Helping those who are depressed

[minnieg]

Couldn’t find a spot for this that seemed more suitable - I’ll change the location if necessary…

I have many friends who are or who have been depressed to varying degrees. I myself have experienced the blues.

Yet, despite this “experience” I have, I don’t know the best way - in a friendship capacity - to help a depressed friend, acquaintance, or family member.

There is the obvious phone call to cheer them up as much as possible and to let them know they are loved and are not alone. The occasional card and small gift for the same purpose

Any great suggestions? Anyone received help from friends when you were depressed? What helped the most?

St. Dymphna is the patroness of mental health, I believe. Do you know any other saints who would be particularly helpful?

Thanks for all.

 

[Ceil-1]

Letting them know you care, I believe, is the best way to handle it. Inviting them out to lunch and letting them vent their feelings can be very therapeutic. It can be tiresome, but, is a true work of mercy. Also, quotes from the Bible, or Saints, sent by e-mail or phone in the beginning of the day, or at a particularly low point can help a lot. If someone who is depressed thinks no one gives a hoot, it can make it worse. Letting them know you count on their participation in your life can give a sense of meaning and lift them up. God bless.

 

[johnco]

hi,

please make a holy hour in front of the Blessed Sacrament for them.

God bless,

johnco

 

[Mini_gerbel]

Letting them know you care, I believe, is the best way to handle it. Inviting them out to lunch and letting them vent their feelings can be very therapeutic. It can be tiresome, but, is a true work of mercy. Also, quotes from the Bible, or Saints, sent by e-mail or phone in the beginning of the day, or at a particularly low point can help a lot. If someone who is depressed thinks no one gives a hoot, it can make it worse. Letting them know you count on their participation in your life can give a sense of meaning and lift them up. God bless.

yo they say exercise makes people feel GREAT. Especially depression. It helps after One week so encourage this friend to exercise a bunch.

 

[MSParrott]

Depression is a hard nut to crack (pardon the pun). Some people prefer to be left alone until the “funk” passes, some people want others around them until it passes. Being plagued with this myself, at times I have felt both ways. One of my closest friends suffers from this too, and on more than one occasion we have called one another on the phone and will bring up the most silly, inane things and eventually we end up laughing. But there are the occasions when we just express that we are there for each other when we are ready to talk.

I guess it just depends on the person, but definitely let them know you care and that you will be there for them when they are ready.

 

[Andruschak]

Couldn’t find a spot for this that seemed more suitable - I’ll change the location if necessary…

I have many friends who are or who have been depressed to varying degrees. I myself have experienced the blues.

Yet, despite this “experience” I have, I don’t know the best way - in a friendship capacity - to help a depressed friend, acquaintance, or family member.

There is the obvious phone call to cheer them up as much as possible and to let them know they are loved and are not alone. The occasional card and small gift for the same purpose

Any great suggestions? Anyone received help from friends when you were depressed? What helped the most?

St. Dymphna is the patroness of mental health, I believe. Do you know any other saints who would be particularly helpful?

Thanks for all.

In my case, my depression was triggered by the aftermath of a certain surgery, work problems, and a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Prayers would have been useless, as would most of the stuff already suggested. I needed therapy, and a prescribed anti-depressant. 5 years later, I am still on that anti-depressant, will probably be on it for the rest of my life, and I now enjoy life in a way that I never could before. Just my story only.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Supporting a person suffering depression is a very important part of a healing process. We need to discern what they may need, rather than what one may think they need.

Some depression experiences do need medical treatment and a sufferer should be encouraged to seek a medical opinion and if medication is prescribed to actually take it religiously as presescribed. Some medications have nasty side effects - these should be always reported to one’s doctor who can seek a theraputic medication without the nasty side effects - there are endless numbers of anti-depressants and most often a suitable theraputic one can be found without the nasty side effects. However all medications mostly have side effects…but they should not be extreme, which can simply make the cure worse than the condition itself adding to the suffering.

Most importantly keep the person in prayer…We need to be able in a depressed person to see Christ in Gethsemane bathed in a sweat of blood from mental stress and also on The Cross “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” …

Blessings - Barb

 

[MSParrott]

In my case, my depression was triggered by the aftermath of a certain surgery, work problems, and a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Prayers would have been useless, as would most of the stuff already suggested. I needed therapy, and a prescribed anti-depressant. 5 years later, I am still on that anti-depressant, will probably be on it for the rest of my life, and I now enjoy life in a way that I never could before. Just my story only.

I didn’t even think the mention the med subject.I’ve been on meds for the last 10 years and they do help - it’s just part of my life. I know I’ll be on them forever - I still get into a funk every now and then, though. Everyone is different…

 

[Just_wondering]

My brother’s late wife suffered from depression, and I didn’t know it. I will always regret not reaching out to her more in her hour of need. She committed suicide two years ago, when she was off her medication and struggling to conceive. Since then, I have resolved to reach out more to people who are feeling down, just in case there is undiagnosed or undisclosed depression in the equation.

Sometimes a friend will go into a funk. She won’t answer my phone calls, but I know it’s nothing personal. I usually send text messages or e-mails to let her know that I’m thinking of her, and I’m there for her whenever she feels ready to talk. I live far away, so I can’t drop by with cookies and make her a cup of tea (which is my cure for all ills), but I like to let her know that my door is always open, and I’ll always pick up the phone when she calls. When she picks herself up again, I always let her know that I was worried about her, and that I’m not upset or offended that she had to take some time for herself. I figure that’s the best I can do for her.

My boyfriend has been depressed recently, too. He lives far away from me, and works in a company where he’s the only English speaker on his shift. When he works nights (every second week), he can’t see any of his friends (or me) because they’re all having fun when he’s working and working when he has free time. I let him know that I’m here for him, at any time of day or night. Sometimes he calls me at 2am, because he’s missing his family and is full of self-doubt about whether he can finish his contract or ever save up enough money to marry me and leave Korea. I just tell him the best words of comfort I can find:

• this too shall pass,
• don’t compare what you have to what others have,
• you are a good man, and your goodness will be rewarded,
• with hard work, faith, and patience, you can be successful,
• I’m here for you, and I promise I always will be.

I don’t have much to offer my friends - I can’t bail them out of financial trouble, I haven’t lived long enough to have words of wisdom of my own, and I’m not very good at comforting people. But I can lend a listening ear, and I can offer a shoulder to cry on and two arms for a hug. And it seems to me that every trouble seems just a little bit better with a cup of tea in one hand and a friend’s hand in the other.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I don’t have much to offer my friends - I can’t bail them out of financial trouble, I haven’t lived long enough to have words of wisdom of my own, and I’m not very good at comforting people. But I can lend a listening ear, and I can offer a shoulder to cry on and two arms for a hug. And it seems to me that every trouble seems just a little bit better with a cup of tea in one hand and a friend’s hand in the other

You have more to offer than you realize. Someone who really cares can be the biggest comfort of all…

 

[Ceil-1]

Andru,

I would be careful about the antidepressants. It seems to me your depression was circumstance-related, and antidepressants are meant for true clinical depression, which is a chemical imbalance. If you take them and not need them, they can cause damage. I have never heard of anti-depressants being needed life-long except in true mental illness which I doubt you have.

I have similar luck and what gets me through is realizing that what happens to me is God’s Will and for my own good. In fact, the worse the incident, the more I feel God’s hand in it. The reason we become depressed is because we think we have to control everything, and when it goes bad, it is somehow our ineptness, or whatever, and our pride is hurt. We become angry, mainly at ourselves and depression is anger turned inward.

I think of the unfortunate incidents of my life as my path to sainthood. The more painful and humiliating, troublesome etc, the closer I get. It really helps to think of it that way, and the way it’s going for me, God must really have a huge crown waiting for me ( ). But, seriously, depression is a control issue; I’m convinced of it.

 

[Lukelion]

minnieg,
I feel you are on the right path to helping your friends.
Remember the Corporal work of mercy to visit the sick,
and the spiritual work of mercy to comfort the afflicted.
As someone who grieved alone after my parents died, I urge you to keep in contact with friends. More than one card would be lovely. It’s the little things that count. Let them know they are not alone. I realize this is also very draining and uncomfortable position sometimes, but I think what you give up here on Earth will be repaid to you in heaven. Take care of yourself too, and God bless you for being such a caring friend.

 

[bpbasilphx]

There are different kinds of depression.

Most is reactive depression–being depressed about something depresing (losing a job, for example). This usually passes.

There is depression associated with different medical conditions. Post-partum depression is an example.

Then there’s clinical depression. This is a PHYSICAL DISEASE. It’s a chemical imbalance and is NOT a character defect. If the dr. prescribes medicines, take them without guilt and thank God for the provision He’s made for you.

 

[Andruschak]

There are different kinds of depression.

Then there’s clinical depression. This is a PHYSICAL DISEASE. It’s a chemical imbalance and is NOT a character defect. If the dr. prescribes medicines, take them without guilt and thank God for the provision He’s made for you.

I do, I do, I do. Especially the way that my EAP Counselor got me to go to my Physician, who made me an appointment with her good friend who is a Therapist. The Therapist worked with me for about a year as we adjusted the medications and also dealt with some underlieing issues. (Hormonal problems)

This in 2002. In some respects, that was the start of the strange spiritual journey that ended with confirmation in the Catholic Church:thumbsup:

 

[zzuftnnyl]

And “clinical depression” can be brought on by circumstances too, especially a series of blows one after the other like Andru experienced. I had that happen to me and I was left shaking, unable to sleep and unable to eat for months. And all the talking about it in the world wasn’t going to stop my body from being in this state. Antidepressants fix it. When I go off antidepressants, I’m ok, unless I have some series of blows again and then I’d probably lose it again. The medications really help and save lives. And I have never even had any side-effects. Truly amazing!

I love the suggestion of getting your friend to exercise. Maybe you could go for walks with her or try to get her interested in training for a 5K. That is a lot of fun and very rewarding when you do it, especially if you do it as a fund raiser.

Good luck, though. Don’t take personally if your friend pushes you away. I hate talk to people when I’m so down because I feel like Debbie Downer from the Saturday Night Live skits and I know I must wear on people’s nerves, so I’d rather just be alone rather than bother somebody. So, if she resists seeing you maybe some gentle urging is in order. Or, maybe she really just does need to be left alone.

Lynn