Help with family problems

[j_annz11]

hi im anne, im confused me and my fiance is planning to get marry this year, suddenly one of his relatives bring back this issue regarding my fiance alledge rumor, that rumors is alledging my fiance that he pregant their maid way back 2006…but that rumors is never been proved…then his aunt said that we cant get married in the church unless he sign a waiver that he accept the child. what will we do…kindly help me im getting confused many thanks…

 

[St_Francis]

Hi Ann, and welcome to CAF.

It seems that some people are saying that you and your fiance cannot marry because he and someone else had a baby together a few years ago?

I would say that the first thing to do is to find out whether this is true.

***If ***he did, it should not be a barrier to your marrying (unless there is a rule in your country), but your fiance’s handling of that situation might cause you to think about what type of person he is.

Also, he should have been honest with you because unless the baby was adopted, he has obligations to the child.

If it is not true, then of course there is no problem, but watch out for that relative!

The best thing to do at this point is to talk with your fiance *and *with your priest, who will be able to be more clear about the consequences of this situation, if it exists.

 

[j_annz11]

hi St. Francis,

many thanks for the reply, ive known this rumors since we are just friends…and that girl is not his girlfriend when it happend, the baby is not adopted that girl just pointed him and that girl also is in relationship that time,when he told that my fiance get her pregnant 7 years ago…until now they didnt even see each other…or communicate each other just his uncle is insisting that the child is belong to him, and we cant get married because its included at the canon law… i dont know what they want… the girl is not insisting… sad but i dont know if her relatives treated him as a relative…

 

[1ke]

You and your fiance need to talk to your priest and no one else.

There is NOTHING in canon law that prevents you from marrying your fiance because of a child with another woman. And there are no papers or waivers to sign.

Ignore these people, speak only with your priest.

 

[j_annz11]

You and your fiance need to talk to your priest and no one else.

There is NOTHING in canon law that prevents you from marrying your fiance because of a child with another woman. And there are no papers or waivers to sign.

Ignore these people, speak only with your priest.

hi 1ke,

many thanks for the reply honestly im getting confused im very thankful for you guys who give me idea regarding my questions…many thanks…Godbless…

 

[j_annz11]

hi 1ke,

many thanks for the reply honestly im getting confused im very thankful for you guys who give me idea regarding my questions…many thanks…Godbless…

hi St. Francis,

many thanks for the reply, ive known this rumors since we are just friends…and that girl is not his girlfriend when it happend, the baby is not adopted that girl just pointed him and that girl also is in relationship that time,when he told that my fiance get her pregnant 7 years ago…until now they didnt even see each other…or communicate each other just his uncle is insisting that the child is belong to him, and we cant get married because its included at the canon law… i dont know what they want… the girl is not insisting… sad but i dont know if her relatives treated him as a relative…

 

[thistle]

hi St. Francis,

many thanks for the reply, ive known this rumors since we are just friends…and that girl is not his girlfriend when it happend, the baby is not adopted that girl just pointed him and that girl also is in relationship that time,when he told that my fiance get her pregnant 7 years ago…until now they didnt even see each other…or communicate each other just his uncle is insisting that the child is belong to him, and we cant get married because its included at the canon law… i dont know what they want… the girl is not insisting… sad but i dont know if her relatives treated him as a relative…

As 1ke said there is nothing in Canon Law that stops you marrying due to your fiancee having fathered a child before (even if it is true). Whoever told you you would not be able to marry is talking nonsense.

You and your fiancee should talk to your priest.

 

[j_annz11]

As 1ke said there is nothing in Canon Law that stops you marrying due to your fiancee having fathered a child before (even if it is true). Whoever told you you would not be able to marry is talking nonsense.

You and your fiancee should talk to your priest.

hi 1ke and ST.Francis,

many thanks…many thanks… both of you are heaven sent… many thanks i feel relief now we are getting married by November many thanks for both of you… God Bless…

 

[LSK]

yeah…this is odd…nothing in Canon Law that states you cannot marry a man who fathered a child out of wedlock and refuses to acknowledge the paternity.

Whether you WANT to do that…well, that’s another question.

 

[j_annz11]

yeah…this is odd…nothing in Canon Law that states you cannot marry a man who fathered a child out of wedlock and refuses to acknowledge the paternity.

Whether you WANT to do that…well, that’s another question.

Hi LSK,

again im so thankful to all of you… one thing more is this uncle of him insisting that he need to accept this paternity without doing test(DNA) is because he want my fiance to support the child…and FYI that he didnt even see the child 7 years ago… even the mother of that child never talk to my fiance…his relatives is the one who insist that and my fiance need to provide support. again many thanks…

 

[j_annz11]

As 1ke said there is nothing in Canon Law that stops you marrying due to your fiancee having fathered a child before (even if it is true). Whoever told you you would not be able to marry is talking nonsense.

You and your fiancee should talk to your priest.

Many thanks guys…thanks be to God for those people who help me to ease my worries…Godbless all

 

[hannajomar]

Hi LSK,

again im so thankful to all of you… one thing more is this uncle of him insisting that he need to accept this paternity without doing test(DNA) is because he want my fiance to support the child…and FYI that he didnt even see the child 7 years ago… even the mother of that child never talk to my fiance…his relatives is the one who insist that and my fiance need to provide support. again many thanks…

This might not go away without the DNA test. Would your fiance be open to that? Why would your uncle be against the dna test?

 

[j_annz11]

This might not go away without the DNA test. Would your fiance be open to that? Why would your uncle be against the dna test?

Hi Annomar,

honestly my fiance is open to that even me. and if its proved that the child is belong to my fiance we will accept, the thing is they obliged us to pay the DNA test as of now we cant afford to pay the DNA for the reason that we are going to get married by november. that relative of him is quite in hurry they dont dont even want to spend for the cost the mother of the child is not insisting only that relative of him.,. i dont know with them… he just want that my fiance need to accept and support the child. i think its crazy

 

[hannajomar]

If I was in your position, I would be willing to put off the wedding to take care of this. You don’t want to go into your marriage with any kind of doubts about the reality of the situation. You need to make your decision to marry based on as much information as you can learn about him. Whether he already has a child or not is such a big deal, I don’t think it’s wise to marry if this issue is not resolved one way or the other. Also, the child in question deserves to know who his father is.

If the DNA test will cause you to have a much cheaper wedding or even to postpone it, I believe it’s worth it. I hope you give us updates about your situation.

 

[j_annz11]

If I was in your position, I would be willing to put off the wedding to take care of this. You don’t want to go into your marriage with any kind of doubts about the reality of the situation. You need to make your decision to marry based on as much information as you can learn about him. Whether he already has a child or not is such a big deal, I don’t think it’s wise to marry if this issue is not resolved one way or the other. Also, the child in question deserves to know who his father is.

If the DNA test will cause you to have a much cheaper wedding or even to postpone it, I believe it’s worth it. I hope you give us updates about your situation.

hi hannajomar,

im going to postponed the wedding? well i guess its not a good idea after 2 years of planning, well anyway … i dont have any doubt with my fiance and i know what happen years ago, yeah the child has the right but the thing is why only know and why not the mother of the child is asking for that? ill send you updates…as of now we will go with the plan…my fiance is an OFW based in US he will come home on last week of October.