In Hispanic cultures, there is immense pressure for a man to hide his homosexuality.
In non-Hispanic American culture, demonizing homosexuals is becoming increasingly unacceptable. Using words that are “slurs” against homosexuals is no longer tolerated in polite company.
Things are not like this in the Hispanic cultures that I’m familiar with (Central American). Threatening gays is still acceptable, and calling a man “homosexual” is the ultimate insult. Anti-homosexual slurs are still used openly. My Hispanic friends have said things that would horrify their non-Hispanic counterparts (if they were said in English.)
Contrast this with the Catholic teaching that homosexuals should not engage in sexual activity, but should still be treated with kindness and respesct.
As a consequence, homosexual Hispanic men are pressured to marry to hide their homosexuality. Add the increased acceptance of men having extramarital affairs in the aforementioned Hispanic cultures…and you can see how this can lead to unfortunate consequences, as our OP has possibly discovered.
Jerrysgirl, you seemed to take my comment personally. Are you Hispanic? Do you live in a Spanish-speaking country? Are most of your friends Hispanic? If so, then you’ve surely noticed the trend that I’m describing. If not, then why take it so personally?
Ack, I totally agree with you here. I am Mexican and I know that it was VERY relevant that the OP stated her husband is Hispanic. Coming from my own culture here it goes…
Jerrysgirl: Hispanics are very homophobic, and homosexuality is very frowned upon. Hispanics are very Catholic, very religious, so that’s another reason why it’s relevant.
Most Hispanics, when homosexual, try to hide it for as long as they can, and yes, if they can, they will marry to try and hide it. It’s one of the most shameful things that can happen to your family. I have 2 gay cousins, and their parents reacted in a way an American parent wouldn’t. One of them, his dad beat the cr*p out of him and kicked him out of the house (my cousin was only 16 then). His dad turned his back on him and never has had support from his parents. Because my cousin grew up here in the US, he has completely come out of the closet and is living a complete homosexual life, with partners and all. My other cousin, his parents cried and cried and cried and wouldn’t show their faces for over a yr. They tried to hide it, but it eventually came out and my cousin now has a boyfriend and is living that life. He too was raised here, but you see how their parents reacted?
Those cases were out of the ordinary, most men try to hide it, they think of themselves as less of a man becuase they are gay, so they hide it so no one in their families, especially their wives, find out. It takes their manliness away. Most Hispanic men are macho to some degree. Like I said, most Hispanics are homophobic, so the rejection is mostly universal in their families. That is why it’s relevant. A gay person in a Hispanic family brings the most shame, more than a pregnancy out of wedlock, more than adultery.
Sands, don’t go away just because one person doesn’t know how to respond to your problem. Most of us here can understand where your pain is coming from. I’m really sorry you are going thru this. I really don’t have much advice but to tell you I’m praying for you, and to please don’t include your children. Don’t tell them. It’s traumatic enough for you, imagine what it’d do to your kids.
Seek help from a priest and a counselor, and also a lawyer. Inform yourself because you need to be prepared for everything. You need emotional, spiritual and legal guidance. I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
