Holding grudges

[HNA444]

What exactly is considered holding a grudge? Example - a friend (not close) of mine seems to use me because she has no other girl friends that she goes out with, and now that she has a boyfriend (who she met through me), and she did something that showed me she doesn’t care anymore about hanging out with me or checking up with me. Their relationship is odd and kind of immature to me, but that’s her choice. My only thing is, now I don’t think I want to hang out with her when she asks or text her, because it shows she cleary doesn’t care about my friendship. I’m not saying i would never call/text or hang out with her, but i don’t want to as much. Would this be considered holding a grudge?

 

[Carlan]

What exactly is considered holding a grudge? Example - a friend (not close) of mine seems to use me because she has no other girl friends that she goes out with, and now that she has a boyfriend (who she met through me), and she did something that showed me she doesn’t care anymore about hanging out with me or checking up with me. Their relationship is odd and kind of immature to me, but that’s her choice. My only thing is, now I don’t think I want to hang out with her when she asks or text her, because it shows she cleary doesn’t care about my friendship. I’m not saying i would never call/text or hang out with her, but i don’t want to as much. Would this be considered holding a grudge?

I don’t think so, remember holding a grudge hurts no one but the person holding it.
Also remember that possessiveness in friendship can be a big time damper, I recommend praying about it. Peace , Carlan

 

[HNA444]

I don’t think so, remember holding a grudge hurts no one but the person holding it.
Also remember that possessiveness in friendship can be a big time damper, I recommend praying about it. Peace , Carlan

yea of course, it doesn’t hurt so i’m assuming this wouldn’t be considered holding a grudge. some people have different views of what’s holding a grudge, ex- if i think differently of someone (ex- i don’t think they are nice as i thought in the beginning) than i generally act different and don’t talk to them as much , but some may think that’s holding a grudge i guess. but i don;t know what you mean by possessiveness? I am not saying i want her to constantly talk or hang out with me, because i def don’t! but, it’s obvious that she used me before, that’s all i’m saying.

 

[puzzleannie]

. Would this be considered holding a grudge?

can’t say, but the story certainly shows an extremely immature attitude toward friendship in general. If the emotion is hurting you primarily then it probably is holding a grudge and bodes nothing but pain for you if you can’t let go of it. Have no idea why you think friends should check in with each other, or what that means, or why you think your friends cannot also have other friends and still be your friend.

 

[HNA444]

can’t say, but the story certainly shows an extremely immature attitude toward friendship in general. If the emotion is hurting you primarily then it probably is holding a grudge and bodes nothing but pain for you if you can’t let go of it. Have no idea why you think friends should check in with each other, or what that means, or why you think your friends cannot also have other friends and still be your friend.

Thta’s not what i;m saying! If you knew this girl and how she is, you would understand what I mean. I never said she has to check in with me or that she cannot hang out with other people; What I am trying to say is that by her having a boyfriend now she does not act the same as she did before. And, before she had a boyfriend, all she was talking about is where we could go to meet people(meaning guys) because she wanted a boyfriend so bad, or to go out in groups ( she doesn’t have many friends, i’m probably the only friend she has living in her area). So, now that she found what she wanted (which she met through me) not that i am saying i want to be praised for it, but it shows me that she kind of is a user. that’s all i meant! I never said i want her to check in with me or she can’t hang with her bf

 

[GratefulFred]

With two grown daughters and a granddaughter entering college, I should know better than to comment. But this old granddad can just say it and let all decide what it means to them.

We all have our good days and bad. We all go through cycles where nearly everything is fine and cycles where it seems nearly everything is not fine.

I appreciate it when people are patient with me and I try to be patient with them. Some friends fade in and out of my life and I in theirs. There is no predicting how long each cycle lasts or how strong or weak the friendship is in each cycle.

You can think of friends being in an A, B. C, category. My wife of 47 years (BFF for sure) and immediate family are in the A group. Close friends, where each of us feel good in each other’s company, are in the B group. All others are in the C group. I’ll work very hard to maintain, improve or repair the A group relations, of course. But I will not put that same effort toward C group. Some individuals may float between B and C. As I may float from B to C in their opinion too.

The balance, I think, is to be patient to a prudent point. Beyond that point, one should not allow one’s self to be used unfairly. Again a judgment call.

If you get to the point where you feel you are being used, simply walk away. Let it be. No need for ‘grudges.’ No need to feel guilty. We are under no Moral obligation that I know of to salvage every friendship we ever had.

To keep it short, I will stop here. Just food for thought.

 

[HNA444]

Thank you Gratefulfred!! you are so right about about the different categories, and putting effort into closer relationships such as God and family. I just wasn’t sure if I was holding a grudge or not, but I don’t think I am because I will talk to her but I don’t think I should put effort into someone who clearly uses me .

 

[Newbie2]

I don’t think so, remember holding a grudge hurts no one but the person holding it.Also remember that possessiveness in friendship can be a big time damper, I recommend praying about it. Peace , Carlan

Actually, if it affects the relationship, it affects more than the grudge holder. But I get your point.

Grudge=(Forgive +Forget)-(Forgive +Forget)

 

[IrishRush]

With two grown daughters and a granddaughter entering college, I should know better than to comment. But this old granddad can just say it and let all decide what it means to them.

We all have our good days and bad. We all go through cycles where nearly everything is fine and cycles where it seems nearly everything is not fine.

I appreciate it when people are patient with me and I try to be patient with them. Some friends fade in and out of my life and I in theirs. There is no predicting how long each cycle lasts or how strong or weak the friendship is in each cycle.

You can think of friends being in an A, B. C, category. My wife of 47 years (BFF for sure) and immediate family are in the A group. Close friends, where each of us feel good in each other’s company, are in the B group. All others are in the C group. I’ll work very hard to maintain, improve or repair the A group relations, of course. But I will not put that same effort toward C group. Some individuals may float between B and C. As I may float from B to C in their opinion too.

The balance, I think, is to be patient to a prudent point. Beyond that point, one should not allow one’s self to be used unfairly. Again a judgment call.

If you get to the point where you feel you are being used, simply walk away. Let it be. No need for ‘grudges.’ No need to feel guilty. We are under no Moral obligation that I know of to salvage every friendship we ever had.

To keep it short, I will stop here. Just food for thought.

Excellent response GratefulFred. Where were you when I was in my 20’s and could really have used advice like that?? Though come to think of it, that advice is going to be helpful to me now, in my 50’s. I do have a tendency to let just about anyone hurt my feelings and to be overly sensitive.