Help with Confession Please

[Steph20]

I am mortified to have to write in about this. I am a convert from Southern Baptist denomination. I entered the Catholic church a few years ago after marrying my Cathoic husband. I did about 9 months of catechism with my Priest one on one because I was working evenings as a nurse and couldn’t attend RCIA. Well this Father was a little liberal and was getting ill with his health and he did not instruct me about making a confession before the Easter Vigil. He kind of scarred me with confession with some of the things he was saying. Anyway, I was very young and naive and now more recently I have a new burning for the faith and have been participating in Mass but am starting to realize that I am in the wrong and have not really made a confession. I am so distressed that I am waking up at night thinking about it. I am guessing I should talk to our Priest but am so nervous and embarassed that I have been an abomination to the Church. Please can anyone give me some guidance I am really getting into the faith and want to make this right. Is is possible to make this right.

 

[EasterJoy]

Of course it is. The confessional is, first and last, God’s house of mercy. I do not know a confessor who will not gladly welcome you.

I think, though, that you will be helped if you make an appointment to talk with your pastor or other confessor before this “first” confession of yours. This way, you will have plenty of time to ask questions and talk to the priest about the sacrament beforehand. Let him know when you make the appointment that you have some questions that weren’t covered when you received your instruction, so he’ll allow enough time for that.

This a great sacrament. I hope it becomes your regular habit. It is wonderful.

 

[Steph20]

Thank you. I really believe the nagging I am having at night is God speaking to me. I thought I should talk to our Priest, who is different than the one who instructed me about this before hand. I was just nervous that they would say I was not truly Catholic. I will talk to him. I am so relieved, thank you.

 

[Trishie]

Hey, Steph! It’s not your fault if the poor dear priest was gettiing a little behind in his efforts to prepare you, perhaps due to the ill-health you mentioned! He probably needed to get you sorted for Confession himself if you were under his instruction, but when he didn’t it left you at sea on the matter. God bless him!

No need to give yourself a bad time, just start from here! You’re not an abomination to anyone!

Please don’t be nervous and embaressed. Go to Confession and you certainly will feel more at peace when you briefly outline what happened. Just make a general Confession and as a veteran of many Confessions, one the priest has heard about every sin and every problem by now! two, I have only ever found kindness and understanding and blessings in my Confessions in the different ares we’ve lived over the years.

May the Holy Spirit help you through to this healing and restoring Sacrament.

God bless, Steph, Trishie

 

[Steph20]

Can you tell me a little more about general confession. Does this mean you are not individually listing your sins?

 

[porthos11]

Can you tell me a little more about general confession. Does this mean you are not individually listing your sins?

Normally, one is obligated to confess only those mortal sins that have been committed since one’s last Confession.

A general Confession is done as part of a retreat or spiritual direction wherein the penitent goes over his life and confesses any sins he may have forgotten and even those confessed already, so as to give the confessor a clearer picture of the penitent’s spiritual state. It is also beneficial to the penitent who wants to let go of any past sins or hurts that may still remain.

My take on this is: ALWAYS schedule a general Confession with your confessor or spiritual director, and NEVER during regular Confession times.

 

[LilyM]

Can you tell me a little more about general confession. Does this mean you are not individually listing your sins?

No - for any confession to be valid you DO have to list your mortal sins by kind - and probably by (approximate at least) number as well, although sometimes I’ve forgotten and no priest has ever called me on it.

Calling it a ‘general’ confession just indicates that it covers all the sins of your entire life, as opposed to ordinary confession which just covers the period since your last confession.

As an example, I go to confession regularly and have done so for over two years now. If I, however, had some sort of spiritual experience and felt the need for a total spiritual ‘spring cleaning’, I might want to make a general confession as well. Not that the sins I’ve previously confessed are unforgiven, but one can gain extra graces, and extra peace of mind, by doing so.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Calling it a ‘general’ confession just indicates that it covers all the sins of your entire life, as opposed to ordinary confession which just covers the period since your last confession.

So for someone who has never made a confession, their first confession really is a general confession, since it must include all the serious sins committed since baptism.

For me, it was the confession I made after about 20 years of failing to confess my serious sins (what a beautiful thing that confession was for me; it gave me great peace and changed my life. Have no fear!).

Some people confuse a “general confession” with a penance service with “general absolution,” where a priest (supposedly) gives absolution to all present without individual confessions. Unfortunately, some parishes do this regularly. That is an abuse; this should be done only in emergency situations (e.g., a sinking ship, soldiers going into battle and the priest doesn’t have time to hear all their confessions, etc.). It is really an “IOU”; anyone absolved in this way is obligated to individually confess all serious sins at the earliest opportunity.

 

[muffinmojo]

I went through RCIA and converted, though more recently. Failing to make a Confession before entrance into the Church (baptism? profession of faith?) does not ‘invalidate’ it, don’t worry! You simply didn’t know about Confession or when to partake of this (very intimidating) Sacrament, no one can condemn you for that

Confession is the Sacrament of confessing, forgiveness, reconciliation, and pennance. When you have committed a mortal sin, you are no longer in a state of grace. When you humble yourself before God, and ask His forgiveness through a priest, you are restored to a state of grace, and are again able to recieve Holy Communion. The priest will also advise you on what to do to avoid your specific sins in the future, and will give you pennance that will help you remember it, and unite yourself with the suffering of Christ, to prevent yourself from sinning. As others have said, go talk to your priest! Christ said that heaven exults more for a repenting sinner than many righteous men, and you are choosing, by yourself ,to find out more about what He wishes. How can He help but be incredibly pleased with you?

Hope your first Confession goes well- I know how scary it is, especailly if you don’t know what’s going on

 

[puzzleannie]

some great replies

the sacrament of penance and reconciliation is a great gift whereby we have direct immediate experience of Christ’s love and mercy. don’t forego this from fear of all reasons.

you might want to make an appointment with the priest, and simply tell him when you do so why, I came into the church w/o a formal RCIA program and simply was not told, or did not understand, about confession, but know I know the need and want the sacrament. He will take if from there.

one suggestion I have made, for people who missed the RCIA class on this topic, or are nervous for whatever reason: I invite them to attend the 3 preparation classes for parents and middle grade students–nobody will know who they are, they won’t stand out–and get a good solid explanation and preparation on a basic, understandable, positive level. Then simply go to confession with that group on their scheduled day. again you won’t stand out because a lot of parents will be going as well. You say what the kids say:

bless me Father for I have sinned
this is my first confession
briefly tell you story (one sentence) then say “these are the sins of my past life as far as I can recall them”
give the list, with how often, or how many times, or for what period of time. just state the name of the sin, not the backstory, unless the priest asks for more details.
end with “for these and for all the sins of my past life I am heartily sorry.” so he knows you are done.
then wait for the priest’s instruction and counsel. he will ask questions if he needs information to help you. he will assign a penance, which you do as soon as possible after you leave. He will absolve you, and you will pray the act of contrition, from memory or you can take a prayer card in with you. and he will dismiss you with his blessing.

good to go

once you experience the immense grace of this sacrament you will not be able to stay away the next time you need it. You will also probably be motivated to learn a bit more at an adult level about the sacrament, morality etc., which you can do in adult ed in your parish or diocese, or reading–several good books above, Fr. Kane’s is among the best.

 

[CatholiCommit]

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Dear Poster

As a recent convert 6 months to the day, I can say it was weary for me to go through classes even being able to go through RCIA, I had the opportunity of having good people around me and there are two priests at my church they know everyone, and when I made my first confession I was really nervous, I was not really sure if I could do it but I knew I had to, maybe the way things went for you were bad in the beginning but you have a chance to turn over a new leaf, I know you are really scared about seeing the priest, but if you want help and guidance then you are going to have to push you are going to have to push yourself to do it. Priest now a days are more welcoming to the people of the community as well as the members of the parish.

I have found that going to see the priest at my church has really helped make difficult decisions. If you are really confused about confession the priest is the best person to talk to on that subject.

 

[MadCow1024]

Steph,

I thought I’d add my own note of encouragement.

I had a difficult time with my conversion and confession. I did not go through a formal RCIA program. I attended ‘faith sharing’ classes , which were intended to educate potential converts. My first confession was horrible. I hadn’t properly prepared myself and could not make a full confession. I hadn’t worried about it for a while. Eventually, I started coming back to what I had and hadn’t done, but felt that I couldn’t go confession because I had put it off for so long.

After coming back from a retreat, I realized I could and should not resist going to confession any longer. I should have scheduled a general confession. I didn’t. Instead, I went to church that had confession each day before mass. I explained the situation I was in to the priest and made the best confession I could. He was very supportive. I was assigned penance and given absolution and given an admonition to not stay away so long in the future.

I went back later to confess serious sin I had forgotten during this confession.

I felt so much better after the experience. The pain I was in was gone. Confession had suddenly become so much easier.