Helping with Purity

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LukesGirl

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Hi,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He is a wonderful man, a devout Catholic, and I love him so much! Over the past couple of months he has told me a lot about how much he struggles with purity, and some of the addictions that he struggles with; including: porn, masturbation, impure thoughts. At first I was hurt, but I forgave and still forgive him with my whole heart! Even though he truly wants to do better, it is still such a struggle for him. My heart just bleeds to think about the struggles that he must go through.

My question is: What can I do? I love him so much and I just want to help him! I pray for him a lot, and I let him know how much I truly believe he can get through this…but I just want to help more! I would love to hear from the men here…but also women too, who have either struggled with these same things, or been in the same position. I just want to be able to help all men, and know what I can do to make their paths just a little easier. I would love to hear any and all ideas, but especially things that men have found specifically helpful coming from the women they love.
 
Welcome to CAF

You sound like a wonderful young woman.God bless you for that !

You can’t do more than you are doing, that is, than by praying for him and remaining pure yourself, except to encourage him to avoid porn which is a serious sin because it leads to sin and is disrespectful of you, all women and of himself.

It is he who is making it more dificult for himself to remain pure by viewing porn. Of course he will have greater difficulty if he allows himself to succumb to the sin of seeking and watching porn. This is an occasion of sin and a worrying flag.

It is important that he overcomes the temptation to give in to porn once and for all. So many wives have posted in these forums with grief that their husbands betray them and their own souls in this way even after marriage.

I know you wish to remain pure before marriage, but I see that you have a deeply generous heart and might succumb to what seems like kindness. Above all never succumb to his need even if it seems like charity, it isn’t charity to you or him to sin together.

May God help you both, and may he surround you both with His goodness, truth and His purity and authentic love.

With kind and loving wishes,
Trishie
 
Here is a website www.prodigalson.ca that helps deal with issues like you are dealing with.

I know Glenn and he is a wonderful man. He would be an excellent resource for you.
 
Does he go to regular Confession? I have struggled with some things and was feeling Confession wasn’t helping until I realised my soul though had changed. I might still struggle with some things from time to time, but my soul has kind of taken off and she’s become more pure.

Here is a another site your bf can peruse.

saint-mike.org/csgsar/default.asp
 
LukesGirl said:
Hi,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He is a wonderful man, a devout Catholic, and I love him so much! Over the past couple of months he has told me a lot about how much he struggles with purity, and some of the addictions that he struggles with; including: porn, masturbation, impure thoughts. At first I was hurt, but I forgave and still forgive him with my whole heart! Even though he truly wants to do better, it is still such a struggle for him. My heart just bleeds to think about the struggles that he must go through.

My question is: What can I do? I love him so much and I just want to help him! I pray for him a lot, and I let him know how much I truly believe he can get through this…but I just want to help more! I would love to hear from the men here…but also women too, who have either struggled with these same things, or been in the same position. I just want to be able to help all men, and know what I can do to make their paths just a little easier. I would love to hear any and all ideas, but especially things that men have found specifically helpful coming from the women they love.
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Hi LukesGirl,

Some of the things that can help to avoid pornography is trying to get rid the sources of temptation such as: if it’s computer, then try to get rid of the internet or put the computer in a visible place or try using internet filter(I don’t have much experience in filters). Also, try to get rid of channels that are impure, try to contact the cable provider to get rid of them if possible. There are many bad channels on TV even though they are not labeled pornographic such as mtv, entertainment channel.

Also, confession and recieving the Eucharist helped me a lot. Also, healing masses are very helpful. Ask st. Michael the Archaengel to protect your boyfriend. Ask st. Joseph to pray for your boyfriend. Today is the feast of st. Joseph.

God bless you and always protect you
 
Might I suggest that you start with him a devotion to our BVM? She helps me with impurity so well! I will pray for you and he.:crossrc:
 
Thank you all so much for your advice and encouragement! I really appreciate you taking time to relpy 🙂

Before we really started getting serious we both made a commitment to not kiss until we are married, if indeed marriage is the path that God wants us to take. We have also recently talked about not holding hands as much. I know that keeping the physical side of our relationship more in check is a wonderful thing, and I know that what we are doing is right. My only concern is that we might become too bent on the physical things (because we are holding back) that we end up getting married or something just so that we can “be together”. So I wonder, can you go too far with the purity thing? Or is that exactly what we should be doing, really working on taking purity to the highest level?

I believe that my boyfriend has been attending confession at least once a month, and I have really been encouraging him to go as often as possible. Since St. Philomena is my confirmation Saint, I also gave him one of her medals and he has been wearing it very diligently. I really love the idea of starting a devotion to Mother Mary together! I will definitely start working on that one!

Thanks again to everyone for all of your help:)
 
This will work and is doable for anyone who wills it:
  • Attain perfect contrition as soon as possible after falling. Think about how sin literally hurts God (what a concept) until you feel that shame that produces hatred of sin.
  • Experience sacramental Confession as soon as possible after falling! This is critical! (If he feels it ‘embarrassing’ - this is one of the reasons Christ instituted sacramental Confession as the preferred method for absolving sin, I believe - it’s good that it’s hard and it hurts. It’s good that it makes you FACE what you’ve done. And those absolving words of Christ through the priest will feel so good.)
  • Pray. Turn it prayer immediately when tempted. Say regular novenas - especially to the Blessed Virgin.
 
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