Heyhey... another Confession question

[tamccrackine]

I really want to start working on going to Confession more often. I know how to do the examination of conscience, but what if it seriously gets to the point that your sins don’t match up to the questions anymore?

For example, say you’re not intelligent enough to “think outside the box” and one action doesn’t fit neatly into your examination questions. What I mean is that while you’re doing an examination of conscience with the booklet the priest has available but you answer all the questions honestly yet you haven’t “sinned” against those questions… what do you tell him? Because you know you’ve sinned, but what do you say? That inability to “think outside the box” hasn’t helped to give you a label for that sin, yet you can feel it in your heart that you have.

What do you confess then? My priest said he can understand once or twice about confessing a particular sin… you come in a third time and he’s going to start lecturing you on habits.

I know alot of you are saying “if you’ve done a proper examination, then you’ll have sins”… but doesn’t “those” sins (not the mortal ones, I’m talking the venial) get forgiven during the Confiteor during Mass? So how will going to Confession more often help?

I don’t know if I explained my confusion or just got others confused. Can anyone see through this and possibly offer some advice for a poor soul?

 

[JimG]

Maybe you are trying to rely too much on the written examination of conscience. If you “know you’ve sinned” (whether mortal or venial) just say what it is that you did that was wrong. There must be some words to describe what you think you did wrong, even if it’s not in the examination book. So just tell the priest what is on you conscience.

 

[JimG]

PS: Going to confession more often will help, even for venial sins, because, although those sins can be forgiven during Mass, naming them and confessing them in confession provides the sacramental graces specific to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, that help you to overcome them.

 

[Pug]

I’ve switched my list of questions that I ask myself several times over the years. Some lists are good for ferreting out specific serious sins. Other lists are good at showing underlying faults and tendencies. Some lists are good at helping you with your specific vocation and place in life.

So, my first suggestion is a new list. Also, you could switch from doing the 10 commandments and instead work on the virtues and vices. You could go down the list of Pride, Sloth, Envy, Lust, etc. I can always dig up a sin of omission if I try hard enough.

You do not have to mention venial sins in confession. But I have found it helpful in my life. Confession involves an encounter with the mercy of God. Think of that woman who cried and wiped Jesus’ feet with her hair. When you realize just how much God has forgiven you and shown you mercy, you will love him more. See, you get more charity out of it.

Going to mass and communion will strengthen you against sin, though, and increase your charity. God gives us so many ways to be close to him!

Also, I think JimG had a good point about just use your own words.

 

[wjp984]

The priest at my parish doesn’t really think anything is a sin so I stopped going to confession since I will just get scolded for going to often. I will go in perhaps 6 months.

 

[Trelow]

When in doubt, sweat it out.

 

[YinYangMom]

PS: Going to confession more often will help, even for venial sins, because, although those sins can be forgiven during Mass, naming them and confessing them in confession provides the sacramental graces specific to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, that help you to overcome them.

Please clarify…
Mass and the reception of the Eucharist provides sacramental graces too…
offering up one’s venial sins when “call[ing] to mind our sins” and then reciting the confeitor is another form of confession, isn’t it? Specific for venial sins, not for mortal, however.
The priest then offers a prayer after that and blesses us so that we are clear to fully participate in the upcoming Eucharist…then we receive the Eucharist which provides graces…

So how is the absolution from participation in the Mass less than the absolution from the confessional?

 

[YinYangMom]

Tamccrackine -

Thanks for raising the topic. I, too, have a difficult time with this. As a parent I want to set a good example for my kids by going to frequent confession, but honestly, I don’t know what to say because the sins I tend to fall prey to are venial and random.

There is no real set pattern to them so they don’t fall under that category of ‘habitual’ venial sins which lead to bigger mortal sins.

They are few enough that I am able to write them down to recall at weekly mass (or the next one I attend if it’s during the week) so I confess them there, receive the grace to not do it again - and honestly, that seems to be working because I do go long periods in between slipping up that way later.

I’m no saint by any means, I’m fully aware of that. And I know I need His grace to make it through each day, but I find that grace and love in the Mass. It’s such a powerful event each Sunday that it really does sustain me through the week. Yet all this talk about frequent confession makes me feel inadequate and that concerns me. I’m not being proud. I’m not in denial. I’m not embarrassed to confess to a priest. I just can’t think of anything I’ve intentionally done wrong (mortal) or anything habitual (venial tending toward mortal) to confess. I, too, have read various examinations of conscience to help me come up with things but most everything on those lists fall under the category of venial sins - and even then, I might find 3 out of 25 to apply to me. So of course, I add those to my list for the next mass.

I just wonder if I’m missing something or doing something wrong which keeps me from the confessional.

 

[JimG]

Please clarify…
Mass and the reception of the Eucharist provides sacramental graces too…
offering up one’s venial sins when “call[ing] to mind our sins” and then reciting the confeitor is another form of confession, isn’t it?

Well, not really, if by ‘another form of confession,’ you mean that it is sort of a subdivision of the sacrament of Reconciliation. It isn’t. Each sacrament is unique, and offers sanctifying grace plus particular sacramental graces specific to that sacrament.

Venial sins can be forgiven in many ways, through prayer, acts of contrition, offering up acts of kindness, the practice of virtues, etc. One need not ever go to confesion for venial sins; but the particular sacramental graces of the sacrament of confession make it desirable to do so.

If one is not conscious of any mortal sins, you are in a pretty good place, and there’s no need to feel bad about not going to confession more often.

Sometimes, when confessing only venial sins, it may help to concentrate on just one particular fault or area where you would like to improve, rather than trying to cover the waterfront of venial sins.

 

[mercygate]

I really want to start working on going to Confession more often. I know how to do the examination of conscience, but what if it seriously gets to the point that your sins don’t match up to the questions anymore?

For example, say you’re not intelligent enough to “think outside the box” and one action doesn’t fit neatly into your examination questions. What I mean is that while you’re doing an examination of conscience with the booklet the priest has available but you answer all the questions honestly yet you haven’t “sinned” against those questions… what do you tell him? Because you know you’ve sinned, but what do you say? That inability to “think outside the box” hasn’t helped to give you a label for that sin, yet you can feel it in your heart that you have.

What do you confess then? My priest said he can understand once or twice about confessing a particular sin… you come in a third time and he’s going to start lecturing you on habits.

I know alot of you are saying “if you’ve done a proper examination, then you’ll have sins”… but doesn’t “those” sins (not the mortal ones, I’m talking the venial) get forgiven during the Confiteor during Mass? So how will going to Confession more often help?

I don’t know if I explained my confusion or just got others confused. Can anyone see through this and possibly offer some advice for a poor soul?

You tell me the sin & I’ll tell you the box.

 

[tamccrackine]

Tamccrackine -

Thanks for raising the topic. I, too, have a difficult time with this. As a parent I want to set a good example for my kids by going to frequent confession, but honestly, I don’t know what to say because the sins I tend to fall prey to are venial and random.

There is no real set pattern to them so they don’t fall under that category of ‘habitual’ venial sins which lead to bigger mortal sins.

They are few enough that I am able to write them down to recall at weekly mass (or the next one I attend if it’s during the week) so I confess them there, receive the grace to not do it again - and honestly, that seems to be working because I do go long periods in between slipping up that way later.

I’m no saint by any means, I’m fully aware of that. And I know I need His grace to make it through each day, but I find that grace and love in the Mass. It’s such a powerful event each Sunday that it really does sustain me through the week. Yet all this talk about frequent confession makes me feel inadequate and that concerns me. I’m not being proud. I’m not in denial. I’m not embarrassed to confess to a priest. I just can’t think of anything I’ve intentionally done wrong (mortal) or anything habitual (venial tending toward mortal) to confess. I, too, have read various examinations of conscience to help me come up with things but most everything on those lists fall under the category of venial sins - and even then, I might find 3 out of 25 to apply to me. So of course, I add those to my list for the next mass.

I just wonder if I’m missing something or doing something wrong which keeps me from the confessional.

Thank you!!! You eloquently conveyed exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you thank you thank you.

I now know that I’m not the only one and that makes me feel alot better. I was feeling pretty stupid and inadequate because I do want to go to Confession more often… but like someone has in their siggy line “Confession from a nun is like being stoned to death by popcorn.” I don’t want to feel as if I’m wasting the priests time, being scrupulous or just over reaching something.

Thank you to those that did respond with some ideas. I will continue to work at this.

 

[YinYangMom]

Well, not really, if by ‘another form of confession,’ you mean that it is sort of a subdivision of the sacrament of Reconciliation. It isn’t. Each sacrament is unique, and offers sanctifying grace plus particular sacramental graces specific to that sacrament.

No I didn’t intend it to be as a subdivision of the sacrament of reconciliation.

I get that the mass is separate from reconciliation.

I was just trying to confirm my understanding that the Mass, when actively participated in with venial sins in mind during the confeitor and the other parts leading up to the Eucharish, does effect absolution for those venial sins, especially when the participant has a contrite heart when receiving the Eucharist.

I understand that acts of indulgences (partial or plenary) still require one to receive absolution of one’s sins in order for them to be effective…and I’ve understood that to mean if one has mortal sin they must go to the sacrament of reconciliation, but if they have venial sin they must go to Mass **or **reconciliation (though it seems all indulgencess require mass as part of the process). I could be wrong though, so please enlighten me.

Is that the correct understanding? If so, then I guess I’m viewing the absolution of venial sins through the mass as a means (other than the sacrament of reconciliation) for clearing one’s soul of those venial sins with confidence that they are absolved. And thus, I view the sacrament of reconciliation as the means by which one must receive absolution for mortal sins and should turn for help in ridding oneself of sinful habits (those which are venial in nature, now, but can easily lead to mortal).

Does that make sense? Is it a legitimate way to view the two means of absolution for one’s sins?

 

[chotock]

Tam, perhaps you should look into some Spiritual Direction.

 

[JimG]

Is that the correct understanding? If so, then I guess I’m viewing the absolution of venial sins through the mass as a means (other than the sacrament of reconciliation) for clearing one’s soul of those venial sins with confidence that they are absolved. And thus, I view the sacrament of reconciliation as the means by which one must receive absolution for mortal sins and should turn for help in ridding oneself of sinful habits (those which are venial in nature, now, but can easily lead to mortal).

Does that make sense? Is it a legitimate way to view the two means of absolution for one’s sins?

Yes, that makes sense to me; I agree, (keeping in mind that there are or course, more than two ways to receive forgiveness of venial sins!)

 

[Pug]

though it seems all indulgencess require mass as part of the process

I’m not sure what you have in mind with this sentence. To gain a partial indulgence, you do not have to go to mass in conjunction with it. That is only typical for plenary indulgences. However, it is true that you cannot receive an indulgence for the punishments related to an unforgiven sin. Also, it is correct that forgiveness of venial sins is associated with Eucharist and with Confession.

What I am trying to say about plenary indulgences is that you have to do several things for a plenary indulgence: the work itself, confession, eucharistic communion, prayer for the intentions of the pope, and that freedom from attachment to sin condition. One communion is required per plenary indulgence, but one confession is good for a bunch. Partial indulgences don’t have this set of requirements. You don’t need one communion per partial indulgence; you don’t need any.

 

[YinYangMom]

What I am trying to say about plenary indulgences is that you have to do several things for a plenary indulgence: the work itself, confession, eucharistic communion, prayer for the intentions of the pope, and that freedom from attachment to sin condition. One communion is required per plenary indulgence, but one confession is good for a bunch. Partial indulgences don’t have this set of requirements. You don’t need one communion per partial indulgence; you don’t need any.

Ah, yes, that sounds familiar…I tend to focus on the plenary indulgences more, forgetting that there are a lot of things I do in my week which constitute partials…I need to focus on those more, I think, because right now I’m missing out on the opportunity to help the souls in purgatory by not paying attention. Thanks for the refresher!

 

[tamccrackine]

You tell me the sin & I’ll tell you the box.

I’d probably think more outside the box with a few beers. … which at that point, I might as well grab a notebook and pen because I’ll be writing for hours. I’m sure the priest wouldn’t be too happy if I walked in with a huge list.

• But cursing… not taking the Lord’s name in vain, but just having a potty mouth. I used to have a sailor mouth, but it’s been revamped to potty… so yeah, it’s getting better.
• Annoyances of what others do or say…if you think what they say or do is petty… I know it’s wrong because it’s a form of judging, but how to convey this in Confession?
• Unforgiveness of others that have done you wrong…
• Feelings of resentment towards others, to include your spouse… feelings which are untold and held within your heart.

I do pray sometimes that God lifts the veil over my eyes so I can see what I’ve done wrong so I can be knowledgable about them so I can confess them.

I guess I am still in the infancy stage of trusting how Confession works for some people and don’t understand how a person that appears to be very humble and holy, goes to Confession twice a month! The people I want to emulate go to Confession regularly and I’m thinking to myself “WHAT in the WORLD to they have to confess???” At which point, I have to remind myself “Even the Pope has to go to Confession… so I can’t be too far off with not being able to think of some things.”

Think if I went in there and just started talking about what I think I’ve done wrong and let the priest help to figure it out… think that’d work? Or maybe I can just take this list to him…

 

[Pug]

Ah, yes, that sounds familiar…I tend to focus on the plenary indulgences more, forgetting that there are a lot of things I do in my week which constitute partials…I need to focus on those more, I think, because right now I’m missing out on the opportunity to help the souls in purgatory by not paying attention. Thanks for the refresher!

Oh, indulgences are a fav topic of mine. I need to donate more of them for the Poor Souls as well, refresh my habitual intention!

 

[jpjd]

…but how to convey this in Confession?..

Some people have been taught that confession consists of stating their sins in kind and number. For example, “I commited X sin 4 times since my last confession; I committed Y sin many times.” This means that the person confessing states the category of the sin (i.e., I broke the 1st commandment) rather than the sin itself. I find that I prefer to confess the sin itself. My confessions usually consist of describing the situation in which I sinned. My confession tends to be conversational. That’s what works for me.

My advice to you is to not try to follow a formula. Just be yourself. Just talk to the priest. Tell him your sin(s). Let HIM figure out what category the sin fits in to.

And truly, the more you go to confession, the more you find a process that you feel comfortable with. Like anything else, the more you do something, the better you get at it.

…I don’t understand how a person that appears to be very humble and holy, goes to Confession twice a month! The people I want to emulate go to Confession regularly and I’m thinking to myself “WHAT in the WORLD to they have to confess???”

Well, remember, these people are humble and holy BECAUSE they go to confession often.

 

[JimG]

Some people have been taught that confession consists of stating their sins in kind and number. For example, “I commited X sin 4 times since my last confession; I committed Y sin many times.” This means that the person confessing states the category of the sin (i.e., I broke the 1st commandment) rather than the sin itself.

No, its never acceptable to just state the category of sin. But it’s perfectly acceptable to say something like “I commited fornication twice a week for the past two months.” The sin is specifically named, and one is not required to go into further detail.