HIV testing dilemma

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fredmack2

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hello, very distracted at the moment, i have had a very bad history of unprotected sex in my life with various women, i have never tested for hiv ever in my life because, i dont feel like i am ever ready to accept a positive diagnosis, i feel like i will start counting my days on this world, its not like i will not die, but just being sure that i am counting my days makes me depressed.
I have a girl now whom we were strict with protected sex until today when a condom broke accidentally. now she is demanding seriously we go check…but i am not ready for bad results…my head just cant comprehend bad results…she does not trust me and i dont trust myself. but at this moment in my life i dont feel like i can take positive results…it will jus break me…i regret that i am fornicating and using condoms…please anyone i need serious advice.
 
HIV is not the death sentence it used to be. It can be controlled with drugs, and many people with it now live to old age. But there’s nothing doctors can do if you refuse to be diagnosed.

That aside, you now might have infected someone else, so it’s not just about you. You absolutely have the responsibility to undergo HIV testing, as well as testing for other STDs. You have to take responsibility for your actions.
 
the odd fact is i am myself a medical profession, but i know it will break me…i am still in my twenties and havent fixed my life yet…its just a big challenge
 
fredmack2 said:
the odd fact is i am myself a medical profession, but i know it will break me…i am still in my twenties and havent fixed my life yet…its just a big challenge
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I would guess, by the fact that you’re here on a Catholic forum, that something inside you wants to fix your life, and has taken that first small baby step.

You know you need to go get testing. For yourself, for your girlfriend whom you presumably love, for her physical health, her peace of mind, and her trust in you; for anyone else you’ve slept with and potentially exposed.

Are you Catholic? Christian? Do you believe in God? Do you pray? Start praying for courage to do what you know you need to. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
holyrood said:
I would guess, by the fact that you’re here on a Catholic forum, that something inside you wants to fix your life, and has taken that first small baby step.

You know you need to go get testing. For yourself, for your girlfriend whom you presumably love, for her physical health, her peace of mind, and her trust in you; for anyone else you’ve slept with and potentially exposed.

Are you Catholic? Christian? Do you believe in God? Do you pray? Start praying for courage to do what you know you need to. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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thanks very much and yes i am a catholic christian…i have episodes of on and off praying.
 
There is no dilemma. You have had unprotected sex with multiple partners. Get tested for hiv. If the test is positive you have the moral duty to contact as many of your past partners that you can to let them know.

You also need to stop having sex while unmarried and go to confession.
 
Rhett Buttle (Gone with the wind) said to Scarlette, “You are like the thief who is sorry they got caught, but not sorry you committed the crime”

You may benefit from a Catholic writer/speaker who gives the ABC’s of divine sexuality, guided by John Paul II’s writing. Here is a sample:
What’s the connection with contraception? While today’s societal chaos is certainly complex, the following demonstrates the “inner logic” of contraception’s contribution. People are often tempted to do things they shouldn’t do. Deterrents within nature itself and within society help to curb these temptations and maintain order. For example, what would happen to the crime rate in a given society if jail terms suddenly ceased?
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Apply the same logic to sex. People throughout history have been tempted to commit adultery. It’s nothing new. However, one of the main deterrents from succumbing to the temptation has been the fear of pregnancy. What would happen if this natural deterrent were taken away? As history demonstrates, rates of adultery would skyrocket. What’s one of the main causes of divorce? Adultery. Apply the same logic to premarital sex. Such behavior has, indeed, skyrocketed. Premarital sex, as a kind of “adultery in advance,” is also a prime indicator of future marital breakdown.
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It gets worse. Since no method of contraception is 100 percent effective, an increase in adultery and pre-marital sex will inevitably lead to an increase in “unwanted pregnancies.” What’s next? So many people think contraception is the solution to the abortion problem. Take a deeper look and you’ll see that that’s like throwing gasoline on a fire to try to put it out. In the final analysis, there is only one reason we have abortion — because men and women are having sex without being “open to life.” If this mentality is at the root of abortion, contraception does nothing but foster and afford this mentality.
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HIV is like abortion in that those diagnosed with it must face life changes and possible sooner death. Further, those who refuse to change and find a way to be chaste, are sentencing another to death for very selfish reasons.
 
Get tested.

If it’s negative, you’ll stop worrying about it.

If it’s positive, you can do something about it.
 
Having knowledge is always better than leaving yourself in a perpetual cloud of uncertainty. Not everything in life is pleasant to do. But that doesn’t mean you don’t do it. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by sticking your head in the sand about it. And you’re certainly not doing your girlfriend any favors. The sins of fornication and contraception aside, even using such “protection” does not protect 100% against all STDs. You owe it to her and yourself to get tested.

Stop the fornicating. Go get tested. Go to Confession. And then put it all behind you. You can do it. God wants a deep, intimate relationship with you. He is waiting with open arms. Freedom awaits.
 
on_the_hill said:
Get tested.

If it’s negative, you’ll stop worrying about it.

If it’s positive, you can do something about it.
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This.

Worrying does nothing positive, only negative. Action is warranted here. Fredmack2, find out what your reality is and go from there.
 
The real problem is not the potential for a positive result.

If you were the only one at risk by your behavior, the dilemma would be bad enough.
That you willing expose innocent parties to the same fate that you can’t bear to even consider is reprehensible.

You have a lot more to gain than lose. You have a chance to be free of the dread that hovers over your life.

And, if somehow, the test does come back as positive - you can begin to deal with how to battle it - because you are already positive or negative - the test only allows you to get the weapons so that you have a sporting chance.

I pray that you have the strength to do what is right.
 
shainski said:
If you were the only one at risk by your behavior, the dilemma would be bad enough.
That you willing expose innocent parties to the same fate that you can’t bear to even consider is reprehensible.
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this and your girl doesn’t trust you because your untrustworthy
 
on_the_hill said:
Get tested.

If it’s negative, you’ll stop worrying about it.

If it’s positive, you can do something about it.
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Basically you know you are at risk and have put the person you claim to “love” at risk also.
 
a diagnosis doesn’t change reality…it simply gives you the exact target you should have in your scope so that you can effect the greatest impact on your life.

If your diagnosis is negative, then you have relief and can change your actions going forward to have the greatest impact on the rest of your life.
If your diagnosis is positive, then you can determine what to do to have the greatest impact on the rest of your life.

Honestly, I think you may be afraid to think of the ‘rest of your life’ regardless of your HIV status.

Although many replies will have a variety of approaches to try to help you understand the seriousness of your actions and the responsibility of your actions…I think all of our answers can be summed up in two words:
get tested :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
 
on_the_hill said:
Get tested.

If it’s negative, you’ll stop worrying about it.

If it’s positive, you can do something about it.
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This.
fredmack2 said:
the odd fact is i am myself a medical profession, but i know it will break me…i am still in my twenties and havent fixed my life yet…its just a big challenge
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If you don’t get tested, and you have it and ignore it, you won’t have to worry about your future, because you won’t have one.

FWIW, I’ve been tested as a requirement for international adoption. Even though I had no reason to believe I had it, it was still nerve wracking. Just do it and get it over with.
 
I think the advice given so far is spot on. There’s nothing to lose by having the test.

Think of it in terms of Schrödinger’s cat (look it up if not familiar). While the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead in the closed box, so too can you be thought of as both having HIV and not having HIV.

So if you think of it this way, right now you DO have HIV and you are not being treated for it and you are putting people you care for it deadly risk.

Also, you DO NOT have HIV and because you haven’t had the test you needlessly live in fear and despair.

Either way, it’s time to open the box.
 
You should also do some research on how efficient condoms are at reducing the risk of HIV. I have heard that the HIV is small enough to go through the pores of the condom. That could be incorrect info but I’ve heard it. If that were true, then whether you’re having protected sex is irrelevant to your purposes. Stop having sex, get tested, go to confession. God’s mercy is unlimited! I love you and wish the best for you!
 
I did a quick google and came up with this:

"How soon after exposure can HIV infection be detected?

Most people who are infected with HIV will test positive within one month of being infected. The period of time after infection, before the HIV test turns positive is called the window period.

When a person becomes infected with HIV, the body makes antibodies to fight HIV. When enough antibodies are developed, the HIV antibody test will be positive. Each person’s body responds to HIV infection a little differently, so the window period varies slightly from person to person. Most people infected with HIV will develop enough antibodies to be detected by HIV antibody tests four weeks after the exposure (transmission). Virtually all cases of HIV infection can be detected by three months."

from health.ny.gov/diseases/aids/facts/questions/testing.htm

It looks like you might want to wait a bit.

I thought it took awhile since I had gotten tested once myself, some time back.
 
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