L
LucyLuvs
Guest
My fiance is a widower. His wife died suddenly almost 3 years ago in front of his children who were 8 and 6 at the time. The youngest is also a sick child. The family did not go to church and it was not a Catholic home. I’m not sure the children even knew their father was Catholic. Their marriage was heading to divorce and they had already told the children.
He and I began dating about 6 months later. Yes, it was soon, I met the children about 9 months after their mother passed and moved in shortly after, with the encouragement of the children because I lived over an hour away. I recently found out that at the last minute, the older child said she changed her mind and didn’t want me to move in. *side note= From the time their mother passed away the children had stayed with their mothers parents because he worked nights, and even at this point, she still wasn’t spending the night at her fathers house. They stay at our house 2-3 nights a week and he says that was normal even before their mother died. He responded that it wasn’t as easy as her just changing her mind like that and said that it wasn’t all about her, and those words damaged their relationship beyond repair. From that moment on, she has felt he has chosen me over her and her sister.
The girls and I get along great, and the girls family says that they don’t think that I am really the problem, their father is. We have set a wedding date in August of this year, and the eldest child saw this as extreme betrayal. She feels that every change he has made, from cleaning up his foul language to going to church is my doing and had nothing to do with the life altering change of losing her mother, and wanting to be a good example (our living together aside).
Our priest suggested I adopt them with marriage because there is also some extreme manipulation issues from their mothers family side where they demand to see our finances and threaten to take away the girls when they get of age to say where they want to live…with death benefits from the government being their motive. My fiance hadn’t always stops up to them. Since his family is so far away, he feels these puerile are their family. He tears everyone, including the girls with kid gloves.
Last night, the child said some really hurtful things to him, on purpose. This is the 3rd time I’ve seen him hurt so badly. She blames us for everything from her hamsters dying to her dog running away. She even said her grandparents are her new mom and dad now and told him that hurts him, doesn’t it…now he must know what it feels like to be replaced. She’s wants to have a say in who her marries and she doesn’t want it to be me. She even said, “What’s 100 divided by 3?” (3 being him and the girls) he said, “33.3” She said well we don’t want you to get married so that’s 66.6! I should write that on your forehead because that’s what you are!"
At what point do you let a hurting child win? I can’t explain how much we all have been through together. It’s not like its just now getting hard. I don’t know what else to do.
He and I began dating about 6 months later. Yes, it was soon, I met the children about 9 months after their mother passed and moved in shortly after, with the encouragement of the children because I lived over an hour away. I recently found out that at the last minute, the older child said she changed her mind and didn’t want me to move in. *side note= From the time their mother passed away the children had stayed with their mothers parents because he worked nights, and even at this point, she still wasn’t spending the night at her fathers house. They stay at our house 2-3 nights a week and he says that was normal even before their mother died. He responded that it wasn’t as easy as her just changing her mind like that and said that it wasn’t all about her, and those words damaged their relationship beyond repair. From that moment on, she has felt he has chosen me over her and her sister.
The girls and I get along great, and the girls family says that they don’t think that I am really the problem, their father is. We have set a wedding date in August of this year, and the eldest child saw this as extreme betrayal. She feels that every change he has made, from cleaning up his foul language to going to church is my doing and had nothing to do with the life altering change of losing her mother, and wanting to be a good example (our living together aside).
Our priest suggested I adopt them with marriage because there is also some extreme manipulation issues from their mothers family side where they demand to see our finances and threaten to take away the girls when they get of age to say where they want to live…with death benefits from the government being their motive. My fiance hadn’t always stops up to them. Since his family is so far away, he feels these puerile are their family. He tears everyone, including the girls with kid gloves.
Last night, the child said some really hurtful things to him, on purpose. This is the 3rd time I’ve seen him hurt so badly. She blames us for everything from her hamsters dying to her dog running away. She even said her grandparents are her new mom and dad now and told him that hurts him, doesn’t it…now he must know what it feels like to be replaced. She’s wants to have a say in who her marries and she doesn’t want it to be me. She even said, “What’s 100 divided by 3?” (3 being him and the girls) he said, “33.3” She said well we don’t want you to get married so that’s 66.6! I should write that on your forehead because that’s what you are!"
At what point do you let a hurting child win? I can’t explain how much we all have been through together. It’s not like its just now getting hard. I don’t know what else to do.
