Helping husband through the loss of his mother? Advice?

[LaSainte]

My husband’s mom just passed away. She and I got along, but I did have some tensions with her as well, although I loved her. I want so much to be there for my husband, but he just wants to be alone. I feel so useless, but I don’t want to make this about me, I just want to help him. Why doesn’t he want to take comfort from me? When his grandmother was I’ll years ago, he was very open and emotional about it with me. Now I feel pushed away. What can I do for him? I don’t want to mess this up because I feel that as a wife, this is one of those “big things” that I’m here for. Any advice is welcome! Thank you! Prayers welcome too!

 

[akela135]

I’m sorry to hear about your DH’s mother LaSainte. My DH’s mom passed away last year and it has been very hard on him, especially since he was only 24 when it happened. He also has been very quiet and private about his sorrow and it has been hard for me to learn to help him because I’m very talkative about my own grief.

However, I’ve found that it helps DH the most when I do as much as I can around the house for him, that way he doesn’t have to worry about chores or anything but can just spend time healing himself. I take on all the responsibilites he normally does that way he has time to think. I also try to make his favorite foods for him or buy special treats for him at the store. I try to do as many little things as I can think of. That way he knows that I’m still there and that I care. If there is anything he wants to do, such as watch a movie to try and distract himself, then we do that, no questions asked. I also give him shoulder rubs and do other soothing touching type things if we are near each other.

It was particularly hard on him, because we had just decided to get married and had contacted the priest but then were waiting to tell his family the next time we saw them in person, when we got the call that his mom had gone into surgery and she was asleep until the end after that. Given all that, we decided to wait a bit to share our news. As we were planning our wedding he’d have moments where he just needed space because he really wanted to share that day with his mom

He’s still adjusting to her not being in his life and will go through quiet spells where he’ll just be off all day. When this happens I just volunteer myself to take on his tasks that way he can relax. When he is feeling better he always lets me know that he appreciated the small things, that it helped bring him back away from his sorrow a bit and made him feel a bit happier.

You’ll both be in my prayers.:hug3:

 

[LaSainte]

Thank you for this good, practical advice. I too am very open with my grief, so this is very new to me. May God bless you and your husband.

 

[Lady_Love]

Yes. When men are wounded, they cave it, like dogs do when their injured. I would just give him the space that he needs and be ready and available with listening ears if he does want to talk or cry with you. Whatever you do, don’t try to fix it, just let him be.

A woman’s touch can be very healing. Losing a loved one is the most devastating thing in anyone’s life. Grief can go through many stages. It might help to read up on them so that you are not surprised by his behavior.

The best thing you can do for him is be a refuge of peace for him. Maybe when he comes home have the house clean, play soft music, and sprinkle Holy Water in your house to protect him from the demons who like to torment wounded souls.

Keep yourself peaceful. That’s the best gift you can give him.

 

[LaSainte]

Yes. When men are wounded, they cave it, like dogs do when their injured. I would just give him the space that he needs and be ready and available with listening ears if he does want to talk or cry with you. Whatever you do, don’t try to fix it, just let him be.

A woman’s touch can be very healing. Losing a loved one is the most devastating thing in anyone’s life. Grief can go through many stages. It might help to read up on them so that you are not surprised by his behavior.

The best thing you can do for him is be a refuge of peace for him. Maybe when he comes home have the house clean, play soft music, and sprinkle Holy Water in your house to protect him from the demons who like to torment wounded souls.

Keep yourself peaceful. That’s the best gift you can give him.

Wonderful advice. Thank you so vey much.

 

[horselvr]

How sad.

He may be feelingl like he has been abandoned. A profound empiness inside. I’m afraid he might always feel this way about the loss of his Mom but as time goes on he will accept her death. Sometime it takes longer to go through the grieving process than others may want.

I agree with whoever said don’t try to fix it but to be there to listen when/if he wants to talk.

I’ll keep him in prayers.

 

[LaSainte]

How sad.

He may be feelingl like he has been abandoned. A profound empiness inside. I’m afraid he might always feel this way about the loss of his Mom but as time goes on he will accept her death. Sometime it takes longer to go through the grieving process than others may want.

I agree with whoever said don’t try to fix it but to be there to listen when/if he wants to talk.

I’ll keep him in prayers.

Thank you!