Help within Teen life

[Akimos]

Hello to all. On a typical forum, i’d usually jump straight into the action. However, after lurking for a while, I have discovered that many members are older then on typical forums I frequent. So, I decided to take it easier this time and start slower.

A bit of background: I’m a cradle Catholic and still learning about the faith. I attend a Catholic HS, the only one in my area. I have trouble with social interactions due to minor Autism.

I’m seeking the advice of those with a bit more wisdom and world experience then me (I’d ask my parents, but they are a bit edgy when it comes to these sort of issues. Heh.)

I’m in the final year of HS as of this year, and despite going to a Catholic school most, if not all of the other students are practicing Catholics. The majority are “Lapsed” Christians or self-proclaimed Atheists.

My first question would be, apart from prayer, could someone offer some assistance in setting up some sort of “Club” or “group” to heighten people’s awareness of the faith, or is it largely hopeless for most people at this age? I’m sure that the staff would get behind the idea, or at the least the few religious brothers that are there.

Due to not sharing the same views on religion as my peers, I haven’t engaged in many activities people my age usually engage in, such as dating, clubbing, drinking, “hook ups”, ect. This leads to my second question:

What age should I start looking at “Dating”?

I have no wish to be involved in the activity my peers call Dating, but I can’t help but feel a little bit left out, even if I know that there’s little to no actual love and it’s mostly lust and eventually leads to a “hook up”. I have been cited as “Mature for my age”, but i’d still like some Orthadox Catholic opinions on this issue.

My third question is: What advice could I receive on the issue of meeting a likeminded, serious, Orthadox Catholic girl? I’ve been to 3/4 of the churches in my parish, and I hardly see any young people my age there (Except the ones that have been dragged along by their parents; I can tell this by their behavior at school!) I have seen a few other serious Orthodox teens at different masses, but they are in the same boat as me (male). Although, I don’t know if they feel as strongly as avoiding physical contact as I do

On a finishing note, i’d just like to ask advice on Catholic Teen life and Dating in general, preferably from some Catholic mothers. I’d bet that the best advice would come from them.

Thank you and God bless in advance.

 

[Hosh]

I don’t really know how to answer any of your specific questions, but im 24 with Aspergers syndrome so ill tell you something that took me a long time to learn. Stay fascinated with whatever your interest(s) are. Even if it doesn’t help you with people and you feel lonely don’t change. When I tried to become someone I wasn’t it only made things worse. Being involved in the social world is very important but try to be what Abraham Maslow would call “Self-Actualizing”. Learn that there is a difference between superficial and close friendships. How you manage to identify the differences between the two will be difficult because you so strongly want friends. People will often think you don’t like people, or are just a Ahole but I know your not. Never forget about what they say; that we might be a psychoevolutionary jump ahead of everyone else.

As far as specific tools to deal with people I’ll tell you this: Its sad but… white lies, witholding information, blind compliments, agreeableness, optimism, and try to be a cheery rather than dreary.

 

[Akimos]

Funny that you mention that - I actually have Aspergers. I didn’t post that because I didn’t know if people would know of it.

I don’t strongly want friends. I’d rather make strong friendships if the oppertunity arises for the moment, but i’d be looking at making over my image after HS finishes and I go on a gap year/Uni.

This is more for the future

 

[Hosh]

I don’t strongly want friends. I’d rather make strong friendships if the oppertunity arises for the moment, but i’d be looking at making over my image after HS finishes and I go on a gap year/Uni.

When I was at your age I felt the same way. It’s very very very supervery! genetic, and will be very hard to escape. That doesn’t mean you cant.

 

[starlight101]

That sounds like a great idea! Approach your teachers and ask them what they think and if they have any ideas for the general structure of the club etc. If they agree, try and get as many people in the club as possible (without being annoying, of course).

You can start dating whenever you like. Don’t feel that you have to start dating just beacuse everyone else is, wait for someone you actualy enjoy spending time with and would like to date to come along.

I’m not sure how to answer your third question- there seems to be a lack of catholic teenagers right now… don’t give up hope though, look anywhere you can think of and I’m sure you’ll find someone.

I’m not a catholic mother so I don’t know how helpful my comments on the last question will be. My comments are: keep practising catholicism, try not to bow to peer pressure, always stand up for what you think is right and if someone wants to start an argument with you just to annoy you, ignore them… bless you too

 

[prodigalson12]

Luckily you are reaching the end of the artificial world and entering the real one. Once HS is over, it’s over, in all ways, with all of the people you knew, and in fact, you’ll barely run into a few of them at best throughout the rest of your life.

Time line, best approach for you, focus on your studies, your faith, get your game plan going towards your career, which in turn get’s you ahead of the pack. Then wait till the early 20’s, and observe how the trends change from playing around, to desperation to get married and you’ll find women in that age to be much more geared towards settling down, afterall, it’s that biological clock thing they often overworry themselves about, thinking if they don’t get married and have kids by their early/mid 20’s, they will never have any chance. Those of us that are older, know better, you don’t retire who you are just because you are no longer a child.

It’s good you are thinking of starting a club of sorts, expand who you want to join up with by expanding your horizons, the people in the secular crowd are not, and should not be your target at all, you will always feel like an outsider to them, because you are one, they are of the world, you are of the word, and the sooner you figure that out, the sooner you can stop being frustrated about it with.

You are also right about quality over quantity. I’ve been across this globe throughout my life, still at my age, 42, I can only count my true friends on one hand, have had plenty of acquaintances, but that’s the reality for almost all people when it comes down to it.

Along starting the dating thing, it shouldn’t be a time frame, it should be about a maturity frame, those that are fooling around as you say, should not be dating, they aren’t ready for it, and in fact, dating itself is a secular concept. Think courting instead, that’s the way to do it, get to know who you are with first, take your time, really get to know the other person before committing to anything, both will be much happier in all ways.

 

[that_name]

Get involved at the Diocese level with youth activities - find out if they have SEARCH at your Diocese.

Get involved in the Pro Life world, you will meet the devout people there.

 

[1ke]

You are definitely on the right track. Stay on that path! Many teens eventually grow out of their behaviors and become serious about their faith, but for most that takes several years.

Be assured that there ARE others out there like you, if not at your own school or parish, then out there further afield-- and you will meet them when you go off to college or start your adult career/life.

About dating, you are also doing the right thing there. Even though you may feel “left out.” You are only being “left out” of drama, heartache, and trouble. So, nothing lost there! Remember, dating is for discerning a spouse. At your age, you are not planning to marry anytime soon so skip the dating scene. Focus instead on finishing high school strong and going on to college, technical school, or whatever you have planned. Focus on your studies, and focus on that in college too.

When you go off to college or other school you will meet other like-minded people.

You could start some sort of club-- but since this is your last year it may be a bit late to get that going. Most important is just doing what YOU want to do and not worrying about what other people think. It’s hard at that age, I know, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

It’s hard to believe that you will meet others who share your values, but you will.

So my advice is to stop second guessing yourself and be secure in the knowledge that “it’s not you.” You are on the right path. You are walking with God.

 

[Akimos]

Thank you all for the advice.

In regards to being active at a Diocese level with the youth - Sadly, the only youth group cycles from time to time. That i’m aware of. I will look into it as much as possible.

I have absolutely no interest in second guessing my faith (Even though, like all, I’m still learning) and just wanted a Catholic perspective on things.