Hindu Wedding?

[Hoosier_Daddy]

That’s interesting; I will have to remember this. My husband’s cousin is planning on marrying a Muslim man next year and they are planning two weddings - one in a mosque with just her, her intended, and her father, and then a few months later the Catholic wedding…and they are trying to get a dispensation so they don’t have to have it in a church, so as not to offend Muslim sensibilities. They asked if my son would be the ring bearer, and while that’s not an “official” position in the wedding party it makes me nervous that they may not be going about this the right way.

He’s a very nice man, but I am worried about all of this. I wonder how open they are being about their plans with all the religious officials involved. And what responsibility we have to correct her, if any.

I would be concerned that if muslim sensibilities would be hurt by the wedding being in a Catholic CHurch that the bride would not be free to practice her faith and the children would have trouble being exposed to the faith. This is what a Catholic must promise to do.

But I do not think YOU have any responsibility to correct her. The Church and the Bishop are the ones with the moral responsibility to counsel the couple. Unless you are active in marriage formation at your parish.
I would not have my child be a “ring bearer” in a Muslim ceremony. But I cannot tell you what you should do. But personally, it would make me a little uneasy having a child prominent in a muslim ceremony. For what purpose? Because it is cute? An honor? Not worth it for the confusion it might provide the child or other guests. But you won’t have that problem at all if a dispensation is not given. Then you do not have to attend.

Personally I have had people tell me they got a dispensation, only to find out later that they did not. And specifically lied about it. Those are weddings I wish I could cut my picture out of.

 

[pensmama87]

I would be concerned that if muslim sensibilities would be hurt by the wedding being in a Catholic CHurch that the bride would not be free to practice her faith and the children would have trouble being exposed to the faith. This is what a Catholic must promise to do.

But I do not think YOU have any responsibility to correct her. The Church and the Bishop are the ones with the moral responsibility to counsel the couple. Unless you are active in marriage formation at your parish.
I would not have my child be a “ring bearer” in a Muslim ceremony. But I cannot tell you what you should do. But personally, it would make me a little uneasy having a child prominent in a muslim ceremony. For what purpose? Because it is cute? An honor? Not worth it for the confusion it might provide the child or other guests. But you won’t have that problem at all if a dispensation is not given. Then you do not have to attend.

Personally I have had people tell me they got a dispensation, only to find out later that they did not. And specifically lied about it. Those are weddings I wish I could cut my picture out of.

Well, my husband was her Confirmation sponsor, so he feels a kind of obligation to her. If she is doing this, it’s probably only out of ignorance.

My son wouldn’t be taking part in the Muslim ceremony (from what I understand, that’s going to just be the bride and groom and the bride’s father), but would be the ring bearer in the Catholic ceremony occurring several months later (though not in a Church.) From this thread and the other that was just started about having two ceremonies, it sounds like this would not be a valid wedding because it would be the second. Maybe I need to rethink our son’s involvement, but if we say no, I’d like to be able to honestly say why, and maybe be able to do so in a way that helps them reconsider their plans.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Well, my husband was her Confirmation sponsor, so he feels a kind of obligation to her. If she is doing this, it’s probably only out of ignorance.

My son wouldn’t be taking part in the Muslim ceremony (from what I understand, that’s going to just be the bride and groom and the bride’s father), but would be the ring bearer in the Catholic ceremony occurring several months later (though not in a Church.) From this thread and the other that was just started about having two ceremonies, it sounds like this would not be a valid wedding because it would be the second. Maybe I need to rethink our son’s involvement, but if we say no, I’d like to be able to honestly say why, and maybe be able to do so in a way that helps them reconsider their plans.

That cannot be done as discussed not only in this thread but now another as well. A catholic may not have a ceremony in one religion and then a Catholic one.

If your husband was a confirmation sponsor than he may have the responsibility to help the young woman learn her faith in this matter. You should probably stay out of it and let him handle it. I doubt you will say no in a way that makes them reconsider, but you need to make sure if you are lending your son to be some sort of witness or posterboy for a wedding there may be some confusion later on.

Most of these issues can be handled by frank and honest conversations.

Why is it that the wedding cannot be in the Catholic Church? Does the bride to be practice her faith? Is she ok with a marriage that is not sacramental? Will she raise the kids Catholic? This is something that not everyone can have the ability to ask, but I would think the confirmation sponsor and father of a cute ring bearer would not be out of line to ask.

 

[pensmama87]

**That cannot be done as discussed not only in this thread but now another as well. A catholic may not have a ceremony in one religion and then a Catholic one. **

If your husband was a confirmation sponsor than he may have the responsibility to help the young woman learn her faith in this matter. You should probably stay out of it and let him handle it. I doubt you will say no in a way that makes them reconsider, but you need to make sure if you are lending your son to be some sort of witness or posterboy for a wedding there may be some confusion later on.

Most of these issues can be handled by frank and honest conversations.

Why is it that the wedding cannot be in the Catholic Church? Does the bride to be practice her faith? Is she ok with a marriage that is not sacramental? Will she raise the kids Catholic? This is something that not everyone can have the ability to ask, but I would think the confirmation sponsor and father of a cute ring bearer would not be out of line to ask.

Exactly - if we had known that from the get-go, when she asked if our son could be the ringbearer we would have said no. But I didn’t know that until I saw this thread today.

She kind of practices her faith. She and her fiance have gone on vacations together and I’m pretty sure they don’t stay in separate rooms, although since it’s not my business I don’t ask for the specifics. She goes to Mass with her family when she comes home. She considers herself a “practicing Catholic.” She’s also our son’s (the prospective ringbearer’s) godmother.

I have no idea about the kids, except that she says that’s a “long time off.” (Of course, my husband and I thought that too and ended up with a honeymoon baby!)

The only reason I’ve heard for no wedding in Church is that it would be “uncomfortable” for the fiance’s relatives. It wouldn’t be my decision, but if they could have a valid Catholic ceremony in another location than a church, I would go with it. But it sounds like it won’t be valid at all, and I don’t want our son participating in an invalid wedding.

I was the maid of honor in an invalid wedding a few years ago. I was misled to believe it would be a Catholic wedding, then found out only a few weeks before that it would be presided over by a Unitarian minister. I went through with it out of obligation to the friend, who then later dumped me. Now she’s converting so I guess the marriage will be convalidated (her husband was lapsed), but I was ticked. I am not looking forward to something similar happening again.

 

[Mount_Carmel]

That’s interesting; I will have to remember this. My husband’s cousin is planning on marrying a Muslim man next year and they are planning two weddings - one in a mosque with just her, her intended, and her father, and then a few months later the Catholic wedding…and they are trying to get a dispensation so they don’t have to have it in a church, so as not to offend Muslim sensibilities. They asked if my son would be the ring bearer, and while that’s not an “official” position in the wedding party it makes me nervous that they may not be going about this the right way.

He’s a very nice man, but I am worried about all of this. I wonder how open they are being about their plans with all the religious officials involved. And what responsibility we have to correct her, if any.

Hmmn, the scenario seems to place the Muslim ‘wedding’ as the greater in importance and ‘validity’. I wonder what consideration of Catholic sensibilities has been provided for, precious little it appears. From the drift of your post it would appear any children would be unlikely to be brought up as Catholics/Christians as this would also offend Muslim ‘sensibilities’ - also why the gap of several months before the ‘planned’ Catholic service/blessing/whatever? I, like yourself, have severe reservations about the regularity and general tone of the ‘planning’.

 

[pensmama87]

I decided to post my own thread about this issue:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=846141

Thanks!

 

[EasterJoy]

You could have two ceremonies - His Hindu ceremony and a Catholic Church wedding. He would of course have to agree to not interfere with the practice of your religion and agree to your bringing up your children Catholic. I assume you intend to remain Catholic since you came on CAF for answers.

There are different names for that red dot. It would signify that you are married. I don’t see any religious issue.

All the best and God bless.

No, it is not licit to have two ceremonies, except perhaps if the exchange of vows is eliminated from the Hindu ceremony. The couple may not repeat their vows in two different religious ceremonies.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well we do not have the details of what the OP really means by “Hindu wedding” which could be anything from a culturally Indian wedding to a religious ceremony,and it’s really not productive to speculate.

What we can say is that the petition can be made and that it is up to the bishop to determine whether to grant it. That will depend upon the specifics of the case.

I agree that it is doubtful that a dispensation would be granted for a truly religious Hindu ceremony. But ultimately it’s up to the bishop.

This. Whatever the couple plans, they need to vet it with the priest and find whether or not it is licit and whether or not a dispensation from the bishop is required before it is allowed. They should not just guess. They ought to do it right; they ought to want to do it right. A determination to do things your own way without reference to any legitimate boundaries you have to cross to do it is not the way to start marriage.