High School Dating

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Thanks so much for both of your responses!

How early would dating/courting be appropriate? We’ve been friends for quite some time and if that time where dating/courting would be the next step in our relationship is it…ok?, I suppose, because we’re just both young and whatnot.
 
First of all, I’m pretty impressed with the OP. My little sister turned 15 today and I only hope she exercises the same stack of morals as you.

I’m 19 years old, 20 in 2 weeks, and I have been dating my boyfriend since I was 16, so a little more than 3 years. When we started dating, he was Catholic and I was “unsure” as to what branch of Christianity I believed it. Being with him has really helped bring me to the Catholic church and I’m in RCIA now to go through the whole process on Easter 🙂 My biggest piece of advice would be to be really careful with your sexuality. It’s one thing to have pure intentions, but it’s quite another to find yourself in that “heat of the moment”. Definitely try to avoid that. Living in a courtship has the potential to really help you understand love as the Church sees it, and practicing chastity really helps make real Jesus’ pure love for us.

A really good book to read is “If You Really Loved Me”, by Jason and Chrystalina Evert- they’re amazing. They really make it obvious that chastity is a gift, instead of just a set of rules to follow. They also discuss other aspects of dating relationships outside of just sexuality. Good luck 🙂
 
Flamingo said:
Thanks so much for both of your responses!

How early would dating/courting be appropriate? We’ve been friends for quite some time and if that time where dating/courting would be the next step in our relationship is it…ok?, I suppose, because we’re just both young and whatnot.
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Just a quick note:

All of this back and forth you are displaying here, with all of your confusion and getting wrapped up in terms, and asking a message board full of people you don’t know about your relationship with some young man, all of this is exactly why you SHOULD be “dating” now while you are in HS.

You started off saying you didn’t think it was worth your time. Some truth to that. But can you imagine going through these steps you are describing here as a 20-something year old woman?!?! Much easier to do this at 16 in high school. Go out, have fun. Also, how will you know what guy is right down the road when you have exactly zero first hand experience in what you do or don’t like? Some people marry the first person they date/love. Most of those end badly. Not all, but many do. Very common.

Go out and have fun.
Don’t get too serious for too long.
The first guy you “love” is 99% of the time NOT going to be your husband.
GO TO COLLEGE. Your husband is probably there!
 
lemonadish said:
First of all, I’m pretty impressed with the OP. My little sister turned 15 today and I only hope she exercises the same stack of morals as you.

I’m 19 years old, 20 in 2 weeks, and I have been dating my boyfriend since I was 16, so a little more than 3 years. When we started dating, he was Catholic and I was “unsure” as to what branch of Christianity I believed it. Being with him has really helped bring me to the Catholic church and I’m in RCIA now to go through the whole process on Easter 🙂 My biggest piece of advice would be to be really careful with your sexuality. It’s one thing to have pure intentions, but it’s quite another to find yourself in that “heat of the moment”. Definitely try to avoid that. Living in a courtship has the potential to really help you understand love as the Church sees it, and practicing chastity really helps make real Jesus’ pure love for us.

A really good book to read is “If You Really Loved Me”, by Jason and Chrystalina Evert- they’re amazing. They really make it obvious that chastity is a gift, instead of just a set of rules to follow. They also discuss other aspects of dating relationships outside of just sexuality. Good luck 🙂
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I hope that your sister does as well! My prayers are with her and all young (and older!) people for that they have respect for themselves and others.

That’s really good to hear about you and your boyfriend. It’s always nice to hear about young couples who are sharing in pure relationship with God and each other. I’ll definitely keep what you said in mind throughout the rest of my high school years and beyond.

Also, thanks for the book recommendation! I’ll look to see if it’s available at my library.
PassingThru said:
Just a quick note:

All of this back and forth you are displaying here, with all of your confusion and getting wrapped up in terms, and asking a message board full of people you don’t know about your relationship with some young man, all of this is exactly why you SHOULD be “dating” now while you are in HS.

You started off saying you didn’t think it was worth your time. Some truth to that. But can you imagine going through these steps you are describing here as a 20-something year old woman?!?! Much easier to do this at 16 in high school. Go out, have fun. Also, how will you know what guy is right down the road when you have exactly zero first hand experience in what you do or don’t like? Some people marry the first person they date/love. Most of those end badly. Not all, but many do. Very common.

Go out and have fun.
Don’t get too serious for too long.
The first guy you “love” is 99% of the time NOT going to be your husband.
GO TO COLLEGE. Your husband is probably there!
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So I have to ask, what’s up with the quotations around dating?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until your 20’s to really look into dating more seriously. And I don’t think that experience in what I do like in a guy and what I don’t like is going to have large affects on my future…just my two cents, though.
I have a lot of close friends that are male and as a result its helped me to see what qualities I strongly admire in young men and what characteristics I’d look for in a future spouse. Of course, these are friendships - nothing more. But I’m 16, there’s no rush.
 
Flamingo said:
I hope that your sister does as well! My prayers are with her and all young (and older!) people for that they have respect for themselves and others.

That’s really good to hear about you and your boyfriend. It’s always nice to hear about young couples who are sharing in pure relationship with God and each other. I’ll definitely keep what you said in mind throughout the rest of my high school years and beyond.

Also, thanks for the book recommendation! I’ll look to see if it’s available at my library.

So I have to ask, what’s up with the quotations around dating?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until your 20’s to really look into dating more seriously. And I don’t think that experience in what I do like in a guy and what I don’t like is going to have large affects on my future…just my two cents, though.
I have a lot of close friends that are male and as a result its helped me to see what qualities I strongly admire in young men and what characteristics I’d look for in a future spouse. Of course, these are friendships - nothing more. But I’m 16, there’s no rush.
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Well, I used the quotes around dating as you seem to get hung up on the definitions of dating/courtship/friends etc. I just wanted it to sound generic so you didn’t get caught up in the language.

If you don’t want to date, well, thats just fine! If you don’t want to hear any possible benefits to learning how to go through the process of dating, why did you even ask? 🤷 This line here: “And I don’t think that experience in what I do like in a guy and what I don’t like is going to have large affects on my future.” is a bit scary. You might want to figure this out at some point! :eek:

Look, you don’t have to do a thing. I just wanted to point out some potential benefits of learning about yourself at this age. And you are right, you are likely not going to miss much by waiting. I would only caution you down the road to be careful when you do finally start dating. If you have no basis of comparison, your first love is often not nearly what you think it is when you look back!

Good luck!
 
I just have to add, I don’t mean for this to sound as harsh as it does, looking back at my posts. I came from a relatively conservative area. I had many, at least 20, friends that were very conservative about dating growing up. They all waited till they were somewhat older, 18, 19, maybe 20. They quickly married. Every single person I knew that did that is now divorced, often with kids. Its a sore spot for me, and I am sorry if I sounded cold.

Now, my group of friends that had relationships in high school, went off to college, had relationships in college, and THEN got married are for the most part all still together and raising families. I can’t help but think that having this “wisdom” if you will about relationships helped them find that person they ultimately picked. This was 10+ years ago. Its not true for everyone of course, but I can’t discount how helpful it can potentially be.

ps, “dating” and “relationship” can be as unassuming as you want it to be. My point is simply that you have these connections so you are familiar with the emotions and your own mind.
 
PassingThru said:
Well, I used the quotes around dating as you seem to get hung up on the definitions of dating/courtship/friends etc. I just wanted it to sound generic so you didn’t get caught up in the language.

If you don’t want to date, well, thats just fine! If you don’t want to hear any possible benefits to learning how to go through the process of dating, why did you even ask? 🤷 This line here: “And I don’t think that experience in what I do like in a guy and what I don’t like is going to have large affects on my future.” is a bit scary. You might want to figure this out at some point! :eek:

Look, you don’t have to do a thing. I just wanted to point out some potential benefits of learning about yourself at this age. And you are right, you are likely not going to miss much by waiting. I would only caution you down the road to be careful when you do finally start dating. If you have no basis of comparison, your first love is often not nearly what you think it is when you look back!

Good luck!
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Ok, gotcha. I was slightly confused was all.

My apologies for the line that you said was scary sounding. I suppose it didn’t come off as clear as I had intended. Of course it will have large effects, but I was targteing more that sentance around my experiences at 16. Later down the road of course it’d be important. 🙂

I really apprecipate your advise as well as everyone else’s. In my life right now there are an extremely limited number (dare I say no one) of people who share the same values or at least are knowledge about the expectations I have in regards to chastity. I think that that’s fairly common among teenagers, to be honest. I don’t mean to look like I’m trying to pull the whole no-one-around-me-understands card because I’m not, it’s just that it’s difficult to find someone in my community who fully understands and can offer as much insight and wisdom as those on this forum. And for that, I’m extremely grateful. 😉
 
PassingThru said:
I just have to add, I don’t mean for this to sound as harsh as it does, looking back at my posts. I came from a relatively conservative area. I had many, at least 20, friends that were very conservative about dating growing up. They all waited till they were somewhat older, 18, 19, maybe 20. They quickly married. Every single person I knew that did that is now divorced, often with kids. Its a sore spot for me, and I am sorry if I sounded cold.

Now, my group of friends that had relationships in high school, went off to college, had relationships in college, and THEN got married are for the most part all still together and raising families. I can’t help but think that having this “wisdom” if you will about relationships helped them find that person they ultimately picked. This was 10+ years ago. Its not true for everyone of course, but I can’t discount how helpful it can potentially be.

ps, “dating” and “relationship” can be as unassuming as you want it to be. My point is simply that you have these connections so you are familiar with the emotions and your own mind.
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No, you don’t sound cold at all. The truth is good for me to hear and I’d rather it not be sugar coated so I’m glad you’re being honest.

What do you mean by unassuming? My English isn’t the best, I apologize.

At this point I honestly have no idea what direction to go. Should I pursue a relationship with this young man, keeping it generally un-physical for lack of a better term. Should I just forget about it? Am I being to ridiculous about this all and just making it more complicated? I feel like I am but this is something that I want to be sure about. I don’t want to jump into anything.
 
PassingThru said:
I just have to add, I don’t mean for this to sound as harsh as it does, looking back at my posts. I came from a relatively conservative area. I had many, at least 20, friends that were very conservative about dating growing up. They all waited till they were somewhat older, 18, 19, maybe 20. They quickly married. Every single person I knew that did that is now divorced, often with kids. Its a sore spot for me, and I am sorry if I sounded cold.
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Depending on when you start dating, you should give yourself a good handful of years to decide when to marry. Your friends didn’t have to marry that young, they rushed through it which is why it didn’t last. (I didn’t think you sounded cold)
 
I’m 19, so I’m not all that much older than you!

In school, I was not a very liked girl. I was picked on constantly, and didn’t have many friends, let alone guy friends.

I finally went on my first date when I was 14, and we dated for 2 years. Not once did we ever even come close to having improper relations, but I think that was more my naiivete; I was pretty sheltered, and the thought of having relations with him had never even crossed my mind o.0

I’ve gone on a few dates since, had one more boyfriend. We ended up being just very good friends instead.
 
I’ve been praying about it a lot lately. I’m talking to the young man either tomorrow or Saturday to see his opinions on where we should take our relationship.

Highschool dating just weirds me out, to be honest. I do not attribute that to the fact that I’ve never had a proper relationship or anything, I just attritbute that mainly to the immaturity and poor judgement that I’ve witnessed in others’ relationships.
 
I only dated one guy for a month in high school. Even that month I wish I hadn’t dated. I dunno, to me it wasn’t worth it. You change so much from after high school.

Is it possible to meet your future spouse in high school? Yes, I think it can happen. But it depends on the kids you go to school with. I had no chances at my school, I went to a private school and most of the kids were stuck up and did not have the best morals.

I just thank God that he saved me from a lot of things during that period. It was and still is common for high school kids to have premarital sex. Now I can see why I was so fortunate not to date in high school. I’m in a lot better place faith wise and back then I’m sure I would have done something I would have regretted.

So I just think it really depends on all sorts of circumstances.
 
Welll im and 18 yr old guy, and ive never dated before. I’m still wondering if there was a practicing Catholic in my high school besides myself lol, so yea it was really NOT the best place to be looking, so i did not concern myself with any of that, but its really not going to be on my mind that much until im an upperclassmen in college, im currently a freshman right now looking to transfer to a catholic college. And honestly i dont get all the baggage that seems to be tied with relationship “process” courting this dating that yada yada yada, just do whats logical, meet someone become friends see if you think they have spouse potential if they feel the same, take it from there. Just socially interact with a member of the opposite sex! Its not like were mixing dangerous chemicals here…even though it may feel that way 😛
 
shondrea said:
I’m 19, so I’m not all that much older than you!

In school, I was not a very liked girl. I was picked on constantly, and didn’t have many friends, let alone guy friends.
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You’re preaching to the choir here! Been there, done that, got the t shirt.
I finally went on my first date when I was 14, and we dated for 2 years. Not once did we ever even come close to having improper relations, but I think that was more my naivete; I was pretty sheltered, and the thought of having relations with him had never even crossed my mind o.0
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I’ve gone on a few dates since, had one more boyfriend. We ended up being just very good friends instead.
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For me, I was 16 when the first guy asked me out. We played video games… (not much of a date) I didn’t care for him so I’m glad it never progressed. I was/am sheltered too, most are at a disbelief that I have decent taste in music since I never go anywhere (due to studies). I haven’t been “asked out” since then; however, recently one of my guy friends randomly blurted out “I love you” in a serious way…runs away
 
High School dating is good ONLY if you do not get serious or have feelings that are particularly strong. You have two factors that come together. You need to be detached from another person in your college decision. Most relationships fail in the first few months at college. Its a sad fact but reality due to new experiences and completely new group of friends. You also do not want the baggage of a relationship going into college. It closes you off to meeting new people with an open mind. College becomes more like high school at that point and you miss out on many things.

College dating is more meaningful especially during the last two years but even then it is the same situation as high school: you are about to start a whole new life in a career or grad school and you become part of a whole new group. Unless you are willing to change your life around your relationship you need to be careful and not become attached or have too high an expectation for the relationship. The serious dating and courtship doesnt really happen until after college. Even after college, for most people it doesnt start until later in your 20s and early 30s because people do not want the drama when they are building a career. The people with drama are often times, but not always by any means, the ones that have trouble keeping a job and finding stability after college.
 
and it also should be noted that people change ALOT in the transition from HS to college, like even just the jump from junior yr to senior yr in highschool, alot of my friends got involved in drugs and stuff, which they had not been doing before senior year. You never know how someone is going to change throughout highschool and on into college.
 
Flamingo said:
I am 16 years old and have never been in a serious dating relationship (or any legitimate relationship at all, for that matter).
I don’t feel pressured to be in a relationship. I **like ** that I’m able to have pure friendships with boys. The boys that I am close friends with respect me as their Sister in Christ and I appreciate it very much.
In summery, I’m not necessarily looking for a dating relationship. But if the possibility arises where I’d like to date someone, I’d feel unsure about the situation as a whole. I just don’t see the purpose of typical high school dating as a young Catholic who has no intention of marrying until a later age.
I’m just so young that dating seems so pointless. I’ve always viewed dating as a precursor to marriage. Every date is a potential mate is a phrase I stand by.
But if I ever would want to date someone while still in high school, would it be ok? How would I go about doing that while still holding strong faith?
Regardless, it just all seems to lack a purpose.

Would you please share with your experiences from when you my age and beyond and any advice you have for me?
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You definitely have a good way of looking at dating. Each person IS a potential spouse, and dating should be seen as a precursor to marriage. Losing sight of that defeats most of the purpose of dating.

At your age, some people do take dating this seriously. But alot of them don’t, too. I would advise waiting for a while.

And pure friendships rock. Cherish them.
 
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