Help with the sacrament of reconciliation

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Jack_245814

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I really need to go to confession; I haven’t gone to mass (besides the occasional service with my extended family when visiting them) in a good 8 years, besides recently, and that alone is a mortal sin; I’ve also committed many others, which I’ll keep between myself, God, and my family.

The problem is . . . I can’t even remember all of the sins I’ve done! I haven’t been taking the eucharist because it would be sacrilegious of me to partake of the body and blood of Christ before I’ve been formally forgiven, but I just know I’m going to forget something. I mean, I’ve been sinning for years in perpetuity (not grave sins every single day but you get my meaning).

I’ve been praying that the Lord might help me plunge into my memory and remember all of the things I’ve done, and I think that’s been helping some. I can certainly feel the love of God bubbling up in my soul when I do good things and avoid temptation - it’s a very real experience indeed, this Christian stuff 🙂

Anyway, I’ve heard that you’re supposed to tell the priest every instance of sin, specifically; like “I masturbated Saturday evening” or whatever. But if I were to write down every grave sin I’ve done since I was last at confession it could probably fill a book, and like I said I certainly can’t remember them all.

Would it be acceptable, to say, for example, “I have been gravely disrespectful to my parents for [x] years”, with more detail on the specifics of the situation in general, but just without talk of the specific individual cases? I understand that I will probably have to do some form of penance, probably ask for forgiveness of the people I’ve harmed over the years, etc. I also truly feel repentant . . . sometimes I feel so ashamed that I just start sobbing, but I know that if I keep my faith, I can eventually be in full communion with God.

Thank you all, and God bless; this site has been very helpful to me, everyone here seems very kind 🙂
 
Jack,

Sometimes it is difficult to remember everything even when one goes to confession on a regular basis, so I understand where you are coming form.

You might want to speak to a priest to explain the situation and inquire about a “general confession” – one that covers a greater length of time, and which, naturally may take more time than the normal “confessional line” would allow. It would be, rather, a scheduled appointment. Of course, it wouldn’t be anonymous.

In regard to the specificity, under normal circumstances we must confess the specific kind of mortal sin committed (i.e. detraction versus “being unkind”), the* number* as far as possible, and the circumstances if they change the kind of sin.

Since you asked about the number requirement – you must give the number of mortal sins only as far as possible. So, if an exact number is impossible, then an approximate number is sufficient. When the sin has the force of habit it is acceptable to confess the duration of the habit (i.e. 5 months, 12 years) along with the general number of times engaged over time (i.e. 3 times per day, or 5 times per week, or 12 times per month, etc.).

In regard to your memory: we are obligated to confess all mortal sins of which we are actually aware, after making a thorough examination of conscience. Any sins which we do not remember are forgiven in the sacrament, since, had we been aware of them we would have confessed them. If, later you happen to remember a sin (there is no obligation to continually probe your memory) you must confess it. Again, however, these later remembered sins, only need to be confessed if you are conscience of them at the time of a later confession.

The Church doesn’t put an impossible burden on the penitent. Sometimes things are lost in the impenetrable mists of our imperfect memories. We just must sincerely try to remember, and after a good effort, hopefully bolstered by prayer to the Holy Spirit to help us to recall what we need to recall, we can in good conscience confess what we are aware of.

Does that help at all? God bless you, and keep up the good fight!
VC
 
Thanks a lot, that helped very much.

I’m working on a list of all the sins I’ve done right now, with the specifics (why I was doing it and how it harmed me), about how many times it happened (or over how long a period), etc.
 
In order to simply things, when going to confession after a period of many years, it may help to confess repetitive sins in the format of “I committed X about twice a week (or per month, etc) over a period of 10 years.” It would not be possible to recite or enumerate every instance of every sin.
 
I had a similary situation a couple of years ago, and I’m going to pass along to you the best advice I ever received: Don’t worry about the specifics, just RUN into the nearest confessional, explain to the priest what you’ve just said here, and let him take it from there. He’ll guide you through it. The purpose of reconciliation is just that - to be reconciled, not to see if a person can remember every detail of every action. God knows your heart, and the priest is there to help you. Best wishes.
 
marthagreys said:
I had a similary situation a couple of years ago, and I’m going to pass along to you the best advice I ever received: Don’t worry about the specifics, just RUN into the nearest confessional, explain to the priest what you’ve just said here, and let him take it from there. He’ll guide you through it. The purpose of reconciliation is just that - to be reconciled, not to see if a person can remember every detail of every action. God knows your heart, and the priest is there to help you. Best wishes.
Click to expand...
What she said. Same experience here.👍
 
Jack_245814 said:
I really need to go to confession; I haven’t gone to mass (besides the occasional service with my extended family when visiting them) in a good 8 years, besides recently, and that alone is a mortal sin; I’ve also committed many others, which I’ll keep between myself, God, and my family.

The problem is . . . I can’t even remember all of the sins I’ve done! I haven’t been taking the eucharist because it would be sacrilegious of me to partake of the body and blood of Christ before I’ve been formally forgiven, but I just know I’m going to forget something. I mean, I’ve been sinning for years in perpetuity (not grave sins every single day but you get my meaning).

I’ve been praying that the Lord might help me plunge into my memory and remember all of the things I’ve done, and I think that’s been helping some. I can certainly feel the love of God bubbling up in my soul when I do good things and avoid temptation - it’s a very real experience indeed, this Christian stuff 🙂

Anyway, I’ve heard that you’re supposed to tell the priest every instance of sin, specifically; like “I masturbated Saturday evening” or whatever. But if I were to write down every grave sin I’ve done since I was last at confession it could probably fill a book, and like I said I certainly can’t remember them all.

Would it be acceptable, to say, for example, “I have been gravely disrespectful to my parents for [x] years”, with more detail on the specifics of the situation in general, but just without talk of the specific individual cases? I understand that I will probably have to do some form of penance, probably ask for forgiveness of the people I’ve harmed over the years, etc. I also truly feel repentant . . . sometimes I feel so ashamed that I just start sobbing, but I know that if I keep my faith, I can eventually be in full communion with God.

Thank you all, and God bless; this site has been very helpful to me, everyone here seems very kind 🙂
Click to expand...
I would not worry if you happen to foget all of your sins. It happens to all of us, even to those who go to confession on a very regular basis (i.e. weekly). The important thing is that you are seeking forgiveness, and want to make things right.

Secondly, since you haven’t been practicing your faith for awhile, you may want to make an appointment with your priest, outside of the normal confession times. This way, a preist can help guide you, and you can take as much time as you need, without being inconsiderate to us regulars in the line (who only have a couple of things to confess). 😉

Thirdly, you can be general, but the priest has to have enough information to know what he’s absolving you from.

Don’t worry about giving an exact number of times, all that’s relly sufficient is a frequency or time since you started if it’s a habit. God is not an accountant.

Here’s what I have done, I had been away from the confessional for many years - I wrote down my major sins and a relative frequency. I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to get into the minute detail of every sin you commited - i.e. I don’t think the priest needs to know of how exactly you got drunk and fornicated - but as long as you say that you did, that’s what counts.
 
The Lord stands ready to forgive your best effort. He does not demand the impossible. Exact details of how and why a sin was committed are not required unless the confessor asks.Stick to the “what” and an approximation of times. You will be surprised at how joyful you will feel afterwards.

I have worked with RCIA Candidates, who having been Baptized young, need to confess their sins since Baptism before first Eucharist and Confirmation. You would be utterly blest by the joy they feel afterward and understand the anxiety they felt beforehand. Not a single one has ever said,“That was an awful experience.”👍
 
I went to confession today . . . I’m so glad to be back in the grace of God. Very cathartic, to recite every horrible thing you’ve done in your life to a near-stranger and have him smile, ask you to do some prayers with him, and then be totally forgiven by Jesus Christ himself 🙂

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders . . . I feel like I can begin my life anew, in the love of God and of my fellow man. I was surprised by the penance: a sincere Our Father and Act of Contrition was all that was required. The mercy of God is beyond words!

Thank you all so much on here for answering my questions, and I apologize if in a handful of my posts I offered an incorrect opinion: it’s the sin of Pride that haunts so many of us, me thinking that my thoughts on theology are at all worth listening to when I haven’t even read the bible!

Anyway, yeah thank you all so so much and I’m so relieved and happy words can’t even describe it.
 
What you need to do is you need to find you a good examination of conscience. There are many free ones available online. Then, when you have found it, examine your conscience and write down all of your sins. You don’t have to write down each and every time you committed them. Just write them down and the approximate number of times or length of time that you committed them. Then, go to your priest and confess those sins. If you forget one or two, don’t worry about it. You’re forgiven of them if you don’t purposefully leave them out. 🙂
 
Jack_245814 said:
I went to confession today . . . I’m so glad to be back in the grace of God. Very cathartic, to recite every horrible thing you’ve done in your life to a near-stranger and have him smile, ask you to do some prayers with him, and then be totally forgiven by Jesus Christ himself 🙂

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders . . . I feel like I can begin my life anew, in the love of God and of my fellow man. I was surprised by the penance: a sincere Our Father and Act of Contrition was all that was required. The mercy of God is beyond words!

Thank you all so much on here for answering my questions, and I apologize if in a handful of my posts I offered an incorrect opinion: it’s the sin of Pride that haunts so many of us, me thinking that my thoughts on theology are at all worth listening to when I haven’t even read the bible!

Anyway, yeah thank you all so so much and I’m so relieved and happy words can’t even describe it.
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YAAAY, that’s such great news!! :extrahappy:
 
Jack_245814 said:
I went to confession today . . . I’m so glad to be back in the grace of God. Very cathartic, to recite every horrible thing you’ve done in your life to a near-stranger and have him smile, ask you to do some prayers with him, and then be totally forgiven by Jesus Christ himself 🙂

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders . . . I feel like I can begin my life anew, in the love of God and of my fellow man. I was surprised by the penance: a sincere Our Father and Act of Contrition was all that was required. The mercy of God is beyond words!

Thank you all so much on here for answering my questions, and I apologize if in a handful of my posts I offered an incorrect opinion: it’s the sin of Pride that haunts so many of us, me thinking that my thoughts on theology are at all worth listening to when I haven’t even read the bible!

Anyway, yeah thank you all so so much and I’m so relieved and happy words can’t even describe it.
Click to expand...
Congratulations and welcome home!

I had a similar experience, going to confession about 5 years ago for the first time in 20+ years. I didn’t really know what to do, so just hit the highlights (didn’t know about sites like this or examinations of conscience at the time).

As I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve found frequent confession to be very helpful. Try to go once every month or 6 weeks (more often if you’re in mortal sin of course).

The graces are tremendous!

For awhile you’ll be confessing the same things, but slowly, you’ll stop doing them.

It is a wonderful sacrament! But, it is intimidating if you do it rarely.

God Bless
 
Jack_245814 said:
I went to confession today . . . I’m so glad to be back in the grace of God. Very cathartic, to recite every horrible thing you’ve done in your life to a near-stranger and have him smile, ask you to do some prayers with him, and then be totally forgiven by Jesus Christ himself 🙂

A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders . . . I feel like I can begin my life anew, in the love of God and of my fellow man. I was surprised by the penance: a sincere Our Father and Act of Contrition was all that was required. The mercy of God is beyond words!

Thank you all so much on here for answering my questions, and I apologize if in a handful of my posts I offered an incorrect opinion: it’s the sin of Pride that haunts so many of us, me thinking that my thoughts on theology are at all worth listening to when I haven’t even read the bible!

Anyway, yeah thank you all so so much and I’m so relieved and happy words can’t even describe it.
Click to expand...
Congratulations and welcome home!

I had a similar experience, going to confession about 5 years ago for the first time in 20+ years. I didn’t really know what to do, so just hit the highlights (didn’t know about sites like this or examinations of conscience at the time).

As I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve found frequent confession to be very helpful. Try to go once every month or 6 weeks (more often if you’re in mortal sin of course).

The graces are tremendous!

For awhile you’ll be confessing the same things, but slowly, you’ll stop doing them.

It is a wonderful sacrament! But, it is intimidating if you do it rarely.

God Bless
 
Holly3278 said:
What you need to do is you need to find you a good examination of conscience. There are many free ones available online. Then, when you have found it, examine your conscience and write down all of your sins. You don’t have to write down each and every time you committed them. Just write them down and the approximate number of times or length of time that you committed them. Then, go to your priest and confess those sins. If you forget one or two, don’t worry about it. You’re forgiven of them if you don’t purposefully leave them out. 🙂
Click to expand...
Yeah, that’s exactly what I did. Those really are great resources. Thanks for the advice 🙂
 
Dear Jack245814:

I just read your article. PLEASE do not write down your sins.

Christ is waiting for you in the Confessional with the Holy Spirit.

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t gone in 8 years and forget about the examination of conscience. Who can remember what sins they committed 8 years ago?

The priest is trained for this and he will ask you very simple questions. It isn’t that difficult. I would strongly DISCOURAGE you in making an examination of conscience because it will only CONFUSE you.

Trust in Jesus and trust in the priest that you go to. After you have gone, you will have lifted your burden. As I said, the priest knows exactly what to ask you when someone has been away from the Sacraments.

Just go to confession and tell him it has been 8 years and he will know what to do. I would advise you NOT to make an examination of conscience, this is why the priest and the Holy Spirit are present during your confession.

You will be surprised how simple it is going to be. And you need the Eucharist to get to heaven. “Unless you eat my body and drink my blood, you will not have ever lasting life.” So, please, as a former seminarian, do not be afraid. God is waiting for you to give you His graces and mercies.

Asking God to bless you, I am
In His Divine Mercy,
Genesis12345
 
Copied this a while back and use it as a reference.

Their seem to be a lot of questions on the different Forums about Confession and how to make a good and valid Confession(especially when it comes to embarrassing and tricky subjects like impurity and chastity).

Put this together from my own Catholic Education and the sites below. This is only one EXAMPLE of a good and valid Confession. I like to go to different Priest for Confession from time to time and use this format for myself. These are not necessary my sins, the sins of the station owner or the sins of any of it’s sponsors. Blah, Blah, Blah.
  • As you make the Sign of the Cross, say: Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been, XX weeks, months, years since my last confession. Since then:
  • I have been impure with myself in self gratification, XX times or many, many times in the last 1 1/2yrs.(or several dozen times).
  • I have been impure with a women/man and not yet married, XX times(or several/many times over the last 2yrs.
  • I have received the Eucharist during this time of sinfulness also.
  • I have been selfish and not given to my wife/husband and our marriage, as fully as I should, XX times(or several/many times over the last 1 1/2yrs.
  • I have been neglectful of my children and not set a good example for them XX times in the past year.
  • I have disobeyed my parents and been disrespectful to them XX times in the past year.
  • I have abused drinking to much, XX times in the past year.
  • I missed Sunday/Holy Day Mass XX in the past year.
  • Etc.
  • Etc.
(From Our Savior Church, NYC):

When you have finished confessing all the sins that you remember, say:
“For these sins and all the sins of my past life, especially the sins against…(mention the most important virtues, like Purity, Chastity, Honesty, Charity, Humility, etc.) I ask absolution and penance from you, Father.”

This is a great way to end your confessing and ask God’s forgiveness and mercy, for all your past sins weather you remember them at this time or not.

Act of Contrition
O my God, I am heartily sorry
for having offended you.
I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven
and the pains of hell;
but most of all because they offend you,
my God, who are all good
and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace,
to sin no more, to do penance,
and to amend my life. Amen.

(From Confessions101):
"Q: How does one confess to very embarrassing personal sins of a sexual nature without telling the priest what he or she has done. Won’t Jesus forgive those kinds of sins anyway if one confesses to him personally?:

“A: It is embarrassing to confess personal sins of a sexual nature. You will not be telling the priest anything he has not heard already. In moral theology, he has covered all possible sins of a sexual nature and has heard it all long before he even sits in a confessional.”

“The embarrassment can be minimized by simply stating the category of sin and the approximate number of times it was committed. There is no need to go into details; in fact, we are dissuaded from going into specific details. The Church bends over backwards to make confession as easy as possible by allowing the penitent to go anywhere and to any priest he or she wants to, and also to go anonymously by entering the confessional where the priest cannot see the penitent.
Finally, keep in mind that the priest also has to go to confession if he is foolish enough to commit sin. He understands your situation and your embarrassment, and he will be compassionate.”

Reference:
confessions101.com/english/si…e=Question%201
oursaviournyc.org/how-to-make…d-confession#5
frpat.com/reconciliation.htm

Please let know if any thoughts, comments, critique you may have. Especially, from the clergy. I think this would be helpful to many of us.
 
Dear GratefulDad:

The references that you quote are fine, but I do not agree with some of the statements.

As I said before, Christ is waiting for you with many graces and mercies in the name of the priest and if you were not sorry for your sins, why would you be there?

As for how many times you committed a sin, I have never mentioned the times and the priest NEVER questioned it. I do not know how recent that article was, but by telling the priest you went to Communion, would alert him that it was sacreligious.

I still disagree, that as many priests I have gone to Confession, they have never asked me the number of times, even the older priests.

Each priest, although, presumably has had the same training, each will give different advice. I will go to some priests that will not even ask you to make an act of contrition; I was told that the Act of Contrition should be made prior to going in the confessional.

I have gone to one priest, he is an older priest, 78 years of age, and he said are you sorry for all of your sins and I said yes, and he gave me absolution. I perceive it this way: the priest is trained in matters of confession and he knows he is accountable for what he does in the confessional, so I do not think he would give wrong advice. He told me just by saying, “Bless me Father for I have sinned”, is an indication that you are sorry for your sins. This is his concept, but believe what you think is right.

As for sins of “impurity”. the priest is NEVER to go into detail. You are not offending the priest, but God.

I went to a priest one time and I made out a list of sins. As I was reading the list of sins, the priest got so frustrated and said those are not even sins and he left the confessional and NEVER gave me absolution. This is why I would discourage making a list of sins. In the new rite of Confession, they want you to tell them what is bothering you. Out of anger, I wrote to the bishop and told him if this priest isn’t comfortable in hearing confessions, than, he should have that faculty removed. When you approach any priest in confession ( I realize they are human) they are to show compassion and mercy, if not, than they shoud not be hearing confessions!!! Some priests are good at giving homilies and some are good at confession. What I do is try to stick with the same priest who is understanding. Usually when I go, they never ask any questions and gives absolution.

But I still confirm if one has been away from confession for so many years, just tell the priest and he will be asking the questions. Some of you are forgetting, they have been TRAINED for this and they know what they are doing. If you do not have background in theology or philosophy, you SHOULD NOT be giving your personal opinion!!!

To confirm again, as many different priests that I have gone to, they have NEVER questioned me or asked the number of times. Maybe in the 1960s that might have been the case, but they just do not do that.

This is why at times I find going to Confession perplexing because each priest does his “own thing.”

I perceive it this way, I leave the matter up to the priest and the priest knows he will be accountable on judgment day if giving wrong advice, but most likely, the priests know what they are doing.

As for the act of contrition, I use a different one each week I go. There are many references in the Bible one can use. I NEVER use the one that says, “O my God I am heartily sorry for my sins…” I rather use other ones that have more meaning for me. This is my own concept, use whatever you want to use, but you should NEVER be afraid of going to confession because you are not OFFENDING the priest, you have sinned against God. Furthermore, the priest has heard everything. One mentioned that sometimes they give an Our Father or Hail Mary, that is fine, but if we have sinned and for what Christ suffered for us on the Cross, I do not consider that a good penance. Some priests have told me to read certain passages from the Bible that really relate to sinning. As I said before, you can go to a thousand of diferent priest for confession, and each priest “does his own thing.”

Please be apprised that I am not being “judgmental”, but sharing the experiences I have encountered in the confessional. And as Catholics, we are very FORTUNATE that we can commit any sin and if we are truly sorry for that sin, we can be forgiven, unless it is a SIN AGAINST THE HOLY SPIRIT which can not be forgiven.
So, thank God that He died for us in order to save us from all of our sins.

I hope I wasn’t offensive to anyone, that was not my intention, but to share with you my own experiences.
The next time anyone goes to confession, may they find God’s peace and forgiveness and try to live a good life, of course, there will be days when we fall, but, than again, we are human.
Just to mention this, once your sins are forgiven, they are also forgotten and the present confession that you make will include all of the sins from your previous confessions.

If anyone had any doubts on what I discussed, please feel free to reply. Asking God the Holy Spirit to guide us as we confess next time
Sincerely Genesis12345
(If there are spelling errors, I have responded to this email at 4:00am in the morning),
 
Genesis,

As you point out it was quite early when you posted, when you get the chance, reread my post you’ll see
  • it is an EXAMPLE
  • it is from the past 10 months.
  • the post was well vetted at the time
  • I have been told by priest the some may need to know an approximate number is to determine if the sin is habitual. I do not remember ever being grilled either.
  • the reference Thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=201371
 
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