Help with Confession

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ExGratia

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I used to go to Confession weekly (or at the very least monthly), since I returned to the Church a few years ago. The first time I experienced the Sacrament as an adult, it wasn’t that difficult as I had a lot of grave sins to confess.

I have not been to Confession now since Divine Mercy Sunday, because it is very difficult to get there with 9 month old twin boys. When I do return, I have a couple of barriers.

1.Since it has been a long time, I’ve committed a lot of sins, but none like the glaring ones I committed when I was away from the Church (making that list was easy). Since I do not believe I am in a state of mortal sin, but know I need spiritual healing, I do not know what to confess. When I went weekly, it was easy to focus on some imperfections and repeat venial sins so that I could improve. But now, there are so very many sins that I’m not sure what to do.
  1. Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.
Any advice would be appreciated!
 
A person who makes a good examine and is not conscious of any mortal sins – is not obliged to confess any particular sin…or give any numbers…

So one may examine ones conscience and decide what venial sins one wishes here and now to confess (and one can include the rest in a general way at the end if one wishes).

No detail need be given…no numbers…and can be more general though it can be good to for example work on a particular kind of sin by going to confession frequently and zeroing in on that one especially.
 
There are many ways one may go about (lots of freedom here) confession when on has not committed any mortal sins (one examines for such of course).

So worry not – examine your conscience -repent and come to the Good Shepherd who loves you and will give you increase in grace and graces to help you follow him better.
 
ExGratia said:
…edit…
  1. Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.
Any advice would be appreciated!
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I agree with previous posters.
As to your final paragraph and 2. above. You do not need to name anyone. You can simply say “I have had uncharitable thoughts” (if this is the problem). Since this is venial sin, you do not have to mention number of times, and you certainly do not need to name anyone nor the situation in which the uncharitable thoughts have occurred.

If no mortal sins have been committed, under Church Law, we are bound to confess only once yearly within the appointed time (Easter Season). When you were able to go to Confession regularly, focus was easier. Since you are now unable to go to regular Confession as before and you have quite legitimate reasons, your call is to trust in The Lord and He can be trusted in all things for He is Forever The Faithful One. Divine Providence is always providing for us in our journey to holiness and in all things, including in our difficult circumstances - and yours at this point is that circumstances prevailing mean you cannot focus as well as before and it might **SEEM **that you are not journeying to holiness as well as before when you could focus. Do not fear, The Lord has allowed these circumstances. Trust Him.
 
ExGratia said:
I used to go to Confession weekly (or at the very least monthly), since I returned to the Church a few years ago. The first time I experienced the Sacrament as an adult, it wasn’t that difficult as I had a lot of grave sins to confess.

I have not been to Confession now since Divine Mercy Sunday, because it is very difficult to get there with 9 month old twin boys. When I do return, I have a couple of barriers.

1.Since it has been a long time, I’ve committed a lot of sins, but none like the glaring ones I committed when I was away from the Church (making that list was easy). Since I do not believe I am in a state of mortal sin, but know I need spiritual healing, I do not know what to confess. When I went weekly, it was easy to focus on some imperfections and repeat venial sins so that I could improve. But now, there are so very many sins that I’m not sure what to do.
  1. Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Click to expand...
I use the Laudate app to help me examine my conscience for Confession. In addition, if you are having issues with your mother, you don’t need to give the details of her actions unless you feel compelled or the priest asks. He won’t (or shouldn’t) treat her any differently. They can sometimes offer the healing advice you need if they know more information, but they’ll ask questions. You can mention it’s an ongoing issue. Are you going behind the screen or face to face? If you are worried about detraction, mention that to the priest, especially if you feel compelled to ask or seek deeper advice than a penance and absolution. You could also say ‘someone close to me’ as opposed to your mother.

God bless you and keep you. Also, don’t be TOO hard on yourself. I could be wrong, but you might be getting less sleep 😉 (for good reasons!!); you can mention that to the priest as well. While you are still responsible for your actions and sins, the reasons for your initial crankiness/shortness/whatever (just generalizing) could be mitigating circumstances, although not excuses.

Congrats on your twin joys!!!
 
ExGratia said:
I used to go to Confession weekly (or at the very least monthly), since I returned to the Church a few years ago. The first time I experienced the Sacrament as an adult, it wasn’t that difficult as I had a lot of grave sins to confess.

I have not been to Confession now since Divine Mercy Sunday, because it is very difficult to get there with 9 month old twin boys. When I do return, I have a couple of barriers.

1.Since it has been a long time, I’ve committed a lot of sins, but none like the glaring ones I committed when I was away from the Church (making that list was easy). Since I do not believe I am in a state of mortal sin, but know I need spiritual healing, I do not know what to confess. When I went weekly, it was easy to focus on some imperfections and repeat venial sins so that I could improve. But now, there are so very many sins that I’m not sure what to do.
  1. Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Click to expand...
Hi,
It looks like they all have helped you to not worry about not having committed any mortal sins and about being general enough in your confessions, to allow you to not name names, however even if you have to name names, it will turn out okay.
It turns out okay, because, That Guy, Jesus, is really in there working through the priest to not only help you but to love and like you also.
I had a confession recently. I went over in my mind what was sure of, I knew what I would say, I knew it. But I still wondered if I might have to talk about this other thing, that I thought was perfectly okay.
So, I finish. I am done. I have confessed my sins which will not allow me to go to communion. I am done. The priest knows me and I know him. He does not do, what he is going to do next, normally. I know how his confessions go. I have been to many before.
. Completely out of character for him, for mister father matter of fact, he says somehow: “Is that all?” Bang, I launched into all that I was unsure of then, and one of those items was needed.
The point here is Jesus, actually makes the right things happen in that Confessional. What He, Jesus said to someone onetime is true. “I am doing the work in that confessional. Do not regard the priest when you come to me. It is I.” While not exactly what He said, to Faustina, it is roughly what He meant.
In confessionals, I have been prevented on some occasions from saying something which is not a sin, not that this happens to me perfectly all the time. Do not understand that. It is just that sometimes, I am helped, and it is I say, the help from Jesus. It is what He told Faustina. I only know it from her book, the one Jesus told her to write. Divine Mercy Diary. I know it from there.
So, just like the others said, let Jesus do the work in your life, and just like every old woman knows who coach the younger women, what happens is supposed to happen. Things are the way they should be. What they don’t say all the time is it is because in your life and the lives of others, if you let Him, God Himself, directs your life. However, if you ask them what they mean and why they say it, I feel they will always say because God is directing my life and your life, not only because He is that capable, not only because He is that Good, but because He actually loves,you.
In short relax, He loves you, no matter how sure you are that life is what it is, God is in charge of your life, and the lives of most people.
…Me…
 
You aren’t required to confess venial sin, and you certainly aren’t required to confess them in detail - but maybe it would be helpful to give a brief description of what your mom has done that caused you to react that way - not to tattle or to commit detraction, but to help explain why you are reacting the way you are, especially as it is an ongoing problem. You might receive better advice or encouragement that way. 🤷

Sometimes, if it feels like everything is wrong even though I am not in mortal sin, I will focus my examination on Love - how have I neglected Love towards God, towards other people, towards myself? I can think of a few pertinent things for each category, and this little list seems to encompass the mess.
 
The Church is various places has exhorted us to read the sacred scriptures frequently. One of the fruits of this practice is the solution to the question that you posited. Supplement this with reading part three of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Or the second of the second part of the Summa Theologica. All in God’s time.

newadvent.org/summa/3.htm
 
ExGratia said:
I used to go to Confession weekly (or at the very least monthly), since I returned to the Church a few years ago. The first time I experienced the Sacrament as an adult, it wasn’t that difficult as I had a lot of grave sins to confess.

I have not been to Confession now since Divine Mercy Sunday, because it is very difficult to get there with 9 month old twin boys. When I do return, I have a couple of barriers.

1.Since it has been a long time, I’ve committed a lot of sins, but none like the glaring ones I committed when I was away from the Church (making that list was easy). Since I do not believe I am in a state of mortal sin, but know I need spiritual healing, I do not know what to confess. When I went weekly, it was easy to focus on some imperfections and repeat venial sins so that I could improve. But now, there are so very many sins that I’m not sure what to do.
  1. Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Click to expand...
Think over all your venial sins and determine which of the 7 capital sins most of them fit under.
Then work on those.
 
ExGratia said:
Many of my sins (and the areas where I need healing) may involve revealing another’s sins. Many of my struggles have involved reacting poorly to my mom’s deconstructive criticism and gossip, and I do not want to commit the sin of detraction. The priests at both parishes where I would likely confess know her, and know her as an upstanding Catholic.

Any advice would be appreciated!
Click to expand...
When we go to confession, we are confessing our own sins, not other people’s sins. You can just use what you said above - that you reacted poorly to another person’s destructive gossip. You can elaborate a little, but you don’t have to mention that person is your mother. Confession is to accuse one’s own fault. If the sin is related to another person, don’t reveal that person’s identity when the priest knows him or her.
 
animalis said:
The Church is various places has exhorted us to read the sacred scriptures frequently. One of the fruits of this practice is the solution to the question that you posited. Supplement this with reading part three of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Or the second of the second part of the Summa Theologica. All in God’s time.

newadvent.org/summa/3.htm
Click to expand...
I came across this in the scriptures and with that it gives light to the practical solution of frequent reading of the sacred scriptures, it says in the psalms: “By what doth a young man correct his way? by observing thy words.” (Ps 119 [118]:9, vulgate)

And this one is among my those I know, and I include this because it affirms frequency, and it his affirmed in one of the letters of St. Athanasius, “Blessed is the man…his pleasure is in the law of the Lord; and in his law will he meditate day and night. And he shall be as a tree planted by the brooks of waters, which shall yield its fruit in its season…” (Ps 1:1-3)
 
Thank you for each and every response. I am going to print them out to look at better.

I have used various tools such as meditating on the beatitudes or specific virtues before Confession at times, and I feel inspired by the poster who mentioned the meditation on how I’ve sinned against love.

All responses really reached me, so thank you!

I do need to read more scripture…there are times when I could, while babies are nursing and napping on my lap! 🙂
 
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