J
jcruzlshskids
Guest
In 2009 I had an affair, left the house for about 4 months. I thank God that God touched me and reminded me of where my love really was and went back. During that same time, as payback, my wife spent the night with another man. Here we are 4 years later the evening of 9/9/13. My kids and I got confirmation that my wife was having an affair. The man’s wife called me to tell me. I left the house. Ever since then I have been praying for God to restore our marriage, our family. I am 40, my wife is 42. We have 5 wonderful children and a beautiful 10 month old granddaughter. We have been together for 11 years, married for 7.5. My children have seen her transform from a wonderful wife and mother to an 18 year old girl. I have tried to stand firm, be patient but it is as if she is in a race. She has already filed for divorce. We have our divorce court on 12/4, just 3 months after. I have heard excuses from I wasn’t good to our step kids, I was controlling with her, to I was mean to her sisters, to I looked at women. Now, she is saying that it happened because of what I did 4 years ago. My step kids and I get along great, I see my grandaughter as much as possible, take her to church with me (keep in mind she is not my blood grandfather). They are actually testifying for me on my behalf in a restraining order case she put on me. I didn’t like her sisters, she says, because I didn’t like lending them money. This is where the controlling part comes in. We were always in a financial strain, paying rent late, taking out pay day loans, advances from banks, hardship withdrawals from our 401k. So yes, I did control the money and I didn’t like lending any out because we didn’t have enough for us, much less to lend out. As fas a looking at women, I learned to control myself last November and even then, I didn’t do it to the point she said but I still had to walk with my head down just to avoid problems and accusations. I have come to the conclusion that restoration is not for everyone. After the affair with the married man, she says it was only emotional but just yesterday she confessed to my daughter that it was actually sexual.Looks like the guy went back to his wife but then she told my daughter that she was talkind to someone else, someone younger. Now, she told someone else that she is going out one in a while, that she is “liking” guys but she makes sure that they are single. to me that means that she is dating. Keep in mind we are still married. There has been no repentance, no looking back. She is moving into a smaller place, traded our minivan for an Altima and then decided to tint the windows and put a sound system in it. Because of the restraining order she put on me, I have had to get an attorney. i have not seen my children since 11/4, i saw them briefly 11/15 but they would not go near me. My children and i had a very strong bond, now i dont even know what to expect from them. They are 5 years old twins and 1 10 year old. My step children are going to be called as witnesses to prove that she has anger issues, prone to verbal abuse, and physical abuse. I have never hit my wife. I have never even called her a name. i am so lost, even after all of this i acutally thought she only had an emotional affair but after finding out that it was a full on affair i feel even more broken, more let down, more hurt. Am i the one to blame for her going out this time? we have a broken family, broken children and i dont know what to do. i want to stop hurting, i want to stop caring.
