Help with confession

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Plainsman

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I’ve already done a search for threads about confession, but I don’t find any that deal with my questions. I need some serious help.

I’m an older guy, but a relatively new Catholic. I’ve gone to confession three times since my initiation, the last time over a year ago. One of my problems is simply not knowing how detailed to get in confession. There are some things in my dim, distant past, as a young man and NOT a Christian, that I am truly ashamed of and frankly don’t want to describe to anyone, not even a priest. I even have difficulty with the idea of telling a priest in general terms, but certainly not in any detail.

That brings me to my next problem. In most of the parishes in my area, confession is offered, but not in the traditional confessional. You just sit down with the priest, face to face. There ain’t no way. I could no more describe my sins on that basis than fly to the moon. How do I get by that?

The last and perhaps the biggest problem I have, is simply getting a priest to hold still long enough for me to discuss these issues. There are two parishes close by - the one I belong to and another in a small town near by. I know both of the priests fairly well, but I can’t seem to get either one of them to take me seriously.

I’ve told my parish priest that I have some issues that I’d like to talk with him about (not necessarily to confess, but just these items here) and he doesn’t return my phone calls and I can’t ever seem to catch him at home when I go to his residence.

The priest in the neighboring parish seems to always be up to his armpits in stuff to do for his own parishoners and doesn’t have time for me.

I don’t feel comfortable just picking out a parish near by and trying to connect with totally strange priest to discuss this stuff. On the other hand, when it comes to my actual confession, I don’t think I can bring myself to confess to any of the priests with whom I am acquainted because I simply don’t want them to know this stuff.

I feel like I’m stuck in a real hole. I feel that I have unconfessed mortal sin on my soul, including taking the eucharist unworthily. I’ve stopped taking communion, but I can’t seem to get things back on track. I’m constantly worried about the possiblity of dying with unconfessed mortal sin, but I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

Help! 😦

(Karl, if there was ever a time where someone could use your personal help, this is it.)
 
I’m not sure where you live, if you are so afraid of doing a face to face confession go to a city and find an old Church, those normally have the seperators between you and the preist. If not, drive really far, find a Church you will never go to, and do a face to face there.

Don’t worry about what you say, the preist can NEVER tell anyone ANYTHING about your confession, and anyone who over hears the confession is also bound by this.

Overcome your fear, it really is worth it, I just went to confession for the first time in five years yesterday, it really is worth it.
 
It’s a shame that our priests are so busy. I know priests would rather be helping someone in the confessional than having to deal with things like getting money for resurfacing the parking lot of the church and all those tasks of that type. Personally I don’t give any details of my sins. I just state the sin and move on to the next. No details, no excuses. I figure if he wants any details he’ll ask. Priests do not remember what your sins are. They care most about if your sorry for your sins and are happy your making good use of the sacrement. They have heard EVERYTHING. There is nothing that will shock them. If they tried to remember who commited what sin they’d go crazy. They forget the sins just like Jesus forgets the sins.Although I really don’t like going face to face either but I sometimes force myself to try to not be so prideful. God bless and welcome to the Church we’re glad to have ya!
 
First of all, you are not the only one who’s there or who’s been there. If that knowledge helps you AT ALL then be comforted by it. Secondly, it seems as though you want to talk to a priest you know, but not in the confessional? Maybe I got them mixed up in your post, but if you need to make an appointment with the priest it should be possible. I hate to say this, but if you’ve stopped taking communion over it, it wouldn’t be a bad time to use the term spiritual crisis when leaving a message. Sometimes it helps to flag the message when leaving it. Priests are as human as the rest of us and unfortunately have probably thousands of people to tend to so don’t be offended that you don’t get the return call, simply do something to get the secretary or priest to take notice of the message. Otherwise, and this is maybe not proper, but show up to confession, and say that you aren’t telling him everything, but that you’d like an appointment with him outside the confessional to discuss it. He won’t absolve you then, but at least it would be a start.
 
Plainsman, I sympathize with you. I also had to summarize a lifetime of sins for my first confession before I entered the church last year. I would rate my RCIA instruction on how to confess as very minimal. Especially when it comes to confessing sexual sins it is hard to know how specific to be. You don’t want to gross out the priest or sound like a nutcase describing everything you ever did. Especially when you don’t have the option to confess anonymously or if you have to explain a lot or ask questions which likely reveal your identity anyway. On the other hand, priests have heard it all! It’s very unlikely anything you confess would be new to him. I did end up summarizing a lot of my sins into a more euphamistic category.

One thing I want to remind you is that if you were recieved into the Church last year and made a first confession then you don’t have to go back and confess anything you might have forgotten the first time around since you were absolved for the sins you remembered as well as the ones you forgot up to that point in your life. I had the same experience when I went to my third confession and brought up that I had made up my own little pagan ritual once in a two-week stint as a neo-pagan that I figured was probably pretty offensive to God but I had forgotten all about until that day. The priest reminded me that I had already been absolved of that sin even though I had forgotten it.

I can’t think of why you might need to confess a pre-conversion sin unless you deliberately withheld confessing it out of embarrassment and thus made a bad confession to begin with. If that is the case, could you find a Catholic retreat center in the area to discuss the matter with a priest who has more time for you? I know it is very difficult to pin down priests sometimes. It seems they are always running from Mass to a meeting to a funeral and often seem to be deliberately avoiding getting drawn into a conversation.

Just keep it simple and tread delicately and if the priest wants more details then he’ll ask for them. “Father, when I was a young man I did some things I am ashamed of.” You can even ask him how detailed you need to be. It’s difficult yes, but the anticipation of it is worse than anything. You will feel better and better the sooner you get it over with.
Don’t let the devil make you feel like your sin is too awful to confess! Realize that yes, you are in a spiritual battle and that you must overcome the embarrassment that the Enemy is hurling at you in an attempt to block you from recieving the grace that Our Lord is dying (did die) to give you! St. Michael, protect us! I often pray that God would send His angels to clear my mind of fear and help me think as clearly as those spiritual beings of pure intellect do.

With God’s help, you can do it!
 
You will be in my prayers. You are correct in taking a wait-n-see approach to the reception of the most Holy Eucharist. We never want to separate ourselves from it if it can be avoided however unworthy receptions is a very serious problem. St. Paul warns us not to receive Him when we are unworthy. So, a good rule of thumb is when in doubt refrain unless you are suffering from scrupulosity, which is another mater all together.

Here are a few things to think about:

One, if you honestly forgot to mention any sins during your confession than those are forgiven as well when absolution is granted. However, if you intentionally refrain from admitting those sins you are in complete knowledge of having done, well then, I would seek out a priest ASAP no matter if it were face to face or in the box.

Two, make an appointment with the priest to discuss them ASAP. Unfortunately in these times priests are generally overtaxed and can not minister in the same manner they once were able to. It is a sad reality, but due to their schedules it would be very prudent to make the appointment.

Three, when meeting with the priest ask him if he is able to set aside a certain amount of time to be your spiritual director. Again most priests are overburdened and simply do not have the time. However, I have found that the greater the need the more likely the priest will “make time” available for you.

Four, pray for the intercession of Padre Pio and/or John Vianney. Both could read hearts and aided their penitents in such crisis. Ask him to intercede on your behalf; to aid in giving you the ability to make the confession you so obliviously need to.

Five, read the life of St. Therese de Avilla. She too had some issues with confession and her confessors. Although not the same as yours, she went through enough that in reading about her life you may well find that you do have it in you to seek absolution whether it be face to face or in the box - and especially no matter the nature of the sins.

Remember that God already knows what you did. It does not mater if you were a Christian or not. He knows. The single greatest thing you can do is to humble yourself and seek His forgiveness. Humility leads to holiness. Holiness leads to Sainthood. And that is what we a re all striving here for.

Your unworthy brother in Christ and by the Grace of God a future priest,

Donnchadh
 
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Plainsman:
I’ve already done a search for threads about confession, but I don’t find any that deal with my questions. I need some serious help.

I’m an older guy, but a relatively new Catholic. I’ve gone to confession three times since my initiation, the last time over a year ago. One of my problems is simply not knowing how detailed to get in confession. There are some things in my dim, distant past, as a young man and NOT a Christian, that I am truly ashamed of and frankly don’t want to describe to anyone, not even a priest. I even have difficulty with the idea of telling a priest in general terms, but certainly not in any detail.

That brings me to my next problem. In most of the parishes in my area, confession is offered, but not in the traditional confessional. You just sit down with the priest, face to face. There ain’t no way. I could no more describe my sins on that basis than fly to the moon. How do I get by that?

The last and perhaps the biggest problem I have, is simply getting a priest to hold still long enough for me to discuss these issues. There are two parishes close by - the one I belong to and another in a small town near by. I know both of the priests fairly well, but I can’t seem to get either one of them to take me seriously.

I’ve told my parish priest that I have some issues that I’d like to talk with him about (not necessarily to confess, but just these items here) and he doesn’t return my phone calls and I can’t ever seem to catch him at home when I go to his residence.

The priest in the neighboring parish seems to always be up to his armpits in stuff to do for his own parishoners and doesn’t have time for me.

I don’t feel comfortable just picking out a parish near by and trying to connect with totally strange priest to discuss this stuff. On the other hand, when it comes to my actual confession, I don’t think I can bring myself to confess to any of the priests with whom I am acquainted because I simply don’t want them to know this stuff.

I feel like I’m stuck in a real hole. I feel that I have unconfessed mortal sin on my soul, including taking the eucharist unworthily. I’ve stopped taking communion, but I can’t seem to get things back on track. I’m constantly worried about the possiblity of dying with unconfessed mortal sin, but I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

Help! 😦

(Karl, if there was ever a time where someone could use your personal help, this is it.)
Click to expand...
There is a priest in the States, that says after listening to all the confessions, he realises that not one of them is as bad as his own !!!
Anyway if it’s a sin of the flesh, and you don’t want to go into pacific details, just say that you have sinned against chasity.
DON’T HOLD BACK, I have sat outside confessional boxes thinking, I’m going to make a dash for the front door of the Chapel, but as soon as I ask Jesus to help me it passes.
And oh what a relief it is to tell your sins and receive absolution !!!
Anyway you can’t shock a priest, like I was told years ago about confession," BE SORRY,BE BREIF,BE GONE " you can’t hide anything from God :nope: Tell the truth and shame the devil.
 
I would encourage you to go to a priest you don’t know, it sounds like you would be more comfortable and honest if you did so. I like the Be sorry, be brief, be gone. Our priest also says things like that. If you go with every intent on telling everything if the priest needs clarification, but doesn’t ask for it, your sins are forgiven. Example: forgive me I have had many sins of chastity. I have liied twice and missed 1 Mass. And for all my sins I am truly sorry.

Priests turn to ask for any gory details.

Just remember this, you are not confessing to the priest, you are confessing to God, He already knows all the gory details. The priest is just Christ’s proxy. If he needs details to give God’s forgiveness, give them. If not be comforted that God knows them anyway and He blesses your willingness to humble yourself in confession.
:blessyou:
 
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Plainsman:
There are some things in my dim, distant past, as a young man and NOT a Christian, that I am truly ashamed of and frankly don’t want to describe to anyone, not even a priest.
Click to expand...
Plainsman, nobody has yet asked you the most important question - when you became a Catholic, had you already been baptized, or were you baptized when you were received into the Church? If you received the Sacrament of Baptism as part of your initiation into the Church, all your previous sins are forgiven **without ** having been confessed! Such is the mercy of God!

On the other hand, if you were already baptised, you do need to address these sins of your past. I agree with those who have told you to find a parish with screened confessionals and confess to a priest you will not meet again. But even if you end up with your own parish priest, I promise you that he will (1) probably forget what you told him very shortly afterward - they have a special grace from God for that, and (2) respect you more for saying what you have to say and having the courage to clear things up.

Where do you live? Perhaps someone can direct you to a parish where you will find what you need.

Betsy
 
I went to confession after being gone for 30 years and felt that my confession wans’t good but couldn’t go because mine was also face to face. I asked Fr Mitch one day on EWTN and he said that I had made a good confession, that confession was not like these tv shows where you have to give details. Just name the kind of sin and the number and maybe later if you feel you want to you can get more specific. Try talking to Father Mitch on Wed afternoon on EWTN. I know he’ll help you.
maggiec
 
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