Help! Vasectomy?

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nashcommodore

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Hello!

I’m 40. My wife is 38. I’m not perfect, but I try to be the best I can be. We have 3 beautiful healthy children after 12 years of marriage. She (not raised Catholic, but Catholic now via RCIA) was pushing vasectomy earlier and I decided against it for the moral implications.

However, now my wife is osteoporotic (T score less than -3) and needs treatment. She has had 3 fractures in the last year. The drug that she was put on for treatment is at least a two year treatment and she is told to “avoid pregnancy” due to high risk of birth defects - especially bone problems in the developing fetus/baby.

Best case scenario is that she would finish treatment in two years @ 40 y/o and that would yield another whole set of issues with pregnancy at “advanced maternal age.” 🤷:confused:

We have successfully used NFP or barrier methods in the past at different points in time… My wife is unwilling to try NFP again. It is a constant struggle - especially lately. I have avoided communion due to birth control when not in the “state of grace.” She is pushing vasectomy again, wanting something 100% and permanent.:confused:

Is vasectomy or permanent sterilization of any kind ever OK or justified in the eyes of the Church?
 
nashcommodore said:
Is vasectomy or permanent sterilization of any kind ever OK or justified in the eyes of the Church?
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Short answer, “No”.

Slightly longer answer would be if say, one’s uterus were cancerous, its removal would not be sinful. The goal is not sterilization, though that may be the side-effect. It is permissible to have necessary medical treatments that may have as side-effects temporary or permanent sterility.

However, sterility cannot ever be the goal. That also means that if pregnancy is dangerous, avoiding pregnancy may be accomplished ONLY through licit means. Contraception and voluntary sterility, such as a vasectomy or tubal ligation, are intrinsic evils. They are never permissible.

I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation, but adding sin into the mix never makes a difficult situation better.
 
It does no good to wish that immoral solutions were moral. All we can do is look at the range of moral solutions to our problems and try to pick the best course. The options are total abstinence, periodic abstinence (such as is involved in NFP), and a regular sexual life with its accompanying possibility of pregnancy.
 
I am sorry you are in such a difficult place, especially being put there by one whom you love. The question that really needs to be asked is simply this, why? Why doesn’t she want to use NFP when it’s so very effective, and allows both of you to remain in a state of grace? Why is she willing for both of you to sin, or more to the point: why is she willing to risk YOUR sin for this? This is a very serious thing. While I understand there is a lot of fear involved, there is still an acknowledgement that sex was designed to be unitive AND procreative. We have to be careful not to put our own ‘comfort’, ahead of God in our lives.
 
As difficult a cross as it might be to bear, your only moral options to avoid pregnancy are periodic abstinence (NFP) or complete abstinence.

Complete abstinence is the only 100% way to ensure that your wife does not get pregnant during this time. Even vasectomies fail. Complete abstinence might be a heroic choice and an extremely difficult option, but it would probably be in your wife’s best interest, health wise.

I would pray about it, discuss it with your wife, and seek the advice of a good priest.
 
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