Hi There..

  • Thread starter Thread starter LIVERBIRD
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

LIVERBIRD

Guest
My Names Elle, and I was raised within a Catholic Family. A few years ago I lost interest in the Faith and decided that Religion wasnt really for me.

Anyway Being from a Catholic Family- Well what Can I say when I announced me and My husband were getting married and said we was getting married in a Registry office as I didnt want anything religious just wanted a Laid Back Relaxed Ceremony and also Wanted to wear Red… And We did all that for the Wedding day. Anyhow Whilst all the preparations were going on My Nan who’s a Catholic and her Nephew Kept making snide remarks about the type of wedding and Grilled me and my husband about the wedding and WHY we werent having a Catholic one… I just like to know Why did they Act like this? How come Just cos I didnt want a Catholic Ceremony it was like the Biggest Crime of te Century? It was like they were totally Against the Idea of the wedding…Being Non-religious.

My Reasons for not having a catholic wedding.

1)My cousin is Gay, and I wanted him to be an Usher and I was scared something wouldve been Said about him and I was Protecting him

2)My husband has Never been Baptised and I wouldnt want him to Convert

3)I hadnt been to Church in years. So I wouldve looked like a hypocrit for going into Gods house.

So could someone please Explain to me Why My Grandmother and her Nephew acted in such a Disgusting manner all the time Me and My Husband were Planning the wedding?
 
You reject your faith, but your grandmother is disgusting?

(Wearing red has nothing to do with it. There’s no law that says you have to wear red at a Church wedding.)
 
LIVERBIRD said:
My Names Elle, and I was raised within a Catholic Family. A few years ago I lost interest in the Faith and decided that Religion wasnt really for me.

Anyway Being from a Catholic Family- Well what Can I say when I announced me and My husband were getting married and said we was getting married in a Registry office as I didnt want anything religious just wanted a Laid Back Relaxed Ceremony and also Wanted to wear Red… And We did all that for the Wedding day. Anyhow Whilst all the preparations were going on My Nan who’s a Catholic and her Nephew Kept making snide remarks about the type of wedding and Grilled me and my husband about the wedding and WHY we werent having a Catholic one… I just like to know Why did they Act like this? How come Just cos I didnt want a Catholic Ceremony it was like the Biggest Crime of te Century? It was like they were totally Against the Idea of the wedding…Being Non-religious.

My Reasons for not having a catholic wedding.

1)My cousin is Gay, and I wanted him to be an Usher and I was scared something wouldve been Said about him and I was Protecting him

2)My husband has Never been Baptised and I wouldnt want him to Convert

3)I hadnt been to Church in years. So I wouldve looked like a hypocrit for going into Gods house.

So could someone please Explain to me Why My Grandmother and her Nephew acted in such a Disgusting manner all the time Me and My Husband were Planning the wedding?
Click to expand...
I agree with the other poster. Your grandmother and nephew are right and you are totally wrong!!
 
Firstly I said My Grandmother’s ATTITUDE towards us WAS Disgusting.

I didnt say she was a disgusting Human being?! The Attitude wasnt very Catholic was it going around Painting Our wedding Black basically saying “Oh I dont like registry offices” “I dont know why shes wearing RED” It had nothing to do with her or her nephew…

Anyway I asked why She was so Rude about it? When She didnt even Cough up a Penny towards the Wedding…

So It is right When folks dont bother about religion no more all the catholic’s look down at you like your Scum… So much for loving Brothers and Sisters… Hypocrisy.
 
bpbasilphx said:
You reject your faith, but your grandmother is disgusting?

(Wearing red has nothing to do with it. There’s no law that says you have to wear red at a Church wedding.)
Click to expand...
Firstly… You dont know me and Secondly… I’m not going to Argue with you and thidly if you knew the stress We all went through and the family upsets we went thru, My father wouldnt even speak to me properly for months and he aint even that bothered about religion either… But she didnt get funny with him though…
 
thistle said:
I agree with the other poster. Your grandmother and nephew are right and you are totally wrong!!
Click to expand...
no way. it is NOT a good thing for CATHOLICs to go around making “snide remarks” about someone or their actions. they should have acted CHARITABLY, while still maintaining their Catholic beliefs. Jesus told us to LOVE our neighbor, and the grandmother and nephew should have tried to charitably convince this person to maintain the Catholic faith, and not take the judgemental attitude that they did.
also, since this person has left the faith, they are under no obligation to have a Catholic wedding. so the grandmother and nephew are completely wrong.
 
dang71 said:
no way. it is NOT a good thing for CATHOLICs to go around making “snide remarks” about someone or their actions. they should have acted CHARITABLY, while still maintaining their Catholic beliefs. Jesus told us to LOVE our neighbor, and the grandmother and nephew should have tried to charitably convince this person to maintain the Catholic faith, and not take the judgemental attitude that they did.
also, since this person has left the faith, they are under no obligation to have a Catholic wedding. so the grandmother and nephew are completely wrong.
Click to expand...
Then why is the “left the Catholic faith” poster coming to these forums whining and complaining? I think she knows her grandmother and nephew are right but wants to stir things up and probably is exaggerating “snyde” remarks. We do not know both sides of the story but I am inclined to believe the ones who maintained their Catholic faith rather than those who abandoned it.
 
Has she ‘left the faith?’ It doesn’t appear that she has; only that she ‘might mean to’ or that she, practically speaking, has decided that what she THINKS is the faith is not for her when it comes to having a wedding.

Not practicing ‘for a while’ does not mean ‘leaving the faith.’

Catholics–baptized Catholics–have an obligation to marry in a Catholic Church (unless they are dispensed from the obligation) by a Catholic Priest (ditto).

The OP could have–and IMO should have–done this:

If she is bound and determined to leave the faith, she should have done so and made it clear, instead of remaining a ‘in name only Catholic’ while flouting the rules. Clajming ‘non practice’ as a justification for not abiding by rules doesn’t cut it. She should have made it clear to her family and talked to her priest.

For if she had done so, she would have seen that all the reasons she gave were specious ones.

Nobody ‘would have said’ anything about the gay usher. So that reason 'doesn’t fly."

A Catholic MAY marry a non-baptized person and the marriage is still valid. So that reason ‘doesn’t fly.’

Not been and looking like a hypocrite: This reason is very mixed up. If you haven’t BEEN and you are sorry, you GO TO CONFESSION and you go back to church. The Church is full of sinners–hypocrites if you will–but most of them are SORRY for their SINS and at least TRY to do good. When they fail, they confess and try again. Nobody expects every Catholic to be perfect. If that’s what you think Catholics should be, it proves even more that you do not understand your faith.

If you haven’t been and you AREN’T sorry, and you would only go to ‘look like a Catholic for somebody else’. . .then you should KNOW what you’re rejecting. It is quite obvious from the fact that your first two reasons weren’t reasons at ALL for not marrying in Church that you DO NOT KNOW YOUR FAITH.

An intelligent person (and I assume you are) would not “REJECT” something he or she DOES NOT KNOW. Therefore, I suggest that you go to RCIA , read the Catechism, and LEARN WHAT CATHOLICISM TEACHES.

THEN you can either say, "I believe’ or “I don’t.” If you do, you can go to confession, have your marriage blessed, and continue to receive the sacraments and hopefully be a shining example of faith to your husband and later to your children, and your other family.

If you don’t, THEN you can formally declare yourself ‘no longer Catholic’. But at least you will KNOW what you reject and (hopefully) since what you reject is truth, the seeds of that knowledge will grow and bring you BACK to Truth at some point when you are less concerned about having ‘your own way’ and less focused on ‘other people’s judgment’ and more about your OWN relationship with God.
 
Tantum_ergo said:
Has she ‘left the faith?’ It doesn’t appear that she has;

…

Not practicing ‘for a while’ does not mean ‘leaving the faith.’
Click to expand...
point taken, i guess i reached a little too far there.

this person obviously has some inkling/notion of being Catholic or somehow attached to the faith. do you think the hostility from family members or people in this forum will push this person closer to Christ, or further away? please don’t think i’m up for a fight, i’m just trying to make the point that we could attract someone back to the faith more by being charitable towards them and encouraging towards their faith. if our actions push this person further away, then we will be held accountable for that, right? read James, chapter 3.
 
If you have no interest in religion what prompted you to come to this forum?

I smell a troll
 
I know, it is a fine line between trying to be charitable and trying to be, if you will, ‘correct’. While one certainly DOES sympathize with anybody who has been treated unfairly or unjustly, and nothing would justify being truly unkind. . . we just don’t know what the actual words and meanings were of the original situation (by grandmother etc.). We DO know, to an extent, what the OP was thinking and that (again, with respect) she is not quite ‘right’ when it comes to her understanding of aspects of the Catholic faith and what it means. This in turn must affect our own responses. We cannot ‘shove under the rug’ the OP’s own ‘limits’ and focus STRICTLY on her ‘interpretation’ of ‘snide remarks’ when the CORE of the remarks (if not their ‘mode of expression’) is actually correct teaching and the OP’s own understanding of faith and her actions are (sadly, even if unknowingly) WRONG. We can’t ‘ignore’ this.

I understand it is difficult to express ‘emotions’ on a forum, but honestly, if a person thinks that Catholics do or say A, (and Catholics do not), and you TELL them Catholics do not, those persons are at the least going to be ‘disconcerted’ or SURPRISED, and (human nature being what it is) embarassed or even ANGRY at being ‘told’ that they were not correct.

There simply is no way to tell SOME people that something they ‘think is right’ is WRONG without having them get upset, angry, even to have them totally reject something really important (like faith) because of it.

But unless I am acting maliciously (and I trust I am not), it is not my ‘fault’ if a person refuses to accept Truth. And seriously, if a person is willing to scream (not that they have, I’m not accusing anyone) “you rotten person, because of YOU I will never be a Catholic again, you have hurt me so” to somebody who made a post on a MESSAGE BOARD–that person’s ‘faith’ was already weak, and (let’s be honest) that person would probably have ‘taken’ ANY ‘excuse’ to ‘put the blame’ on somebody else for an action that he or she had already long ago decided was what he/she wanted to do.

We have become a society that divides every person into ‘victim’ or victimizer’ if there is ANY type of disagreement.

If you claim A, and I agree with virtually everything except I point
out that there is a part I don’t particularly agree with, or think there could be OTHER things that would work, or even say I’m not SURE:

SUDDENLY I am a ‘victimizer’ of YOU, and YOU have become the victim of somebody who ‘doesn’t listen’, ‘doesn’t accept me’, wah wah wah.

Should I try to explain, NOTHING SHORT of complete and total SUBMISSION will be ‘accepted’, and even so, I will still be considered ‘untrustworthy.’

Now this is obviously not the case with many people–I hope most–but it is QUITE DEFINITELY the case with a substantial–and growing number–of people in today’s society.
 
Your grandmother and nephew were wrong to act that way. They should have been more charitable and more loving towards you and your new husband.

Matthew 7: 3-4 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?

John 8: 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a** stone** at her.”

Saying that, you really should consider getting right with God. Go back to the Faith of your youth … talk to a Priest … and take your husband with you!
:bible1:
 
Livebird,

Your grandmother wants what is best for you. To her, your upcoming marriage doesn’t exist to God, and she is concerned(or possibly) disappointed that you chose to ignore this. In her disappointment she may have said things snidely. You came on a Catholic forum, they are going to give you Catholic answers. Pretty much along the line of 1. You need a dispensation(permission) to marry a non-Catholic 2. Your marriage is not sacramental if it is not done in the CC or by the very least, a priest. Some will be charitable, others will be staunch.

My prayers to you and God Bless.
 
LIVERBIRD said:
Anyway I asked why She was so Rude about it?
Click to expand...
Well, you are asking the wrong people why your grandmother was rude. We don’t know your grandmother. Ask HER why she was rude.
LIVERBIRD said:
So It is right When folks dont bother about religion no more all the catholic’s look down at you like your Scum
Click to expand...
No, all the Catholic care about your soul and the fact that rejecting the faith puts your soul in danger of Hell.

Rejecting the faith, and marrying outside Catholic law are both mortally sinful acts.

Perhaps your grandmother was trying to get you to see that rejecting your faith is a serious matter and you should come back to Church.

But, again, you would have to ask her about her remarks. We aren’t mind readers.
 
The simple act of saying “I do not want to be Catholic” does not make you non-Catholic any more than saying “I do not want to be a citizen of my country” takes away your citizenship.

You are a non-pracicing Catholic, but, the Church - and all of her members including your grandmother - know you are still Catholic.

Should you be dead set on leaving the Faith, google “formal defection from the Catholic Church” and you will find the instructions. You will need to write a letter to your Bishop and the Bishop will have to accept your defection.

I hope and pray you come back to the practice of the faith.
 
I can’t answer for your relatives since I do not what they actually did say or do and why, but certainly if any Catholic relative of mine got married outside the Church I would be grieved and saddened because she would be deliberate risking her immortal soul and that would cause me great pain.
 
Hi, don’t worry about.
I don’t think Jesus would have rejected you; after all you can’t be as bad as Mary Magdalene!

Possibly your g’ma’s worry is that it won’t last; registry things don’t necessarily mean '…for life’ And that is kinda important esp. when/if kids come along. Give it a while you can always regularize it later & no big fuss or expense.
Try wearing your g’ma’s shoes for a while & see where she is coming from, then you won’t feel so mad
 
Well Liverbird,
Jesus never stopped loving you, your new hubby or anyone nor will He. He is love. I am sad that your marriage has created such animosity in your family - but it is a stressful thing for all involved not just the bride and groom. People sometimes do things and say things they later regret. I hope the love in your family will win the day and peace will be restored.

While I can’t encourage you to marry outside the Church, don’t discount the idea of visiting once in a while, should you decide to one day return. I’m sure you will later in life, but keep in mind the feelings of those in your family who may be practicing. They are only trying to prevent you from being hurt in the long run. And I’m NOT talking about the spouse, but your immortal soul. They are just worried about you that’s all. And since there is now a son/nephew/brother-in-law to get to know and start loving, they will worry about his soul too! So cut them some slack. Pray for them!

Remember God is LOVE and the more we love the more we know Him.

Peace,

Gail
 
tobbias88 said:
Hi, don’t worry about.
I don’t think Jesus would have rejected you; after all you can’t be as bad as Mary Magdalene!
Click to expand...
A bit off topic - but, why would you think that St. Mary Magdalen was bad?

You might want to do some reading on the misunderstandings of her.
 
Just to be quite sure that Liverbird knows that we aren’t per se picking on her:

God bless you, Liverbird, and your husband. What we all want for you and him (and your family) is the joy, and peace, and love that comes with knowing, loving and serving the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. It’s what we were created for.

So if we come across as nitpicky, rude, or ‘uncaring’. . .truly, we are not.

We think so much of you and your hubby that we are willing to face disbelief, displeasure, scorn and even hatred in order to bring to you God’s teachings. . .in order then to bring you and hubby to God, forever. You --all of you, body and soul–are so very important and precious to us that we are willing to stand up and be ‘hurt’ ourselves, to open ourselves up to ridicule and hatred, in our love for you.

Again I beg you, don’t ‘rush to judgment’ or think that because you have doubts, or because ‘Catholics like Grandma are mean’ that Catholicism itself is something you don’t want. . .and especially, something you don’t need.

Jesus is present fully in His Church, Liverbird. . .even though His people like me are flawed and can act wrongly.

You need Jesus, Liverbird, and He loves you and wants to care for you.

Just know that no matter how things ‘appear’ to you. . .JESUS will NEVER, EVER stop loving you. Even if things get hard in life. . .it isn’t Him punishing you; He suffers right there along with you and is trying to help and guide you through the suffering to His real truth and peace.

I will pray extra prayers for you and your husband. Not to ‘guilt’ you, not to try to ‘gain points’. . .solely and simply because I know how much you truly need–and in your heart of hearts how much you WANT–God’s love. I’m just a little ‘cog’ and in myself I am nothing. . .but in the name of Jesus I will offer you what I can–and what I offer you in His Name is my love and my prayers for you–without any strings attached whatsover.

God bless and keep you.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top