Helping a child handle adversity :(

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It’s really tough…I can sympathize.

I was denied admission to a state school I applied to when I was 19 and trying to switch schools and, ultimately switch majors.

I ended up switching gears entirely and went and got my EMT certification. I got a great job almost immediately after passing the test and had full time work with benefits for 8 years.

I’m not saying he should do that but at least there are other options out there. He just needs time to seethe, steam, vent…whatever.

I’m going back to school at the same college I was denied admission to 10 years ago. This time I have one year of stellar grades at a local community college, I’m in the military and my SAT scores are totally obsolete.

I’ll certainly send some prayers his way. He just needs time to clear his head, hang out with his guy friends and blow off some steam.
His break is there…he just doesn’t see it yet.

Can he earn an associate’s degree at a community college and transfer?
 
aemcpa said:
The C was in a core course for that major. I’m not surprised he didn’t get in.

Can he retake the chemistry course and expunge the C from his GPA?
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Good question, I will put that in the bucket of possibilities as well. I was afraid when he told me that he had gotten the C, that things would not go well, but I couldn’t dash his hopes at that point in time.
 
You might also try a summer application when the classes are not as big. As someone else said, spring might be easier, too, since there are not as many new applicants as the traditional start of the year.

I know he’s disappointed and maybe a little time off would be good, but there’s a lot to be said for perseverance. If this is not the school, there are many other great schools – except for t.u. of course 😃 (sorry. Couldn’t help myself).
 
LongingSoul said:
This is one of the hardest parts of parenting isn’t it! These moments cause me so much anguish more now that my kids are young adults and you simply haven’t got the capacities and abilities to ‘save’ them the way we could in most childhood problems.

I always remember Maria von Trapp telling Leisle in this sort of hopeless situation “When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window” and it’s such a truth but of course we never see it that way until we look back with retrospect. I think your presence to him is more than you realise. It says no matter if the whole world is against you, I’ll always love you. Sometimes you don’t have anything more to give than your loving presence but that’s a hell of a lot really.

Blessings and all the best to you both.
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Thank you, yes, it’s very difficult. Of course as a mom I want to fix it, make things work, make it all come out right. Dads probably do too, in their own way. But in the larger scheme of life, it’s more important that he learn to handle disappointments than that any one experience works out the way he wanted it to. Yes, the school rejected him again, but what is the larger lesson - Does he let this color his entire life, feel less-than, feel worthless, or does he pull up his socks and find a way to move forward?

Because, let’s face it, this won’t be the last time he’s going to have a let-down in his life. That’s why I titled the thread the way I did - it’s about how our kids get the tools to deal with stuff that happens, either through their own fault or through nothing they did. Could be worse than this, let me tell you. Look at all those people who were recently injured in Boston. Or Oklahoma’s tornado disasters. Now those are bad experiences. But one way or another, we have to learn to deal with adversity and move forward into a future we didn’t exactly want.

And God doesn’t always say “yes” to our prayers, which is another very deep topic.
 
Aggie414 said:
You might also try a summer application when the classes are not as big. As someone else said, spring might be easier, too, since there are not as many new applicants as the traditional start of the year.

I know he’s disappointed and maybe a little time off would be good, but there’s a lot to be said for perseverance. If this is not the school, there are many other great schools – except for t.u. of course 😃 (sorry. Couldn’t help myself).
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Well that was always off the table. You know where he wants to be. 😦 There’s a spirit can ne’er be told…
 
aemcpa said:
The C was in a core course for that major. I’m not surprised he didn’t get in.

Can he retake the chemistry course and expunge the C from his GPA?
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Yeah, I don’t think this is a case of the school wronging him in any way. They are going to accept the best students for each program, and getting a C in a required course is going to hurt your odds.

If he really wants in he needs to schedule an appointment with an admissions counselor for a face to face meeting where he goes in with a positive attitude and says “What can I do to make my application more appealing to your university/program?”. It may work, it may not, but the worst that can happen is that the rejection stands, which it will do if he doesn’t try.

And he does need to take this lesson to heart: Part of being an adult is always making sure that you have a fall-back plan or safety net. This should be the last time that he just counts on everything working out without planning for the worst. It’s the same concept as carrying insurance, building a savings, and sending your resume to more than one employer.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Thank you, yes, it’s very difficult. Of course as a mom I want to fix it, make things work, make it all come out right. Dads probably do too, in their own way. But in the larger scheme of life, it’s more important that he learn to handle disappointments than that any one experience works out the way he wanted it to. Yes, the school rejected him again, but what is the larger lesson - Does he let this color his entire life, feel less-than, feel worthless, or does he pull up his socks and find a way to move forward?

Because, let’s face it, this won’t be the last time he’s going to have a let-down in his life. That’s why I titled the thread the way I did - it’s about how our kids get the tools to deal with stuff that happens, either through their own fault or through nothing they did. Could be worse than this, let me tell you. Look at all those people who were recently injured in Boston. Or Oklahoma’s tornado disasters. Now those are bad experiences. But one way or another, we have to learn to deal with adversity and move forward into a future we didn’t exactly want.

And God doesn’t always say “yes” to our prayers, which is another very deep topic.
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Well, and by his age do any of us want someone to “fix” it right away? Can it even be done? 🤷

Sometimes, we are faithful by taking our cross, and sometimes we are faithful in how we stand by while someone else takes theirs. Both Jesus and Mary had their own sorrows during the Passion, very different sorrows, and yet very connected sorrows. They gave each other comfort, and yet of course each one also hurt for the other one, too.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
If he really wants in he needs to schedule an appointment with an admissions counselor for a face to face meeting where he goes in with a positive attitude and says “What can I do to make my application more appealing to your university/program?”. It may work, it may not, but the worst that can happen is that the rejection stands, which it will do if he doesn’t try.
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👍

Often, just making yourself known is half the battle. Same thing in a job hunt. Perseverance and a clear desire to be matched with this school could be a tiebreaker. But first he has to get the grades to get himself INTO a tie.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Well that was always off the table. You know where he wants to be. 😦 There’s a spirit can ne’er be told…
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My heart breaks for him. I’ve known several people who had the rug pulled out from under their dream and they had to reevaluate. There’s still a chance!!! I pray that he will lick his wounds and then get after it again. Was he applying to the Galveston campus since he wanted to do marine biology (I think I remember that being his intended major).

I would still encourage him to apply for the summer sessions when there’s less competition. I don’t know what regional school you’re talking about but Blinn is a great junior college that has a campus in Bryan and they transfer a lot of students.

Maybe he can reevaluate his major. A lot of times people end up not working in the field of their majors – there are exceptions, of course, with very specialized majors. But maybe he can major in something else and then get his masters in his preferred field.

While things don’t always work out as we think they ought, there’s always something bigger and better out there if we don’t let it affect our attitude. There’s time for a pity party (and a darn good one) but then it’s time to start looking at it again and making our dreams come true – whatever they turn out to be.

I will add you and your son to my prayer intentions.
 
aemcpa said:
👍

Often, just making yourself known is half the battle. Same thing in a job hunt. Perseverance and a clear desire to be matched with this school could be a tiebreaker. But first he has to get the grades to get himself INTO a tie.
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That’s exactly how I got into my law program after my initial rejection (waitlisted). I called asking what I needed to do and they said that they would review my file and let me know. An hour later they called saying that I was admitted and would be receiving the official paperwork within a week. Just being determined, positive, and professional goes a long way.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Yeah, I don’t think this is a case of the school wronging him in any way. They are going to accept the best students for each program, and getting a C in a required course is going to hurt your odds.

If he really wants in he needs to schedule an appointment with an admissions counselor for a face to face meeting where he goes in with a positive attitude and says “What can I do to make my application more appealing to your university/program?”. It may work, it may not, but the worst that can happen is that the rejection stands, which it will do if he doesn’t try.

And he does need to take this lesson to heart: Part of being an adult is always making sure that you have a fall-back plan or safety net. This should be the last time that he just counts on everything working out without planning for the worst. It’s the same concept as carrying insurance, building a savings, and sending your resume to more than one employer.
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Oh, I know, and he knows, that it’s not personal. It just feels that way. When he told me he’d gotten a C in Chemistry I was very concerned and told him that I was worried about his chances, but that it was done and we’d just have to see. The school doesn’t have to take anyone, they’ve got such a huge bank of applicants to pick from.

When he’s ready to discuss it, I or his father will definitely prod him to recognize that he has to have a Plan B, and a Plan C, and even a D, for the rest of his natural life.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
If he really wants in he needs to schedule an appointment with an admissions counselor for a face to face meeting where he goes in with a positive attitude and says “What can I do to make my application more appealing to your university/program?”. It may work, it may not, but the worst that can happen is that the rejection stands, which it will do if he doesn’t try.
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THIS! 👍👍👍

Awesome advice. This is exactly how I found out little things about admission standards and what is expected to get into a particular program.

That was how I figured out I was only 2 classes away from starting the program I wanted to get into as a sophomore and not a Freshman. I made a phone call to the department and instead of the secretary picking up…one of the heads of the department happened to pick up the phone.
We had a fantastic conversation and he told me exactly the classes I needed and that my grades were good enough to get it.
He answered a ton of questions I had.

Get him to do a sit down with either an admissions director or someone in the department he wants to get into. Have him make a list of questions to ask.
 
This is going to sound really disconnected but only because I don’t know the name of the test.

But can he “test” in?

I know that in addition to the SAT and ACT, there are subject level tests. Their name escapes me right now.

Once you find out or I remember the name of the test, maybe he could check to see if there is a test for Chemistry? Then he could study for the test and test into the class. Maybe??

Or maybe there is a local junior college where he could take a Chem class, to see if they would count that class?
 
Where does he want to go after his four-year degree? Straight into the workforce, a Master’s program, Ph.D. program? I would tell him to focus on the next step and tell him to keep his GPA as high possible. If he wants to go into the workforce right after his bachelor’s degree, then see if he can start to network now. Meet the right people, get his name out there, maybe try to get some relevant summer internships. All of this will be very valuable, perhaps more than even getting to the main campus.
 
Aggie414 said:
My heart breaks for him. I’ve known several people who had the rug pulled out from under their dream and they had to reevaluate. There’s still a chance!!! I pray that he will lick his wounds and then get after it again. Was he applying to the Galveston campus since he wanted to do marine biology (I think I remember that being his intended major).

I would still encourage him to apply for the summer sessions when there’s less competition. I don’t know what regional school you’re talking about but Blinn is a great junior college that has a campus in Bryan and they transfer a lot of students.

Maybe he can reevaluate his major. A lot of times people end up not working in the field of their majors – there are exceptions, of course, with very specialized majors. But maybe he can major in something else and then get his masters in his preferred field.

While things don’t always work out as we think they ought, there’s always something bigger and better out there if we don’t let it affect our attitude. There’s time for a pity party (and a darn good one) but then it’s time to start looking at it again and making our dreams come true – whatever they turn out to be.

I will add you and your son to my prayer intentions.
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No, he wanted to get to CS. He’s been in Corpus. He can’t do marine at CS obviously but could just do a Bio major and then do graduate work either in Galveston or somewhere else.

He’s still angry at the moment and refuses to consider Blinn but we’ll see what happens from here. I’m going to show him Blue Eyed Lady’s post and see if that doesn’t spark him to at least try and talk to the admissions people.

🤷
 
I’m so sorry he didn’t get in. What a disappointment.

I would go with “take the class over again” although I would ask the admissions counselor if that would help. You don’t want to waste his time and money. One good question to ask (and you may already know the answer) is whether or not the new grade he gets will replace the first grade or just be listed on the transcript. If it doesn’t replace, the “C” will still be there, although if he gets an “A” the second time his GPA will go up some, just not as much. Also, if he takes the class elsewhere, I highly doubt they’ll average in the grade. They’ll just accept the credits, which he already has.

That is a last ditch effort but it might work!

Good luck!
 
Why is he only focusing on one college? There must be plenty of places that offer marine biology. So he might have to go out of state - well, part of the purpose of college IS being open to new ideas and experiences. Furthermore, many out of state colleges might want him in part because he would increase the diversity of THEIR campus (i.e. probably not many southerners attend the reputable marine biology program at College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor, Maine), so financial aid is not automatically an issue - they may even be MORE willing to work with him.
 
Z1Z2 said:
Why is he only focusing on one college? There must be plenty of places that offer marine biology. So he might have to go out of state - well, part of the purpose of college IS being open to new ideas and experiences. Furthermore, many out of state colleges might want him in part because he would increase the diversity of THEIR campus (i.e. probably not many southerners attend the reputable marine biology program at College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor, Maine), so financial aid is not automatically an issue - they may even be MORE willing to work with him.
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Thanks, good perspective! 👍

He so wants to be an Aggie…but at this point, we have to look into other options.

Not sure I could go with Bah Hahbaah, though… 😃
 
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