Help

[Uh_oh]

Is it illegal to misrepresent yourself online? If it begins for privacy purposes and then continues because you start developing a relationship with someone, unintended but happening nonetheless? Then the person begins to feel suspicious and starts threatening you if you don’t fess up? You continually tell the person you don’t want to meet them or see them or really even be doing this but they don’t give up and develop a fixation and then they threaten you? What if they had your email address and old phone number? Can they trace you and sue you?? I feel a little scared. Can anyone help me?

 

[Reepicheep]

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer.

As far as I know, it is not illegal in Canada or the United States to use a pseudonym for the purpose of maintaining one’s privacy, so long as one does not use it to commit any fraud, or evade legal obligations.

As for this other person demanding to know your real name --again, I am not a lawyer, but I don’t think they have any right to make that demand, just because they want to know.

As for suing–I gather it’s possible to attempt to bring a lawsuit for almost anything, but that doesn’t mean a court will actually allow the suit to proceed.

As for advice --Don’t let yourself be intimidated into compliance with any demands. Any threats this person makes are likely to be hot air…
Should they actually try to do anything, then consult an expert. Your ISP may be able to block them from harassing you over the Net. If they threaten you in real life, the police may be of help.
Keep an archive of any communications sent by the person – they may be useful as evidence if you ask your ISP (or their ISP) to block them.

 

[Firebug]

As far as I know, it’s not illegal. Is this just with another person, or a public corporation of some sort? If it’s a public corporation, then you might ought to be scared, I’m not sure. But to another person, no. I would, however, advise you to tell the truth to this person, and tell him/her why you lied, and apologize to them. Perhaps they will understand your reasons, and let it go?
I know I am in a similar situation with two people. One that I suspect, and one that I’ve lied about something (just a minor lie, but a lie is a lie nonetheless). Now I think it’s time I write an e-mail apologizing to the person that I lied to.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Uh oh:

Is it illegal to misrepresent yourself online? If it begins for privacy purposes and then continues because you start developing a relationship with someone, unintended but happening nonetheless?

I am not a lawyer either…but i highly doubt that using a false identity on the internet is a crime. If it is, then I’m in trouble too, lol.

Now, what exactly do you mean by “relationship”?

Then the person begins to feel suspicious and starts threatening you if you don’t fess up?

Threatening you how?

You continually tell the person you don’t want to meet them or see them or really even be doing this but they don’t give up and develop a fixation and then they threaten you?

You are under absolutely no obligation to communicate with anyone on the internet. You definitely don’t have to meet anyone in person that you have met online (and I would personally advise against it).

What if they had your email address and old phone number? Can they trace you and sue you?? I feel a little scared. Can anyone help me?

What do you mean by “old” phone number?

I honestly don’t know if they can trace you… but are actually scared of being sued? Or are you scared that this person may do you some other type of harm?

Malia (not my real name, lol)

 

[Uh_oh]

I’m scared because I signed up on a site where I could potentially meet other Catholics. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or really to meet anyone in person, just people to talk to and I wanted to learn more about the faith. Well this guy started talking to me and we started emailing and IMing. I wasn’t interested in meeting him and I told him parts of my real life and parts of things that weren’t totally the truth, just so I could protect myself. Part of my family is well known and they would flip if they knew I was talking to strangers online. I learned about an illness I have before I signed up and there is no way I would want to meet anyone because I am still in recovery and I just wanted some people to talk to in order to pass the time. But I didn’t say that because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, so I wasn’t honest about my situation. I started talking to a couple people a lot, and gave them a cell phone number to call me at and ultimately they both started thinking they were in love with me. I stopped talking to one of them and made so many efforts to stop with the other one, it was so hard to get them to both understand I didn’t want to talk anymore. I fFINALLY stopped talking to both of them, but one of them works for the site I signed up for and started to get really angry that I didn’t want to meet him. I said that several times but he kept getting insistent that I must be a liar if I don’t want to meet him, etc. Anyway, he has my old phone number and my e-mail address, so I’m scared he can call the email provider or my old phone provider and say … something to make them give out my personal information and then he’ll go after me legally or personally and hurt me. I do have a new phone number now but still, I’m afraid that the other information, or my ISP address will give away who I am or where I’m at and he’ll go crazy on me.

Is that possible???

I so appreciate your thoughts. I feel tlike this was all such a big mistake that went way too far and I went to confession about it, but I’m scared about what God will let me suffer as punishment to my bad actions. But I feel a little mad because I’m not under obligation to reveal my personal information just because he wants me to and demands me to. He says he wants all my personal information so he can know he wasn’t “duped,” but I did tell him again and again I didn’t want to meet him and I didn’t want to lead him on. He just didn’t listen to it and thought he deserved a “chance” or whatever.

 

[dulcissima]

Why don’t you contact your ISP and make sure that they won’t give your info out. I think typically they only give it to the police.

Just stop replying to this guy, no matter what he says. Or better yet, filter out his e-mails. Think of him as an obscene caller. The more you respond, the more they call.

If he works for the web site you joined, why don’t you contact them and let them know? Surely they don’t want someone on the staff who is threatening people.

 

[Uh_oh]

dulcissima:

Why don’t you contact your ISP and make sure that they won’t give your info out. I think typically they only give it to the police.
e.

Yea I blocked his email. But he’s real vindictive… I just wondered if he could call the police and then THEY would get the info but I guess not? I dunno.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

dulcissima:

Why don’t you contact your ISP and make sure that they won’t give your info out. I think typically they only give it to the police.

Good idea… they should also be able to tell you honestly if there is a chance this person can find out who you are/where you live.

Just stop replying to this guy, no matter what he says. Or better yet, filter out his e-mails. Think of him as an obscene caller. The more you respond, the more they call.

yes, definitely cut off all contact!!! Right now!

And I do hope you saved any threatening emails or IM conversations…

If he works for the web site you joined, why don’t you contact them and let them know? Surely they don’t want someone on the staff who is threatening people.

Another great idea.

Something else I would suggest doing (unless you become absolutely sure that this person has no way to find you) is filing a police report.

That way, there is already a file about this situation in case it progresses.

If you know this other persons real name then it may help to ask the police to pay him a visit. That should scare him out of trying to manipulate and control you…

Malia

 

[Uh_oh]

he co-owns the site…

 

[dulcissima]

Uh oh:

Yea I blocked his email. But he’s real vindictive… I just wondered if he could call the police and then THEY would get the info but I guess not? I dunno.

If anyone should be contacting the police, it is you!

 

[Uh_oh]

dulcissima:

If anyone should be contacting the police, it is you!

Gosh that is a good point. I live a few states away from him tho. Should I just leave it alone and hope nothing happens? I mean would he have a case?

Last time I talked to him he was like, “I am a semi public figure and I have hundreds of people who will vouch for me! Nor do I have a criminal record!” As if he could say anything about me and people would believe him just becuz. He’s a lawyer.

 

[dulcissima]

Uh oh:

Gosh that is a good point. I live a few states away from him tho. Should I just leave it alone and hope nothing happens? I mean would he have a case?

Would he have a case, you ask? I don’t know. Did you cheat him out of money or anything like that? What would his case be, that he fell in love with a partially fictitious person? If he co-owns a web site, he would already be aware that very frequently people misrepresent themselves on the internet. It sounds like he is just trying to intimidate you into giving him personal information that is none of his business.

 

[Uh_oh]

You guys are making me feel a little better tho.

 

[Uh_oh]

dulcissima:

Would he have a case, you ask? I don’t know. Did you cheat him out of money or anything like that? What would his case be, that he fell in love with a partially fictitious person? If he co-owns a web site, he would already be aware that very frequently people misrepresent themselves on the internet. It sounds like he is just trying to intimidate you into giving him personal information that is none of his business.

Oh no money was never part of it!!! We talked for awhile on the net and then on the phone here and there but it was just weird so I stopped answering the phone and only chatted with him here and there. Then he started IMing me again all the time and we would chat a little but, he was freaking me out with the “love” talk so I started making tons more excuses for him to leave me alone. Finally he got ticked and said I what I posted above.

I think you’re right he just wants my personal information to check me out. He acts like he’s entitled to it.

 

[dulcissima]

Uh oh:

Oh no money was never part of it!!! We talked for awhile on the net and then on the phone here and there but it was just weird so I stopped answering the phone and only chatted with him here and there. Then he started IMing me again all the time and we would chat a little but, he was freaking me out with the “love” talk so I started making tons more excuses for him to leave me alone. Finally he got ticked and said I what I posted above.

I think you’re right he just wants my personal information to check me out. He acts like he’s entitled to it.

Here’s another possibility. Maybe he is hustling you for this personal information because he is running some sort of identity theft scam. Or maybe if you already let him know that your family is “well known” he wants to know your real identity so he can blackmail them or you. I just don’t buy it that someone who makes their living on the internet would be so shocked that someone fooled them with misinformation. There has to be more to the story.

 

[Uh_oh]

dulcissima:

Here’s another possibility. Maybe he is hustling you for this personal information because he is running some sort of identity theft scam. Or maybe if you already let him know that your family is “well known” he wants to know your real identity so he can blackmail them or you. I just don’t buy it that someone who makes their living on the internet would be so shocked that someone fooled them with misinformation. There has to be more to the story.

I know what you mean. My friend said the same thing and actually he said he couldn’t believe he was “so dumb” to believe me, but I think his pride is what is driving his anger. That’s why he wanted the info, to check and make sure I’m exactly who I’ve said I am, every detail. He said he “deserves” to be assured.

 

[Della]

Call the police. This man is harrassing you and threatening you. If nothing else you can alert them to the situation.

This person, whoever he is, has absolutely no rights here. You do not have to tell him anything you don’t want him to know. This guy sounds like a sexual predator, which is why I think you should contact your local police department so they can see if this person has a criminal record, etc.

Also, get a lawyer, not because you have done anything wrong, but to protect yourself against this man. Your lawyer may be able to get a no contact/restraining order against him from a judge. Do these things today!

I will remember you in my Evening Prayers.

 

[Ruthie]

Dear “uh-oh,”

I agree that you should file a police report. Even if you have erased his messages to you, a police expert can recover all or most of it.

Don’t let the guy’s being a lawyer scare you. First, he may not be one; he might have said that to scare you. Second, being a lawyer doesn’t make you smart. I had a neglectful landlord once who was a lawyer, yet I took him to court and won.

Keep in mind that, at this point, you are the victim here. Flirting over the internet may not have been the smartest thing you ever did, but you tried to end it when you figured that out. Once you have said “No,” that should be it!!! If this guy can’t take “no” for an answer, it is HIS problem, and not yours.

(You have said, specifically, that you want nothing more to do with this guy, haven’t you? Sometimes we aren’t direct, and we expect them to figure out that we’re avoiding them for a reason, and they just don’t get it.)

Protect yourself by filing that police report. And ask your neighbors to look out for you. If this guy is one of those crazy stalkers, it could save your life. Take it seriously.

 

[Kristina_P]

Uh oh:

I’m scared because I signed up on a site where I could potentially meet other Catholics. I wasn’t looking for a relationship or really to meet anyone in person, just people to talk to and I wanted to learn more about the faith. Well this guy started talking to me and we started emailing and IMing. I wasn’t interested in meeting him and I told him parts of my real life and parts of things that weren’t totally the truth, just so I could protect myself. Part of my family is well known and they would flip if they knew I was talking to strangers online. I learned about an illness I have before I signed up and there is no way I would want to meet anyone because I am still in recovery and I just wanted some people to talk to in order to pass the time. But I didn’t say that because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, so I wasn’t honest about my situation. I started talking to a couple people a lot, and gave them a cell phone number to call me at and ultimately they both started thinking they were in love with me. I stopped talking to one of them and made so many efforts to stop with the other one, it was so hard to get them to both understand I didn’t want to talk anymore. I fFINALLY stopped talking to both of them, but one of them works for the site I signed up for and started to get really angry that I didn’t want to meet him. I said that several times but he kept getting insistent that I must be a liar if I don’t want to meet him, etc. Anyway, he has my old phone number and my e-mail address, so I’m scared he can call the email provider or my old phone provider and say … something to make them give out my personal information and then he’ll go after me legally or personally and hurt me. I do have a new phone number now but still, I’m afraid that the other information, or my ISP address will give away who I am or where I’m at and he’ll go crazy on me.

Is that possible???

I so appreciate your thoughts. I feel tlike this was all such a big mistake that went way too far and I went to confession about it, but I’m scared about what God will let me suffer as punishment to my bad actions. But I feel a little mad because I’m not under obligation to reveal my personal information just because he wants me to and demands me to. He says he wants all my personal information so he can know he wasn’t “duped,” but I did tell him again and again I didn’t want to meet him and I didn’t want to lead him on. He just didn’t listen to it and thought he deserved a “chance” or whatever.

For an internet service provider to give out your personal information to anyone without a court order would be highly unethical and, I believe, illegal. If you feel that personal penance is in order, let him know that you were dishonest with him in some ways, but that you are under no obligation to either meet him or give him the details of your life. If the threats continue, talk to a lawyer or to the police.

 

[Uh_oh]

Thanx Kristina,

But Im wondering if he can GET a court order in the first place. You know? (And he is a lawyer, I looked him up online to see if he would be listed and he is.) I mean does anyone know if it is illegal to misrepresent one’s self online? No one seems to know. I’m just worried he’d find a reason to get a court order and then be able to get my information and bad things would happen. (I keep having visions of being arrested and it’s scaring me to death.)

Yes I was specific several times about just asking him to leave me alone and he didn’t get it. We would stop talking for weeks and then he would IM me and we’d just chat about not much and he’d start confessing his supposedly deep feelings, and I would be like, yeah well we’re not meeting and I’m not ready to do that and I don’t forsee myself ever being ready to meet you or anyone! And he would be like well you can’t make me go away, I won’t, I want to wait for you to be ready, blah blah and I was like okay well the please block me because I don’t want to talk to you!

I guess I am just so embarrassed about this that I’m afraid to make a police report. My family would kill me. I blocked his email and his IM name and I haven’t heard from him in a few days, but I guess I’m scared he’s plotting away to “find” me and prosecute me. I asked a few friends about it, in vague terms and they all thought I was being silly, but I didn’t tell them I had given him my old phone number. I’m afraid he’ll be able to get the information out of some stupid representative, just because he’s that sort of person: aggressive and knows how to manipulate rules to get things to be his way.

If I did make a police report, what would I even say? He lives a few states away and I don’t even know what I’d be “reporting” about. I’m just seriously scared and I don’t know how to be at peace about it.

Does anyone think he has any legal reason to get my information and prosecute? Is anyone a lawyer here?

Thank you all