holding hands during Our Father

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NickyCW

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Our parish is one that is in the practice of holding hands during the Our Father. (Our priest does not do anything to promote it - it is just the laiety doing their own thing). We have been teaching our 6 year old to fold her hands during the prayer, and I am starting to get frustrated. Sometimes, the person next to her will “grab” her hand to hold it. Most recently, my daughter just said, like any normal 6 year old: “well, why is everyone else holding hands I?”
I have tried to keep her between my husband and I so the person next to her doesn’t take her hand. I have explained that I KNOW others are holding hands, but Jesus wants us to just fold our hands and focus on Him. Any other suggestions on how I can explain this to her? Also, has anyone had any success in reducing this liturgical error in their parish? Our priest has tried to deal with some other laiety errors, but all it has done so far is make people stop doing them when he does the mass (and even sometimes then people forget because of habit). I would love to take a stand, but don’t even know where to start.
 
This has been talked about on many occasions. Here’s an interview from Zenit.org that I found particularly interesting.

**Date: 2003-11-18

****Holding Hands at the Our Father?

**ROME, NOV. 18, 2003 (Zenit.org).- Answered by Father Edward McNamara, professor of liturgy at the Regina Apostolorum Pontifical Athenaeum.

Q: Many say we should not be holding hands in the congregation while reciting the Lord’s Prayer because it is not a community prayer but a prayer to “Our Father.” Local priests say that since the Vatican has not specifically addressed it, then we are free to do as we please: either hold hands or not. What is the true Roman Catholic way in which to recite the Lord’s Prayer during Mass? – T.P., Milford, Maine

A: It is true that there is no prescribed posture for the hands during the Our Father and that, so far at least, neither the Holy See nor the U.S. bishops’ conference has officially addressed it.

The argument from silence is not very strong, however, because while there is no particular difficulty in a couple, family or a small group spontaneously holding hands during the Our Father, a problem arises when the entire assembly is expected or obliged to do so.

The process for introducing any new rite or gesture into the liturgy in a stable or even binding manner is already contemplated in liturgical law. This process entails a two-thirds majority vote in the bishops’ conference and the go-ahead from the Holy See before any change may take effect.

Thus, if neither the bishops’ conference nor the Holy See has seen fit to prescribe any posture for the recitation of the Our Father, it hardly behooves any lesser authority to impose a novel gesture not required by liturgical law and expect the faithful to follow their decrees.

While there are no directions as to the posture of the faithful, the rubrics clearly direct the priest and any concelebrants to pray the Our Father with hands extended – so they at least should not hold hands.

One could argue that holding hands expresses the family union of the Church. But our singing or reciting the prayer in unison already expresses this element.

The act of holding hands usually emphasizes group or personal unity from the human or physical point of view and is thus more typical of the spontaneity of small groups. Hence it does not always transfer well into the context of larger gatherings where some people feel uncomfortable and a bit imposed upon when doing so.

The use of this practice during the Our Father could detract and distract from the prayer’s God-directed sense of adoration and petition, as explained in Nos. 2777-2865 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, in favor of a more horizontal and merely human meaning.

For all of these reasons, no one should have any qualms about not participating in this gesture if disinclined to do so. They will be simply following the universal customs of the Church, and should not be accused of being a cause of disharmony.

A different case is the practice in which some people adopt the “orantes” posture during the Our Father, praying like the priest, with hands extended.

In some countries, Italy, for example, the Holy See has granted the bishops’ request to allow anyone who wishes to adopt this posture during the Our Father. Usually about a third to one-half of the assembled faithful choose to do so.

Despite appearances, this gesture is not, strictly speaking, a case of the laity trying to usurp priestly functions.

The Our Father is the prayer of the entire assembly and not a priestly or presidential prayer. In fact, it is perhaps the only case when the rubrics direct the priest to pray with arms extended in a prayer that he does not say alone or only with other priests. Therefore, in the case of the Our Father, the orantes posture expresses the prayer directed to God by his children.

The U.S. bishops’ conference debated a proposal by some bishops to allow the use of the orantes posture while discussing the “American Adaptations to the General Instruction to the Roman Missal” last year. Some bishops even argued that it was the best way of ridding the country of holding hands. The proposal failed to garner the required two-thirds majority of votes, however, and was dropped from the agenda.
 
I left the whole “hands” thing behind at a Newman Center.
Even though, at the parish I attend people extend their hands often. Not just the reaching for the “Our Father” prayer, but the “and also with you” and “we lift them up to the Lord”. There are hands waving and flapping everywhere.
I don’t. During the “Our Father”, I just fold mine, bow my head and pray.
That is what is comfortable for me as I want to commune with God only during the prayer.
I guess It’s whatever sails your boat.
 
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NickyCW:
Our parish is one that is in the practice of holding hands during the Our Father. (Our priest does not do anything to promote it - it is just the laiety doing their own thing). We have been teaching our 6 year old to fold her hands during the prayer, and I am starting to get frustrated. Sometimes, the person next to her will “grab” her hand to hold it. Most recently, my daughter just said, like any normal 6 year old: “well, why is everyone else holding hands I?”
I have tried to keep her between my husband and I so the person next to her doesn’t take her hand. I have explained that I KNOW others are holding hands, but Jesus wants us to just fold our hands and focus on Him. Any other suggestions on how I can explain this to her? Also, has anyone had any success in reducing this liturgical error in their parish? Our priest has tried to deal with some other laiety errors, but all it has done so far is make people stop doing them when he does the mass (and even sometimes then people forget because of habit). I would love to take a stand, but don’t even know where to start.
I would sit my daughter in the first row, set her between the two of you (just as you have done) and instruct her to close her eyes.
That’s what I did at my old “Catholic Community” only we chose the back row.
We became the “non-hand holding section” as more and more people heard me tell her to focus on Jesus with her eyes closed.

Amazing how the herd mentality works in with innovations and when someone is brave enough to take a stand, many will go with how they feel instead of what everyone else is doing.

And BTW, I am now in a parish that does not practice this innovation, nor the lift up your heart gesture, nor the Orans. My little one had never seen this. One day a visitor in front of us started with the handgestures. My little one began to imitate them. I told her to, "Fold her hands and pray like a good girl.’

Funny how the visitor stopped too.
 
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catsrus:
I left the whole “hands” thing behind at a Newman Center.
Even though, at the parish I attend people extend their hands often. Not just the reaching for the “Our Father” prayer, but the “and also with you” and “we lift them up to the Lord”. There are hands waving and flapping everywhere.
I don’t. During the “Our Father”, I just fold mine, bow my head and pray.
That is what is comfortable for me as I want to commune with God only during the prayer.
I guess It’s whatever sails your boat.
I got such a kick out of your description… “hands waving and flapping everywhere…”

Sometimes that does seem to be the case. Many people in my parish sort of gesture back to the Priest at the “and also with you” part… it wasn’t until someone here said that was not necessary that I stopped.
 
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NickyCW:
Our parish is one that is in the practice of holding hands during the Our Father. (Our priest does not do anything to promote it - it is just the laiety doing their own thing). We have been teaching our 6 year old to fold her hands during the prayer, and I am starting to get frustrated. Sometimes, the person next to her will “grab” her hand to hold it. Most recently, my daughter just said, like any normal 6 year old: “well, why is everyone else holding hands I?”
I have tried to keep her between my husband and I so the person next to her doesn’t take her hand. I have explained that I KNOW others are holding hands, but Jesus wants us to just fold our hands and focus on Him. Any other suggestions on how I can explain this to her? Also, has anyone had any success in reducing this liturgical error in their parish? Our priest has tried to deal with some other laiety errors, but all it has done so far is make people stop doing them when he does the mass (and even sometimes then people forget because of habit). I would love to take a stand, but don’t even know where to start.
As mentioned, this has been discussed in several other threads. It is only a “liturgical error” if your bishop has forbidden it, so unless that has happened in your diocese, at most your priest can only “discourage” it. You might ask him though to make a statement making it clear that people should be charitable and not grab people’s hands who don’t want to.

As to what to do with your child, netmil(name removed by moderator)'s idea is probably the most sensible: put her between you and continue to reinforce what you believe.

Peace,
 
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ncjohn:
As mentioned, this has been discussed in several other threads. It is only a “liturgical error” if your bishop has forbidden it, so unless that has happened in your diocese, at most your priest can only “discourage” it. You might ask him though to make a statement making it clear that people should be charitable and not grab people’s hands who don’t want to.

As to what to do with your child, netmil(name removed by moderator)'s idea is probably the most sensible: put her between you and continue to reinforce what you believe.

Peace,
John,
You are a true Gentleman.
God Bless you!
 
Feanaro's Wife:
What if the priest is holding hands too?

Malia
Many do, as do many bishops. That is their prerogative as long as the bishop hasn’t forbidden it. He cannot mandate it however.
 
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ncjohn:
Many do, as do many bishops. That is their prerogative as long as the bishop hasn’t forbidden it. He cannot mandate it however.
The Bishops should forbid it.
It is an Evangelical form of prayer. They do it in my sister’s Fundamentalist church and in my brother’s evangelical church in CA.

Is this a Catholic thing to do? How long has it been going on in the Catholic churches 2000 years of history?
If I want a Protestant service, I’ll stay in the Presbyterian church. This is what I like about the Catholic church. The whole service can’t be changed because a new pastor came.
 
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