Help...

[Flavius_Aetius]

It has happened; sin has removed any faith I had. What I’m left with though isn’t this depressed state where I realize how much of a disappointment I am to God. This time I’m left with an uncaringness to please God; or a feeling that it’s fate that I die and go to Hell whether by wallowing in a heavy pit of sin or just sining once before suddenly dying. I don’t fear Hell in the sense of worrying of trival things such as the description of everlasting flames burning your soul; instead I just feel like there will be no change from what I’m feeling now because right now the best I can see God is understanding his basic conscept instead of following his Commandments. I haven’t done anything remotely religious in months because it all seems to be putting on a show when it’s obvious that I’ve already damned myself.

As for the main sin that’s made me to cowardly to confess to a priest; it’s a sexual addiction thats gone from masturbation>wth pornography(mostly animated; rarely live)>wth fetish pornography (again still mostly animated; no live). I’ll admit that as I type this all the guilt seems to be pouring out at once; but by morning it’s a sealed bottle of emotion just waiting to overflow some time in the middle of the night.

Another problem that seemed to ruin any chance I ever had of finding truth in my religion is politics. Anytime it is discussed I would be pitted in a tug of war between one side which wants me to support changing American laws so that that fit Catholic Dogma down the last period, or the other side that says to push your own faith upon the rest of the country is against the seperation of Church and State. This has been one of the reasons I stopped both coming here and watching the news. For the news if it isn’t Barack Obama plunging more left Supreme cour justices, its a new state legalizing homosexual marriage. By this point I don’t care if every state in America legalizes it; but coming on this forum I find out that perhaps I should be caring, and that it’s my responsibilty as a Catholic to keep some form of Catholic morality in the country…ect.

So now because of all this I can’t bring myself to do anything. In this state I still can’t see the world like an athiest would; instead I feel like all my faith in everything is just being repressed by sin. There was a time when I litterally cried during an adoration in front of the Eurcharist; now the back of my mind tells me its the body of Christ, but my empty state of mind trys to tell me its just a wafer, or just red wine. When I see people I see only the majority who deny Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross which in turn makes me feel like his crucifixtion was in vain…

I’m admitting this is a desperate plea, and had I not posted this I could of gone years with just letting sin control my life. Like I mentioned before I do believe God is there…just that he’d want nothing to do with me. I recall the rememberance of faith when I see it, but layers of sin seem to just bog me away from finding faith where it is needed or going to a priest to help me.

 

[Epistemes]

It sounds like you have some pretty high expectations of yourself and the world around you. And, in a way, your post sort of reminds me of both myself and Job sitting in his pile of ashes scraping at his sores with a stone. You feel sorry for yourself, you’re angry at yourself, you’re angry at those who fail to conform to your expectations, perhaps even angry at God for making life so difficult, uncertain, and perplexing. You really sound like the type who, on a good day, spends most of the day in some sort of prayer or devotion, thinking frequently about God and the holy things of life, perhaps even secretly despising those who aren’t Christian, those who are sinners, maybe even thinking of yourself as “better” since you are a Catholic Christian and they’re just a bunch of drunken, lustful, impassioned sinners – but then you catch yourself and think, “Oh Lord, I’m so afraid of when I’m going to masturbate again; please keep me from this sin!” And you end up thinking more about how to avoid the sin – thus setting aside an altar for the sin, offering sacrifices to it rather than to God – than you do about how God is faithful, merciful and loving.

All you seem to think about is, “Jesus Christ is going to be my Judge when I die,” and yet you seem to have forgotten that Jesus Christ is also our Advocate. He’s not just the Advocate for the pious and holy and the Saint Francises of the world – no, he himself said that he came to call sinners, to be the True Physician, and its to those, the lost sheep who have encased themselves among the thorns and brambles of the world that he is the Advocate.

And maybe somewhere inside you really want to think yourself as lonesome and alone in this struggle – for I don’t know what else would provoke such a pitiful manifesto – but you’re not, and I think when you start to see that you’re not alone in the struggle against sin (whether it be jerking off or child rape) then, yes, the world you’ve idealized around yourself will crumble – and in its place, if you allow Him, the kingdom of God will begin to unfold.

Do yourself a favor: go a see a priest. If you think you’re too good or too bad to go see a priest, then you’re just being arrogant – and I know you don’t want to be considered arrogant since you wouldn’t have come here and spent 10-20 minutes typing what you did unless you didn’t truly care about your relationship with God.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[Catholic1954]

Peace be with you! You were made in the image and likeness of God and of course he wants you back with him! Go ahead and go to confession. It is impossible for you to confess anything that the priest has not heard before or after; he will also be a good source for advice to start avoiding these sins and start your recovery. As for the politics thing, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, when you are acused of “forcing your morality” on others, just tell them they don’t have the right to force their “immorality” on you! I have a feeling that Ms.Sotomayor is going to be a surprise to the right and the left. The Supreme Court is responsible sucking us into this mess; it’s time that they get us out.

 

[tbcrawford]

God loves YOU He loves us ALL.We are all sinners none of us are without sin.All sins can and will be forgiven.Be Brave go to confession.I know you might feel the priest could be look at you in a “different” way but he won’t.Find a different parish if you are really embarassed but you wont feel better until you do confess in Persona Christa(via the priest).You will be forgiven I promise.I am praying for you.Talk to God think about Him pray to Him.Get closer the relatioship you once had with Him.It takes time to re-build any relationship.One step at a time.Pray ,pray,pray.God Bless