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rice55
Guest
Exactly what counts as sexual mis-conduct from a priest?
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Lazerlike42
Guest
That is really too broad a question to answer, for two reasons:
- it is very broad
- I would be worried that someone might be fishing for an idea to falsely accuse a priest of
Did something happen to you or someone you know? If so, I would recommend you give the story, without giving away any names or info of course, so people can help. Or PM me or one of the more reputable members with it if you don’t want to go public.
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Della
Guest
What it would for anyone else: inappropriate touching or suggestive language or trying to manipulate another into a compromising situation, etc.
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Lazerlike42
Guest
That’s true too.
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rice55
Guest
Over three weeks ago, I agreed to take our new parish priest skiing. It was the most awful experience and I have no idea what to do…I keep thinking that it was somehting i did wrong. Now Lent is coming, Reconciliation, I am so embarrassed. I have tried to aproach the priest in person and he said that I am “weak and afraid”. Is going to an advocate really worth it…I am so stunned. I can’t do anyhting about it.
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1ke
Guest
You do not say in your profile if you are male or female, nor do you say here if it was just the two of you or a group. It is not inappropriate for a priest and parishioner(s) to go skiing or become friends, however, it may lead to questions if you are of the opposite sex and spend time alone.
This in and of itself doesn’t give information of what exactly happened that you are concerned about, or if anything inappropriate happened. However, the fact that you describe it as “awful” shows you are clearly upset by it.
Cannot comment without information. Embarrassed to confess, or embarrassed to go to this priest for confession?
Without context this is not something that really tells us anything. But, if you are uncomfortable, then do not approach the priest-- seek out someone else to discuss this with, from the diocesan offices.
If you think that something inappropriate happened, then contact your Diocesan office immediately. Yes, you should report the incident so it can be investigated.
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Cupofkindness
Guest
If something happened, going to an advocate is definitely worth it. Can you please describe more about this event?
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rice55
Guest
I can’t talk to anyone in my area becuse of my rural location. We constantly get the “new” priests or ones form outside the country. Because I am familiar with the natural area, it is not unsual for me to take the new priests out to show them the fishing spots or hiking spots. I have never had a problem being alone with any of them. I am a woman, married two kids- straight up and up in the community- people know me.
I was way off in the woods when our conversation took a turn. I would have never imagine such twist in conversation coming from priest in all my life. I was sort of dazed and confused. I tried to sort of grin and bare it…I hardly could believe what was happening. He confessed all kinds a stuff…how attracted he wa to me, how many deams he had of me, what he would like to do with me…if it was a bar, I would have decked the freak. But, Christ, the Church, HIM, our God, my Shepard, you put a name on it, I was crushed senseless. We turned back and I had another hour and a half to get him back home. I could hardly look at him. He knew it too.
In the car, he placed his hand on my hand. I gently expalined that it not appropriate to touch me. He said “why can’t I touch you, I mean no harm”…I could only think of throwing up on him. I’M CATHOLIC. If you r not Catholic then forget trying to understand this. He then placed his hand on my leg. I aksed him not to do that and exactly what his “intentions were”. He finally got it…he got pretty nervous and has said some of the worst things to me in the past few weeks.
I would have never dreamed this let alone lived it…I can just see all the older priests shaking their fingers at ME wondering why I want to ruin this pious perfect priest!!
He assed me to promise not to tell anyone. I breaking this for this first time because I can’t go to anyone.
I want to know is the pain of going to the Advocate/Bishop worth the pain of it all? Or, do I just forget it? I have been praying non-stop and I can’t help but get more and more confused by the suituation.
I was way off in the woods when our conversation took a turn. I would have never imagine such twist in conversation coming from priest in all my life. I was sort of dazed and confused. I tried to sort of grin and bare it…I hardly could believe what was happening. He confessed all kinds a stuff…how attracted he wa to me, how many deams he had of me, what he would like to do with me…if it was a bar, I would have decked the freak. But, Christ, the Church, HIM, our God, my Shepard, you put a name on it, I was crushed senseless. We turned back and I had another hour and a half to get him back home. I could hardly look at him. He knew it too.
In the car, he placed his hand on my hand. I gently expalined that it not appropriate to touch me. He said “why can’t I touch you, I mean no harm”…I could only think of throwing up on him. I’M CATHOLIC. If you r not Catholic then forget trying to understand this. He then placed his hand on my leg. I aksed him not to do that and exactly what his “intentions were”. He finally got it…he got pretty nervous and has said some of the worst things to me in the past few weeks.
I would have never dreamed this let alone lived it…I can just see all the older priests shaking their fingers at ME wondering why I want to ruin this pious perfect priest!!
He assed me to promise not to tell anyone. I breaking this for this first time because I can’t go to anyone.
I want to know is the pain of going to the Advocate/Bishop worth the pain of it all? Or, do I just forget it? I have been praying non-stop and I can’t help but get more and more confused by the suituation.
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1ke
Guest
A priest who makes these kinds of professions to a parishioner is a troubled person and possibly unfit for priesthood.
Basically this says it all. With this info, I don’t understand why you are hesitating to report him.
This is just a bad situation waiting to happen with some other unsuspecting person at your parish or another future parish. Report him.
Now you are letting your imagination run away with you. You have done nothing wrong. He has a lot to explain. Seems he’s trying to intimidate you. Report him.
Yes, abusers always try to coerce the abused to “not tell”. Don’t feel sorry for him. Report him.
No, you do not “just forget it”. Perhaps the next person he is alone with is one of your kids!
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dulcissima
Guest
I think it would be a good idea to report it so that the archdiocese has the information. They might have past complaints, or there could be future incidents, where knowing this information can help them get a clearer picture of what is going on. They may also be able to help this priest before he does something even more regretable.
I know it is a hassle, but I really think the most helpful thing you can do for your the Church and even for this priest is to make this information known to the archdiocese.
I know it is a hassle, but I really think the most helpful thing you can do for your the Church and even for this priest is to make this information known to the archdiocese.
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rice55
Guest
Is it a sin to have this happen to me? Is it a sin not to report it? I am sorry, I just really don’t know which way to go.
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Tantum_ergo
Guest
It is NOT a sin on your part to have had this happen to you.
I know of a woman who, as a tiny one-year old baby, had her father abuse her for years, always with “don’t tell or I’ll kill your mother.”
Did that child SIN because the abuse happened to her?
Report the priest. With God’s help, maybe he can confront his own sinfulness, repent, reform. One thing is sure, if you keep silence, he will go on sinning, and hurt others.
I know of a woman who, as a tiny one-year old baby, had her father abuse her for years, always with “don’t tell or I’ll kill your mother.”
Did that child SIN because the abuse happened to her?
Report the priest. With God’s help, maybe he can confront his own sinfulness, repent, reform. One thing is sure, if you keep silence, he will go on sinning, and hurt others.
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rice55
Guest
Is it a sin not to report it?
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1ke
Guest
No.
At a minimum it is imprudent not to report it. There could be future incidents of the same, or worse, nature if you do not report it.
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mercygate
Guest
This needs to be reported. And be prepared to suffer some pain because nobody – even if they have the best intentions and want to do the right thing – is going to be happy to hear what you have to say.
Be sure to present yourself as a credible witness.
dulcissima’s comments are apt. Even if it seems like nothing is happening at the other end, it is important to begin building a record on this guy in case he develops a pattern. On the other hand, maybe being caught will straighten him out.
Godspeed. This is really ugly. I am sorry.
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rice55
Guest
Can I speak of it during confession, therefore sealing the information, but, letting the Bishop know non the less- or, is that abusing the act of confession?
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mercygate
Guest
You can’t confess somebody ELSE’s sins in confession. I’m afraid you’re going to have to take this to somebody you trust. Go to your diocesan web site and find out who is in charge of vocational development or whatever they call the office that handles the ongoing formation of priests. If you don’t get any response, you’re going to have to take it to the Bishop.
A good line to use is something like: "You cannot imagine how much I hadt to bring this to your attention, but perhaps you have heard this before about Fr. XXXXX . . . . " Often we think we’re the first person somebody ever hit on when in fact, the guy has been after half the dames in the parish for years . . .
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rice55
Guest
I know almost the entire staff at the office…my town is so small. I am just petrified. I just need to think about it more. It has just got me so shook up. The one thing that I would love to talk to would be my Priest, and guess what, he’s the problem.
Thanks again for your comments. It is “easier said than done”. I will pray and see where it gets me.
I also sit on community boards and such. I think that why I was a target. He knew that I would be so embarrssed if his ever got out even as a whisper.
Sundays, Ash Wednesday…Reconciliation, Lent…Easter…(sigh)
–Think good thoughts. Send prayers.
Thanks again for your comments. It is “easier said than done”. I will pray and see where it gets me.
I also sit on community boards and such. I think that why I was a target. He knew that I would be so embarrssed if his ever got out even as a whisper.
Sundays, Ash Wednesday…Reconciliation, Lent…Easter…(sigh)
–Think good thoughts. Send prayers.
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Lrning
Guest
I am so sorry this happened to you. If I were you, I would not go to the parish office. I would go to the diocese. If you feel that it is difficult to report it, just think how you would feel if you hear a couple months from now that he abused a teenage girl in your town. Perhaps this is not the way he would go, but who knows. For the sake of every woman in town, please report this. Have you talked to your husband about this? What does he say to do?
I will pray for you.
I will pray for you.
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LilyM
Guest
I can’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through - but you’ve done nothing wrong. If, as you say, you’ve been taking priests round your area for years and nothing like this has happened before then clearly it isn’t anything that you’re doing that was leading him on or anything.
If anything, the fact you’re so involved in the community probably means you have LESS reason to lie about something like this.
As you say, it must be hard and I feel for you. I’ll pray for you. And I agree with some of the other posters - you’re probably not the first and may not even be the first to report this priest.
God bless
If anything, the fact you’re so involved in the community probably means you have LESS reason to lie about something like this.
As you say, it must be hard and I feel for you. I’ll pray for you. And I agree with some of the other posters - you’re probably not the first and may not even be the first to report this priest.
God bless
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