Help - was this a mortal sin?

[Symeon]

Student09, first, welome home!

I also wanted to affirm this episode with the thought was not a mortal sin, probably not even a sin at all. You did exacly the right thing by receiving communion that day. That is where the strength will come from to overcome scruples - and that is exactly what this was. I faced these kinds of episodes after my own conversion, 19 years ago, but it will subside as you grow more mature and discerning in the faith.

One thing that will help is to have a regular spiritual director/ confessor, and go to confession regularly, say once a month, or whatever frequency your director may determine. Next time you can talk to your priest, you might mention this incident, not because it was a sin, but because it will give him an idea how to help you.

Always remember our Lord loves you very much, and will be with you through these anxiety attacks. One thing I find helpful in such instances of trial is continuously to pray the Jesus Prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me a sinner.”

 

[Brywan]

QUOTE=Monica4316;6522136]yes :

feeling peace after Communion is a good sign. I’m not saying feelings can’t deceive… they can. But peace comes from God and if you felt peace after the Eucharist, that can definitely be a grace. maybe God was trying to help you see that everything is alright. Try to trust Him and leave it in His hands… if this was a sin, He will show you.

Again, as someone who has suffered from scrupolosity, I have to disagree with you in some respects. Feelings are nice, but for the scrupulous, they cannot really be trusted.

The torment of the scrupulous is that confession NEVER really makes the scrupulous feel better, or at peace. Yes, for maybe 5 minutes, or 1 hour or 1 evening or 1 day. But eventually the torment will return. “Did I REALLY confess all I needed to?” "Did I REALLY do the penance in a right frame of mind? " “Did the priest REALLY understand what I was trying to confess?” “Oh no!!! I forgot to confess this sin!!! Was it mortal?!!” Etc. etc., etc.

Freedom for the scrupulous comes when he approaches the sacrament of reconciliation NOT as a way to be free from his anxieties. I remember my own confessor admonishing me NOT to use the sacrament of reconciliation as another compulsive behavior to relieve anxiety. (In order to understand this statement you have to suffer from OCD and have some understanding of how OCD works). A light went on in my head and I saw that he was exactly right. I WAS using the sacrament as a psychological “fix” for my mental disorder. I determined never to approach the sacrament in that way again.

I do not go to confession because it makes me feel better or less anxious. (For the scrupulous, that kind of mindset is a perilous trap). I go to the confession because I know I have committed sin (s) and wish to encounter Christ anew in this sacrament of mercy. Whether I feel better, or less anxious after the confession is immaterial. The graces of the sacrament are released in your life no matter how you feel.

Again, I encourage the OP to investigate some of the material available on this disorder I suggested in an earlier post and learn about how it manifests itself within the framework of religion.

 

[Student09]

Symeon and Brywan, thank you for your posts. I can see rationally why this was not a mortal sin but still all through today I have had this fear that I am in a state of mortal sin and that everything I do is displeasing to God. I know it’s just a fear. My feelings seldom accurately reflect reality. Even so, today I cried after Communion; it just seemed to me that I had offended God by going to Communion, but I didn’t know what else to do, because otherwise I would have just been giving into my fears. Somewhere in the depths of my soul I know that the Lord is there and that He understands, and that I shouldn’t be afraid.

I will definitely look into those resources you recommended.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

You did the right thing, Student09. God is leading you.

 

[Monica4316]

Again, as someone who has suffered from scrupolosity, I have to disagree with you in some respects. Feelings are nice, but for the scrupulous, they cannot really be trusted.

The torment of the scrupulous is that confession NEVER really makes the scrupulous feel better, or at peace. Yes, for maybe 5 minutes, or 1 hour or 1 evening or 1 day. But eventually the torment will return. “Did I REALLY confess all I needed to?” "Did I REALLY do the penance in a right frame of mind? " “Did the priest REALLY understand what I was trying to confess?” “Oh no!!! I forgot to confess this sin!!! Was it mortal?!!” Etc. etc., etc.

Freedom for the scrupulous comes when he approaches the sacrament of reconciliation NOT as a way to be free from his anxieties. I remember my own confessor admonishing me NOT to use the sacrament of reconciliation as another compulsive behavior to relieve anxiety. (In order to understand this statement you have to suffer from OCD and have some understanding of how OCD works). A light went on in my head and I saw that he was exactly right. I WAS using the sacrament as a psychological “fix” for my mental disorder. I determined never to approach the sacrament in that way again.

I do not go to confession because it makes me feel better or less anxious. (For the scrupulous, that kind of mindset is a perilous trap). I go to the confession because I know I have committed sin (s) and wish to encounter Christ anew in this sacrament of mercy. Whether I feel better, or less anxious after the confession is immaterial. The graces of the sacrament are released in your life no matter how you feel.

Again, I encourage the OP to investigate some of the material available on this disorder I suggested in an earlier post and learn about how it manifests itself within the framework of religion.

I agree that feelings can’t be trusted, that’s not what I meant I meant that if a person feels peace after Communion, that can’t really be a bad thing. I didn’t mean that a person must necessarily feel peace.

Symeon and Brywan, thank you for your posts. I can see rationally why this was not a mortal sin but still all through today I have had this fear that I am in a state of mortal sin and that everything I do is displeasing to God. I know it’s just a fear. My feelings seldom accurately reflect reality. Even so, today I cried after Communion; it just seemed to me that I had offended God by going to Communion, but I didn’t know what else to do, because otherwise I would have just been giving into my fears. Somewhere in the depths of my soul I know that the Lord is there and that He understands, and that I shouldn’t be afraid.

I will definitely look into those resources you recommended.

I know what you mean, I’ve had the same fear and sometimes cried after Communion too cause I was so upset :hug1: I’m sure Jesus understands… try to trust Him and try going to Confession when you can to ask the priest for some guidance on this.

God bless

 

[Brywan]

I agree that feelings can’t be trusted, that’s not what I meant I meant that if a person feels peace after Communion, that can’t really be a bad thing. I didn’t mean that a person must necessarily feel peace.

Understood. I reacted the way I did because of what I have experienced in living with anxiety disorders. For the scrupulous, feeling good or not feeling good at confession or Mass cannot be the gauge for knowing whether one is right with God. What we feel may seem very REAL to us, but it is not necessarily TRUE. The constant battle for the scrupulous is to act (by faith) on what is TRUE–not on what he FEELS. And when I cease to demand that my anxiety go away before I will act, then my anxiety ceases to have power over me. Putting this into practice is a process and takes much perseverance and patience. But we have a God who is persevering and patient with us. Praise Him!!

 

[Brywan]

Symeon and Brywan, thank you for your posts. I can see rationally why this was not a mortal sin but still all through today I have had this fear that I am in a state of mortal sin and that everything I do is displeasing to God. I know it’s just a fear. My feelings seldom accurately reflect reality. Even so, today I cried after Communion; it just seemed to me that I had offended God by going to Communion, but I didn’t know what else to do, because otherwise I would have just been giving into my fears. Somewhere in the depths of my soul I know that the Lord is there and that He understands, and that I shouldn’t be afraid.

I will definitely look into those resources you recommended.

Student09: Jesus Christ knows your heart, has heard your cries and sees your tears…He is going to lead you to greater freedom. Trust Him…

 

[Monica4316]

I agree

 

[Monica4316]

A great quote

Stop entertaining those vain fears. Remember it is not feeling which constitutes guilt but the consent to such feelings. Only the free will is capable of good or evil. But when the will sighs under the trial of the tempter and does not will what is presented to it, there is not only no fault but there is virtue. -St. Padre Pio

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Indeed, that’s a wonderful quote .