Help with Marriage!

[Awifeandmother]

My marriage has gotten better as the years go by. My husband is kind and very supportive of me. He rarely gets mad, but just the other day he blew up so terribly at me, he threw things across the room and said some horrible things to me like the F word, the B word, and even said he hoped I went to he…

This is not typical behavior at all for him. The reason he got so angry was because I did not want my MIL taking care of our children while I was in the hospital. The reason being is that she has been over possessive and has done some very manipulative things in our marriage and I refuse to ever go through those things again with her.

Anyhow, my husband knows this already, but had asked for her help anyway. It turns out he went through great strides to get someone to help us out, and I, under medication From surgery, was being stubborn and telling him I did not want her watching the kids. (a priest actually advised me to only let her be with the kids supervised).

Looking back, I wish I had just cooperated with my hubby and wish I would have just trusted him and been understanding. Now, I just don’t know what to do about our marriage! I apologized, and he forgave me, but things just aren’t the same. He said some pretty horrible things about me, to the point of making me feel like a worthless failure and even having suicidal thoughts. I can’t bare the thought of my husband hating me! What he said and did was so emotionally scarring. If anyone has advice, please help me out. I don’t really have a good spiritual advisor. Thank you!!!

 

[ChrisRedfield47]

You could pray. Speak to God about it.

I will pray for your marriage.

I will let others give you advice.

 

[Trishie]

Dear one, of course you feel betrayed, in the shock of hearing what he said, and not sure how much he means those things. It can be hard to rebuild trust when it has been shaken by words that make you feel worthless, especially at a vulnerable time like you needed hospital care and were recovering from surgery. He was stressed of course, but I also would be crushed…in fact my husband has spoken to me like that periodically though not frequently as once was the case and I’ve never been certain that his love for me goes deep, though he usually does the right thing. I regard those kind of events as a sort of torture as yes, it does make you feel that you are best out of the picture. I’ve felt like that many times in my married life.

But that isn’t so, Love, you are worth more than that. And your husband is a good man …but that doesn’t make it easy right now. Please don’t act as if you’re worth nothing. You are precious and despite what he said, remember that there is a tendency for people to value us as we value ourselves. People pick up on that and treat a person accordingly.

Now that your husband’s words have brought hurtful things to light, in a way you have to start again, to build a relationship based on a harsher reality than you thought you had.
You need to be more conscious now of not taking things for granted, but making an extra attempt to be the wife you can be. I know it’s hard to feel wary where you formerly trusted/took things for granted even.

Basically you wanted to protect your children, and to some extent you were reacting to things that trouble you regarding your mother in law. Clearly, as you said, your husband had tried hard to find a solution and it can be distressing to have that blow up in his face. There is also the fact that sons do have a special loyalty to their mothers even if they recognize their mother’s faults.

It was an emotional situation, and I pray that you will get through this time with a deepening that is called forth by reality. and perhaps in some ways a new direction in your marriage relationship. We often go into marriage with illusions, however subtle. Built on some reality and some illusion, the marriage has fault lines that cause cracks even when unexpected, however you may have more reality now, and in the end, we have to build our marriage relationship with love, a more difficult challenge of love,

Part of the difference now is that he has said things that he knows he can’t make unsaid, and possibly feels some guilt…maybe. He is possibly aware of the harm. Being a man he probably doesn’t know what to do about that, and I pray that you will realize whgat you can do…because there are some ways that we women can act in healing ways that a man cannot easily do.

 

[Rita77]

maritalhealing.com/index.php check out this Catholic web link.

suicidal thoughts are very serious and you need to talk to a medical professional about it.

some of the saints like St Rita and St Monica and their stories have help me forgive those who have hurt me in my past.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your family.