Helping someone discern a vocation

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It’s always great to hear young people say, “I want to be a . . . “ nun, sister, priest, deacon, brother, monk, friar, etc. I feel that God is working and that the Holy Spirit is shaping people. The truth is that most people who say this, do not end up in religious life or being ordained and that’s OK. At least they are thinking and trying to hear God’s voice and God’s plan for their lives.

My genuine concern is for the advice that some posters on CAF tend to give. I realize that people mean well. The purpose of my thread is to offer some suggestions to other posters on how to help the younger posters who come to CAF feeling that they have a vocation.
  1. Never tell a person that they will be a priest or a religious, that all they have to do is to keep praying and God will make it happen. It does not work that way. The better advice is to encourage the person to continue to pray that God will show them where they belong. If they belong in the seminary or religious life and they are open to the grace of God, they will see it. But if they start to pray that God will lead them to the priesthood or the religious life, they may miss God’s call to another way of life. So, always encourage the person to open their heart to Christ and to implore him to show them the way.
  2. If you’re not sure of the difference between the priesthood and religious life, advise the person to speak to a vocation director. A priest is not always a religious and a religious man is not always a priest. Christ can call a man to the priesthood and to the religious life, just as he can call a man to one or the other. The young don’t often know the difference between the priesthood and the religious life. They come to these forums believing that everyone here has all the answers. Many times the laity don’t know that there is a difference, but there is and it’s a big one.
  3. Always encourage the person to get a spiritual director, if they don’t have one. A spiritual director need not be a priest. In fact, most priests are not trained as spiritual directors. Spiritual Direction is a very specific pastoral ministry that requires special pastoral training. Nonetheless, there are spiritual directors out there. If a person approaches a member of his parish staff they can direct him or her to a spiritual director. The spiritual director plays an essential role in the discernment of a vocation.
  4. Remember, that feeling the desire to be ordained to be a religious is not the same as having a call. I can be attracted to the most wonderful woman in the world. If she were interested in me, she would make a good wife. But if she’s not interested in me, it will remain a desire. A call to the priesthood or the religious life is very similar. Not only does the candidate have to feel an inner movement toward the seminary or the religious community, but the seminary or the religious community must want that candidate. If it’s not a match made in heaven, it’s not a vocation. The Church hierarchy is the final voice on vocations. Let us encourage the young to trust the voice of the proper authority, not only their own heart. We want them to be enthusiastic and realistic.
  5. Another helpful tid-bit is to advise the person to read, read, read. Reading about the saints, especially if you’re considering their religious community, is very helpful in prayer and in discernment. Reading what the Church has said about the priesthood, deaconate, religious life, marriage and the single life will help the person have a better rounded understanding of the Christian vocation. Reading the CCC will help the person truly understand what the Church believes. The first requirement for any vocation is knowledge of one’s faith. Seminaries and novitiates are not schools of religious education. They assume that you know your faith.
  6. Offer to become the person’s “prayer buddy”. Together you can share prayers for God’s light and guidance.
  7. We do not know these persons. They are anonymous to us. They may be very healthy or not. If they’re not, we do not want to encourage something that can hurt them and the Church. I find that encouraging young people to follow healthy pursuits as they discern tells me a great deal about them. Play sports, join a youth group, go to dances, attend parish activities, volunteer in the community, practice an art form, etc. All of these things help a person pass the time as they wait and they help develop healthy and moral personalities.
  8. Don’t forget that there are more vocations in the Church than priests and nuns. Has the person ever considered being a brother, a friar, a monk, a sister? Is the person attracted to a particular spirituality (Carmelite, Franciscan, Salesian, Jesuit, Benedictine, Opus Dei, none of the above)? A person with an attraction to a specific spirituality may have a vocation to a secular order. It is a valid vocation and a consecration of a person’s life. Secular orders are not pious societies or Christian clubs. They are truly orders with a rule, constitution, community, lifestyle, prayer life, mission, and their own government approved by the Church and protected under canon law.
  9. If it is a man, does he know that he has several possibilities: deacon, priest, brother? If it’s a woman, she too has different possibilities, nun or a sister. They’re not the same.
I thought I’d just throw this out there for those who often read the vocation threads and want to help. The most important help that we can offer is direct the person to a spiritual director and offer to pray with them to hear the voice of God more clearly. Not pray that they will become a nun or a priest. That may not be God’s will. Pray to hear God’s voice. When you hear it, you will know and you will be happier than you ever imagined.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Hi JR,

Wonderful to see you open this thread. I started one “What you need to hear when discerning” and you have captured what was going on in my mind at the time. Your logical and clear-headed presentation is a wonderful contribution to this forum. God bless you!🙂
 
Thank you, JR. I have been thinking some of these points as I read some of the answers. I just didn’t know how to say it. This is a great help.
Sr. Judith Ann
poorclaresmt.org
 
Hey JR,

As usual, I agree with almost everything you say, even if there might be a few things that seem less than exact.

First, declaring a spiritual director “essential” for discernment can be dangerous in an environment where good spiritual directors are lacking. That means the person will either settle for a bad spiritual director or feel blocked in their whole discernment process. (and this is coming from a guy whose community claims to be expert in spiritual direction!)

Second there is no church teaching about “single life” because it’s not a vocation. All vocations eventually must be at least practically lived out as either consecrated virginity or monogamous marriage. All of Christian doctrine down to the Theology of the Body and the current catechism make this abundantly clear. The teaching on a “3rd way” is a modern invention. (Wonderful people like the numeraries of Opus Dei or even unmarried diocesan priests may not have canonical status as consecrated, but let us pray that they live out holy virginity just the same.)

Third, I would not encourage young men and women in discernment to “go to dances” because I know something about the human body and human hormones (and human frailty!), though a dance class might still be a healthy pastime.

Finally, I would like to add the importance of remembering that before being a place or a function, a vocation is an identity and a mission. You, fully alive, are your vocation. You, loving and serving in the way God has called you to do so, are your vocation. Those are my thoughts. Maybe they can help…
 
PS. Many of the people asking for help with discernment often give signs of being at the very beginning of the spiritual journey. I think that for these it would often be better to recommend the basics like daily meditation with a concrete resolution, growth in virtue, regular participation in the Sacraments, healthy friendships, and good spiritual direction where possible. Some convert and seem to think that the first thing they need to do is discover their vocation. Maybe they need to ask themselves a few other questions first, like how to get closer to God, how to get out of sin, how to begin to turn things around…
 
skallal said:
Hey JR,

As usual, I agree with almost everything you say, even if there might be a few things that seem less than exact.

First, declaring a spiritual director “essential” for discernment can be dangerous in an environment where good spiritual directors are lacking. That means the person will either settle for a bad spiritual director or feel blocked in their whole discernment process. (and this is coming from a guy whose community claims to be expert in spiritual direction!)

Second there is no church teaching about “single life” because it’s not a vocation. All vocations eventually must be at least practically lived out as either consecrated virginity or monogamous marriage. All of Christian doctrine down to the Theology of the Body and the current catechism make this abundantly clear. The teaching on a “3rd way” is a modern invention. (Wonderful people like the numeraries of Opus Dei or even unmarried diocesan priests may not have canonical status as consecrated, but let us pray that they live out holy virginity just the same.)

Third, I would not encourage young men and women in discernment to “go to dances” because I know something about the human body and human hormones (and human frailty!), though a dance class might still be a healthy pastime.

Finally, I would like to add the importance of remembering that before being a place or a function, a vocation is an identity and a mission. You, fully alive, are your vocation. You, loving and serving in the way God has called you to do so, are your vocation. Those are my thoughts. Maybe they can help…
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I did mention in my post that one has to find someone who is trained in spiritual direction and that most priests are not. That explains why some people are not good spiritual directors.

I am going to disagree with you on your position on the vocation to the single life. The Franciscans and the Dominicans have a history of saints and blessed who were called to be single, but neither religious or clerics. Some that come to mind are: Catherine of Siena, Rose of Lima, Martin de Porres, Pier Giorgio Frasatti, and Angela Foligno.

These men and women were all either Secular Dominicans or Secular Franciscans. They were secular and single. Neither of these two orders make public vows, though they make a public profession to live either the Rule of St. Francis (Secular Franciscans) or the Rule of St. Augustine (Secular Dominicans). But they are not bound by canonical vows. They are bound by a canonical profession to live the spirit of the order within the secular world as either single, married or clerics.

I think what you are speaking about is the universal call to chastity. There is no disagreement there. Married, single, religious or cleric, we are all called to chastity. But we are not all called to consecrated chastity. That is a different calling altogether.

As to you other posts, I believe that one of the points that I made in my post is on the importance of knowing one’s faith and that seminaries and novitiates are not centers for religious education or catechesis. So, yes, one must dig deeper into one’s faith, one’s prayer life and one’s conversion away from sin, no matter where the Lord leads you. That is a requisite of the Christian life, regardless of one’s vocation.

I don’t know about your congregation, but our order requires that you must have been in spiritual direction at least six months and you must have a dimisorial from your spiritual director when you apply for admission. I believe that most of the orders do this and some congregations as well.

You mentioned the dances. One of the things that we look at in a person’s history is whether or not they have had the typical experiences appropriate for Christian youth. Certainly going to parties and dances is part of being young. The choices a person makes are always very telling. I know many young people, because I work with younger people, who enjoy these activities and have a wonderful social life in a very moral way. That’s the kind of young man that I’m looking for to join our order.

But I agree that every order, congregation, institute, society and fraternity is going to be different and have different expectations.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
mentioning about spiritual director - is there such an area where one couldn’t find a good spiritual director or at least someone who knows something more than the one who is discerning?
 
JReducation said:
I did mention in my post that one has to find someone who is trained in spiritual direction and that most priests are not. That explains why some people are not good spiritual directors.

I am going to disagree with you on your position on the vocation to the single life. The Franciscans and the Dominicans have a history of saints and blessed who were called to be single, but neither religious or clerics. Some that come to mind are: Catherine of Siena, Rose of Lima, Martin de Porres, Pier Giorgio Frasatti, and Angela Foligno.

These men and women were all either Secular Dominicans or Secular Franciscans. They were secular and single. Neither of these two orders make public vows, though they make a public profession to live either the Rule of St. Francis (Secular Franciscans) or the Rule of St. Augustine (Secular Dominicans). But they are not bound by canonical vows. They are bound by a canonical profession to live the spirit of the order within the secular world as either single, married or clerics.

I think what you are speaking about is the universal call to chastity. There is no disagreement there. Married, single, religious or cleric, we are all called to chastity. But we are not all called to consecrated chastity. That is a different calling altogether.

As to you other posts, I believe that one of the points that I made in my post is on the importance of knowing one’s faith and that seminaries and novitiates are not centers for religious education or catechesis. So, yes, one must dig deeper into one’s faith, one’s prayer life and one’s conversion away from sin, no matter where the Lord leads you. That is a requisite of the Christian life, regardless of one’s vocation.

I don’t know about your congregation, but our order requires that you must have been in spiritual direction at least six months and you must have a dimisorial from your spiritual director when you apply for admission. I believe that most of the orders do this and some congregations as well.

You mentioned the dances. One of the things that we look at in a person’s history is whether or not they have had the typical experiences appropriate for Christian youth. Certainly going to parties and dances is part of being young. The choices a person makes are always very telling. I know many young people, because I work with younger people, who enjoy these activities and have a wonderful social life in a very moral way. That’s the kind of young man that I’m looking for to join our order.

But I agree that every order, congregation, institute, society and fraternity is going to be different and have different expectations.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
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Hi Br. JR,

This is a very good topic. I am so glad that the Secular Orders have been mentioned once again. Topics on vocation are often centered on priests and nuns - even on TV. Maybe people need to be better educated about how God calls each one of us.

I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I bet this will be a long one.😉

albertziggy:rolleyes:
 
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