Help with an obsession

[Stylus]

Some time ago, I came into the habit of making little promises as sacrifices. Promises like not doing things I enjoy- not eating something I wanted to eat- that kind of thing. But now it’s become such a severe obession that the promises are almost constant, and I’m constantly promising not do things I want to do. I have a hard time controlling it. I talked to my mom about it and when she realized that it was getting serious she told me I wasn’t allowed to make any of those promises anymore. I thought that would help but it didn’t. The main point- I feel that God expects me to fulfill all these promises that I make. I’m afraid of breaking them. I need some good Catholic enlightenment please.

 

[puzzleannie]

traditionally, no one in religious life, or under spiritual direction (which all serious Christians should be) was allowed to make any such promise or do any such self-imposed penance without permission from their director, religious superior, or priest confessor. This is still a good rule, The Church has times, seasons, traditions for penitential practices, and “doing your own thing” is not really one of them. If you are a minor living at home, your parents are your superiors and you must obey your mother in this area. By projecting your expectations on God, you are in effect trying to force Him to act or react in a certain way, and of course no one can do that. These religious practices, or making small promises and sacrifices, can be good, neutral or harmful, depending on when, where and why we do them. to make of them a superstition, a means of controlling God, or and obsession are clearly harmful. Your mother is right, stop trying to dictate to God, because your actions do not force a reaction from Him. All is grace, His free gift, we are not giving the orders.

for the proper way to make small sacrifices a part of daily life, honor and praise to God, read the Little Way of ST. Therese of Liseux, who did all she did under the direction of her priest and superior, and by this little way of holiness became a great saint.

 

[gardenswithkids]

puzzleannie:

If you are a minor living at home, your parents are your superiors and you must obey your mother in this area. .

Many good points puzzleannie. I wanted to highlight this point about honoring your mother’s request. God values obedience–Jesus was obedient to His Father unto even death on the cross. So while it is very noble of you to want to make those little sacrifices, right now you should sacrifice those little sacrifices and obey your mother.

 

[springbreeze]

**right now you should sacrifice those little sacrifices and obey your mother./**QUOTE]

Dear friend

I am inclined to say you should take great notice of these words as above that Gardenwithkids has posted to your thread.

This is very wise advice.

Your desire to sacrifice for God is very noble, but it must be done with discipline and obedience so as not to fall into any kind of error at all. You must always seek the advice of your parents and priest when you feel compelled to do any penance.

We all desire to do great things for God, but we can and do set ourselves up for great falls and disappointments in this.

The greatest sacrifice you can ever make is to love others. So rather than set yourself up with difficult tasks that cause nothing but anxiety to yourself and to those who love you. Practise small kindnesses and acts of love to those around you such as, make your Mum a cup of tea, help her with a chore, help your friends, pray for people who have been unkind to you, think about what charitable thing you can support such as fund raising, visiting the sick etc., strive to perform your school work well and study as hard as you can AND above all these be obedient to your mother…do all these small sacrifices and you will grow more and more Christ-like by His grace.

‘And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart’ Luke2:51
This is after Mary and Joseph found Jesus in the temple.

To be obedient is to Love.

Don’t even worry that you have sinned, you have not. Don’t even begin to think that way!

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Make LOVE your rule and in loving be obedient and kind, remembering to be kind to yourself also!

The Joy and Peace of Christ Jesus to your heart and God Bless you always and your family

Teresa

 

[Scott_Waddell]

The question I have is, are these previous promises made without spiritual direction binding? Or were they invalid from the get-go?

Scott

 

[Stylus]

Okay thanks. This is a help. But here’s one more question. I’m no longer allowed to make these promises, yet often times I still do. God is not interested in promises I’m not allowed to make is he?

 

[CARose]

Apologise in your mind immediately, and through confession subsequently for the promises you continue to make out of habit and in disobedience to your mother. In your mental apology to God include that in obedience to your mother you are unable to fulfill the promise and request the strength to be obedient to your mother in all things that are consistant with the Faith and Morals of the Church.

God Bless you in this challenge. I strongly encourage you to ask your pastor if he would be willing to be your spiritual advisor.

CARose

 

[gardenswithkids]

Stylus:

But here’s one more question. I’m no longer allowed to make these promises, yet often times I still do. God is not interested in promises I’m not allowed to make is he?

You developed this habit out of good intentions, and God knows that. But God has spoken now through the authority He placed over you–your mom. For now, honor your mother’s wishes and stop making those promises. If you still find yourself compelled to make small sacrifices, then after a while ask your mother’s permission to make one and honor whatever decision she makes. Let her guide you.

That you want to do such sacrifices seems to indicate a strong spiritual side, and perhaps you could benefit from additional spiritual guidance, such as suggested above. A good pastor or priest who knows your family would be better able to discern the situation. We can not tell from the internet the full picture. You have also identified this habit as an “obsession” that is difficult to stop. I assume your mother has your best interest at heart in breaking this “obsession” and will not guide you to do anything immoral. Hearing the advice of a good confessor on this matter may help you with moderation and obedience.

Scott asked if these promises were “invalid” from the beginning since they were made without spiritual direction. For ordinary Lenten penance, the average Catholic doesn’t need spiritual direction, so I don’t think they’d be considered invalid. But those Lenten penances are typically done for only a period of time. Perhaps a way to view this is Stylus had a “time period” imposed by God on those promises, and her mom says the time is done. She fulfilled the promises for the time God allowed.