Help with spiritual schizophrenia

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Jaysdec

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Hello there. I’m 38 and a convert to the Chirch. I was confirmed almost 3 years ago. I’m single and actually live with my Godmother as a caretaker for her. I don’t have a spiritual director currently.

Here’s my issue/problem…,I keep falling back into mortal sin against the 1st commandment…I’ve even gone back to visit some nondenominational churches that I used to go to before I became catholic. And also I even would read atheist books and listen to atheist podcasts and wstch atheist videos…and I would listen to debates between catholics and anticatholic calvinists too… and I like watching catholic videos on youtube by church militant tv and by sensus fidelium…btw…I pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy every day…and I read the daily mass readings too,…and I just got a brown scapular too…so that’s where I’m at spiritually right now. Any ideas orvsuggestions? Oh…I also like to pray the 7 sorrows shorter version too…
 
Why do you say it is a mortal sin to listen to atheist podcasts etc? What you describe sounds to me that you are informing yourself about what others think/believe. You continue to pray also.
 
Jaysdec said:
Hello there. I’m 38 and a convert to the Chirch. I was confirmed almost 3 years ago. I’m single and actually live with my Godmother as a caretaker for her. I don’t have a spiritual director currently.

Here’s my issue/problem…,I keep falling back into mortal sin against the 1st commandment…I’ve even gone back to visit some nondenominational churches that I used to go to before I became catholic. And also I even would read atheist books and listen to atheist podcasts and wstch atheist videos…and I would listen to debates between catholics and anticatholic calvinists too… and I like watching catholic videos on youtube by church militant tv and by sensus fidelium…btw…I pray the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy every day…and I read the daily mass readings too,…and I just got a brown scapular too…so that’s where I’m at spiritually right now. Any ideas orvsuggestions? Oh…I also like to pray the 7 sorrows shorter version too…
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Ok. I’m up to bat here. But I might need you to pitch this to me a bit straighter. I mean I’m not a very good hitter. But I’ll try.

So are you saying that your belief in God is sort of like a yo-yo? Or are you saying that you just get so fascinated with everyone else’s point of view that you just can’t help but go and visit your old friends at the nondenom? I mean it’s a peculiar image I get in my head. I see you praying the rosary while noddingly watching an atheist video. I don’t know if that’s what you’re saying happens. I don’t know if you only watch them to see what kind of arguments they are able to make. I don’t know if you just like rooting for the underdog. Or ? I mean I guess I don’t know a lot of things really.

Peace Jaysdec.

-Trident
 
It’s both…I mean I was checking out their worldview and emotionally I started to like their philosophy…it’s like I was being sucked in…
 
Jaysdec said:
It’s both…I mean I was checking out their worldview and emotionally I started to like their philosophy…it’s like I was being sucked in…
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It would be very good if you did not listen to them because they can take your eyes off of the Lord.

They may sound reasonable and convincing, just like the temptation to Adam and Eve.
 
Jaysdec said:
It’s both…I mean I was checking out their worldview and emotionally I started to like their philosophy…it’s like I was being sucked in…
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Shoot. Buddy. You sound like you’ve got the attention span of a gnat. I don’t mean that to be insulting. I just mean that you’ve got to pick something and then put the blinders on. You can’t be bouncing around like this. I mean do you have kids? They’ll go bananas.

More seriously though? I think you’ve just got a strong dose of empathy. I think it pulls you in towards whatever you’re near. To the point that it overtakes your own inner voice. It’s like you’ve got the (name removed by moderator)ut volume turned way up. And now some guy singing a bad rendition of L.C.'s Halleluja at Karoake night is drowning out the main melody. So that the song you thought you knew and memorized is getting distorted in your head.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you’ve got that kind of strength/weakness combo is to just avoid Saturday nights. I mean just don’t go to Karaoke night. Stay home and listen to the real thing instead.

Oh. And maybe check out your personality type hey? Do the test and all that. And figure out where the rest of your strong and weak points lie. It’s a fun thing for sure.

Peace Jaysdec. You’re seem like a really caring and concerned sort of person. I think I’d like you as a friend. I think you’d carry my burdens for me. And even sort of make sure I was comfortable in my easy chair. With my feet up. And everything. 😉

And I’m not kidding. I’m just smiling at you. And something’s in my eye. And it’s smiling too.

-Trident
 
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