. (I’VE TOLD HIM, BUT HE DOESN’T BELIEVE ME). OUR FAMILY DR. GOT BOB TO GO TO A NEUROLOGIST, WHO HAD HIM HAVE MRI’s. THE RESULTS AREN’T BACK YET, BUT THE DR. SAID HE THOUGHT THERE WAS EITHER A SIGNIFICANT NEUROLOGICAL EVENT GOING ON, OR BOB WAS DEPRESSED. EITHER WAY, BOB HAS SAID HE WILL REFUSE TO TAKE “PSYCHO” DRUGS.
LAST WEEK HE SPENT THE NIGHT. A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER WE WENT TO BED, HE JUMPED UP AND STARTED SCREAMING AT ME. HE ACCUSED ME OF MASTERBATING AGAIN. HE WAS STANDING OVER ME, FURIOUS. I WAS PETRIFIED AND INNOCENT OF HIS ACCUSATIONS. I AM A CONSCIENCIOUS CATHOLIC, VERY DILIGENT AND FERVENT IN MY DAILY PRAYERS & FORMATION, READING SACRED SCRIPTURE, BIBLE STUDY, SACRAMENTS, ETC…
I HAVE MANAGED TO GET BOB TO COUNSELING WITH A PRIEST. HE SNOWBALLED THE GUY WITH CHARM, SO IT WAS NO HELP. THEN I WAS ABLE TO GET US TO RETROUVAILLE. WE DID THE WEEKEND, AND TRAVELLED EACH SUNDAY 2 HOURS EACH WAY. BOB LITERALLY SLEPT THROUGH THE SESSIONS, AND REFUSED TO DO HIS HOMEWORK OR WRITE ANYTHING. BASICALLY, RETROUVAILLE WAS A SOLO JOURNEY FOR ME.
SINCE BOB’S BEHAVIOR IS GETTING WORSE, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? MY GOOD AND HOLY FRIEND SAYS THE CHURCH WON’T HOLD ME TO A DESTRUCTIVE MARRIAGE. I THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR OUR KIDS, BUT FEAR THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP IS HURTING US - AND MAY EVEN BECOME PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE. IN CONFESSION, MY PRIEST SAYS I SHOULD KEEP PRAYING FOR BOB’S HEALING, BUT I DON’T THINK I HAVE ADEQUATELY COMMUNICATED WHAT’S GOING ON WITH US. USUALLY, IT IS A CASUAL MENTION IN THE CONTEXT OF MY OWN SINS, AND I TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT DUE TO THE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING.
ANY ADVICE?
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 28 YEARS TO A VERBALLY ABUSIVE HUSBAND. HE HATES THE FACT I CONVERTED 14 YEARS AGO, QUIT TAKING BIRTH CONTROL AND HAD A 3RD CHILD (“MARY”) AT AGE 40. ALTHOUGH OUR MARRIAGE WAS BLESSED IN THE CHURCH, HIS HEART WASN’T IN IT.
WE OWN A PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS TOGETHER. BECAUSE IT WAS TAKING OVER OUR HOUSE IN TOWN, 6 YEARS AGO WE DECIDED TO MOVE OUT TO OUR COUNTRY CABIN 30 MILES AWAY, AND KEEP THE CITY HOUSE FOR WORK. HOWEVER, “BOB” NEVER MOVED OUT. HE PROMISED OVER & OVER, BUT NEVER HAS FOLLOWED THROUGH. INSTEAD HE COMES TO VISIT US OCCASIONALLY. I STILL WORK WITH HIM IN OUR BUSINESS, ALTHOUGH MUCH OF THE WORK I CAN DO AT OUR COUNTRY CABIN. I THOUGHT OF MOVING BACK, BUT NOW THE CITY HOUSE IS UNINHABITABLE DUE TO COMPUTERS, LAB EQUIPMENT AND CHEMICALS EVERYWHERE. BOB WON’T LET ME CLEAN OR ORGANIZE IT, AND HE DOESN’T WANT US TO MOVE BACK.
NOW BOB, NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETIC, IS HAVING NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEMS. HE IS HAVING DREAMS THAT I AM HAVING MULTIPLE AFFAIRS AND AM MASTERBATING. (I’M NOT!!!) HIS VERBAL ABUSE IS ESCALATING. MARY DOESN’T WANT BOB TO VISIT US ANYMORE. SHE WANTS LITTLE TO DO WITH HIM, BUT IS SCARED TO TELL HIM SO HE DOESN’T REALIZE HER FEELINGS. (I’VE TOLD HIM, BUT HE DOESN’T BELIEVE ME). OUR FAMILY DR. GOT BOB TO GO TO A NEUROLOGIST, WHO HAD HIM HAVE MRI’s. THE RESULTS AREN’T BACK YET, BUT THE DR. SAID HE THOUGHT THERE WAS EITHER A SIGNIFICANT NEUROLOGICAL EVENT GOING ON, OR BOB WAS DEPRESSED. EITHER WAY, BOB HAS SAID HE WILL REFUSE TO TAKE “PSYCHO” DRUGS.
LAST WEEK HE SPENT THE NIGHT. A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER WE WENT TO BED, HE JUMPED UP AND STARTED SCREAMING AT ME. HE ACCUSED ME OF MASTERBATING AGAIN. HE WAS STANDING OVER ME, FURIOUS. I WAS PETRIFIED AND INNOCENT OF HIS ACCUSATIONS. I AM A CONSCIENCIOUS CATHOLIC, VERY DILIGENT AND FERVENT IN MY DAILY PRAYERS & FORMATION, READING SACRED SCRIPTURE, BIBLE STUDY, SACRAMENTS, ETC…
I HAVE MANAGED TO GET BOB TO COUNSELING WITH A PRIEST. HE SNOWBALLED THE GUY WITH CHARM, SO IT WAS NO HELP. THEN I WAS ABLE TO GET US TO RETROUVAILLE. WE DID THE WEEKEND, AND TRAVELLED EACH SUNDAY 2 HOURS EACH WAY. BOB LITERALLY SLEPT THROUGH THE SESSIONS, AND REFUSED TO DO HIS HOMEWORK OR WRITE ANYTHING. BASICALLY, RETROUVAILLE WAS A SOLO JOURNEY FOR ME.
SINCE BOB’S BEHAVIOR IS GETTING WORSE, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? MY GOOD AND HOLY FRIEND SAYS THE CHURCH WON’T HOLD ME TO A DESTRUCTIVE MARRIAGE. I THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR OUR KIDS, BUT FEAR THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP IS HURTING US - AND MAY EVEN BECOME PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE. IN CONFESSION, MY PRIEST SAYS I SHOULD KEEP PRAYING FOR BOB’S HEALING, BUT I DON’T THINK I HAVE ADEQUATELY COMMUNICATED WHAT’S GOING ON WITH US. USUALLY, IT IS A CASUAL MENTION IN THE CONTEXT OF MY OWN SINS, AND I TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT DUE TO THE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING.
ANY ADVICE?
