Help with excess guilt

[matutemats]

My main issue is that I am “more Catholic than the Pope”, and I "kil"l myself after I sin, and I torture myself, and the shameful act does not leave my head. After I sin, I go to confession as quickly as possible (at most 2, 3 days) and I know that God forgives me. But I do not, I simply can’t. And I feel that every time I sin marks a before and after. That this “before” is worth nothing, and that “after” is hopeless for sin is our nature, thus, re-starting this cycle. I live and lived with guilt all year. With this modality, I feel this year not yet started. I feel like I spent the days and nothing special I can recall (although there are special moments that become ‘tainted’ with sin, thus the suffering). I suffer a lot with this. I feel very alone here.

The sin I am specially talking about is masturbation. I am not an addict (I believe so) as I sadly sin from this 1 month min and 6 month max. It is really frustrating, because. Am undergoing puberty and sometimes it is really impossible to hold myself. But I try so hard. And I fail so badly.

I’ve seen many priests about this issue, and always they tell me not to torture myself, that I am worth much more than my sinful actions. Nevertheless, I can’t help it feel this way. I am loosing my will and motivation.

I don’t know if you can help me, but I appreciate at least you reading my testimony. Thanks.

 

[Trishie]

Do good for others.
“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]

Contrition

Loving Father, I have sinned against others, against myself, and against You. I am unworthy to be Your child. I have offended Your goodness and Your dream of who I really am. I may have denied You the joy of blessings that You wish for me and for others through me.

You alone know the entire consequences of my failure. Yet Jesus assures us that You joyfully celebrate my return from sin, and run to welcome and reclaim me as Your own. Therefore, with Your grace, I want to value myself as Your child, knowing that all worth and holiness comes from You.

In trust, I will not accuse myself for sins already forgiven and absolved or for temptation if I have not actually sinned. I believe that temptation can be overcome by Your grace, inspiring greater faithfulness to the Gospel and the Sacraments.

Look on those tasks of love and service that I fail to undertake or to complete, and bring them to completion. Please bring out of my failures, such fruits of these new opportunities enhanced beyond all previous expectation, for from our human betrayal of Your divine plan of Creation, Your mercy wrought the magnificent plan of redemption that reverberates through time and eternity!

In Your mercy, please transform into good all that in weakness or ignorance I may spoil. Please give blessing that is abundant beyond original possibility, to anyone I ever harm or deprive.

May I so belong to You, may I be so transformed by Your love, that my faults no longer can foster anything that impedes Your will.
This, my soul, in trusting confidence, implores.

 

[R_C]

Read “The Spiritual Combat” by Fr. Lorenzo Scupoli. It helped me a lot with this.

For lust: become more and more devout to Our Lady. Chastity and self-mastery take quite a long time, and please do not keep track of days or months, that hinders a lot.

Forgiving yourself is part of Reconciliation, by the way. If you do not forgive yourself, you are not doing God’s will, and this can be an expression of a latent, root sin (perhaps pride, as you yourself seem to spot).

And do not do violence on yourself, like that holy man of old who struck his donkey so hard for no reason at all. What you feel is no evil: quite the contrary. Simply learn to find a balance in your life (which does not mean repression, but, rather, rejection of lust) and you will find that you have no “need” to do what before appeared to be unavoidable. Such is the chain of slavery to lust: if we expose ourselves, it grabs us with an iron fist that cannot be broken through human strength (though it can be broken by God’s grace). Remember: the burden must be light. If it feels heavy, you may be doing something wrong.

I mentioned Spiritual Combat - a most worthy reading. I also recommend “Story of a Soul”, another potentially life-changing work which brought a young nun who died at a very young age to become a Doctor of the Church, and which lead to many holy people living much better lives.

 

[matutemats]

Do good for others.
“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]

Thanks for the Contrition. I try to do as much as I can whenever I have the chance, and I pray for God to show me where can I do his work.

 

[matutemats]

Read “The Spiritual Combat” by Fr. Lorenzo Scupoli. It helped me a lot with this.

For lust: become more and more devout to Our Lady. Chastity and self-mastery take quite a long time, and please do not keep track of days or months, that hinders a lot.

Im trying to do a rosary at least once a week.
It’ll be difficult not to keep track on days or months, as I am a bit obsessive with it. But thanks for the recommendation, I do believe this is one of my greatest issues.

Forgiving yourself is part of Reconciliation, by the way. If you do not forgive yourself, you are not doing God’s will, and this can be an expression of a latent, root sin (perhaps pride, as you yourself seem to spot).

Where do I seem to spot pride?
It is easy to say I should try forgive myself, priests been doing this since long time, but it is much difficult. I pray and ask for God to help me to forgive myself, but sadly I still can’t.

Simply learn to find a balance in your life (which does not mean repression, but, rather, rejection of lust) and you will find that you have no “need” to do what before appeared to be unavoidable. Such is the chain of slavery to lust: if we expose ourselves, it grabs us with an iron fist that cannot be broken through human strength (though it can be broken by God’s grace). Remember: the burden must be light. If it feels heavy, you may be doing something wrong.

Can you expand this a little bit more, because I am definitely doing something wrong. The burden is very heavy, and it becomes much more difficult as the cycle repeats.

I mentioned Spiritual Combat - a most worthy reading. I also recommend “Story of a Soul”, another potentially life-changing work which brought a young nun who died at a very young age to become a Doctor of the Church, and which lead to many holy people living much better lives.

I am already searching internet for them, thanks for the recommendation.

R_C thanks a lot for your help, you’ve been very kind, thank you!

 

[R_C]

You are very welcome!

Where do I seem to spot pride?

My main issue is that I am “more Catholic than the Pope”

Here

Can you expand this a little bit more, because I am definitely doing something wrong. The burden is very heavy, and it becomes much more difficult as the cycle repeats.

Well, it is sort of difficult, and perhaps you want to ask your confessor for some spiritual direction. However, my point, coming from the battles I have fought, is this:

(a) I could not (and cannot) do this on my own, but only through God’s grace;

(b) the simpler and humbler I become, the easier time I have forgiving myself (since I don’t expect much from me, and I want to please Christ who wants me to not be deeply disturbed);

(c) when I kept track of time, it was a countdown; as soon as I completely stopped caring about time, things improved so much that when I do fall, I often cannot even remember the last time I committed that sin;

(d) a strong devotion to the Blessed Virgin has been the channel of purity for me; I have learned to love Her pristine, pure beauty, and by doing so I am still attracted by women, but I no longer experience the lustful thoughts that used to show up as soon as I noticed someone’s beauty - I’ll go even further and admit that in several occasions, having been exposed to images of a certain kind, I have actually felt very sorrowful for those women, and that helped me drift a lot away from any sort of lustful imagery (including those we find in daily tv shows and movies) because those people are literally losing grace and bringing death to their soul before my very eyes…it is spiritual suicide I am witnessing, under the deception and pomps of Satan;

(e) I have come to realize just how much I was becoming a servant of Satan by not breaking free of the bond of lust; he literally had power over me, to the extent that, at the peak of my struggle, I could literally “sense” a grip around me that would overpower my will - which is when I came to realize that on my own I was hopeless, and that I needed to reject temptations, learn more ex. about the theology of the body, and confess and receive the Holy Eucharist very, very often. After I reached some relative freedom from lust (meaning I still sin and fall, but as a warrior wounded by an enemy, not as a servant following a master), it often happens that even when I am tempted, I am assailed by a very strong sensation of cold, which I perceive as myself drifting away from God and giving again some authority to Satan; ultimately I hate sins of lust because they are a concession to the evil one, and if there is one thing we can be proud of, is this: our soul belongs to God, to God alone, and anyone else should keep his hands off.

(f) Ultimately I realize it is a matter of what is the center of my life. It has, it must be God, and God alone. If it is myself, pleasure, sex, or another creature, then I am gravely mistaken and trouble will come. Once I was in love, and I knew because I’d always be thinking of my loved one. I learned to my surprise that we can fall in love with God as well, and as we love Him more and more, the thought of Him will replace anything else, and that love will become a powerful energy to accomplish many things. Plus, love for a creature is powerful, but it comes from inside, while love for the Creator is infinitely powerful because it is the Holy Spirit Himself who unites us with God in Christ, allowing us to literally “partake in the divine nature”.

So hopefully amidst those many words you’ll find something meaningful to help you a bit. Do learn to live a simpler life…we cannot offer great things to God…and we are literally surrounded by a world of lust…the reading of “Story of a Soul” benefited me a lot, because I came to realize that I became stronger against sin as I became smaller and smaller…and as I kept busy, praying, studying, and working! “Do not give the devil a chance to work on you”, says St. Peter.

 

[matutemats]

You are very welcome!

Here

Well, it is sort of difficult, and perhaps you want to ask your confessor for some spiritual direction. However, my point, coming from the battles I have fought, is this:

(a) I could not (and cannot) do this on my own, but only through God’s grace;

(b) the simpler and humbler I become, the easier time I have forgiving myself (since I don’t expect much from me, and I want to please Christ who wants me to not be deeply disturbed);

(c) when I kept track of time, it was a countdown; as soon as I completely stopped caring about time, things improved so much that when I do fall, I often cannot even remember the last time I committed that sin;

(d) a strong devotion to the Blessed Virgin has been the channel of purity for me; I have learned to love Her pristine, pure beauty, and by doing so I am still attracted by women, but I no longer experience the lustful thoughts that used to show up as soon as I noticed someone’s beauty - I’ll go even further and admit that in several occasions, having been exposed to images of a certain kind, I have actually felt very sorrowful for those women, and that helped me drift a lot away from any sort of lustful imagery (including those we find in daily tv shows and movies) because those people are literally losing grace and bringing death to their soul before my very eyes…it is spiritual suicide I am witnessing, under the deception and pomps of Satan;

(e) I have come to realize just how much I was becoming a servant of Satan by not breaking free of the bond of lust; he literally had power over me, to the extent that, at the peak of my struggle, I could literally “sense” a grip around me that would overpower my will - which is when I came to realize that on my own I was hopeless, and that I needed to reject temptations, learn more ex. about the theology of the body, and confess and receive the Holy Eucharist very, very often. After I reached some relative freedom from lust (meaning I still sin and fall, but as a warrior wounded by an enemy, not as a servant following a master), it often happens that even when I am tempted, I am assailed by a very strong sensation of cold, which I perceive as myself drifting away from God and giving again some authority to Satan; ultimately I hate sins of lust because they are a concession to the evil one, and if there is one thing we can be proud of, is this: our soul belongs to God, to God alone, and anyone else should keep his hands off.

(f) Ultimately I realize it is a matter of what is the center of my life. It has, it must be God, and God alone. If it is myself, pleasure, sex, or another creature, then I am gravely mistaken and trouble will come. Once I was in love, and I knew because I’d always be thinking of my loved one. I learned to my surprise that we can fall in love with God as well, and as we love Him more and more, the thought of Him will replace anything else, and that love will become a powerful energy to accomplish many things. Plus, love for a creature is powerful, but it comes from inside, while love for the Creator is infinitely powerful because it is the Holy Spirit Himself who unites us with God in Christ, allowing us to literally “partake in the divine nature”.

So hopefully amidst those many words you’ll find something meaningful to help you a bit. Do learn to live a simpler life…we cannot offer great things to God…and we are literally surrounded by a world of lust…the reading of “Story of a Soul” benefited me a lot, because I came to realize that I became stronger against sin as I became smaller and smaller…and as I kept busy, praying, studying, and working! “Do not give the devil a chance to work on you”, says St. Peter.

Ah, about the “more Catholic than the Pope” has been said to me by my own confessor. It’s a saying back here in Argentina, it isn’t literal.

I’ve been reading and thinking about your words. I’ll try to work myself through it. Thank you. Any other reply will be appreciated it.

 

[420camels]

If you think about it, you’re going through puberty now and many guys your age would have been married and would have been having sex within their marriage (hopefully) by now in Biblical times. Masturbation is supposed to be bad because it’s sexual without the possibility of reproduction, right? Well in today’s society, guys your age are not usually married and are encouraged not to pro-create. So, long story short, in the time of the Bible, guys your age were getting sexual release and today they don’t until much later. I think that if this would have been the case in the time of the Bible, they would have felt a little differently about masturbation. I mean, at least you aren’t roaming around having sex with random people for release. I think it could be viewed as a positive thing in that light. And, come on, the Bible was written so very long ago. While it could still be relevant, it would be stupid not to acknowledge that it’s quite outdated and it’s not really plausible to take it all so literally.
Just some thoughts though. Best of luck.

 

[CopticChristian]

My main issue is that I am “more Catholic than the Pope”, and I "kil"l myself after I sin, and I torture myself, and the shameful act does not leave my head. After I sin, I go to confession as quickly as possible (at most 2, 3 days) and I know that God forgives me. But I do not, I simply can’t. And I feel that every time I sin marks a before and after. That this “before” is worth nothing, and that “after” is hopeless for sin is our nature, thus, re-starting this cycle. I live and lived with guilt all year. With this modality, I feel this year not yet started. I feel like I spent the days and nothing special I can recall (although there are special moments that become ‘tainted’ with sin, thus the suffering). I suffer a lot with this. I feel very alone here.

The sin I am specially talking about is masturbation. I am not an addict (I believe so) as I sadly sin from this 1 month min and 6 month max. It is really frustrating, because. Am undergoing puberty and sometimes it is really impossible to hold myself. But I try so hard. And I fail so badly.

I’ve seen many priests about this issue, and always they tell me not to torture myself, that I am worth much more than my sinful actions. Nevertheless, I can’t help it feel this way. I am loosing my will and motivation.

I don’t know if you can help me, but I appreciate at least you reading my testimony. Thanks.

Matute,

What do you mean…you are more Catholic than the Pope?

 

[matutemats]

Matute,

What do you mean…you are more Catholic than the Pope?

Not the most wise choice of words. It’s a saying in my home country which means that you are more than what you’re supposed to be. Or that you enlarge everything to be a major problem.
My confessor told me so.

 

[CopticChristian]

Not the most wise choice of words. It’s a saying in my home country which means that you are more than what you’re supposed to be. Or that you enlarge everything to be a major problem.
My confessor told me so.

Matute,

Ok, so then you are more than you are supposed to be. Tell me what that means in terms of being Catholic.

Have you read the YouCat?

or

The Catechism cover to cover?

tell me…

 

[matutemats]

Matute,

Ok, so then you are more than you are supposed to be. Tell me what that means in terms of being Catholic.

Have you read the YouCat?

or

The Catechism cover to cover?

tell me…

Again, for the THIRD TIME.
The more Catholic than the Pope is a SAYING. NOT LITERAL. It isn’t as if I believe myself more Catholic than anyone, get it? Especially when my way of acting myself when found in sin is more closer to the punishing Gestapo than the forgiving Lord.
Just omit yourself the saying if it becomes just too complicated.

 

[Imbrium994]

First of all, relax. Our toughest critic is ourselves. So when we sin, we feel like we need to punish ourselves to no end to please God. Do not be hard on yourself! In the realm of things this is a small problem. It can be potentially a big problem but puberty can be a terrible time and unforgiving. Homo sapiens and puberty does not know Catholiscm and it’s rules regarding sin. Don’t throw in the towel and give up. Just keep fighting, go to confession, and pray. Life is never going to be easy, you are just experiencing what all Christians are experiencing, which is the way of the cross. This just happens to be your cross. Even priests have this problem, as they are human beings too! No one is perfect, except Christ.

In my experience there is no will power, there is no self control. There is only the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit which will guide and help you in your daily struggles. Masturbation is low on the totem pole compared to other sins.

Be at peace. Do not beat yourself up which is taking control out of God’s hands. Next time you go to confession immediately afterwards go and pray in front of the tabernacle and give all your worries, struggles, fears, pain…everything to Him. Say it out loud if you can or to yourself.

If you mess up, dust yourself off, pick up your cross and continue the way of the cross. The sun will rise the next day. Immediately give your guilt, shame, and self loathing to Christ. My mom says: “put it in God’s inbox”

He knows your struggles, He knows you and loves you more than you will ever know!

Peace my friend.

 

[matutemats]

First of all, relax. Our toughest critic is ourselves. So when we sin, we feel like we need to punish ourselves to no end to please God. Do not be hard on yourself! In the realm of things this is a small problem. It can be potentially a big problem but puberty can be a terrible time and unforgiving. Homo sapiens and puberty does not know Catholiscm and it’s rules regarding sin. Don’t throw in the towel and give up. Just keep fighting, go to confession, and pray. Life is never going to be easy, you are just experiencing what all Christians are experiencing, which is the way of the cross. This just happens to be your cross. Even priests have this problem, as they are human beings too! No one is perfect, except Christ.

In my experience there is no will power, there is no self control. There is only the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit which will guide and help you in your daily struggles. Masturbation is low on the totem pole compared to other sins.

Be at peace. Do not beat yourself up which is taking control out of God’s hands. Next time you go to confession immediately afterwards go and pray in front of the tabernacle and give all your worries, struggles, fears, pain…everything to Him. Say it out loud if you can or to yourself.

If you mess up, dust yourself off, pick up your cross and continue the way of the cross. The sun will rise the next day. Immediately give your guilt, shame, and self loathing to Christ. My mom says: “put it in God’s inbox”

He knows your struggles, He knows you and loves you more than you will ever know!

Peace my friend.

Imbrium, sorry for the delay.
This is a very helpful message. You do indeed understand what i’m going through.
I really appreciate your time to answer my post. Little by little my sub-concience will get this whole idea and stop ruining things for me.
Thank you,
Peace be with you.

 

[matutemats]

Matute,

Ok, so then you are more than you are supposed to be. Tell me what that means in terms of being Catholic.

Have you read the YouCat?

or

The Catechism cover to cover?

tell me…

Coptic, although I explained my defense before…let me ask you something.
Does reading the Catechism cover to cover make you a better Christian than me?
tell me…

 

[matutemats]

(b) the simpler and humbler I become, the easier time I have forgiving myself (since I don’t expect much from me, and I want to please Christ who wants me to not be deeply disturbed);

(d) a strong devotion to the Blessed Virgin has been the channel of purity for me; I have learned to love Her pristine, pure beauty, and by doing so I am still attracted by women, but I no longer experience the lustful thoughts that used to show up as soon as I noticed someone’s beauty - I’ll go even further and admit that in several occasions, having been exposed to images of a certain kind, I have actually felt very sorrowful for those women, and that helped me drift a lot away from any sort of lustful imagery (including those we find in daily tv shows and movies) because those people are literally losing grace and bringing death to their soul before my very eyes…it is spiritual suicide I am witnessing, under the deception and pomps of Satan;

(e) I have come to realize just how much I was becoming a servant of Satan by not breaking free of the bond of lust; he literally had power over me, to the extent that, at the peak of my struggle, I could literally “sense” a grip around me that would overpower my will - which is when I came to realize that on my own I was hopeless, and that I needed to reject temptations, learn more ex. about the theology of the body, and confess and receive the Holy Eucharist very, very often. After I reached some relative freedom from lust (meaning I still sin and fall, but as a warrior wounded by an enemy, not as a servant following a master), it often happens that even when I am tempted, I am assailed by a very strong sensation of cold, which I perceive as myself drifting away from God and giving again some authority to Satan; ultimately I hate sins of lust because they are a concession to the evil one, and if there is one thing we can be proud of, is this: our soul belongs to God, to God alone, and anyone else should keep his hands off.

R_C, such a long time.

I am reviewing again your reply, as I am again in time of need.

I selected three points of your reply that I would be grateful if you can answer some more questions.

Regarding b) What to you mean to be simpler and humbler? Economically? Socially?

Regarding d) How do you start a devotion to Mary or any other Saint?

Regarding e) Even when you fall, how come you can get up so quickly and take the dust off?

Again, thank you very much!

 

[CopticChristian]

Coptic, although I explained my defense before…let me ask you something.
Does reading the Catechism cover to cover make you a better Christian than me?
tell me…

Matute,

Your understanding of the question framed as better than is incorrect. Rather than answer the question as posed think about what it is you are doing and why it is I suggested this. As you think and believe, then so you act…and the reason for the Catechism is to aid you in formulating a way of thinking…

The Catechism is divided into 4 parts…

Profession of Faith
Sacramental Life
Life in Christ
Prayer…

So you say you are troubled with sin…with that in mind understanding that sin is not exclusive to anyone individual what might this information be useful for…

Profession of Faith…what it is you believe and why you believe it is based on Divine Revelation and is understood by you by Faith…a gift…that gift comes to you by way of an answer to a call…

The Catechism teaches that we are all called by God, and the fact that you are Catholic and on this CAF is a testament to your response to the call of God. You are loved by God as much as any other individual and loved as if you were the only person He loves…God loves you…

Living the Sacramental life you access grace of God, gifts from God, that you use to form habits and those habits are virtues…it is also a place to thank God and ask for help and forgiveness…and you are forgiven each time you ask…pretty good, Huh…

Life in Christ means you model Christ and seek to be Holy as God is Holy and here is where you say you falter…with that in mind look at the Human Virtues, animated by the Theologic virtues and with that in mind the gifts of the Spirit and fruits of the Spirit. The human virtues are habits and it appears you may be aided by forming habits that allow you to overcome your other than virtuous habits…

Notice that the Human virtues require effort…

I. The Human Virtues

1804 Human virtues are firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct according to reason and faith. They make possible ease, self-mastery, and joy in leading a morally good life. the virtuous man is he who freely practices the good.

The moral virtues are acquired by human effort. They are the fruit and seed of morally good acts; they dispose all the powers of the human being for communion with divine love.

Notice that the Cardinal Virtues include Temperance and it may be you need to exercise your human Virtues and Cardinal Virtues to overcome your habits that are not virtuous.

The cardinal virtues

1805 Four virtues play a pivotal role and accordingly are called “cardinal”; all the others are grouped around them. They are: prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.

1806 Prudence is the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it; "the prudent man looks where he is going."65 "Keep sane and sober for your prayers."66 Prudence is “right reason in action,” writes St. Thomas Aquinas,

1807** Justice **is the moral virtue that consists in the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbor. Justice toward God is called the “virtue of religion.” Justice toward men disposes one to respect the rights of each and to establish in human relationships the harmony that promotes equity with regard to persons and to the common good.

1808 **Fortitude **is the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good.

1809 Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods.

The 4th part of the Catechism is prayer, ask for help…so if you know and understand this then you should continue to pray, put effort into virtue and avoid actions that are not virtuous as you recall that you responded to a loving God…

God gives you all the help you need, wants you to model His son so that you can share in the joy of His life, the life that He gave you and if you any further questions you may want to read Veritatis Splendor…and realize that true Freedom is what you are seeking…Freedom to do the Will of God…

Have you noticed any of this in reading the Catechism?