but we did agree to welcome as many children as God sees fit. In some ways I feel she is reneging on our vows, and telling God she knows best.
roland, this statement is problematic and consistent with your problematic assertions throughout. catholic couples do NOT, by virtue of the sacrament of marriage, agree to have as many children as God decides to give them. they vow to be open to life, viewing children as gifts from God and they vow to practice responsible parenthood.
of course, in this, it’s easy to get snaggled in the cultural slog i.e., that a couple needs reason to
have a baby as opposed to what the church teaches-- that a couple need reason to
space children or
avoid pregnancy.
but roland, your wife says, “no more.” for the time being, that IS your grave reason. there it is.
now, you dont like that and suspect she probably doesnt have grave reason to avoid. perhaps you’re right. maybe she really just does want to take up tennis and have some fun. OK, then, i wont argue anymore whether her reasons are valid. but a good husband asks sincere questions, trying to listen with his heart. he tries to-- patiently and lovingly-- remove the barriers between his wife and her openness. he prays for her. perhaps he doesnt cater to her every whim, but he avoids judging her requests as extravagant and silly.
he respects her. even if he doesnt entirely understand.
threatening to be sterilized demonstrates a misunderstanding on your wife’s part. a mis-
understanding at best, a willingness to commit mortal sin at worst.
conversely, dismissing her experience, her persepctive and her wishes, and positing your marriage on ‘agreement’ as opposed to covenant’, and positing your disparities on her ‘reneging’ demonstrates that you, too operate under some significatly faulty thinking as to what is required of you in the sacrament of marriage.
if your wife were here, i’d say, “do
not commit mortal sin by using ABC. pray and get counseling because 1. you need a clearer view of your mission,. 2. your husband needs to learn to hear your heart.”
but she isnt here on CAF. so instead, i reiterate more pointedly: you arent hearing her heart. youre judging her, scoring her, and trying to ***change ***where she is
without deeply understanding where she is. if she’s a wonderful wife, you owe it to her. if she’s an un-wonderfil wife, you still owe it to her. your vow is to LOVE her. you cant love her if you’re not listening.
’
from the catechism:
2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God.153 "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility."154
2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. **It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. **Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:
When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.155
2370 Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality.157 These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom.
She may not be physically sick now. But, physical, mental and emotional exhaustion / stress can lead to serious illnesses. She sounds like she has held up her part of “the agreement” up to this time. Perhaps she deserves a break for a little while. Why would you want to push her beyond what she believes she can handle? I think I agree with the previous posters. Give her some time. Show her that you love and respect her and care how she feels.